Blood Stained

A/N: Pretty sure everyone either forgot about all my stories or they hate me for not updating. Sorry. I will make one thing clear though, I will never abandonned any of my stories. I know lately it's been taking a while to update but THEY WILL ALL BE FINISHED, I swear. Life is just wibbley wobbley full of ups and downs... so sometimes writing has to take the last place on the priority list. I'm sorry. Updates for all my other stories are coming and you can check their progress on my profile (should be tonight or tomorrow though). 

If you're still reading, thank you.

Also, no beta-ed and seriously, it's been so long.... I'm sure it's FULL of mistakes and I'm deeply sorry for that. 

Blood Stained

Chapter 90: It's not the End of the World

The sky remained grey and a hint of the moon was present while Kagome sat in her bed with her eyes wide opened. Her night was peaceful and most of all uninterrupted and she had to admit it that she found it strange. Usually she could sense her son's presence by her side while she slept but not tonight. It felt like something was missing. Because of that, she found herself laying down, completely awake, at five in the morning, unable to find rest again.

Obviously, it was much too early to go over to Sesshomaru's hotel. Plus, she wanted the two of them to really have some bonding time. She simply never thought it would be this hard. 

To top it all off, everything was a bit of a mess at the moment. She was still able to feel his lips lingering on hers. Although, it was not the beast's kiss she thought about but rather Sesshomaru's kiss. He poured not only his soul and love into it but also his fear. He never appeared very afraid but yesterday he did. 

They went through a lot and never once did they get a break. If it was not the beast or the past lurking around, it was the jewel. They did seem to be stronger than ever but they were also at their weakest point. Fear was not their friend. If they could not figure out how to make it all work, they could not be together.

That brought fear into her. 

She sighed before running her fingers through her hair; enough sulking. She stole a peek at the clock only to see that it finally indicated 7am. That was late enough to at least leave her bedroom right? She kicked her blankets off before slipping on her slippers and heading to the kitchen. 

Unfortunately, as soon as she opened the door, she heard a yelp of pain coming from the other side. 

"Ow," Souta said as he sleepily rubbed his head.

She winced. "Sorry."

Her little brother turned his head and then looked into her room with a frown on his face. "Where's Kiyoshi?"

"I left him with Sesshomaru for the night."

"What happened?"

"Nothing. I just- I thought they should spend time together."

"Are you two ever gonna move in together?"

Her expression saddened. "I hope." Despite the uncertainty… after everything they went through did they not deserve a bit of happiness? 

"Souta, brea-" Miyu seemed startled for a moment as she stopped talking. "Oh. You're up!" she added with a smile. "Breakfast is ready. Kagome, are you hungry?"

"I could eat."

She gestured for the both of them to come downstairs and then disappeared into the kitchen. Souta rushed ahead of Kagome and she followed. As she watched him run to the kitchen she could not help but picture her own son when he would be his age. The thought was almost terrifying; he was already growing up fast enough as it was. 

"How did you sleep?" her mother asked as soon as Kagome sat down.

"Not that great," she admitted.

Miyu noticed her daughter's long face when she came in last night but did not comment on it. She voiced her opinion a long time ago and Kagome knew how she felt on many topics. She had no intention of prying in business that was not her own unless she felt Kagome's well being was at risk and it was not at the moment.

"I miss him but this is good for them."

"Is he going to spend another night with Sesshomaru?"

"No, I'm going to meet up with them later." She paused, wondering if she should share the rest. "We - actually Sesshomaru wants me to help him look for a house."

Miyu's movements slowed down for an instant. "A house for the two of you?"

She shook her head. "A house for him." Though it would be a lie to say that it would not be tempting at some point. "That way if we - if we decide it's going to work, we won't have to find another house." However, she had to admit whatever house they chose it did not matter. She was not superficial and she certainly did not need a perfect house. 

Life taught her fairytales were exactly that; tales, myths. They were not real. She simply wanted somewhere safe and loving to raise her son. It was all that mattered. 

"That's a good idea." 

"You guys should find a house close to here! Then I could teach him how to play soccer when he's old enough!" Souta excitedly said as he finished shoving his food down his throat. 

