The Gods' Affairs

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.


A/N: Alright, so I've changed a couple of things. One, the title. 'Inuyasha and Kagome' was meant to reflect 'Cupid and Psyche' but I wasn't happy with it, just too lazy to think of a new one. When a reviewer revealed that she also didn't like the title I figured I had better change it. It's still working. Secondly, the tone of the story is very informal, and the narrator does make frequent comments. The narrator and the author are not the same in this case. It is, as hard as this may be to believe, a stylistic choice, one that I am experimenting with. I certainly welcome constuctive criticism and reviews, and if this style is completely unsuccessful I probably won't use it again. I welcome all comments. In the meantime, the current title is still a working one.

Also, for very future reference, the pairings are:
Inuyasha/Kagome
Sango/Miroku
Kouga/Ayame
Sesshoumaru/you'll have to see but it'll be pretty obvious.


Chapter 1:

*Sesshoumaru*, *Warlord* of Love and Beauty and a bunch of other things (TM) had been reckoned to be just about the most attractive creature on the entire plane of existence. Though he denied being proud of this title, he had certainly come to the aid of a few pitiful mortals when they had seen fit to, oh, award him with the prize of most beautiful (take THAT Kouga!).

Anyways, being the *Warlord* of Love was a wonderful job. He loved it. Everyone was afraid of him, because he controlled *Ai* whose sword of love could render anyone incapacitated (or married).

Okay, *Ai* was just the codename for his pissant little brother, Inuyasha, who'd only gotten Tessaiga (said sword of love) because their dad had an ironic sense of humor. And Inuyasha was for the most part an unruly little brat, running around and scaring the hell out of god and man alike, because it was said that the sword could render 100 men in love. And that meant servitude and subgation under the iron heel of WIFE. Inuyasha got a kick out of using it. Sometimes he'd show up to the wedding later, Miroku (god of wine and partying) in tow, and laugh. Love can't know love, it was said, because then everything would go to hell.

Anyways, Sesshoumaru was feared by god and man alike, not just because of his iron grip on love but also because he was a brutal and effective leader. His iron bound grip on the land and Mt. Fuji was near total (When Daddy's away, the children do play!). He sent *Ai* to 'assasinate' any strays.

Inuyasha had to because Dad said he mostly had to listen to what Sesshoumaru told him to do while he was gone.

But our dear lord Fluffy was angry right now. Quite pissed off indeed. In a small stray part of Japan, there ruled a kindly old king and his three daughters. The first was cool and elegant, near rival to him in attractiveness. Next was the warrior princess, untamed and wild. And last but not least, the youngest, intelligent in a homely kind of way, vaguely attractive, he supposed, kind to a fault to everything in her kingdom. He hated this one, this Kagome, because of her quiet prettiness (he scoffed at this, she certainly had AWFUL hair), and kindliness, and whatever, had recently been called one of the prettiest girls in the land. No! A worse offence than that had occured - shrines had been set up, calling he the goddess of love and beauty. Sacrilege! And it was proliferating too, passing from simple minded peasant to simple minded peasant until perhaps they would no longer acknowledge his rightful position as most beautiful and deadly person EVER. And as god yadda yadda yadda.

He knew exactly what to do - to kill her outright might martyr her, and someone with such TERRIBLE hair simply did not deserve such a nice end. Indeed, he wanted to see her in love with the most disgusting, horrible creature that could be found by the end of the week. However, since his brother had been deemed offlimits ('He's still young, Sesshoumaru, he'll learn about love in his own time, I don't want you playing with his feelings, you hear?' 'Yes, Father.'), he would have to find something else suitably ugly and mannerless. A true monster for her to fall in love with, so awful that no one would think of her rivalling the great Sesshoumaru EVER again.

"*Ai*"

He called. And waited. And then his younger brother came grumbling.

"What's got your panties in a twist?" Inuyasha growled. "I can tell you're upset by the way your eyeshadow is all messed up." His face twisted unpleasantly.

Sesshoumaru quickly checked for defects in his makeup in the mirror, then realizing it was stil perfect, turned to where Inuyasha was guffawing on the floor.

