The Inu-yasha Christmas Extravaganza!

I do not own Inu-yasha, nor do I own any days of Christmas. This version, however, I have grown quite fond of. Steal at your own risk ::sicks Sesshoumaru on you::

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This is a little Christmas present for you all. It doesn't actually fit the rating, but meh. Been listening to Christmas music all day as my sis and I decorated the house. Different versions of this song kept playing and Inu-yasha in the Goshinboku popped into my head. Voila! Get ready for some yuletide craziness . . .

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The Twelve Days of Christmas--or The Inu-yasha Christmas Extravaganza!

Soul~chan: Welcome one and all to Soul~chan's Variety Hour. Our first act tonight will be an old holiday favorite with a new twist. Put your hands together for the cast of Inu-yasha and their version of The Tweleve Days of Christmas!

::Audience claps unethusiastically as the Inu-yasha tachi walk onto the stage. Kagome is doing the parade wave and blowing kisses at the audience while Shippou is clinging to her shoulder, trying to hide behind her hair. Inu-yasha looks blankly at all the people then sits down cross-legged with a 'feh'. Sango waves politely, seemingly accustomed to performing in front of many people, but she shoots dark glares at Miroku who is going among the ladies of the audience doing what he does best. She smacks him over the head with her hiraikotsu and drags him back to the stage. It seems the group is finally ready to begin.::

Soul~chan: Thank you for coming Kagome-chan! We are very eager to hear you pem.
m.

Kagome: I'm just so excited you invited us! I've always wanted to be on TV!

Soul~chan: ::sweatdrop:: Eheh, this isn't exactly TV, but it's the next best thing! Fanfiction!

Kagome: ::visibly deflated:: Oh.

Inu-yasha: ::growls:: Can we get this over with! We need to be hunting for shards!

Kagome: Don't make me say the magic word, Inu-yasha! Now, does everyone know their parts?

::The group nods and the nearby band strikes up. The exterminator takes a deep breath and begins.::

Sango: On the first day of Christmas, my demon love gave to me--

Kagome: A hanyou in the God Tree! Sango-chan, you have a very pretty voice. No wonder you got the narrator part!

Sango: ::blushes:: Thank you, Kagome-chan. On the second day of Christmas, my demon love gave to me--

Houjo: Two lame excuses--

Kagome: And a hanyou in the God Tree! Houjo!? What are you doing here?

::Music abrubtly stops::

Houjo: ::holds up a letter:: I was invited.

Miroku: ::nods sagely:: So that's why some of the lines were without singers.

Houjo: ::pointing to Inu-yasha:: I think your friend is a little confused, Kagome-san. This is a Christmas show, not a Halloween show.

::Kagome's face has gone through several color changes by now. It is currently a pale green and Inu-yasha is shaking her worriedly. When she returns to normal, he sits down as if nothing has happened.::

Kagome: ::laughs nervously:: Oh, he was just getting in the holiday spirit, you know. Red and white. Ahem, shall we continue?

::Music starts up again.::

Sango: On the third day of Christmas, my demon love gave to me--

Sesshoumaru: Three magic swords--

Houjo: Two lame excuses--

Kagome: And a hanyou in the God Tree!

Inu-yasha: ::pulling out Tetsusaiga:: Sesshoumaru! Over my dead body will you get my sword for this kristimasu thing!

::The music stops again and the band members grumble amongst themselves::

Sesshoumaru: ::looks at him boredly:: It's just a song, baka. I only came because Soul~chan invited me.

::Sesshoumaru proceeds to pry off said hostess while she Is makes fan-girl eyes obliviously. Houjo looks suspiciously at Tetsusaiga while Kagome tries to distract him by falling off the stage. Inu-yasha reluctantly puts his sword away and sits down again while Hougo tows the future girl back onto the stage. The music resumes.::

Sango: On the fourth day of Christmas, my demon love gave to me--

Kouga: Four Naraku golems--

Inu-yasha: Kouga! Who invited you!

::The band looks about ready to mutiny. Soul~chan would be trying to placate them, but she is still attatched to Sesshoumaru.::

Sango: ::narrows eyes dangerously:: Could we please go more than five seconds without an interruption!

Kouga: ::smirks triumphantly:: I got an invitation. Soul~chan knows I need to protect my woman from filthy dog-turds. ::He wraps an arm around Kagome::

Inu-yasha: Why you--

Houjo: Kagome-san, does that guy have a tail?

