Letting go

Hey all, this is my first fanfic so please bare with me.
Disclaimer: Don't own InuYasha although I wish they would come visit me.


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How did it come to this? I'm lying on the floor, my blood pouring out of a self-inflicted wound. The only thought running through my mind had been I can't stay here anymore; I can't stand the looks, the pity, and the pain. Everyone pretended they understood, but they didn't, they couldn't. Sesshomaru was the only one who could come even close and he's so cold, he wouldn't show his pain to anyone. None of them had ever faced losing a loved one but they all acted like they had to try and help me out, there was no help for me though. I could hear them talking in the room next to mine; they all pitied me and where making plans on how to get my mind off of the tragedy. I didn't want to forget I just wanted to be with him, it wasn't fair. So I tried to end the pain and now I'm here on the floor crying as I slowly die with my friends in the next room.

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That bitch....Kikyou killed him, the guy she loved, that cold hearted cock sucker; I wish I had been the one to take her out instead of Sesshomaru. The only reason he got to her first was because I couldn't move, I was so stunned that the whore had killed him, but I suppose working with Naraku changed her more than we all had thought. Gave her a way to kill him by keeping her feelings separated from what she needed to do. I got my revenge; I made sure I killed that bastard that had sent her after us. That fucking smug smile of his, I wiped it right off his face with my arrow, he never saw it coming. He tried to pull himself back together but I wouldn't let him, I don't remember how I stopped him though, I must have used my miko powers because I woke up two weeks later in Sesshomaru' s bed with him curled up beside me. He jumped when I moved and looking at his face, you would think he hadn't slept the whole time I was out cold, the circles were so dark under his eyes.

I'd spent the next month trying to get my health back while everyone fussed over me and told me not to do anything. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere by myself, either Jaken or Rin were always there and even if they weren't then Sesshomaru was watching me from some hiding place. I couldn't remember what had happened, I didn't know why we were all staying with InuYasha's brother and I couldn't figure out where the hell InuYasha was. Or at least not until I saw the shrine Sesshomaru had set up in a secluded corner of the garden. All the memories of the last few fights we had had, Kikyou stabbing him with that damned sword she had gotten from Naraku, that damned smile as blood poured from his wound.....it all came flooding back. I fell to my knees in front of Tetsusaiga and bawled until I finally exhausted myself and stumbled back to my room. Sesshomaru noticed that I had been crying but didn't say anything; the slight hint of pain that crossed his eyes showed me a lot. He knew what I was going through and he wanted to help but didn't know how, or that's the way it looked.

A few nights later, I woke up from a nightmare, one I'd been having the last few nights since I had seen Tetsusaiga in the shrine. Why didn't Sesshomaru have Tetsusaiga anyway, he had been trying to get a hold of it since I had met him and now, he had put it in a shrine so no one could touch it. While I had been thinking about that, I heard a soft noise from the room next to mine. I had quietly snuck over to the door connecting the two rooms and opened it a crack to see Sesshomaru asleep in his bed. I almost shut the door again when I heard a whimper escape from him as he slept and a small tear trickled down his cheek. Opening the door slowly and cautiously, I had slipped into the room and trying not to rouse him, I crawled into bed. He stirred slightly, but his eyes didn't open, he just curled up closer to me and we fell asleep, only waking when Jaken knocked on the door loudly and shouting that I was no longer in my room and could not be found on the grounds. At this, Sesshomaru had jumped awake, his eyes wide until he felt my warm body curled up next to him, a slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips.


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That's it for now. Oh yeah, I do need a bit of help. Should I let Kagome perish or should Sesshomaru be the sweet guy we all know he can be when he wants to, and have him save her? I've been toying with the idea for awhile and I really am having a difficult time deciding.