Pink Carnation

A/N: THANKS Daniella for beta-reading!

MoonFlower; Dreaming of Love

Pink Carnation

Chapter 9: Moonflower

Happiness was something she should be experiencing at the moment, yet she found herself falling into a depressive state. Her eyes were currently locked on the engagement ring Inuyasha had given her for the second time. Instead of wearing it on her finger like she should, it was on the table.

It had been on her finger previously but today she was not feeling it. As a matter of fact, today she was simply not been feeling like herself. Not that she knew who she was anymore. The issue had been bothering her a lot especially since she was not enjoying the life she had always wished she had.

At that moment, Kagome decided that perhaps she should do some research about it. After all, she was probably not the only one who this had ever happened to after such a serious head trauma. Tearing herself away from the ring, she got up to get her laptop before plopping down on the couch with the intent on finding out if there was a way to feel better.

If she could never remember she had to break out of this vicious circle one way or another didn't she?

She opened up the search browser before attempting to find cases like hers. Kagome researched for what seemed like hours and found out that so many cases were different. However, most people were able to recall a few things when others would tell them about it. She on the other hand hadn't been able to remember anything at all. It was suggested to do things she had done in the past to attempt to remember but she couldn't tell for sure what she had been doing during the past year.

Although, if she had remained like her old self she had a small idea.

The one thing she wasn't sure of was if she should go with someone else. It felt that having another person there was more confusing then anything else. On top of that, she was a grown woman who was able to go around without having someone babysitting her all the time.

Kagome closed her computer lid down before putting the computer beside her on the couch.

Past memories might appear like dreams and that thought refused to leave her mind. How many dreams had she had since the accident and each time she didn't believe it to be reality. Could it have been the truth the whole time?

Perhaps she might appear obsessed over the whole thing but she couldn't stop. This was her memory and she wanted to retrieve it. She was so sick of feeling like someone else every day and her emotions were becoming a drag. How could she live like this forever? Would there really be a way to adapt if she never recovered her memory?

Shaking her head slightly, Kagome rose to her feet before dashing in direction of the kitchen. Once she reached it her fingers lingered around the bowl where she kept all of her keys. Unfortunately, it was then that she realized this was not something she could do on her own; it would involve driving. It was true that the incident hadn't happened when she had been in a car but the fact that it happened because drivers were careless scared her.

Yes, millions of accident happened every day but that time, it had happened to her.

She dropped her hand into the emptiness prior to allowing herself to fall upon the ground. She was exhausted and tired of this situation. No matter what she did, where she was, nothing felt right. Even now she was barely sleeping because too many thoughts kept her awake at night. Kagome rested her head against the nearest wall before closing her eyes.

Maybe she was blowing the whole thing out of proportion but it could not be helped. She simply wanted to be Kagome again.

She pressed her lips tightly together before holding in a sigh. It was times like this she would call Sango but she wasn't sure if she could. Sango was her best friend but since the accident things didn't feel right sometimes. Though, that part could be blamed on Kagome since she was the one who lost her memory.

Perhaps the best thing to do was to remain alone.

-P-

The rain was falling loudly against the windshield almost blinding her However, there was more than that contributing to the fact that she could not see. Her heart was shattered and ready to explode while her eyes were burning with tears. Death seemed like the better fate at that moment.

Her heart was throbbing like crazy as she felt a pain she had never experienced before go through her heart; how could she go on? She pinched her dry lips together before holding back a cry. She softly choked on her own tears before parking the car, unable to drive any longer.

A bright white light as all she saw.

Her head was spinning as she sat in her bed allowing herself to relax, almost laying down. She was so out of it, she never heard him walk in. Although him being able to come in at any time was the exact reason why she had given him a key. It wasn't until she heard his footsteps in her room that she snapped her head in his direction.

"I thought you were working."

"I thought you weren't feeling well."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe I just wanted to be taken care of."