::Kagome slips from Kouga's grasp and tackles Houjo to the floor as Inu-yasha lunges at the wolf. She shouts her special word over her shoulder and he hits the ground in a flash of pink energy. Successfully having distracted the human, she wedges him firmly between Sango and Miroku so he can't see any more unexplainable things. The music starts up again, slightly out of tune. It seems the musicians aren't to eager to be playing again.::

Sesshoumaru: ::still struggling with Soul~chan:: Three magic swords--

Houjo: Two lame excuses--

Kagome: And a hanyou in the God Tree!

Sango: On the fifth day of Christmas, my demon love gave to me--five Shikon shards!

::The group claps appreciatively at Sango's lovely voice, but she only glances worriedly at the wicked look crossing Miroku's features.::

Kouga: ::trying to get closer to Kagome:: Four Naraku golems--

Sesshoumaru: Three magic swords--

Houjo: Two lame excuses--

Kagome: And a hanyou in the God Tree!

Sango: On the sixth day of Christmas, my demon love gave to me--

Inu-yasha: Six bowls of ramen--

Sango: Five Shikon shards!

Kouga: Four Naraku golems--

Sesshoumaru: Three magic swords--

Houjo: Two lame excuses--

Kagome: And a hanyou in the God Tree!

Sango: On the seventh day of Christmas, my demon love gave to me--

Naraku: Seven human zombies--

Miroku: Naraku! What are you doing here?

::The music has stopped for the millionth time, due to the band leaving in disgust.::

Naraku: ::grins wickedly:: Soul~chan invited me, see? ::brandishes invite::

Miroku: Soul~chan! How could you?

Soul~chan: ::looks up dazedly from where she has glomped Sesshoumaru to the ground:: Wha--? Oh, Naraku? Eheh, I owed him a favor. I had a few people to take care of, but I was too busy stalking my Sesshie-sama to do it myself. ::realizes for the first time that the music has stopped:: Aiya! Where's the band gone! Oh, shit! Where am I going to find a band now?

::Soul~chan runs off screaming a string of curse words in various languages much to the surprise of Sesshoumaru. Everyone is now glaring at Naraku, but Miroku has returned to his previous spot.::

Sesshoumaru: She seemed like such an innocent little girl . . . who would've thought she knew such language . . .

Sango: I guess we'll have to sing a cappella until Soul~chan gets back.

Shippou: A what?

Sango: A cappella, it means without musical accompaniment.

Shippou: ::still doesn't get it:: Oh.

Sango: Anyway, Inu-yasha . . .

Inu-yasha: Feh, whatever, six bowls of ramen--man, I'm hungry!

Sango: Inu-yasha! Five Shikon shards!

Kouga: Four Naraku golems--

Sesshoumaru: Three magic swords--

Houjo: Two lame excuses--

Kagome: And a hanyou in the God Tree!

Sango: On the eighth day of Christmas, my demon love gave to me--

Inu-yasha: ::glares at Kagome:: Eight osuwari--

Naraku: Seven human zombies--

Inu-yasha: Six bowls of ramen--

Sango: Five Shikon shards!

Kouga: Four Naraku golems--

Sesshoumaru: Three magic swords--

Houjo: Two lame excuses--

Kagome: And a hanyou in the God Tree!

Sango: On the ninth day of Christmas, my demon love gave to me--

Soul~chan: I got a band! ::wheeze:: Come on guys!

::Our hostess is followed in by a motley crew of seemingly human beings. It's everyone's favorite zombies, the Shichinin-tai! Jsu msu makes an immediate detour upon seeing Inu-yasha. He attempts to glomp the glowering hanyou, but is tackled mid-tackle by Soul~chan.

Soul~chan: Jakotsu-sama, remember our deal. If you leave Inu-yasha alone for the song, I'll give you thirty minutes with him after the show.

Jakotsu: Get off of me, filth! Why should I have to listen to you?

Soul~chan: ::looking smug:: Because, the triangle isn't really such an important instrument. I could always send you back, alone.

Jakotsu: You wouldn't.

Soul~chan: Wouldn't I?

::Jakotsu pouts but heads back to the band area and picks up his triangle. Bankotsu is playing sax while Suikotsu is on piano. Renkotsu is the drummer, and Mukotsu, Ginkotsu, and Kyoukotsu are a trumpet trio.::

Inu-yasha: Soul~chan! What the all the hells is your problem? There is no way I'm going to spend thirty minutes with that freak. I'd rather be pinned to the damned Goshinboku again.

Soul~chan: That can be arranged. Of course, I could also extend the time period to, oh say, an hour?

Inu-yasha: ::to Kagome:: I don't know who's more evil, Soul~chan, or my bastard brother.

