Everybody's Doing It

EVERYBODY'S DOING IT!

Kikyo and Sango are pregnant. Will ther be a suprise on the way for Kagome? Will Kikyo and Sango survive their first childbirth? Will Inuyasha and Miroku survive their attitude? And what about Sesshoumaru on Thursday? What secrets do the new moon hold for everyone? FIND OUT NEXT!!


Kikyo: It turned blue!!!
Kagome: AH!! You're pregnant!!
Sango: Mine's blue too!!
Kagome and Kikyo: AH! You're pregnant too!
Kikyo and Sango hug each other and start to cry.
Kagome: [looks over at Koga] maybe i better test myself too.
Kikyo: why? did you and Koga get together?
Kagome: um.. heh... gotta go!
Kikyo: bet so...
Sango: how are we going to tell Miroku and Inuyasha? This is our first children.
Kikyo: well lets just wait a day and then we'll tell them.

THE NEXT DAY


Kikyo: should we tell them?
Sango: better sooner than later.
Kikyo: yeah, if we dont tell them now they'll figure it out when they dont smell our blood and dont make love to them.
Sango: BETTER TELL THEM NOW...
Kikyo: I'll go my way you go yours.


Kikyo: Inuyasha?
Inuyasha:t ist is it Kikyo?
Kikyo: oh nothing...
Inuyasha: Kikyo I know you have something to say so say it.
Kikyo: Well it's very important.
Inuyasha: Whatever you have to say, I'm listening.
Kikyo: Inuyasha [takes his hands] I'm pregnant...
Inuyasha: [hugs kikyo] Are you sure? When did you find out?
Kikyo: yesterday.
Inuyasha: so that's what happened last night...
Kikyo: [looks embarassed]
Inuyasha: Oh Kikyo! [hugs] Our first child...


[SANGO AND MIROKU]

Sango: Miroku?
Miroku: Yes Sango?
Sango: Miroku I'm pregnant.
Miroku: huh? You are?!!? so thats what happened last night... [hugs Sango] OH SANGO!!
Sango: Our first child...
Miroku: well we had better get you to a doctor...
Sango: Well it's not me, Kikyo's pregnant too...
Miroku: Heh, well atleast Inuyasha's been forgiven.
Sango: [starting to walk away] I'll say...


[IN THE VILLAGE]

Kagome: OH KIKYO, SANGO THAT'S WONDERFUL!!
Kikyo: Oh Kagome, I don't know if I can do this.
Kagome: What do you mean?
Sango: Of coure you can, I mean everybody's doing it...
Kikyo: I'll just have to be strong.

Doctor: Kikyo you shall have two beautiful children in 9 months.
Kikyo: Wait, two?!?!?!
Doctor: Yes, two children.
Kikyo [faints into Kagomes arms]
Doctor [to sango] And you shall have one baby boy.
Sango: Well atleast it's only one!
Doctor: [to kagome] I must warn you that since Kikyo's children are of demon kind her pregnancy may cause her to act differently, mood swings, fainting, headaches, and an occasional insult to the father.
Kagome: Insult?
Doctor: Yes, she may start to yell at him, things she doesn't mean. However after the birth she will forget everything about why she was angry with him.
Kikyo: [growling] I'm going to give Inuyasha a peice of my mind...
Kagome: Oh...


[BACK AT HOME]

Inuyasha and Miroku are running from Kikyo and Sango who are yelling at them for getting them pregnant.

Kagome: I hope they don't remember what those rude boy's said in my world.

Kikyo: Inuyasha, this is your f***ing fault, you and your f***ing p***s! You stick that f***ing thing in me and look what you've f***ing done!!! When I get my hands around your neck I'll f***ing kill you!!
Inuyasha: Kikyo, what's wrong with you? Where did you learn those words? Kikyo?
Kikyo[stops running]: Inu...yasha?
Inuyasha: [s ans and runs back to her] Kikyo, are you alright.
Kagome: Inuyasha, toctooctor said that Kikyo might be a little bit different until her baby is born...[explains]

[1 HOUR LATER]

Inuyasha: Oh Kikyo, I'm so sorry.
Miroku: atleast i'm not a demon...
Sango: thank god!
Some Random Holy Voice: You're Welcome!
Kikyo: Inu...Inuyasha...
Inuyasha: yes Kikyo.
Kikyo: im going to kill you.

Inuyasha hold down Kikyo's hands so she cant hit him. Miroku does the same for Sango.

Inuyasha: Kikyo do you think we can survive these 9 months?
Kikyo: you wont...
Inuyasha: kikyo, I love you and i'm sorry.
Kikyo: [mumbles something rude]

[9 MONTHS LATER]

Kikyo and Sango are laying on the floor moaning in pain.

Kagome: Oh, my gosh I think they're in labor!
Kikyo: [holds inuyasha's collar to her face, GET ME A DOCTOR...
Sango is breathing hard and Kikyo is on the verge of screaming.

Kikyo: Ahhhhh!!! I think that was it!! The baby is coming!!
Sango: Hold on Kikyo, the doctor isnt here yet.

Inuyasha come bursting through the door holding onto the doctor. The doctor brushes himself off and runs over to Kikyo.

Doctor: We should have children in a few hours here people.
Inuyasha: Huh? Kikyo, you didn't tell me there were two!!
Kikyo: I didn't want to dissapoint you...
Inuyasha: [looks confused and worried]
Kikyo: Inuyasha! you're gonna f***ing pay, bigtime! If I wasn't in so much f***ing pain i'd f***ing kill you!!then you'll know how it f***ing feels!! if it wasnt for your damn mating... [inuyasha covers kikyo's mouth] MATING SEASON!!! we wouldn't f***ing be here in the first place!!
Kagome, Sango, Miroku: mating season?!?!?!?!?!?
Inuyasha[majorly embarrased] it's painpain it's making her act crazy it's not true!!
Kikyo: inuyasha!!! [Inuyasha is standing over kikyo trying not to look at something he doesn't want to see. Kikyo takes his hand and inuyasha immediatly fee sho shocking pain through his hand.]
Kikyo is screaming while squeezing the life out of inuyashas poor hand.