Kagome smiled. "That's a good idea." 

Souta was barely done swallowing his food that he was running out the door with his school bag hanging off his shoulder. Apparently being late to school was a family trait. 

"I want to like him," her mother spoke.

"I know."

"I want to make sure you are ready for all this." Although her daughter went through a lot, all by herself, Miyu had no desire to see her hurt ever again. She did not think she could handle seeing that broken look on daughter's face another time.

"We are taking it slow," she confirmed. "At first, I was sure I didn't want this, then I was sure I did and now I don't know."

"His mother confused you."

"She pointed out things I chose to ignore."

She always saw his devotion as his way of repenting. She never tried to see past that. But now she could see the whole situation clearly. He had to be happy and comfortable too. Constantly forsaken himself for her own sake would never make him happy and in the end he might even resent her. That was the last thing she desired. As much as Kagome hated Sesshomaru's mother, she forced them to deal with issues they might have ignored. Granted, she pushed them very fast - too fast. Involuntarily, she put her fingers to her lips. 

Like that kiss.

Maybe the beast got his attitude from her because it enjoyed provoking people. 

Sometimes it hurt to think that after all that time, he still only thought of itself and what it wanted. Could it not see what it did? Sesshomaru kept saying it wanted her happiness but it did not. Forcing her to make haste decisions, pushing her away… that did not help. Despite what the beast apparently thought, Kagome believed she could find happiness at Sesshomaru's side. After all, did she not heal by his side? No, she was not the same Kagome and all was not well but she recovered. She became stronger and she faced many of her fears. If she could do it with him, then she could withstand a lot of trials and hurdles.

"I do not like her or trust her," Miyu pointed out. 

Yes, the woman might not be doing all of it out of selfishness, however… her hatred seemed to run deep and her dislike for humans was obvious. What she doing all this because she wanted to protect her son from being harmed or because she did not want to see him with a human? It remained to be proven. If anything, Sesshomaru did not deserve Kagome, not the other way around.

"I don't either."

Kagome planned on enjoying the moment when she would prove Sesshomaru's mother wrong. Even if they did not work out she would prove that it was not because they were too broken, that there was too much to fix. If they could not be together it would be because they did not want the same thinsg. She knew it was a real possibility that Sesshomaru might be much happier with someone else than her. He might not see it now because of his guilt but it could be the truth, although she rather not think about it too much for the time being.

She sighed; when would things not be complicated?

-B-

Father and son time. With a hint of how to prove his mother wrong.

Sesshomaru made sure to always be near his son when he was awake and to hold him - although he still held him like he was fragile at time which was foolish; his son was strong. Changing diapers and giving him the bottle were also skills he needed to work on. However, when Kiyoshi slept, Sesshomaru did some research. 

He never forgot what his mother said about breaking the mating. It was not possible. If it was, he was certain he would have found out about it back then when he wanted nothing more than for their mating bond to be broken. If he did not find it in the past, it did not exist.

And yet his mother seemed so sure. 

His mother was always known for her dirty tricks. Whatever her solution to what she thought was a problem, it was harmful he was sure of it. For now it was not a problem but if she… somehow managed to convince Kagome it was the way to go, it could have horrible consequences. The simple thought of Kagome wanting them to be unmated was enough to make his heart ache. He knew if she agreed it would not be out of wickedness but because his evil mother convinced her it was the way to save him but nonetheless. Mating was forever. For a youkai, that was the only truth. He did not know how much meaning it held to a human, even one as kind and loving as Kagome.

Despite all his research and all the hard work he put into it, he did not find any answer. Asking her was not even an option because she would keep it a secret, even if she was lying. Why would she give away the one thing she had over him? All he could do is make sure he showed Kagome he was not unhappy. That way, when his mother would try to interfere, Kagome would refuse it. 

Sesshomaru would make sure that today was perfect. It was hard though. He knew she wanted him to express himself more but he was at a point where whatever made her happy made him happy as well. For the longest time, he was afraid of losing her and now he wanted to hold on to her. It would be a lie to say he did not miss following his own desires. Though for the most part, he was completely satisfied. He was happy with how things were. 

As if on cue, a knock on the door echoed through his hotel room. 