A chuckle went pass his lips before he fully came in view. His silver hair was cascading upon his shoulder and his bangs were covering half of his face. She was about to move closer to the edge as if to get a better glance at him when she found herself blinded again by a white light.

"Come on! I'll promise it'll be fun!

"I don't think so."

She pouted, trying to do her best puppy eyes so he would agree. Although by now she should have known better than to ask about messing around with his hair. She had recently bought new products which could make his hair even better than it already was. The thought sounded almost impossible. Of course, he didn't wish for her to be anywhere near his hair.

Kagome stamped her feet as if she was a child before attempting to convince him again. "Come on! Nothing will happen! You'll even enjoy it!"

"I think not."

"Please S-"

Sweat was dripping down her back as her eyes snapped opened, confusion washing over her. She was panting slightly as she glanced around trying to figure out where she was. Her current dream still felt vivid and she almost believed she was still in it. A few seconds later, Kagome fully came back to reality and realized she was on the floor with her back still pressed against the floor.

She had fallen asleep after her failed attempt to drive.

Kagome ran her fingers through her damp hair trying to calm herself. She could still clearly remember reading that the dreams could represent real memories and she found herself trying to remember what they were. All she remembered was a faceless silver haired man in almost all of them. It had to be Inuyasha.

Why did she remember so many things of him at the moment? Could it be that since she doubted her relationship with him lately and didn't feel comfortable she was trying to remember their happy moments? Every passing moment was only making it more complicated for her.

Her eyes were aching from the previous tears and she struggled to make it to her feet while her whole head was feeling dizzy. Today was a horrible day since she couldn't chase that feeling away; she felt as if she was always losing her balance. A deep breath was exhaled as she held on the table to make sure she was fully standing.

It took her a few minutes but she made it to the kitchen. Once there, she immediately began to pour herself a coffee hoping it would jump start her system a bit. Then suddenly, as she put the kettle down, a loud banging happened on the door causing her to jolt. She pinched her lips together before glancing in direction of the door. She was almost afraid to go near it.

"KAGOME! Open the door. KAG!"

Immediately she recognized Inuyasha's voice and relaxed. She left the mug on the counter before heading for the door. She rapidly unlocked it, and opened it wide. Behind it she found a panicked Inuyasha. His hair was messed up and he was breathing heavily. Before saying anything, Inuyasha walked in and started inspecting the apartment.

"Ya don't answer your phone now?"

She knitted her eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"

"What do ya mean, what do I mean!" he said, stretching his arms to the side to emphasize his words. "I called you six times!"

Kagome's eyes opened wide. "I'm sorry, I fell asleep."

"Yeah well I was worried!" he said before venturing further in her apartment.

He knew that she would have been in the apartment unharmed but the fact that she didn't pick up made him worry. His mind went into overdrive making him think that she had gone out and gotten into another accident or even that she had fallen unconscious in her apartment because of her previous head trauma.

And now, after he rushed to get there and check up on her, she was acting as if it was no big deal. Couldn't she understand that he cared about her safety?

"Sorry, I just, I'm not feeling well today."

He frowned, his angry features dissipating a bit. "Not feeling well?"

She shrugged her shoulders. She wouldn't even know where to begin to explain her current state of mind. Her life was not her life and herself was not herself. How could she begin to tell Inuyasha that she didn't like feeling as if she was another mind in another body?

Without answering, Kagome walked towards the kitchen table and sat down on the first chair she found. "I'm not me, Inuyasha."

The tears were almost threatening to fall but she held them back. Inuyasha was enough of a hot head that tears didn't need to be added to the mix. Still, she could not prevent her bottom lip from quivering.

"You're you. How can you not be you?"

He ran his fingers in his thick mane of hair before plopping down on the couch. He was feeling an emotional discussion coming and he was never good at those. He didn't know what to say to make people feel better. But, he had come all the way over there to check up on her so he couldn't leave now that he had confirmed she was fine.