Doctor: alright Kikyo, get ready... push!!
[Doctor hold up the first baby, it's a girl he hands the baby to Kagome who gets busy giving it a bath and wrapping it in a blanket. a minute later the doctor hold up a baby boy. and hand him to kagome.]
Kikyo: oh inuyasha, they're beautiful.
Inuyasha: i love you kikyo.
Kikyo: what should we name them?
Inuyasha: well I dont .
K.
Kikyo: let's name the girl Akira.
Inuyasha: and what about my son? oh... my son!! i have a son!! BEAT THAT SESSHOMARU!!

Sesshomaru randomly appears at the front door and walks over to kikyo.

Sesshomaru: beat what?
Inuyasha[proudly holds up his children]: I have a son AND a daughter!!
Sesshomaru: Kikyo, I am so sorry. What did inuyasha do to you? [he s hes her hand and inuyasha looks angry]
Kikyo: Well, as if you haven't noticed. He impregnated me! [Kikyo starts to cry over how wonderful it is to have children]
Inuyasha: DONT TOUCH HER!! AND I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!! HOW ELSE IS THE WORLD SUPPOSED TO CARRY ON!!!
[Inuyasha and Sesshomaru battle it out verbaly]
Kikyo[interrupting] Inuyasha, they have ears!
Inuyasha [looks over at kikyo.] huh?
Doctor: it seems as though these are full demon children!
Inuyasha: But how is that possible? Kikyo's a human!!
Doctor: I shall need to run some tests...
Inuyasha[looks afraid and hides behind Sesshomaru] tests?!
Doctor: yes and it seems to me as if these children may not be your's at all
[Everyone looks confused except Inuyasha who looks suspicious]
Inuyasha: Kikyo do you mean to say that you love somebody else?
Kikyo: Oh, please everyone just shut up!! I don't know whats going on either.
[Miroku is still unclear about the whole mating season thing and forgot all about Sango until...]
Sango: OH MY GOD!! ITS TIME!!!!!
[Miroku snaps back to reality just ime ime to see his baby being born he holds up the baby which pees in his face. He hands the baby back to Sango and heads for the bathroom]
Kikyo[to inuyasha]: I swear I've never loved anyone but you...
Sesshomaru looks like he's going to cry
Kikyo: winks at sesshomaru
Inuyasha: Good, because I love you too.
Sango: aren't you supposed to say you've neveved ved anyone else?
Kikyo: You mean you've love someone else?
Inuyasha: NO!! I'm JUST... WHAT?!?! You're CON FUSING ME!!!!
Sesshomaru holds up the baby girl that supposedly belonged to Inuyasha.
Kikyo [goes over to Sesshomaru]: Are they yours?
Doctor: As far as I've figured there are only two possibilities to this. The first one is that these children are nither Kikyo or Inuyasha's and that they were created by spirits. Or Two they are either Inuyasha or Sesshomaru's children and theyre human halves havent come around yet. Give it a week and if nothing happens then come for me.
Inuyasha: Wait!! Did you say mine OR SESSHOMARU'S?!?!?! Can you tell us who's the father or not, because if it was Sesshomaru!!!
Doctor: Well, I will need to run some tests...
[Kikyo hides behind Sesshomaru] Tests!?!
Sesshomaru: How come everytime someone is afraid they hide behind me?!
Kikyo: Because you're the strongest living thing here.
Inuyasha: Yeah, Tetsusaiga here is the strongest non-living thing here!
Sesshomaru: Oh, really!!!!!!
Kikyo: NO!! NO WAY NO MORE BATTLES!! THIS IS AN END TO YOUR SIBLING RIVALRY!!! YOU DONT SEE ME AIMING ARROWS AT KAEDE DO YOU?!?!?
Inuyasha and Sesshomaru are hugging each other and cowering in the corner. Kikyo and Sango are taking care of their babies. And Kagome is being hit on by Koga.
Kagome: Uh, Koga?
Koga: Yes? Kagome... [drools]
Kagome: Isn't this alittle close?
Kikyou: Kagome, are you having issueSangSango: I think so... as usual...
Kagome: I'm NOT having issues!
Koga: C'mon Kagome show alittle love!
Kagome: Not right now!
Koga: But why?! [bawls like a baby] Kagome!!
Kagome: Aw alright, but just this once. I'm only 15 you know!
Kikyou: Kagome are you REALLY gonna let him get away with that?
Sango: Yeah I mean. He ALWAYS gets what he wants...
Koga: [dries his eyes] Do not!
Sango: Just because you don't think so doesn't mean it's not true!
Kikyou, Kagome, Inuyasha, Koga, Sesshoumaru and Doctor: Sango you're not making any sense!
Sango: so!
Kagome: Whatever I'm going to do thitherther way.
Koga: YAY!!!! [throws a party in his head]
Kagome and Koga go off into their hut and do their things. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru are talking nicely about each other[for once]. Miroku is coming back from the bathroom and the Doctor leaves.
Miroku: So... did I miss anything?
Kikyou: Just Kagome and Koga going to do stuff [wink wink] and Sango not making any sense...
Sango: HEY! [looks angry, evil imaginary flame thingy]
Kikyou: Sorry, but it really didn't make any sense.
Inuyasha and Sesshomaru creep up on Kikyou sort of and tap her on the shoulder. Kikyou jumps five feet in the air before landin in a heap on the floor.
Kikyou: WHAT???
Inuyasha: We dicided you were right!
Sesshoumaru: We're going to be nice now!
Sango: NOW THAT doesn't make sense...
Miroku: tell me about it... [looks annoyed]
Kikyou you you promise? No more brutal brawls... because if I have to wash blood out of your kimono one more time...[points a finger at Inuyasha]
[Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru hug each other in the brotherly way not the faggoty way]
Sesshoumaru: Yup, we promise!
Inuyasha: No more brutal brawls!
Sesshoumaru: No more blood on his kimono!
Inuyasha: No more blood on HIS kimono!
[Sesshoumaru gives Inuyasha a cold stare, and pushed him away]
Sesshoumaru: What do you mean? You are the weaker one!
Inuyasha: Apparently not, because I got two kids out of the deal!
Sesshoumaru: I still got sex!
Inuyasha: Yeah, and no heir to the Western Lands throne!
Sesshoumaru: [on his knees] Noooooooooo...!!!
Kikyou [smiled and hugs him] don't worry, you're next!
Inuyasha: [kneeling on the floor devistated] you mean... you really do... love Sesshoumaru?
[Kikyou hugs Inuyasha and kisses him] Couldn't we settle for a threesome?
[Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha smile, looking aroused]
Kikyou: uh... now?
Sesshoumaru: welllll... please?
Inuyasha: I could deal with that.
Sesshoumaru: Comparison!!
[Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha, and Miroku line up and pull down their pants. After a minute of silence they pull their pants back on and Sesshoumaru turns around.]
Sesshoumaru: I win!
Inuyasha: No you didn't we're the same!
Miroku: and alas I trail behind in second place... alas? I actually used that word?
Sesshoumaru: We shall see little brother... shall? What is this medevial times?
Inuyasha: Yes Sesshoumaru... we SHALL see... and I put emphasis on that word so I get the high points!
Kikyou and Sango: Alright! Here's what we're gonna do!
Kikyou: Put the kids to bed.
Sango: Then Kikyou and I get to SLEEP!!
Kikyou: Because after having a child or two!...
Sango: Can get pretty painful and tiring!!
[Kikyou and Sango do just that and the guys are forced to go outside]
Inuyasha: Great... tomorrows Thursday!
Sesshoumaru: OH SHIT! NO FAIR! KIKYOU WILL NEVER AGREE TO THAT!
Inuyasha: But she doesn't know what Thrusday is...
Sesshoumaru[evil grin] SHE WILL SOON!!
Miroku: Damn Friday's coming up...
Inuyasha: What happens on Friday?
Sesshoumaru: Does your wind tunnel suck you in on Friday? Cause I can't wait to see that!
Miroku[annoyed smirk] No it's just a really... really bad day for me...
Inuyasha: Is it like thursday for you?
[Miroods]ods]
Sesshoumaru: DAMN! All of us are going now!