He made sure Kiyoshi was carefully tucked against his chest while he got up. He already knew it was her. When he opened the door, she offered him a shy smile.

"How did it go?" She did not doubt him or his ability to take care of their son but he was known to be a bit shy and awkward when it came to Kiyoshi. She hoped this helped boost his confidence.

"Good. My skills do not compare to yours but we are both well."

She grinned. "I'm glad."

"Do you still wish to go house hunting and to see my life?" He assumed she was not only there because she wanted to retrieve their son. 

"I do."

He moved out of the way and she came inside. It was ridiculous but she would miss hotel rooms. They held more good memories than bad ones and it was in those kind of places they spent most of their family time. It might be strange but then again everything about them was. 

"The house you have here could do you know." Even though Sesshomaru seemed to have very little attachment to objects it was still his home. It could easily be their home. "We don't have to find a new one because you want it to be ours."

"I have answered this already. A nice house closer to your shrine and that is only ours is something I wish for."

She nodded. "I just wanted to make sure."

Sesshomaru put Kiyoshi down and safely tucked him in before grabbing Kagome by the shoulders. He looked right into her eyes, hoping to make her see how honest he was being. "I promise, I will voice what I want. You do not have to worry about my needs being suppressed or ignored."

"Your mot-"

"She is a vengeful person. She is simply not happy that it did not go how she desired. She is trying to do this, she is trying to separate us."

"What did she want?" she dared to ask.

"For me to be the alpha she wanted my father to be. He disappointed her when he chose a human over his own life."

There was a hint of sadness, or something that resembled it, in his voice. He never really spoke about his family or his childhood. Maybe it was because it was all bad memories? "Did he disappoint you too?" she asked as she took hold of his hand.

His childhood was complicated. Also, it was from another time. What was normal back then was not anymore. Just like he did not understand her back then, he did not know if she would comprehend where he was coming from. Instead, he decided to give her a simple answer."Back then? Yes. When I was a pup, I could not understand his need to sacrifice everything to save another person." He paused. "Now I do."

Her features saddened and she reached out for his cheek. She lovingly cupped it and brushed her thumb across his cheek. "I don't need you to give up your life for me."

"But I would," he said as he covered her hand with his.

She forced a smile. "Why don't you try this; put yourself first for a while."

"I could not do that." He lowered one of his hands until it was resting upon her heart. "Perhaps you do not feel our bond as strongly as I do. If I did that, it would hurt me. There is not only you to put first but also our son. I want our family to come first. I do not want to be selfish. Never again."

"I just don't want it to silence you."

"You are not, I swear."

He closed his eyes before lowering himself. When his lips brushed against hers, he felt her stiffened for the briefest second. Unfortunately, it was enough to stop him completely. He pulled away until he could no longer feel her mouth on his. The beast. He kept reminding her of it and it killed him inside. 

"That's not it." 

The last thing Kagome wanted was to go back to the nightmare of the past. She might never heal fully, she might never completely forget but she had to move on. It happened and it was probably the worst thing that she would ever lived through but she made it out alive. She got a son and Sesshomaru out of it. There was some good in it. She saw the light in the darkness and she came through the other side. She refused to let one kiss steal away all of her efforts. 

To convince him he was wrong, she grabbed his arms and lifted herself to her tippy toes before pressing her lips to his. The other night, he showed her his love through his lips and now it was her turn to do the same thing. She poured her soul into the kiss and she enveloped him with her warmth. He allowed himself to be caught up in it and he snaked his arms around her. Their chests were pressed together, their hearts beating as one while their lips moved in sync. 

After a moment, it was over.

"I'm fine." 

He kissed the top of her head to re-assure her even though he was not convinced. Though, she would tell him right? She never hid her emotions from him; he saw them all too well.

"Now, about those houses?"

Today was about him and what he wanted to do. The beast should be nothing more than a distant bad memories. He had to let go of the guilt and let himself be happy. 

"I have arranged a few appointments."

She smiled. "Great." She turned her head and looked at her son. Spending a whole night away from him was difficult and she wanted nothing more than to keep him close to her all day but… she had a feeling it might be good for her and Sesshomaru to be alone today. So, despite the heavy feeling in her heart, she made a suggestion.