"*Ai*," he continued sternly,

"I want princess Kagome of Musashi dealt with. The works. The ugliest, smelliest, meanest man or woman you can find. Lust and love. Grab some bitter water from the fountain to make sure it takes effect."

Inuyasha grumbled slightly (because Fluffy was giving him an order he couldn't disobey, even if he did want to do it), scratched a bit and got up.

"Why'd'ya always gotta call me *Ai* you fucker? What a fucking pansyass name." He griped.
"Love should have a really big awful name, something that haunts you in your sleep, y'know?"

Sesshoumaru just turned and wrinkled his nose slightly.

"Begone, foul creature."

Satisfied, Inuyasha left.

***

Now, the Tessaiga was quite a good sword for love if you think about it. The very tip caused True Love when it cut someone (something that could only be removed by Tenseiga). The blade caused love, the flat end could cause or clear up lust depending over which part of the body it was passed and the blunt side cleared up love. It was very straightfoward, and Inuyasha had in true showman's style, learned enough moves to be supercool while making people fall in love. He had awesome technique. That he loved to show off, while invisible with no audience was probably his downfall.

It didn't take that long to find princess Kagome. He'd dallied in the garden and watched as Kikyou, the cold and elegant beauty made machiavellian plans to take over the kingdom from her father's kindly but rough paws. Kikyou was pretty hot, he wondered why they weren't worshipping her. But that wasn't any of his business, so eventually he pulled himself away.

Next was Sango, the warrior chick. She was currently fighting off warrior suitors who thought it was pretty hot that a girl could dominate them so. Inuyasha cringed not at the bones breaking but the squish as she kneed them in a very sensitive area. He moved on quickly, wincing in rare sympathy.

When he came upon Kagome, she was playing with kittens. And singing. The kittens were mewling along, and then some birds were chirping and that evil looking housecat wasn't even going for them in her presence!

He was then witness to her saving an orphanage from a fire, reuniting two unhappy marriages and splinting a poor rabbit's leg and letting it escape to freedom, rather than popping it in a pot. He was thoroughly disgusted, Kikyo was so much hotter, had much better hair and they were worshipping goody two shoes Kagome as the goddess of Love? (He felt offended for himself).

Okay, I'm lying. Those last two paragraphs were what Inuyasha imagined she'd be like, and what it would be like following her around. When he found her, she was sleeping quietly in her bedroom. Her hair really was terrible, but she was quite pretty. There were some paintings of her with her friends, and some scribbled recipes. There were some notes about meetings pasted on a board and a diary that had been left open that declared her as 'SO FRAZZLED'. Huh. Maybe she wasn't QUITE so bad.

After creeping towards her, he carefully anointed her eyes and mouth with water from the fountain of bitterness. With a sweep of the broad side over her eyes, he had lust going too. Then, the finale. This had to be it. Drawing back, using Kagome's bed as a base, he positioned Tessaiga like a pool cue. Her head was going to be the ball, and it's a good thing that sword only cut on the ethereal plane of the soul or else someone could have lost an eye. Pulling back, looking carefully as though about to make a good shot, he prepared - and shot!

"Oh!" Exclaimed Kagome as she suddenly sat up.

"Shit!" Swore Inuyasha as he regarded Kagome and the sword that had just run through his hand. It stung, he had accidently pushed it through point first when she had sat up and startled him.

He didn't even bother to pull the sword out as he dropped his arm to his side and stared at her. She was about the same age as him, he noticed, and she had the nicest eyes of anyone he had ever seen. There was a kind curve to her mouth, but a stubborn set to her jaw. She was probably kind but firm, too busy for her own good. He could tell she was one of those people who endeavored to make the world that much better. But the more they made the world better for other people the worse it got for them, but they kept on trying. He suddenly wanted to protect her from that, and to protect her from the realities of life, because with eyes like those he knew she could see them clearly. He loved her.

She calmed, lay back down and soon drifted back to sleep. He washed the bitterness from her and (finally realizing he still had a sword in his hand, took it out) removed the lust. Then, carefully, he brushed his lips against hers before his departure. He loved her. He loved her. He loved her.

He loved her.