[Kikyou and Sango wake up to see a fat gold colored man holding their children.]
Kikyou: HEY! Put them down!
Sango: You heard her! Put them down or we'll kill you.
FAT GOLD MAN: Easy ladies. Trust in the teachings of mine, they will be safe with me.
Kikyou: OH MY GOD ITS GOD!![bows down in the 'I'm not worthy' kind of way]
Sango: Wait? If you're god... Buddha... what do you want with Kikyou's kids?
FAT GOLD MAN.. I mean Buddha..: It's simple, Kikyou is a priestess, and I won't have my desciple getting deflowered because of a hanyou.
[Kikyou still bowing down]
Sango: So you're taking her kids because shes not supposed to screw with demons?
Fat.. uh Buddha: No she's not supposed to "screw" with anyone. She is a preistess, and if she does "screw", then any children she produces will be taken from her to wait until she gives up her preistessly duties. Then the children will be returned. And you, Kikyou... you can get up now.
[Kikyou brushes herself off]
Kikyou: So you mean, as long as I'm a preistess, I can have sex but no children?
F.. BUDDHA: Yes exactly, as long as you keep purifying yourself you may "screw" with whomever you want to.
Kikyou: Including hanyous and youkai? And humans... if Inuyasha ever decides to...
Sango: Kikyou, don't get mad at him now... besides the new moon is in 3 days, you can wait...

[back outside with the guys]
Inuyasha: Damn... the new moons coming up in 3 days...
Sesshoumaru: way to point out the obvious...
Inuyasha: whats so bad about the new moon for you?
Sesshoumaru[crosses his arms] Not telling...
Inuyasha: C'mon sessh! You can tell me!
Sesshoumaru: nope... not even jaken knows...
Inuyasha: GASP! Not even JAKEN?
Sesshoumaru: nope...
Inuyasha: PLEASE?! SESSH IM DYING!!
Sesshoumaru: alright... i'll tell you... on the new moon... i turn into a...
Kikyou: GUESS WHAT!!
Inuyasha: Kikyou, you ruined it!
Kikyou: Ruined what?
Inuyasha: On the new moon something happens to Sessh and he wont tell me!
Kikyou: Really? What happens Sessh?
Sesshoumaru: I turn into a... a... girl...
Inuyasha and Kikyou: OH MY GOD!!
BUDDHA: You called?
Inuyasha: Who the hell are you?
BUDDHA: A fat gold man...
Inuyasha: YOU'RE BUDDHA! OH MY GOD ITS GOD!![bows down]
Kikyou:[bows down]
Sesshoumaru: BUDDHA can't you make it so I don't turn into a girl? PLEASE?!?!?!?!
Kikyou and Inuyasha: NO!!!! WE WANNA SEE HIM... uh her...
Sesshoumaru: Okay once.. but first... Kikyou... it's thursday now...
[the sun rises and smiles at them]
Sun: Good morning!
BUDDHA: IMPOSTER!![BUDDHA LEAVES with Kikyous and Sango's kids]
Inuyasha: Kikyou! He's got my son and my daughter! COME BACK YOU!
Kikyou: It's okay Inuyasha, it's because I'm a preistess. I can't have kids till I retire. But...
Inuyasha: Butt, [laughs]
Kikyou: I can still have sex with you!
Inuyasha: Good because it's thrusday anssh ssh and I are dying! PLEASE!!
Kikyou: Eh? Whats Thursday?
Inuyasha and Sessh: We'll show you![wink wink]

Sango: Hey Miroku?
Miroku: Yeah, Sango?
Sango: I let BUDDHA have our kids...
Miroku: WHAT?!
Sango: Yeah, it wasn't a wanted pregnancy. They'll be alright with god...
Miroku: You mean you let that fat gold colored guy have our baby?
Sango: Yeah.. it's god!
Miroku: [bows down to nobody]
Sango: Miroku.. he already left...
Miroku[gets up and brushes himself off] Oh... I knew that... YOU MEAN I MISSED HIM?!
Sango: Yeah, you did...
Miroku: Damn... and it's almost friday too...
Sango: Whats Friday?
Miroku: I'll show you...[wink wink]