"My mom is free to babysit today."

He looked rather unsure, as if he did not know what the right answer should be. Almost as if agreeing to having someone babysit his son would make him a bad father.

"I thought we could spend some time together." She popped her lips. "And then we could all sleep here tonight." 

Sleeping alone could get lonely and she did feel bad that they were picking a house but he was moving in alone. The least she could do was spend a few nights with him at the hotel while he waited to move into his new house. She did hope he understood though. She needed to know who she was without him. He influenced her life in so many ways since that faithful night and everything was a mess. Only she could sort it out and figure out who she was now.

She was not doing this to hurt him, she was doing this for herself. Just like she wanted him to do things for himself as well. They could both use a little bit of selfishness.

"I would like that."

She offered him a smile before she tucked in Kiyoshi in his stroller. Today would be full of firsts. Today, they would actually be normal people. 

Hopefully it would be a new refreshing adventure. 

-B-

Silence filled the car while they drove to the first house. It was strange to be together without their son but it was a step every parent had to take eventually right? Plus, her mother was thrilled to babysit. It was true that with everything that happened since their return to Japan, her mother did not really have a chance to spend time with Kiyoshi. She did worry Mizuki might come around and try to cause some trouble, since she was so good at it, but she was sure her mother could handle her. 

Sesshomaru's grip on the wheel was tight as he kept his focus on the road. This house was a little far from the shrine and he was not certain he liked that. Since Kagome would remain at the shrine for the time being - or maybe forever - he wanted her to have easy access to the house.

After a few more minutes of driving, they finally arrived at their destination. He did his best to pick houses he thought she would like. Currently, he had a fairly big house, mostly because he could afford it and because it reminded him of what he used to have. However, he did not care what his house looked like - he only cared about who would be in it. He chose modest houses because he knew Kagome was not into showing off and unnecessary spending. She did not need luxury.

He got out of the car first and then waited for her to come out as well. He observed her face and watched her expression. Her eyes widened and she slowly approached the house. 

It was nice but…"It doesn't have a fence," she said, never looking at him. It did have a nice yard though.

"If you like this house, we can easily have a fence installed."

True. Though now that she was thinking about it, she was not sure a fence would be able to keep Kiyoshi in. He had powers and she had a feeling he was destined to be very strong.

"You're right," she said with a smile. 

She squeezed his hand and they kept walking towards the house. Near the door, a woman waited for them. Once she spotted them, she smiled brightly and walked towards them as fast as her high heels allowed her.

"You must be the Taisho," she assumed.

Sesshomaru was going to correct her but Kagome acted faster than him. She extended her hand to the woman. "We are. I'm Kagome. Nice to meet you."

His last name meant nothing. Until he chose to be human like in this world, he did not have one; he was not even born with one. It was simply something he picked to blend in and it held no value. Despite all that he rather liked having her being Mrs. Taisho. How human of him. A mating bond was much stronger than marriage…

Kagome felt the happiness coming from Sesshomaru and she quietly chortled. He should be happy more often but instead, he always feared rejection.  She wanted to change that.

As they followed the woman inside the house, Kagome believed this was a good idea. Though, hopefully it would not put too many ideas into Sesshomaru's mind.

She did not think his ego and confidence could take another hit.

-B-

"Five houses! You did not like any of them?"

It was not that he did not like any of them, it was more that she did not seem to like any of them. Her expression remained neutral during all the visits and he did not know what to make of it. All he knew was that he did not wish to pick a house she was not pleased with and so, he decided that none of them would do the job.

"They were not what we were looking for."

She arched an eyebrow. "Were they what you were looking for?"

"This is supposed to be a mutual decision."

"I know, I just want your opinion, that's all."

This was a trap. It felt like a trap. "They were nice."

"So why don't you like any of them?"

"You did not like any of them." He knew this was what she wanted him to say.

"I didn't say that."

"You did not demonstrate any enthusiasm."

"Because I didn't want to influence your decisions."

"You liked some of them?"

She nodded.

She laughed at his puzzled reaction and approached him. Since they were walking back to the car, the best way confront him was to bump into him with her hip. "There was a time when you did everything you wanted regardless of what people thought or desired."

