The Setup

Oh yeah, uh huh, I own Inu-yasha. Yep, guess what? I also invented the internet. Didn't know that did ya? Well, have fun pouring money in my pockets (suckers!)

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This is the first fic that I have attempted that is supposed to be funny. My normal type of humor is random and doesn't know when it is appropriate to show up. It most enjoys extremely inappropriate times to pop into my head--funerals, serious disaster news-casts, sibling's concerts--and into my writing as well. Am I as funny when I am trying to be funny? Let's see, shall we?

*phone conversation*

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The Setup

Miroku held his jacket over his head to ward off the fat droplets of rain as he trotted up the cobblestone path to the cheery white house. Hopping up onto the porch, he removed his jacket and shook it, droplets dancing off its water proof surface. The honk of a horn was heard and he waved as a red sedan pulled away and disappeared into the wet, gray day. He knocked and leaned casually against the doorframe; his hair was wet, he realized with annoyance as he surveyed the storm-swept neighborhood. The front door finally opened and he grinned at the person standing in it.

"Sorry it took me so long to get to the door, Miroku. I was on the phone."

"Oh?" he asked innocently as he stepped into the house, hanging his coat on the rack while he removed his shoes, "Were you talking to Kagome-chan?"

The door shutting. A growl.

Miroku turned to see menacing golden eyes boring into his own, "What?"

"I thought I told you to knock that off! I don't like hell rll right? She just won't stop calling me!"

"Okay, Inu-yasha, whatever you say. So who was on the phone? It wasn't Sango-chan, was it?" the monk pulled out the name of the only other female Inu-yasha showed interest in, platonic or no. He knew better than to bring up the painful subject of Kikyou, besides, she wouldn't be calling him anyway.

"Would you stop thinking like a pervert? It was Kouga. He isn't coming, he's got to baby sit his brother, Shippou."

Miroku shook his head, "I'm just glad his parents didn't ask me: they usually do. The little twerp likes me." He looked around, "Am I the first one here? Where's Sesshoumaru?"

Inu-yasha plopped angrily onto the couch, ears flattened against his skull, "Feh, I don't know. I haven't seen the jerk all day. He's our ride, he'd better be here on time."

The dark-haired teen sat next to his friend, "I'm sure he will be: the whole thing was his idea after all. This will be good, just us guys and no women."

"You forget that half of our circle of friends is gay, bouzou."

"Well, you know what I mean . . ." he trailed off as the phone rang, "You'd better get that."

Inu-yasha scowled at his friend, but went to pick up the screaming appliance, "Moshi, moshi?"

*Kon-banwa, Inu-yasha-san! It's me, Houjo.*

"Hai, I kinda figured," the hanyou leaned against the kitchen counter. He could practically hear his extremely polite friend bowing through the phone line.

*About tonight--*

"What? You're not bailing on us, are you?"

*Gomen nasai! I had forgoten I had promised to study with Kagome-san tonight.*

He rolled his golden eyes; the boy was either extremely naive or seriously dense. Kagome, study? He really couldn't understand how those two functioned in a relationship, "Yeah, whatever, just tell your girlfriend to stop calling me, all right?"

*Girlfriend?! No, no! Kagome-san and I are just friends, Inu-yasha-san.*

By the tone in the brown-haired boy's voice, Inu-yasha knew he was blushing, "Yeah, and my brother and Kouga just play leapfrog everyday. Ja, Houjo."

He set the phone back in the cradle--hearing the squeak of shock as the prudish boy realized what the other had meant--and smirked as he returned to the couch, sitting back down next to Miroku. The taller boy bounced slightly as the hanyou plopped down and looked at his friend expectantly.

"Houjo is 'studying' with Kagome."

"Ah," Miroku smiled knowingly, "So, we're down to six now."

"Yeah, I wonder when the idiot is going to get it. He thinks dating Kagome means those little care-packages he makes when she's sick. No wonder she's always calling me: their relationship is seriously twisted."

"I agree. So, what's the plan for tonight?"

"Well--" he was cut off as the phone rang again, "Grr! If that's someone else calling off I'm going to tear their sorry ass to pieces!" He stomped over to the phone as Miroku watched in amusement. "Moshi, moshi," he said tersely.

*Hey, Inu-yasha! How's it going? Jakotsu get off me! Hey!*

Inu-yasha's eyes anime-slitted as he heard the struggle on the other end. Maniacal giggling was heard as the phone changed hands.