[Kikyou lay on the ground, tired and hurt looking. Inu and Sessh look happy hurt and releived]
Inuyasha: I love you Kikyou
Sessh: I love you too Kikyou
Kikyou: DAMN I HATE THURSDAY!
Inuyasha: Yeah, we hate it too. It's just too much for us to bare...
Kikyou: Well it's to much for me to bear too!
Sessh: I'm sorry Kikyou... we don't make the rules.. we break them...
Kikyou: I still love you guys...
Inuyasha: Good, does that mean you can go again?
Sessh: Yeah, please...?
Kikyou: Okay.. but I'M in control!
Inuyasha: I think this is as close as we'll ever get...
Kikyou[gets ontop of him] You were wrong...[smile]
Inuyasha [laugh] real funny Kikyou... but do me hard... I could use the pain...
[Sessh hearing the word pain... leaves]

THE NEXT DAY [SATURDAY] THE NEW MOON:

[Inuyasha and Kikyou lay in the forest, after two rough nights of hard "screwing" they are tired]
Kikyou: Inuya.. I.. I love thursday...
Inuyasha: Me to Kik.. ME TO...
[Sango walks over to Kikyou, a tear in her eye, looking hurt]
Sango: DAMN I HATE FRIDAY!
Ki: Is: Is it anything like thursday?
Sango: No... ITS WORSE!
Kikyou: nothing that happened to you could be worse than having Sessh and Inu doing you at the same time!
Sango: OH REALLY?! How about having a monk getting in your pants, and did I mention he's bigger than an elephant! BIGGE
Kik
Kikyou: [looks over at Inuyashas pants area] You're right.. that is bad...
Sango: yeah... pregnancy test! [Sango runs to the bathroom and later comes out with a relieved look on her face] Thank god for birth control...
Kikyou: ALL THANKS TO KAGOME!
Kagome: I HEARD MY NAME!
Sango: oh shut up... I thought you were with Koga!
Kagome: yeah oops... gotta go!!
Kikyou: Eh.. three days go KAGOME!! WOO HOO!!!
Inuyasha: lucky bitch...
Kikyou: Hey you got two days... plus I cant wait to see what adventures the new moon brings to us!
Inuyasha: DAMN I HATE SATURDAY!!![The sun goes down slowly blinking at them and falls asleep]
Inuyasha: Here we go...
Kikyou: Oh yay!
[A strange wind blows through and almost everybody starts to change]
Inuyasha: Well Kikyou, here I am...
Kikyou: I.. I.. love you... [kisses Inuyasha]
Inuyasha: Hey, maybe I'll stay human for good.
Sango: GET A ROOM!
[A strange girly voice comes from the trees]
STRANGE GIRLY VOICE: Guys? Are you still here?
[The strange voice comes into veiw, its a girl with long silver hair dressed like Sesshoumaru]
STRANGE... uh... SESSHOUMARU: GUYS?
Inuyasha: Don't you mean, hey GIRLS?
Kikyou: Well if he looks any better than Inuyasha right now I'll...
Sesshoumaru: Well, here I am...
Kikyou: OH MY GOD!! HES.. UH SHES SO CUTE!!
Sesshoumaru: Yeah, I know.. thanks...
Inuyasha: Well this worked out to my advantage. Plus I get love for it!
Kikyou: THATS RIGHT!! [kisses Inuyasha]
Sesshoumaru: Aww.. c'mon why don't I get any kisses?
Sango: Kikyou, kiss a girl? NAH!!
Kikyou: Watch me! [Kikyou kisses Sango]
Sango: BLECH!! NOT ME IDIOT!! SESSHOUMARU!!! [lights on fire] well actually....
Kikyou [kisses Sesshoumaru]: Happy?
Sesshoumaru: HELL YES! Can I change back now?
[EVERYBODY NODS]
Sesshoumaru [in his girly voice]: OH BUDDHA, GREAT GOD OF JAPAN! COME FORTH!
[A very well known fat gold man appears, in meditation]
VERY WELL KNOWN FAT GOLD MAN [ALSO KNOWN AS BUDDHA]: What is it you seek my daughter?
Sesshoumaru: Well that's the problem, I'm really your son...
BUDDHA: WHAT?! AH TRANSVESTITE!!
Sesshoumaru: No no no! It's me Sesshoumaru Ayoyama!
BUDDHA: Oh yes... you know you have been a very interesting expiriment for us gods...
A VERY ANGRY SESSHOUMARU: WELL PARTYS OVER!!! CHANGE ME BACK TO NORMAL NOW!!!
BUDDHA: Alright, alright... here goes...
[light springs from BUDDHA and hits Sesshoumaru like a lightning bolt]
Sesshoumaru [on the ground looking dead]: THANKYOU TENSEIGA!!! [kisses Tenseiga]
Kikyou: Never in my life...
Inuyasha: HES KISSING TENSEIGA!! [Inuyasha feeling guilty kisses Tetsusaiga]
BUDDHA: Well it's not like I had any part in this so...
Sesshoumaru: ALL HAIL BUDDHA!!! [bows down]
BUDDHA: God I love getting my ass kissed! WAIT! I AM GOD!! HAHAHA!!!! [HA lHA laughs]
Kikyou [just realizing BUDDHA is there (being slow)]: OH MY GOD ITS GOD!! [bows down]
Sango: WHY DO YOU ALL WORSHIP A FAT GOLD MAN?!
Kikyou: Uh.. I don't know... Why do we worship a fat gold man?
Inuyasha [stops kissing Tetsusaiga]: Yeah... why do we worship HIM?
BUDDHA: Because, I have taught you how to live on this earth...
Sesshoumaru: And he made me normal again...
Kikyou: And he is the source of my spiritual power..
Miroku [appears out of nowhere]: MINE TOO!!
Inuyasha: YEAH!! HE BROUGHT US SEX!!!
[EVERYBODY [even Sango] BOWS DOWN TO BUDDHA]
BUDDHA [staring at his fingernails]: They do worship me don't they?
[Everybody stands up]
EVERYBODY: yeah we do but you can leave now...
BUDDHA: Anybody else want some magicy, spirity, junk while i'm here?
Inuyasha: Well.... I want to stay human and we dont have the jewel...
BUDDHA: WHAT?! What did you do with it? KIKYOU!! YOUNG LADY WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE SHIKON JEWEL!! TELL ME OR ILL GROUND YOU FOR LIFE!!!
Inuyasha: does that mean she cant have sex with us anymore?
Miroku: Does that go for me and Sango too?
BUDDHA: YES, YES IT DOES!!
Sango: I wouldn't mind taking a break from that...
Inuyasha and Miroku: KIKYOU WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE GOD DAMNED JEWEL!?!?!?!?!?!?
Kikyou: Um.. I lost it?
BUDDHA: THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!!! GO AND FIND IT!! OR THE CONSEQUESNCES WILL BE DIRE!!!!!!