"And I did terrible actions because of that."

"Yes you did," she confirmed with a more serious look on her face. "However, what you're doing now is not any better. You don't have to be one or the other you know. Middle ground is good too. It's okay for you to try to be yourself."

"I am never going to hurt you again."

"You will hurt me again."

His face changed and she knew he did not like her affirmation. She grabbed his face with her hand and forced him to look into her eyes. "Sesshomaru, if we're going to be a couple, we will fight. It might not happen now, it might not happen five years from now, but it will happen one day. And that's okay." She sighed. "You won't hurt me like that again, but we will fight and it will hurt." She leaned in and briefly kissed him. "I am okay with that."

Obviously, she did not know what the future would bring or how she would deal with things. Some days she did firmly believe she made herself out to be stronger than she actual was. She did fear that one day the facade would fall apart. Maybe if he eventually stopped making her a priority in his life and hurt her feelings, she would break down. However, she did think it was okay. If she fell down again, she would rise back up. It might not be easy but she did once before and she could certainly do it again.

If she never believed in her own strength, she would not be able to move on. Actually, moving on was the wrong word. She would never move on, she would never forget. However, she could use the pain and experiences to become a new person. This was what all of this was all about after all. 

"I will never try to hurt you."

She was right and more realistic than he was. One day, he hoped to stop fearing he would hurt her. Problem was, when that day would come, he might do something hurtful without meaning to do it. 

Kagome caressed his cheek with her thumb. "I know."

"So, did you like any of the house?" she repeated with a smile.

The corners of his mouth tugged into a smile. "The second one."

"It was nice," she agreed. It would take a lot of work to get him to express his opinions. 

"We do not have to choose now. We can look at more houses first."

"Did you want to look at more houses?" 

Every time he asked her a question now she replied with another one. He knew he would not get out of this unless he gave his opinion a little more. His little mate was quite determined today. It was not the worst thing in the world, especially considering how much he liked doing things his way in the past… but he did not want to be that person anymore. Actually, he did not know how to be himself anymore. Maybe he could let her show him how.

"I believe I have had enough of that woman for the day," he answered while glancing at their agent. Obviously she wanted money which meant she was pushy and it was not a trait he appreciated or valued.

She laughed. "I agree." She poked him on the shoulder. "See, it wasn't that hard."

"You are right," he said while he took her hand in his. 

"Are you two ready to see the next house?" 

He held back a sigh and Kagome smiled. "I think we're done for today. Can we schedule the other houses for another day?"

"Oh. Of course. Do you have my card? Let me give it to you again." She pulled out two cards and gave each other them one. "I'm available at all time. But we should hurry before someone else makes an offer on these houses!"

"We will," Sesshomaru replied with a semi-cold tone, hoping she would get the message.

She seemed to get it since she quickly gave them her farewell and headed towards her own car. 

Kagome turned to Sesshomaru and squeezed his hand. "What would you like to do? What did you use to do for fun?"

"Nothing." He was mostly by himself all the time drowning in his sins and his guilt, trying to make it right. Plus, he was not the most social person and so social events and activities never appealed to him. 

"You sat in a chair and stared at a wall?" she teased.

"I looked for you, I looked for the jewel… I learned how to live in this new world." After everything was taken from him, he had to start from the beginning. "I did not want to indulge in any kind of pleasure. I did not feel as though I deserved it."

She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. "You do. Don't punish yourself anymore."

It was moments like these that made her feel as though she was holding him back. It was those moments that proved his mother right; he would not be happy with her. Maybe he thought he could be but until he changed the way he thought, he would not be. Perhaps she stood in the way. When she was around, he could not forgive himself and move on since she constantly reminded him of what happened. 

Then again, on the other hand she feared that if he was left by himself he would drown in sadness. She wished she could find a way to lead him to freedom. Yes, she herself still held some grudges but she learned to let go of most of them and she felt so much lighter. She no longer lived in fear and she no longer suffered all the time.

She grabbed his face with her hands and gently caressed his cheeks with her fingertips. "I can't help you with this. You're the only one who can do it."