*Yasha-chan! It's me, Jakotsu! I just wanted to tell you how kawaii you are! Ditch everyone else and come over here with me and--*

The phone changed hands again, but the hanyou could hear wails of 'Ban-chan! You're no fun!' in the background.

*Aheh, gomen, Inu-yasha. Anyway, Jakotsu and I can't make it. We're--*

The braided swordsman was cut off as his tall and effeminate boyfriend started squealing and from the sound of it had tackled Bankotsu to the ground. He lost the phone again.

*We're going to have sex! You should come over Yasha-chan!*

Inu-yasha didn't answer the psychotic teen and waited patiently as his more sane half recovered the phone. The hanyou distantly realized that for his greeting, he had not said one word the whole conversation.

*Anyway--*

"Yeah, I understand," he laughed sympathetically, "Your excuse is a good one. I wouldn't bring him out in public either. Ever."

*Arigato, Inu-yasha. See ya at school Monday.*

"Ja."

"So now it's just us, Hiten, and your brother, huh?"

Inu-yasha looked at his best friend incredulously, "How'd you know?"

"I could hear Jakotsu from here. He doesn't give up, does he? Not even when he's got a boyfriend . . . ."

"Yeah, why are we friends with him again?"

"Inu-yasha," Miroku admonished gently, "That's not nice. He's perfectly harmless. He hits on me too and you don't see me getting all uptight about it."

"Harmless? Miroku, every time he sees you, he asks when you're going to sleep with him, and whenever he's around me, I have to use the jaws of life to pry him off of me."

"I think you're exaggerating, Inu-yasha."

By the exasperated look on his face, the hanyou had about reached his limit and when that happened, he tended to get a little agressive. The phone rang again. He picked up a book from the coffee table and threw _Lighthouses of America_ at it. Okay, scratch that, really aggressive. The phone continued to ring from the other rooms of the house with phones that weren't in pieces. Inu-yasha stomped up the stairs, silver hair streaming behind him, to answer it.

Miroku nestled deeper into the couch, listening as the tempo of the storm picked up. The rain was now falling in sheets against the house, slapping against the white boards. The distant rumble of thunder could be heard, a sure sign that lightning was dancing through the swollen clouds. He hoped whatever was planned would be inside: it was practically typhoon weather. Of course, would they still be planning on going if it was outside? Certainly not, he reasoned, Sesshoumaru hated rain.

He looked up as Inu-yasha came back down the stairs. By the look on his face the caller and outcome were obvious. Hiten had backed out; he had most likely found an easy skirt that was just too good to pass up. Lucky bastard, the raven-haired teen thought to himself. Every single one of his friends was paired up with someone. He himself had been avidly pursuing Sango for some time, but she did not appreciate his playfulness. The girl even labeled him a hentai. He sighed inwardly; he wasn't a pervert, Hiten was. That was why the lightning demon was so lucky. Being a youkai was also a major plus for the brash womanizer.

"I don't know about you, Miroku, but hanging out with my brother all night is not my idea of fun. I guess we could just stay here, watch a movie or something--"

As if someone had snuffed a candle, the brightly-lit house was suddenly plunged into darkness. Inu-yasha swore loudly as he stumbled in the inky blackness. Even his super-human senses were caught off guard by the sudden loss of electricity and he fell with a loud thud at the foot of the stairs.

"Inu-yasha? Are you all right?"

"Stay where you are. Your stupid ningen eyes won't be able see as good as mine: you'll kill yourself. I'm all right."

Miroku sat back down in a huff, missing the couch and sitting hard on the floor, "Well, excuse me for showing concern. You didn't have to insult me because you're embarrassed about your clutziness."

"I am not a clutz! Just shut up! I'm going to go find some candles."

A while later, the silver-haired teen returned with a box of matches and some candles. He proceeded to light the candles already scattered around the room, leaving the white tapers on the coffee table. His mother happened to be a candle fanatic and she had quite a collection of them in the house, parlarllarly in the living room, which was now filled with the soft, soothing light of their flickering flames.

"You know, Inu-yasha, you didn't have to do something so drastic as cut the power to get me alone."

Inu-yasha glared at his friend, hoping the unintentionally romantic half-light would conceal his blush. It didn't. He sat the farthest away he could from his friend and lit the two remaining candles, putting them in holders and setting one near the smirking human.

"I didn't cut the power, bouzou. It's the damn storm. Don't start on me, Miroku. Friggin ecchi."

"I was only joking. Anyway, it seems watching a movie is out of the question. I could call my mom and have her pick us up. It'd be better than sitting around here in the dark all night, waiting for your brother who most likely won't show up now."