Kikyou: Yes sir!
Inuyasha: Well hurry the hell up WE DONT HAVE ALL NIGHT!!!
Sesshoumaru: Are you trying to tell us that if Kikyou doesn't find the Jewel... then we risk our sex life?
BUDDHA: YES THATS EXACTY WHAT IM TELLING YOU!!
Sesshoumaru: HURRY UP AND FIND THE DAMNED THING!!
Kikyou: Okay! And so we set out on our quest to find the Shikon no Tama! We will fight against all odds! We will brave the unbravable. We will go where no man, (or woman) has ever gone before! We will strive to accomplish our given destiny, and face the foes that we so loathe...
BUDDHA: I suggest you just go...
Kikyou: Yeah, or we can do that...
Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru: YES LETS GO PLEASE!!!
Sango: IM GOING!
Miroku: I'm going! And not just because of Sango and our sex life...
Kikyou: Then what else are you going for?
Miroku: Uh.... uh... um.... ah.... well... er... uh...
Sango: That's what I thought you said...
Miroku: Well, maybe I'll broaden my perverted horizon!
Kikyou and Sango: OH NO!!!!!
Kagome [Randomly shows up out of nowhere]: OH NO!!! Wait.. what are we "oh no-ing" about?
Kikyou and Sango [rewind a random video tape to the point where Miroku says, "Well, maybe I'll broaden my perverted horizons..."]
Kagome [FAINTS]
Sango: and I thought I had it bad...
Kikyou: Yeah.. I know what you mean..
Inuyasha: I've been down that road be..
..
Kikyou: Was it paved with gold?
Inuyasha: WHAT?
Kikyou: You know the road paved with gold..
Inuyasha: It's a figurative road...
Kikyou: Oh like a mental path...
Inuyasha: YES GOOD GIRL!! [give Kikyou a cookie shaped like a dog bone]
Kikyou: WOOF WOOF!! Grrr WOOF!!
Sesshoumaru: [snif] You dont have to get personal...
Kikyou: Why? What did I say?
Sesshoumaru: I can't repeat it.. it's to mean and un nessascery
Kikyou: Well whatever it is... I'm sorry...
Sesshoumaru: SORRY? SORRY?!?!?! SORRY WONT DO IT!! YOU HAVE CROSSED THE LINE!!!
Kikyou: But I am.. What did I say??
Sesshoumaru: I love you...
Kikyou: THATS WHAT IT MEANS?!? THAT IS THE MEAN AND UN NESSASCERY WORD?!?!?!?!
Sesshoumaru: Yes, be careful with it...
Kikyou: Sorry.. but I really do love you y'know...
Inuyasha: WOOF WOOF, Grrr WOOF!!!
Kikyou: YAY!!! Um.. Sesshoumaru how do you say "you too"?
Sesshoumaru: WOOF [GROWL]
Kikyou: What he said...
Sango: Where'd Miroku go?
[Sango and Kikyou feel a hand on their asses... guess who...]
[SLAP!! AND THEY MEAN BUISNESS]
Miroku: ow...
Sango [on fire]: WELL ITS NOTHING LESS THAN YOU DESERVE!!
Kikyou [on fire]: AND DID YOU HAVE TO TOUCH MINE TOO?!
Miroku: yes...
Sango [more flames]: WELL NOT ANYMORE!! WE'RE MARRIED YOU HALF WITTED PERVERT!!!
Miroku: Thankyou!!
Sango: [takes a deep breath and sits down, looking below her to make sure Miroku isnt there] Good thing it's Monday...
Kikyou: And how...
Inuyasha: So is the jewel still all together, or do we have to find all the shards again... OH GOD that was hell... only they realized it wasn't my time and so they sent me back to hunt for jewel shards...
Kikyou: Right... okay.. well... yeah... it's all still together, all I have to do is find the glowing light from it...
Inuyasha: Well start looking! Please! Our sex life is depending on it!
Sesshoumaru[comes back to beg] PLEASE?!? [chibi puppy dog eyes]
Kikyou: Alright, alright already... you guys really like sex don't you?
Inuyasha: Not as much as our father...
Sesshoumaru: Oh god!...
[A big thundering stomping noise is heard, everyone is on edge and a big white dog comes out of the trees with the jewel in it's mouth]
Kikyou: Eh? A dog? Hey! It's got the jewel!
Dog: WOOF! [drops the jewel at Kikyous feet] Woof!
Kikyou: Uh... thanks? [picks up the slime covered jewel]
Dog: [big light, transforms into a man who looks like Sessh] Hello! [chibi moment]
Kikyou: Eh? A man?
Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru: [chibi moment] DADDY!!
Dog/InuTaishou: Yep, I'm back! I found that jewel of yours Kikyou. You should be more careful!
Kikyou: Eh.. yeah.. heh heh... sorry...
Inuyasha and sesshoumaru: Yay! Our sex life isn't in danger!
Inutaishou: WHO SAID SEX?! [runs around and then bumps into a tree] I'm okay!
Kikyou: BUDDHA said if I didn't find the jewel, then Inu and Sessh couldn't have sex with me...
Inutaishou: THAT FAT GOLD BASTARD!
BUDDHA: I heard that...
Inutaishou: Oops.. um... DONT KILL ME!! [hides behind Kikyou]
Kikyou: He won't kill you... your to powerful...
Inutaishou [sexy moment] Well, you certainly know what you're talking about.
Inuyasha: SESSH! CODE 3!! HES AT IT AGAIN!!
Sesshoumaru: Roger that! [Inu and Sessh pull Inutaishou back, holding him against a tree]
Taishou: HEY! LEMME GO!!!
Inuyasha: Not if you are going to make love to my wife!!
Sesshoumaru: OUR WIFE!! [shows his wedding ring]
Inuyasha: FINE!! YOU BASTARD SESSHOUMARU!!! KIKYOU HOW COULD YOU!!??!
Kikyou: I love you Inuyasha [hugs him]
Inu: [forgets about Sessh and Taishou] I love you too Kikyou. [starts to strip her]
Kikyou: [slaps his hand away] Not here!
Miroku [looks dissapointed, that he wont witness a peep show] Aww....
Sango [gets flames again] Why I otta!!! [hits him]
Miroku: [catches her hand] Why... WE outta... [smirk]
Sango: Why we oughtNOTta...
Miroku: Uh... what?
Kikyou: Uh oh! WE HAVE A CODE 6! Sango isn't making sense! [pins her to a tree]
Sango: Ow!! That hurt! Kikyou, why did you shoot me?!
Kikyou: You'll be better soon, NO WORRY! [chibi moment] MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! [cough] I mean.. ha...