She tilted her head to the side. "I – If I can't remember, I can't be me Inuyasha."

That seemed to flip a switch in Inuyasha's brain and he rushed to his feet to be by her side. "Ya know your memory is not that important. What, ya don't love me just 'cause you can't remember us last year?" He approached his face to hers without giving her a chance to answer. "One year, and ya just throw it all away?"

Because of his harsh words, the tears were getting harder to prevent and a few slipped through. "That's not what I said!"

It was true, she had thought that perhaps she didn't feel the same towards Inuyasha but she never said she was throwing it all away. This wasn't about him or them, it was about her not feeling right within herself and yet he managed turned out into a fight.

"I'm just saying it's difficult for me!"

Inuyasha scoffed before pulling away. "Difficult for you?" How about difficult for everyone around you?"

His words struck her more than a slap and she almost found herself speechless. There was no way he was saying what she thought he was saying. It was a good thing she was sitting down because she would have probably fallen down. Tears were slipping out of her eyes as she couldn't even blink.

Inuyasha felt a pinch of guilt because of his words but he felt too much pride to retract what he had said. In anger and because everything had been so out of control, he cursed before punching the table. He felt her jump slightly before he sighed heavily and exited her apartment like a gush of wind.

Kagome could only watch, her lips parted, her tears cascading down as she heard the door being slammed shut. Her heart was squeezed in pain as she covered her face with her hands. She had felt so unstable emotionally today and this was not helping. Tears were coming down her face with a great intensity as she tried to hold back her cries.

It required a few seconds for her to be able to calm herself down slightly and when she did, she had to remain sitting down.

Her life was a mess.

-P-

"Kagome?"

"Kagome?"

Sango had been trying to get her friend's attention for the last two minutes but it was to no prevail. No matter how many times she said her name, Kagome remained in a zombie like state of mind. Sango had called the previous night and had proposed they meet for coffee. Kagome had seemed joyful to the idea yet now she was barely present in mind, only in body.

Something was bothering her, Sango could tell. What it was though Kagome had not shared so far. As a matter of fact, Sango had been the only one speaking while Kagome would drift off in her own world every now and then. Sango sighed before waving her hand in front of Kagome's face. This time it appeared to work.

Kagome blinked slowly before focusing herself on Sango. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

Sango almost rolled her eyes. "You mean 35 minutes ago? You're so out of it! What's up with you?"

Kagome had needed a few hours last night to feel better after her discussion with Inuyasha. When Sango had called and asked her to go out she had thought it might be a good idea. Now, she could see she had been wrong. His words were echoes in her mind and looking at Sango's expression, she wondered if Inuyasha's words were true.

She shouldn't ask because Sango was her friend and she would tell her no even if the answer was yes, but Kagome couldn't stop herself. 'Sango, am I a burden? – Since the accident?"

Sango knitted her eyebrows together. "A burden? Why?"

It wasn't like she required care of anything like that and even if she did; they were best friends it wouldn't be a bother to take care of her.

"Where'd you get an idea like that?"

Kagome shrugged her shoulders, unsure if she wanted to share her small fight with Inuyasha with her friend. Lately, she was getting the vibe that Sango was mad at Inuyasha but she didn't know why. Perhaps something had happened a bit before her accident and nobody had thought about mentioning it.

"Kag…"

Sango used the tone she usually took when Kagome was hiding something from her. "I just – I had a fight with Inuyasha."

At her answer, Sango felt like she was seconds away from saying typical. In a way, she had just been waiting for the moment where Inuyasha and Kagome would have a fight. She figured something would get Inuyasha's temper going and she was right.

"What happened? What did he say to you?" she inquired, her tone almost threatening.

"He… is my situation difficult for you guys?"

Bastard. "Kagome, there is nothing wrong about what happened to you! You're fine aren't you? So you don't remember a few things, what's the big deal?"