Inu-yasha nodded and Miroku grabbed one of the candles, heading up stairs to find an undamaged phone.

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"Well?" golden eyes looked pointedly into garnet ones.

"I just called 'em. And the power just cut out."

"Good, the show should be just about ready by now. Inu-yasha'therther has so many damn candles: they're a perfect mood setter."

"Why did we cancel the boy's night out again?" chocolate brown eyes blinked innocently.

"Geez, Houjo, cut the crap, would you? We're trying to setup Inu-yasha and Miroku, duh!"

"Oh."

Kouga just rolled his eyes at the human. The guy really was clueless, or possibly in denial. Hiten grabbed a chair and plopped it next to the proper boy, turning it around so he could sit backwards. He sat quietly for some time, then threw a soft baseball at the dark screen.

"Well? Are we going to start the show or what? Is that surveillance system you set up even going to work?"

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes at the braided demon, "Yes, baka. Have patience: you irritate me. You don't want to see me if you push me further."

"You're welcome for the special effects," Hiten returned moodily.

Sesshoumaru leaned back against Kouga, raising the remote to turn on the TV. The wolf youkai absently ran his clawed fingers through the snowy mane that rested on his chest as his own lay against the headboard of his bed. The taller male looked up at his lover at the feeling of nails against his scalp.

"Did you take care of Miroku's mother, Kou?"

A nod, "Yeah, I knocked over that big tree at the end of the cul-de-sac. No one will be able to get in or out of there until the city hauls it away. She won't be able to get them."

"Good," he turned on the TV and a clear picture of the living room in Sesshoumaru and Inu-yasha's house could be seen, fetchingly lit with candles and the occasional flash of lightning.

"Why do we have to be here, Sesshoumaru-san?" Jakotsu looked up from where he and a very grumpy-looking Bankotsu were wrapped in a pink, fuzzy blanket on the floor, "We didn't have to do this so elaborately. I could've easily--"

"Jakotsu . . ." the genki boy's younger boyfriend growled from his position in his lap.

"Of course you'd come too, Ban-chan! First, you could have the sexy houshi and I would have my kawaii Yasha-chan and then we'd switch! See how much easier that would be?"

Everyone looked bug-eyed at the oblivious Jakotsu. Kouga and Sesshoumaru looked merely annoyed while his own beloved Ban-chan was looking just this side of furious and Houjo had a faint blush and a confused expression on his face. Hiten, however, felt that his fragile psyche had been irrepairably damaged.

"Would you shut up, Jakotsu! You're freaking me out! Houjo, remind me why we only seem to have gay friends."

The brown-haired human looked non-plussed, "Inu-yasha-san and Miroku-san aren't gay, Hiten-san."

The elemental demon looked at his friend in disbelief, "What are you saying? Don't you remember the reason we set this up? Everytime they look at each other, they're practically fucking the other with their eyes!"

Houjo paled at the choice word Hiten had just used and the youkai rolled his eyes, turning back to the screen. Miroku was coming down the stairs, guided by the yellow light of his taper.

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Miroku was deep in thought as he alighted at the bottom of the steps and made his way back over to the couch. He was beginning to suspect that the night's events so far had not been merely coincidence. First there was everyone calling off on their long-planned guy's night, then Sesshoumaru's conspicuous absence--the guy was always on time-- then the storm and the power outage, and finally . . . .

"Well?"

Miroku blinked his purple eyes, realizing he had been glancing suspiciously around the room, and laughed nervously, "Oh, right, anou, my mom can't get us." He sat back down on the couch, still looking around the room.

"Why not?"

"You know that big tree at the end of my street? Well, it's been knocked down and it blocks the whole road. No one will be able to get in or out until the city hauls it away. Knowing this town, that could be quite a while."

"Great! So we're stuck here with no power and nothing to do! Damn storm . . ." Inu-yasha trailed off, mumbling grouchily about 'bastard brothers' and 'evil friends.'

"Is it all right? I mean, I guess I could walk home . . . if your parents mind that is."

"Feh, they aren't here. They don't care what me and Sesshoumaru do, as long as neither of us throw wild parties. Of course, neither of us are the type."

Miroku leaned back with his arms behind his head, "Man, I wish my parents went on trips more often. I am definately the type to throw wild parties."

"Don't remind me. I still have a headache from the last one you threw. You know, Miroku, you're some monk."

"Inu-yasha, don't call me that! I haven't decided if that's what I want to do yet!"

"Yeah, whatever, houshi-sama."