Inuyasha Sesshoumaru and InuTaishou [look scared and hide behind a tree] : Mommy!
[BUDDHA comes in arms crossed, looking pissed...]
Kikyou: Oh my god it's...! [Inuyasha grabs her, and hugs her]
Inuyasha: Who's more important? [evil passionate grin]
Kikyou [kisses him] So BUDDHA... what's up wichu? [looks like a pimp]
[SUDDENLY EVEYONE LOOKS LIKE A PIMP, BUDDHA BEING GOLD ALREADY, TURNS SILVER]
BUDDHA: ACK!! [faints]
Sango: Y'know, I don't believe in BUDDHA...
Miroku: [gasp] ...Gasp!
Sango: Really Houshi... he's not all that great...
Miroku/Houshi: Sango I wouldn't...
BUDDHA [back to normal, crying] uh... i'm doing... the best... I CAN...!
Kikyou: [hugs BUDDHA] Aww. it's okay... did big Sango-san scare you? [in baby voice]
BUDDHA: Naw.. I'm fine... EXCEPT THAT BASTARD JEHOVAH DARES TO CALL ME USELESS!!!
EVERYBODY: Who?!
Kikyou: You know... god... that isn't him [points to BUDDHA] ...the Christian god...
EVERYBODY: OOOooohhhh...
BUDDHA: He said, AND I QUOTE.[in gods exact voice] "Buddha is a useless mortal, who has done nothing for his people..." [cries]
Kikyou: WHY I OUGHTTA!!!!![looks evil, clenching her fists]
Inuyasha: Wherever she goes, I GO.[puts a hand on her shoulder]
Sesshoumaru: ME TOO! [puts his hand on her other shoulder]
BUDDHA: And what had HE done for HIS people?! LEAD THEM TO POVERTY! PLAUGE THEM! MAKE IT RAIN FOR A MONTH!!
Sesshoumaru: And what have YOU done for YOUR people...?
BUDDHA: Uh... well I've taught you the ways of life... I uh... told you how to forgive each other, how to meditate, I GAVE YOU SEX!!!! [puts his hands on his hips]
Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, InuTaishou, Miroku and Kouga: YEAH!! ALL HAIL BUDDHA!!!!!!
BUDDHA: Just be careful, it isn't wise to run your life on just reproduction... look there [points into the forest, at a tall dark shadowy figure] this one was deprived completly of "screwing" as you so call it.. and look how he turned out!
Dark Shadowy Figure: OH YEAH... IM JUST FINE...
Inuyasha: Who the hell...?
Sesshoumaru: Oh.. noo....
Dark Shadowy Figure: Kukukuku... yes Sesshoumaru it is I... NARAKU! [steps out from the shadows, looking evil as usual] I hope you havent forgotten that wonderful night at my castle...
Kikyou: Umm? Naraku, usually I'd try to kill you but um... whats with the womanly getup?
EVERYONE: [just noticing that Naraku is dressed like a girl] Ewwww...
Naraku: Kukkuku... I think your Lord Sesshoumaru can answer that one... wont you honey? [goes from evil to lustful, falling all over Sesshoumaru and hugging him]
Kikyou: Uh Sessh... subtitles please?
Inuyasha: Did you... yknow... and Naraku...?
Sesshoumaru: YOU BETTER HOPE YOU ARENT PREGNANT! [glares at Naraku]
Naraku: [deep breath] ACTUALLY... uhmm... honey... [sweet smile]
Sesshoumaru: [gets the point] NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I'm GAY!!!!!
Kikyou: gasp...
Inuyasha: I KNEW IT!! SO THAT EXPLAINS WHY... ABOUT THAT THING IM NOT SUPPOSED TO MENTION!!
Sesshoumaru: You idiot! BAKA INU!! [hits inu, noticing everyone is interestedly staring at him]
Miroku: Go on...
Sango: Even I want to hear this one... [sits down, checking to see if Miroku's hand is there.]
Miroku: kukuku...
Sango: [SLAP! then hugs him]
Sesshoumaru: FOR FUCKING OUT LOUD!! SO WHAT IF I DID... INUYASHA MADE ME!! HE WAS TO COWARDLY TO DO IT HIMSELF!!
InuTaishou: Oh.. that... heh...
Inuyasha: Lets change the subject... [Inuyasha, Taishou and Sesshoumaru look embaressed backing away from everyone]
Kikyou: Pretty please with... uh.. ramen on top?
Inuyasha: [DROOL] Pocky flavored ramen?
Kikyou: Yes, whatever... just tell us...
Inuyasha: Well.. give us the ramen first...
Kikyou: Was I born yesterday? TELL US FIRST! [Kikyou holds out the ramen]
Inuyasha: Well... this one Thursday...
Sesshoumaru: Before we knew you...
InuTaishou: It was a desperate time...
Inu, Sessh and Taishou: And.... we....
Inuyasha: One word...
Sesshoumaru: ORGY.
[Everyone thinks for a moment, looking back and forth between Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru and InuTaishou]
Everyone: OOOOooooohhh.... EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
Miroku: Now, keep your promise Kikyou. Or BUDDHA will have something to say...
BUDDHA: YEAH IVE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ALRIGHT!
SOME RANDOM HOLY VOICE: OH BUDDHA!! Where ARE YOU?!
BUDDHA: SHIT!! HERE HE COMES!!
Kikyou: Why I never...
Inuyasha: BUDDHA SWEARS? I like this guy! Where'd you find him anyhow Kik?
Kikyou: WHat do you mean, "find him" HES GOD!!!
BUDDHA: AND HOW!!!
[the source of the random holy voice comes forth, in the form of a man with white robes]
Holy Voice: There you are you little...
BUDDHA: What do YOU want Jehovah?!
Holy Voice, obviosly its name is Jehovah: I want to take over mangaement of your religion. You don't seem to be doing a great job of it.
Kikyou: NOW YOU LISTEN HERE! BUDDHA IS MY GOD! AND I WONT LET YOU TAKE HIM AWAY!! ALL HAIL BUDDHA!!!
Inuyasha: I SECOND THAT! HE BROUGHT US SEX!!
Jehovah: SO? I created Adam and Eve!!
Kikyou: Who?
Jehovah: The two people who brought life to this earth!
Inuyasha: Oh, I'm sorry... my religion doesn't seem to permit my beliving in stupid shit like that...
Jehovah: YOU LET THEM CURSE!! WHAT DID I TELL YOU JESUS!!
Jesus: Uhmm. Will you let him rule his religion already?! Sheesh, who do you think you are anyways? HITLER? GEORGE W. BUSH? I though you were against all that!