She shrugged. "Maybe it makes it harder on you guys."

"Or maybe Inuyasha doesn't like to put forth any effort when it comes to a relationship and that's the perfect excuse to blame it on."

"Is it me, or do you not seem to appreciate Inuyasha as much as you used to?"

Sango was aware of her words and the confusion they might bring on Kagome. Nonetheless, she felt like they had to be said. She couldn't sit there and say nothing while Inuyasha was making her feel bad, she simply couldn't. Of course it would probably bring another string of lies but apparently it could not be avoided.

"Maybe it's the same thing for you but you don't remember."

Sango's words brought her to a new level of confusion. How could she not like Inuyasha as much as she used to when they were planning to be married? It didn't make any sense. "Then why did I agree? Why are we engaged?"

You weren't. "Maybe you felt bad because of all those years you guys had together. Maybe you couldn't say no."

"Sango what did I tell you about my feelings for Inuyasha?"

That he was cheating bastard. That he broke your heart and took the pieces with him. That he smashed your soul until there was nothing left. "I don't know it's just you sounded a bit hesitant from time to time that's all. And I just assume it's because you weren't sure of your feelings."

"Ever since I was younger I said I would marry Inuyasha. I'd be the princess and he'd be my prince."

Reality was unfortunately much harsher than that. "Not all fairytales come true Kagome. You can't hold on to what's not there."

Kagome felt a bit hurt by Sango's speech but perhaps it was because she felt doubt and she was looking for someone to tell her there was no reason to have doubts. She wanted to believe that it would all be well in a few weeks and that Inuyasha was made for her. Unfortunately, Sango only added to her trouble and made her think if Inuyasha was right for her.

She knew Sango was saying those things to help her and she meant no harm but she couldn't help the sting in her heart.

"I don't know anything anymore Sango," she said before sighing. "I don't know anything about myself. I don't know anything about my life. Who am I?"

Sango offered her the kindest smile. "You're Kagome and that's all that matters. Who cares about the lost memories and what happened. It's still you, and that won't change."

Her words warmed her heart a bit before she smiled back. "I guess." She wished it would be that easy but unfortunately she still had work in front of her.

Sango was a good friend to Kagome and frankly she had no intention of taking advantage of her friends' weakened state… but she wanted to for her own good. Now that Kagome was in doubt about Inuyasha it was a good time to push her in the direction of Sesshomaru. And she had just the thing in mind for that. She tried not to smirk as she lay back comfortably in her seat.

"You know, I'm going out tonight. Miroku, me and Sesshomaru. Why don't you come it would do you some good!"

At the mention of Sesshomaru's name Kagome couldn't help but be a bit alert. She still remembered clearly lying to Inuyasha about seeing his brother when she had done nothing wrong. What if now she went out with him? Wouldn't it be even worse?

Sango could see Kagome was about to say no and she didn't want that to happen. "Come on, it'll do you some good. At the worst when we get there we'll ditch the guys and hang out as girls. What about that?"

Kagome knew it wasn't good what she was doing to herself. Perhaps Sango was right, and as soon as they got there she could say she wanted to do girls time right away. "Fine."

Sango's smile grew as her mood just increased. Of course, now she had to convince Miroku and Sesshomaru to play along, but she had a feeling that they wouldn't mind. Especially since Sesshomaru, though he hadn't said why, appeared to be in a good mood when it came to Kagome.

Everything would be just fine.

-P-

How he had ended up going outhe had no idea. He wasn't one for clubbing or bars or anything. Perhaps it had been the mention of Kagome that had managed to make him break his routine. Although even with her in the past he hadn't gone to such establishments. He could pass up the chance to spend an evening without her where Inuyasha wouldn't be there.

Sango had quickly filled him in about what Inuyasha had done and frankly he didn't feel as bad for trying to take someone else's woman. Not that he was trying to date Kagome; he just wanted her away from Inuyasha. Though of course, in the end he wouldn't mind having her since it was something he had wanted for a long time.