Miroku was about to lunge for his hanyou friend when a flash of lightning lit up the room as bright as day; immediately afterwards, the loudest roll of thunder they had heard yet crashed seemingly right overhead. The storm was upon them. Suddenly, the violet-eyed boy found his arms full of a certain red-garbed half-demon. He blinked stupidly for a second then smirked lazily.

"Afraid of thunder, Inu-yasha? Or did you just want to cuddle?"

Inu-yasha growled and twisted out of his friend's grasp, falling in an undignified heap on the floor. He got up and stalked into another room, returning a few moments later with something clutched in his hand. He tossed it onto the coffee table.

"Playing cards?" Miroku looked up, amused that the impetuous teen would have the patience for something like that.

"Yeah, let's play poker or something."

"What kind? Five card stud? Texas hold 'em? Strip?"

The hanyou's eyes bugged out of his head, "Would you knock that shit off? We are not playing strip poker!"

Miroku only chuckled, "You can't play poker with only two people anyway, Inu-yasha, there's no fun in it. Why don't we play war or go-fish or speed."

"Um, how about go-fish? War is boring and I don't know how to play speed."

"All right, I'll deal."

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"This is booorrriiingg! Ban-chan, they're just playing cards! Let's go back home and have sex!"

Bankotsu sweat-dropped, trying to pry the glomping teenager off of him, "Jakotsu, could you sit still for maybe two seconds?"

He had been pinned by the taller boy who was now being still for a significantly longer period of time while grinning widely at the other's attempts to get him off. He finally succeeded and the two rolled wildly, crashing into a dresser and becoming horribly tangled in the pink atrocity. Both of them were now laughing so hard tears were rolling down their cheeks. Everyone else just shook their heads.

Houjo looked thoughtfully at the screen: playing cards sounded like fun right about now. He looked around at the room's occupants. Bankotsu and Jakotsu were still trying to extricate themselves from the blanket and Hiten was amusing himself by throwing things at them. Kouga and Sesshoumaru were still cuddled on the bed, but the inu youkai looked asleep as he rested against his boyfriend whose clawed hands were running along his chest and stomach. A deep, rolling sound of contentment, almost like a purr, could be heard from the dozing pair.

"Leave if you want; I do not care. But things are about to get interesting."

The human blinked in surprise at the demon. Just a few seconds ago, the youkai had looked to be dead asleep.

"Why don't we play cards?" he suggested, "Go-fish sounike ike fun!"

The frolicking couple was now free and Jakotsu was now pelting things back at Hiten. Kouga jerked awake as a shoe hit him in the head and Sesshoumaru laughed deep in his chest at his look of shock. The wolf demon growled in irritation and threw it back at Hiten, knocking him headlong off of his chair.

Sesshoumaru turned arresting golden eyes on the mousey-haired human, "We are not here to play go-fish."

Hiten held his head and climbed back into his chair, "Well, the girly freak is right. Nothing is happening!"

"The monk has been flirting with Inu-yasha since he got there. It's only a matter of time before something happens: I don't know of anyone who could resist Miroku's charms, or my brother's for that matter."

"And does that include you, Shou?"

Sesshoumaru looked up at Kouga, a very cute pout on his face, "Of course not. I, Sesshoumaru would never lower myself to such a degree as to be with a human. Only you are worthy of me, koi."

"Hey!" three voices chimed at once, then Bankotsu's separated from the others, "You do realize that four of your friends are human and your brother is half-human?"

"My reasons are my own, but that doesn't mean I would date you."

Kouga smirked triumphantly at Bankotsu who didn't have time to respond as he was tackled to the floor for the millionth time that day.

Hiten stood, "Well, I'm going to head out guys. This whole thing really isn't my idea of fun. The night is still young and the ladies are calling." He walked to the door waving to his pyschotic friends, glad to be escaping the madness.

"Hiten-san, matte. Could you maybe give me a ride home? It's very late and I need to do my homework."

Everyone rolled their eyes at Houjo, but Hiten just sighed and nodded, "Yeah, sure. It's on the way."

"Arigato, Hiten-san. Thank you for having me over, Kouga-san," he bowed, "I will see you all on Monday. Sayonara!"

After the pair had left, Jakotsu squealed and pointed at the screen, "Look! Look! Something's happening!"

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Okay. This was supposed to be a one-shot, but it had to be split up into two parts @_o That was a major headache! Anyway, keep reading unless you've discovered that you don't like yaoi, which would be odd, considering how far you've read . . . . Love it? Hate it? Let me know!
Soul~chan