Jehovah: Uhhmmm... yeah.. so... I'm just looking into the best interests of these people...
Miroku: OUR BEST INTEREST IS TO HAIL BUDDHA!!
Jehovah: Well.. when you put it that way... [picks up his suitcase and flies off]
BUDDHA: WOO HOO!! IM FREE!! SUCK ON THAT!!!
Kikyou: Uhmm... yeah... whatever... ACK! [noticing that Naraku is summoning demons to attack her]
Inuyasha: NO YOU DONT! NOT AGAIN!!!
Kikyou: ALLOW ME!! [pulls out an arrow and purifies/destroys all the demons and Naraku]
EVERYBODY: DAAAAAAMMMMNNNNN!!! [not caring that Naraku is dead]
Inuyasha: That's my wife! [hugs Kikyou]
Sesshoumaru: AND MINE! [hugs Kikyou also]
InuTaishou: Well... fine... I'll go find my own woman... except... [picks up Kikyou and drags her away]
Inuyasha: WHAT THE?!?
Sesshoumaru: OH NO!! ITS SATURDAY AGAIN!!
Inuyasha: NOOOOO!! HE'LL KILL HER WITH THAT THING!!
Sesshoumaru: Tell me about it...
Kikyous Voice: HEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
A Random Little Girl: I WILL HELP!
EVEYONE: WHO ARE YOU??
[Girl steps out from the forest]
Sesshoumaru: RIN!!!
Rin: Hullo Lord Sesshy! Jaken says that you been gone a long time, and to go look for you! And here you are! JAKEN! I FOUND HIM!
Jaken: It's about time...
Sesshoumaru: Can't a guy have some alone time?!
Rin: Not wihtout me you can't! [hugs Sesshy]
Inuyasha: Well FLUFFLY, looks like you already got a girlfriend...
Sesshoumaru/Fluffy: TAKE THAT BACK! RIN IS JUST A MORTAL!!
Inuyasha: Yeah.. and she loves you... now I gotta go save Kikyou...
Kikyous Voice: HELP ME NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?
Inuyasha: HOLD ON IM COMING!!
Kikyous Voice: HOLD ON TO WHAT?! I CANT SEE WHATS IN FRONT OF ME!!
InuTaishou's Voice: Kukukukuku!!!
Kikyous Voice: ACK!! I CAN SEE NOW!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inuyasha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [slow motions scene]
[Inuyasha jumps up from the ground, knocking InuTaishou away from Kikyou]
Taishou: DAMMIT!!
Inuyasha: [picks up Kikyou, and hugs her tightly] KIKYOU IS MINE!! I WONT LET YOU TAKE HER!!
Taishou: Fine, I'll use your brother...
Sesshoumaru: CANT YOU JUST BRING YOUR WIFE BACK FROM THE DEAD?!?!?!?
Taishou: [stops in mid jump] Eh? YEAH!!! I ALWAYS KNEW I COULD DO THAT!! GIMMIE TENSEIGA!!!!
Sesshoumaru: Say please...
Taishou: PLEASE OR ILL KILL YOU!! MWAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!
Sesshoumaru: Good enough... [gives Taishou Tenseiga, and he goes off to find Izayoi's grave]
Inuyasha: Is he gonna bring back your mum... or mine?
Sessh: Dunno
Sango: Well he had Sesshiko first... then he fell in love with Izayoi... so I think Izayoi!!
Miroku: [dressed as a banker from the 1920's] PLACE YOUR BETS HERE!!
Kikyou: I think I'm blind... [looks blind]
Inuyasha: Thats just an after effect of looking at my father naked... It'll pass...
Sesshouaru: Yeah........
RANDOM VOICE IN THE WOODS: Oro?? [guess who!]
EVERYONE: MORE RANDOM VOICES?!?!
Author: YES! ITS A RANDOM STORY!!
Author #2: Yes, yes... very random... it's my own... my preciousssssss...
Author #1: MINE TOO!! WE BOTH CAME UP WITH IT!!!
[Authors #1 fights with Author #2, then disapears into thin air]
RANDOM VOICE IN THE WOODS: ORO!?!
Inuyasha: [taking out Tetsusaiga] Who are you!?
Random Voice: [coming out of the trees] I am Himura Kenshin, that I am [chibi face]
EVERYONE: WHO?!
Himura Kenshin: I am a samurai from the Meiji Era, that I am.
Kikyou: Meiji? What's that?
InuYasha: Well you've got the wrong era DUMB-ASS!! It's the Warring States!!
Himura Kenshin: Oh.. well how'd I end up here?
Sango: Did you fall into a well?
Himura Kenshin: Yes! I did fall into a well, that I did!
Sango: WHAT IS UP WITH THE THIRD PERSON NESS?!?!
Himura Kenshin: I do not know, that I don't, but I was simply made this way, that I was!
Miroku: Can't you stop?
Himura Kenshin: Hmm I never thought of that, that I didn't...
Sesshoumaru: I'LL FIX YA!! [coming at Kenshin with Tokijin]
InuYasha: NOOOO!!! WE DON'T KNOW HIM!!! HE MIGHT BE IMPORTANT!!!
Sesshoumaru: [stops] Oh.. yeah... got a point there... [stroking his fluff]
Kikyou: WHAT IS THAT?!?!
InuYasha: What's what!?! [holding out Tetsusaiga]
Kikyou: The fluff thingie!!!
InuYasha: Oh... [putting away Tetsusaiga]
Miroku: Yes, what exactly IS that fluff thing Sesshoumaru?
Sesshoumaru: Uh... it's my tail?!
Kikyou: You DON'T know what it is?
Sesshoumaru: No... Taishou just handed it to me one day...
InuTaishou: Don't look at me, I don't know what it is either... that I don't...
EVERYONE STARES AT TAISHOU.
InuTaishou: WHAT?!?!? It's CATCHY!!!
InuYasha: That's it Himura Kenshin... YOU HAVE TO GO!!
Kikyou: But we just met him...
Himura Kenshin: Well, all you have to do is come through the well to MY era, that you do!
Kikyou: THAT I WILL!!
InuYasha: JUST GO BEFORE EVERYONE STARTS TALKING LIKE YOU!!!
Sesshoumaru: It's too late.. that it is...!
Rin: [smiles handing Sesshy some flowers] Here you go Sesshie-sama!!
Sesshoumaru: Dont I have ENOUGH flowers already?!
Rin: [looks angry for once] No... you don't... take it!
Sesshoumaru: I'VE GOT ENOUGH FLOWERS, THANKYOU RIN!
Rin: TAKE THE GODDAMN FLOWERS!!!
EVERYONE: Uhhhhhhhhh....[GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
Rin: Uh... heh heh... I mean... you don't HAVE to take them if you don't want Sesshy-sama, beacuase I Rin serve
beneath you as a humble follower, and if in such a case that I would yell at you, or disobey you in any way, I shall
be sentanced accordingly. What is your bidding my lord?