The only problem he had was that he did not know how to act in such social event and he was a tad bit fearful that he would make a fool out of himself. His nervousness was present as he finished putting on his tie. He would agree that it was perhaps a bit too much for the location they would be at but he didn't know what else to put on. He didn't exactly own casual clothes.

He glanced at himself one last time in the mirror before opting for a ponytail. He remembered Kagome liking it and perhaps it would be to his advantage to appear like she enjoyed.

Sesshomaru was supposed to meet up with Miroku and the girls would be coming together. To be honest the idea of him alone with Miroku for a while in a bar wasn't his idea of fun especially since the man could hardly keep his hands or eyes to himself. But, he was willing to put up with it. However, he was almost certain Sango had something in mind for the night though he found himself not minding.

After making sure all was well, he left his bedroom and grabbed his keys before heading to his car. He almost missed being the one picking up Kagome but he hoped that if their friendship kept progressing the way it had been lately perhaps they could resume some of their old habits. After all, it was a good sign that she had called him in a desperate moment even though she had been a bit awkward around him.

It only took him ten minutes to reach the point of meeting and he hurried to park so he could get inside. The place was busier and cheaper than he though. It was a casual bar, the room filled smoke and regular costumers. The scent of booze was attacking his nose. He cringed a bit as he walked in further and quickly spotted Miroku.

Since Sesshomaru stood out so much since he didn't fit in the scenery, Miroku saw him coming his way and waved. Deep inside, he wondered what he had done to Sango that she would make him stay alone with Sesshomaru in a place that would make him uncomfortable and cause him to be irritated.

When Sesshomaru sat down in front of him, Miroku offered him his best smile. "How you doing?" he asked cheerfully.

"Hn."

Okay. "Want a beer?"

"Hn."

I'll take that as a yes. Miroku got up and headed for the bar. He was almost relieved to be away from Sesshomaru. He had expected him to be in a semi-bad mood but not to resort to the one answer word he loved so much. Miroku ran his fingers through his hair before smirking. Sango was going to owe him.

Meanwhile, right outside the bar, Sango was attempting to get Kagome out of the car. Apparently, her friend was not okay with the idea of going to the bar anymore.

"I don't like these kinds of places Sango. I don't even drink."

"Maybe you should start and you wouldn't be so up tight."

Kagome suddenly became offended. "I am not up tight I just don't drink often."

Sango scoffed. "Not often? Try never."

"So what? I don't see the appeal!"

"I do."

"I'm not going."

"Oh yes you are."

Before Kagome could argue again Sango grabbed onto her wrist before pulling her out of the car by force. Kagome complained but Sango did not stop until Kagome was on the concrete. Then, Sango locked the doors of the car before smiling brightly.

"Let's go."

Kagome felt like stomping her feet, but since she knew it would be childish she stopped herself. She didn't know why she was so against it when she had been fine with it earlier. Perhaps it was the fact that now that she was there it was real. Also, it almost felt like she was single and looking for a date. She had never done anything like that in the past.

But she was engaged.

Even though her ring was a home.

Oh my god. She had completely forgotten her ring! She should have been wearing it, especially tonight out of all moments! Almost hiding her hand in shame, Kagome did the only thing she could do which was to follow Sango quietly.

Sango felt a small feeling of relief when she noticed the guys were already there. However, the expression Miroku gave her when he noticed her walk in inspired nothing good. It meant Sesshomaru was being difficult and she hoped his attitude would change once Kagome was present.

"Hey guys," said Sango breaking the ice.

Sango hurried to take the seat beside Miroku which would leave Kagome with the choice only of sitting beside Sesshomaru. She observed as Kagome came closer looking shy. Sesshomaru finally turned around wanting to see if she was coming and once he did, he almost wished he had kept looking straight.