He covered her hand with his and leaned into her touch. "I am trying. It is difficult to forget when it is still living freely inside of me."

"It won't hurt me."

"It might take you away from me. It might take me away from you."

His beast was so fickle. He did not trust it or its decisions. His mother also could not be ignored.

"From now on, we take charge, we make the decisions. We have to work together." If he could not work with her…he would have to work without her. 

This was what she feared; she was terrified that they would need to be apart to be whole. She did not know how to be alone and he did not know how to forgive himself. No wonder they often hit a wall. But they were good together and despite the past, he was kind to her now. He was a changed man, he was someone she loved. If it ended up not working out, if she had to give him up… she did not want to think about it for now.

"It never truly worked out in our favour," he pointed out.

"That is because we were always afraid. It's easier to be strong when you fear nothing."

"Once you have something to lose, you always have something to fear." And now, there were two people he could lose. He was not willing to risk that. 

"We're not going anywhere, Sesshomaru. So you have nothing to fear."

Instead of replying to her, he bent down and kissed her. She could not help but smile against his lips; she did not mind him being a little more forward. 

"You should let yourself go more often," she said once he pulled away.

He held on to her hips and pressed his forehead to hers. He seemed to devour her with his eyes. 

"What do you want to do?" she asked again but this time with a soft voice.

His eyes spoke for him. However, she wanted to hear the words. After everything, it would be nice to hear how much he wanted her, how much he wanted to be with her. 

"I love you," was his reply. 

Not what she expected but she was not surprised by his answer. 

"I love you too."

He bent down and kissed her again, this time with a bit more intensity. She shivered in his arms and deepened the kiss. 

"We could go back," he finally suggested.

He almost seemed shy to propose it. He knew she had no problem with their intimacy and yet he remained unsure. Especially since that kiss. "I'd like that." It was not an activity that got them outside of a freaking hotel room but it was something he wanted to do and she was happy to oblige. 

She took his hand and they walked back to the car. He opened the door for her and she thanked him before sitting inside. He joined her soon after and they went on their way. 

"You really liked that second house?"

"It was nice but there will be more nice houses." He knew exactly what she was trying to do and it was not going to work.

"I'm sure you could afford a few houses."

"I could."

"You've never have the urge to spend?"

"I kept it to travel and to finish the quest."

She leaned in and kissed him. "And now you can relax. I know you're Sesshomaru the Lord of the West, but even you need to learn to be crazy sometimes. It might be good for you."

He had plenty of ideas on how to spend his money but he did not think she was agree with any of them. Mostly because they involved her and she wanted him to be more self-centered. Oh how things had changed. Five hundred years later, he was the complete opposite. Before being selfish would have been very easy for him. He always used to put himself first.

"I will try."

Before she completely pulled away, he leaned in for another kiss and she happily gave in. She held the side of his face with her hand and softly brushed his cheeks with her fingertips. 

His grip on the wheel was firm while he tilted his head a bit more to give himself better access. Once she looked out of breathe he pulled away.

But it was too late. When he focused his attention on the road again, he was too late. A car that had smoke coming out of the hood shifted lane and was heading for them. Even with his speed, he could not stop the collision from happening. All he could do was try to protect Kagome from the crash. He completely let go of the wheel and threw himself over her. 

Kagome gasped, as she was not yet aware of the danger, and then, it came; the crash. The speed was too high and they were both sent flying into a nearby truck. 

A loud noise echoed through the neighbourhood. Pieces of both cars began flying around and blood splattered. The truck had been carrying wood logs which scattered all around the scene.

On one side of the road was a man with long black hair. He laid there, covered in injuries and blood. He was not moving. His car was near him, squished into a metal box. 

Not too far from him, were two other people covered in wood logs. Sesshomaru's clothes were a bit shredded and blood covered his shirt. Except it was not his blood; it was Kagome's. She laid unconscious beneath him, a huge injury on her head…along with a sharp piece of wood embedded in her side.

And blood.

A lot of blood.

"Kagome," he said with fear in his eyes.

He shook her but she did not move. His hands had blood on them; her blood.

"Kagome," he repeated with desperation in his voice.

Not now. Not like this.

-B-