WILL RIN BE SENTANCED TO DEATH?? WILL SESSHY-SAMA TAKE THE FLOWERS?? WILL HIMURA KENSHIN GO AWAY??
AND WILL ANYBODY EVER HAVE SEX AGAIN?!? AND WHAT ABOUT THE SACRED JEWEL? NO BODY'S USED IT YET....
MAYBE BUDDHA WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY...

FIND OUT NEXT!!!!........


Kikyou:(evil glare at Sessh) Don't you dare kill her!
InuYasha: Yeah, she's like a... uh... daughter? to me...?
Sesshoumaru: (thinks for a minute)
Rin: (cute chibi face) I'm sorry Sesshoumaru-sama...
Kikyou: (hugs Rin) If you don't want her, then I do!
Sesshoumaru: Yes I suppose she's like our daughter, (lustful grin at Kikyou)
Kikyou: Eh?! Our?! Daughter?! (faints)
InuYasha: (catches Kikyou) Sesshoumaru... stop it...
Sesshoumaru: (takes the flowers from Rin) Thankyou Rin...
Himura Kenshin: This place is a nut-house, that it is! I'm outta here, that I am!
Sango: Kay.. bye...(not caring)
Himura Kenshin: (Oro?!) You don't care?!
InuYasha: Feh.. you aren't even in this show...
Director: CUT!!!! INUYASHA!!! YOURE NOT SUPPOSED TOKNOW YOUR ON A SHOW!!!!!!
InuYasha: (raises his eyebrow) Eh? You mean? (looks at his script) OH... heh... nevermind then...
Director: OKAY TAKE TWO!!!!
(Everyone goes back to the positions they were in 1 minute ago)
InuYasha: Feh.. you don't belong in this world... so go...
Miroku: Go on!! Git!! (looks like he's shooing a dog away) Shoo!! Scram!!
Sango: (hugs Miroku) He's gone y'know...
Miroku: Heh, guess I got alittle carried away...

TWO DAYS LATER:

(Everyone sitting around bored, doing nothing... It's Wednesday.. and nothing happens on Wednesday)
Kikyou: I KNOW!!! (everyone jumps at the sudden commotion)
InuYasha: What is it Kikyou? Did you have something in mind? (Lustful grin)
Kikyou: YEAH!!! LET'S PLAY "TRUTH OR DARE"!!!
Kagome: YEAH!!
(Everyone else:) WHAT?!?! WHAT THE HELL IS TRUTH OR DARE?!!
Kagome: I'll tell you! C'mon I'll explain in the car!!
(Everyone piles into a nearby van)

INSIDE THE VAN:
InuYasha: Okay... now what? Is this part of the game?
Kagome: No! In fact.. this car has nothing to do with anything....
Kikyou: Except the sake of hilarity...
Kagome: Yeah.. that too...
(Everyone's silent for a moment)
Kagome: OKay! Well, Now I can tell you!!!

...............COMMERCIAL BREAK.................

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LOL DONT U HATE LONG COMMERCIAL BREAKS?!?! LOL, this outtta take a while... so wait until the next chapter... uh.. I mean.. wait until the commercails are over.... lol xx Akira Kikyou Kanawa xx