In Sesshomaru's eyes Kagome was always beautiful. However, he was mostly used to pajamas Kagome, relaxed Kagome, and art Kagome. Not dressed to kill Kagome. He had to catch himself before he found himself staring.

"Hi," she said before sitting down at his side.

When Sesshomaru glanced up at Sango he could see she was smirking brightly. Oh she was pure evil.

"Kagome do you want something?" Sango was trying to get her to drink. She looked way too nervous and uncomfortable and Sango wished for her to loosen up a bit.

"One drink," added Sango, trying to be more convincing.

Kagome glanced at Sesshomaru and Miroku who both were drinking something, before nodding. She couldn't be the only one not drinking and ruining the mood. "Only one though."

"You got it."

-P-

"This iisss great."

Sango pinched her lips together trying to not laugh at Kagome. Apparently like many other girls, Kagome could be tricked by the fact that if a drink didn't taste like alcohol, it shouldn't have a lot. Unfortunately, she probably had more alcohol then all them and she only had four drinks.

Miroku was a little buzzed and Sango was feeling it as well but they were nowhere near as gone as Kagome. Sesshomaru on the other hand seemed completely sober which was strange since he had about seven beers. Then again, he was a very tall and imposing man.

"S-s-moraru."

Everyone blinked.

Kagome turned her head to glance at Sesshomaru. "S-smauromu."

"I think she means you," said Sango before she burst into a giggling fit.

"I hm. You. Another one?"

"I think you've had enough."

Kagome rolled his eyes. "What'z itz with thiz one? Hez like hiz brother."

Sesshomaru stiffened slightly at the mention of his brother and the comparison. At that moment he decided she needed another drink because perhaps her speech was still too good and clear. He also decided that he needed a few more beers as well. He had felt a slight buzz but it was nowhere near strong enough.

He got up in silence, heading for the bar, and when he was out of sight, Kagome began giggling. It was hard for Miroku and Sango to keep straight faces since they had never seen Kagome in such a state before. They had to admit it was nice to see her not being depressed for a while.

Plus, she was being quite friendly with Sesshomaru. As a matter of fact, she was bossing him around. But still, it was progress. If only Sesshomaru could share the feeling then perhaps there would be development. Although, drunk development was never good. Still, anything to make Kagome doubt her feelings for Inuyasha even more was good.

Yes, Sango felt a little bad for playing Kagome but in the end… she was doing it for her own good was she not?

It was then that an idea formed in her mind but before asking it, she waited for Sesshomaru to come back. Once he was in his seat, she focused her attention on Kagome. "So, tell me Kag. Why aren't you wearing your ring?"

Kagome tilted her head to the side looking utterly confused. "R-rinh?"

Sango nodded. "Your engagement ring."

At those three words, Sesshomaru found himself downing his scotch on the rocks.

Kagome could only smile as she shrugged her shoulders. "I dun wear itz."

"Why not?"

"Inuyasha thinkz I'm diccifult."

Once the words left her mouth she reached out for the new drink Sesshomaru had brought her and began drinking it. They could stop her, and as a matter of fact they should, since they couldn't let her drink to the point where she would be sick. This would be her last one.

"Zo, no gilrlffiend?"

Sesshomaru shook his head.

"Why not? You're hm goolooking."

Goo-looking? He was going to take it as a compliment. "She's taken."

"So? You should. You go for her."

If only.

A serious face appeared on everyone's visage but Kagome was oblivious to it as she took another huge sip out of her drink. She didn't know what she was drinking only that it was blue, and that she loved it.

"I think you should listen to Kagome, Sesshomaru."

He wanted to, more than anything, but he knew if she was aware that he was referring to her she wouldn't be saying the same thing.

Everyone seemed to be in their own mind, thinking when suddenly a loud thump was heard. It took them all a few seconds to realize it was Kagome who had fallen upon the ground. Sesshomaru was the first to react. He rushed to her side and picked her up from the ground; almost scooping her up in his arms.