::Everyone is speechless at the ruthlessness with which the hostess has handled Inu-yasha. Sesshoumaru makes the slightest nod of approval and instantly regrets it as the girl has re-attactched herself to him. The music starts up again, this time in a jazz-style tempo.::

Miroku: ::winking at Sango:: Nine pretty girls--

Inu-yasha: Eight osuwari--

Naraku: Seven human zombies--

Inu-yasha: Six bowls of ramen--

Sango: Five Shikon shards!

Kouga: Four Naraku golems--

Sesshoumaru: ::from floor:: Three magic swords--

Houjo: Two lame excuses--

Kagome: And a hanyou in the God Tree!

Sango: On the tenth day of Christmas, my demon love gave to me--

Kikyou: Ten stolen souls--

Inu-yasha: Kikyou? Soul~chan, are you trying to kill me?

::The band has stopped playing, all of the Shichinin-tai glower at the hanyou except Jakotsu who looks about ready to glomp him.::

Soul~chan: ::looks over from where she has dragged Sesshoumaru into a shadowy corner:: What? Oh, you can't be killed during this. Murder isn't family friendly.

Inu-yasha: Neither is your mouth . . .

Soul~chan: You've said more swear words than I have, dumbass.

Kikyou: How dare you insult Inu-yasha! Only I am allowed to insult him seeing as I cannot yet kill him.

Soul~chan: Stuff it mummy-girl! I've suddenly forgotten why I invited you. I think I'll be sending you back now--

Kikyou: Fine.

::The band strikes up again.::

Miroku: Nine pretty girls--

Inu-yasha: ::glancing warily at Kikyou:: Eight osuwari--

Naraku: Seven human zombies--

Inu-yasha: ::pulling Kagome away from a certain wolf who has gotten too touchy-feely:: Six bowls of ramen--

Sango: Five Shikon shards!

Kouga: ::chasing after the pair:: Four Naraku golems--

Sesshoumaru: ::still trying to escape from Soul~chan:: Three magic swords--

Houjo: ::looking scandalized by all this talk of murder and the leering look Miroku is directing at Sango:: Two lame excuses--

Kagome: And a hanyou in the God Tree!

Sango: On the eleventh day of Christmas, my demon love gave to me--

Shippou: ::extremely excited that it's finally his turn:: Eleven sticks of pocky!

Kikyou: Ten stolen souls--

Miroku: Nine pretty girls--

Inu-yasha: Eight osuwari--

Naraku: Seven human zombies--

Inu-yasha: Six bowls of ramen--

Sango: ::looking distinctly nervous and trying to slink away from Miroku:: Five Shikon shards!

Kouga: Four Naraku golems--

Sesshoumaru: Three magic swords--

Houjo: Two lame excuses--

Kagome: And a hanyou in the God Tree!

Sango: On the tenth day of Christmas, my demon love gave to me--

Kagome: Twelve sacred arrows--

Shippou: Eleven sticks of pocky!

Kikyou: Ten stolen souls--

Miroku: Nine pretty girls--

Inu-yasha: Eight osuwari--

Naraku: Seven human zombies--

Inu-yasha: Six bowls of ramen--

Sango: Five Shikon shards!

Kouga: Four Naraku golems--

Sesshoumaru: Three magic swords--

Houjo: Two lame excuses--

All: And a hanyou in the God Treeeeeeee!!

::The audience claps unenthusiastically and the performers take their bows. Soul~chan manages to let go of her bishie youkai to close up the show.::

Soul~chan: Well, first I'd like to thank our audience for sitting through that torture; you're a great crowd! Second, I'd like to thank Jakotsu-sama and the Shichinin-tai for helping me out on such short notice. You guys should really think about giving up the mercenary business for show business. And lastly, to our wonderful singers for attempting to sing half-decently.

Inu-yasha: Hey! We were good! What a bitch!

Soul~chan: ::smiling dangerously:: And now it is time for our friends to return back to their world. Thank you again for coming.

::She snaps her fingers and everyone but herself, Sesshoumaru, Inu-yasha, and Jakotsu has vanished. Even the audience is no longer present. Inu-yasha growls and makes as if to attack her, but she snaps her fingers again and he and Jakotsu vanish to parts unknown. Sesshoumaru looks at her warily as she approaches him, rabid fangirl powers at the ready.::

Soul~chan: Sesshie-sama! It's just us now . . .

::In an uncharacteristic display of cowardice, Sesshoumaru takes off running, Soul~chan in hot pursuit::

Soul~chan: ::running off-screen:: Ja ne minna-chan! Meri Kristimasu and Happy New Year!

::owari::