"Is she okay?" asked Sango as she peered over.

"She's fine. I just don't think she can drink anymore," he said before leaning onto the bench with Kagome still in his arms.

"Why don't you take her home?"

Sesshomaru frowned. "Me?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Why not? You have the money for an expensive cab!" She could see he was about to complain so she didn't give him a chance to. "Come on Miroku you're getting us a cab."

Since Sesshomaru was on the floor it was hard for him to say anything as both Miroku and Sango walked away. He had planned to send someone to pick him up since he didn't wish to leave his car at the bar. He glanced down at the girl in his arms and he sighed before reaching out for his cell phone.

"Jaken, send us a driver."

-P-

The scene was familiar while still being strange. Sesshomaru was carrying a half passed out Kagome in his arms as he headed down the hall of her apartment building. He still had the key to her apartment, unknown to her, which would make it easier for him to get in instead of searching her for the key.

She was mostly unconscious but some times she would somewhat wake up and blabber something he could not understand. He felt a bit relieved when they reached her door and quickly he unlocked it, without dropping her, before entering. The whole place was dark so he freed one of his hands again to turn on the light.

Sesshomaru rushed to her bedroom where he dropped her on her bed on top of her blankets. That, he had done many times. Except she hadn't fallen asleep because of too much alcohol but because she had cried herself to sleep. He had to admit, he almost preferred her passed out. At least, it didn't mean she was hurting.

He was about to leave her bed when he felt her grab his hand. A bit surprised he turned around and glanced down at her. Her eyes were still closed which led him to believe she was still sleeping. Though it caused a pinch in his heart he reached out for her wrist, ready to remove her hand.

However, she was conscious. "Don't."

"Don't?"

"Stay."

She somewhat turned around stuffing her face in the pillow as she refused to release the hold she had on him.

Sesshomaru had spent many nights in her apartment, even in her bed. Though he almost wondered if it was now appropriate. Did she even know who he was? Maybe she was mistaking him for Inuyasha, maybe it was who she wanted to stay by her side. And he couldn't do that.

"Who am I Kagome?"

Silence fell in the room and Sesshomaru knew he had the answer he needed; she didn't know who he was. She didn't want him to stay because he was him. She wanted him to stay because he was there.

He shook his head softly before once again attempting to remove her hand. This time she was limp which made it really easy for him to do so. He was about to take his first step out of the room, ready to go to his own house, when she spoke.

"S'Maru."

It was a drunken version of it, but it was his name.

Sesshomaru was unable to prevent himself from turning around and he saw her laying there as she whispered his name, well half of it, again.

Now, he couldn't leave.

Though, he was also aware that he could not share her bed like he had done in the past, especially since she didn't know what she was saying at the moment. But, he would respect her wish and he would stay. He approached the bed once again before plopping down on the cold wood floor. He pressed his head against the edge of the bed, his ponytail sprawled on her sheet.

As Sesshomaru gently closed his eyes he felt her hand making its way to him. He thought she would try to look for his hand but she didn't. Instead, she stopped all movements once she found his hair.

"Soft."

He couldn't help but smirk. When she was upset, he would allow her the small privilege of running her fingers through his hair. It always seemed to make her feel better.

Sesshomaru believed that her touching his hair was as far as it would go but he was wrong. Instead, she began moving and shifting around until she actually had her face using his hair as a soft pillow. It was quite flat but she didn't seem to mind. He listened as she sighed in contentment before his smile grew.

Enjoying the moment was almost making his heart break as he realized just how much he missed her. He had to keep his eyes shut because he knew he couldn't bear to look at her. He needed her in his life more than he ever knew.

Then softly out of the quietness, her voice came. "G'night, Maru."

Through the hollow feeling in his chest he managed to tilt his head to the side, their foreheads almost touching.

"Good night, koi."

-P-