Take Another Breath

Though the Hall of the West looked perfectly normal when Sesshoumaru arrived, with everything running smoothly as the guards went about their rounds and the servants their various jobs, there was an underlying sense of tension and.. sadness? Yes, that was it. The scent of it veritably swamped the Lord of the Western Lands as he stepped into the entry hall of the keep. Before he could even take another step, Jaken came running, then tumbling, down the staircase. The imp was devoid of both hat and staff, which was truly a sign of his distress. Once he righted himself, Jaken again ran forward, this time stopping only when he had prostrated himself at Sesshoumaru's feet.

"L-Lord Sesshoumaru!"

"..Where is she, Jaken?"

When Sesshoumaru left for important business, such as attending councils like the one he had left only a few hours ago, Jaken remained behind to tend to small things in his Lord's stead.. such as the missives of his subjects, supply and weaponry reports, et cetera. But what had happened with the Lady Hikari was far beyond his capacity to handle. The imp was a mess. And though there was no emotion in Sesshoumaru's voice, the extra degree of coldness heard there, and seen when he fearfully glanced up at his Lord's face, told Jaken that now was not the time to become his usual babbling, idiotic self.

"The Lady Hikari is in your chambers, Lord Sesshoumaru."

"Come." Sesshoumaru walked briskly past Jaken, who immediately jumped to his feet and scrambled after the taiyoukai. "What happened?"

"We are unsure, my Lord. The healer says that aside from not eating properly and lack of sleep, the Lady Hikari is simply exhausted on many levels. But he claims that is not sufficient reason for the Lady Hikari to be in the state she is."

Coming to a stop outside the doors to his rooms, Sesshoumaru glanced at the two guards standing watch there, and knew there were two others on the balcony. At least Jaken had the sense to have her guarded until Sesshoumaru returned. Dismissing the guards with a wave of his clawed hand and instructing one to inform the others they were relieved of duty, he turned to Jaken and stared impassively at the imp. Though he knew what he would hear, for he could feel it as easily as he breathed, he wanted Jaken to tell him anyway.

"..And what exactly is the state of the Lady Hikari, Jaken?"

Jaken swallowed nervously. This vague hint of emotion in his Lord was far more disturbing than the utter lack of it before. But he would do as his Lord wished. "She was found in the gardens, after a brief search was commenced due to her absence for the midday meal.. she seemed as though one dead, and this has not changed since she was found. She responds not to light, nor sound, nor anything."

Sesshoumaru nodded, and turned away from Jaken. Stupid though he was, he knew this was a dismissal from Sesshoumaru. With a quick bow, Jaken was gone. Silent, and once again fighting against the fear that had grown stronger at Jaken's words, Sesshoumaru stood staring at the door, on the other side of which his mate lay as though dead. Steeling himself for what he thought he may see, Sesshoumaru opened the door and stepped inside.

What met his eyes made his heart leap into his throat. In the center of the room, surrounded by a ring of candles, lay a simple pallet. And there was Hikari, still as death, barely breathing, with her too-thin hands folded on her too-thin body. Frowning, Sesshoumaru turned away and stepped out into the hall again. A servant at the top of the stairs stopped at the sight of him, and hurried over nervously as Sesshoumaru beckoned.

A few terse words had the servant gathering others; soon the candles were blown out and removed, as was the pallet on which Hikari had been laying. The servants closed the door as they scurried away, leaving Sesshoumaru standing there in the familiar room, cradling his unconscious mate in his arms. Golden eyes stared at her, filled with regret now that no one was around to see his weakness.

Gently, he laid her down on the fabrics of their nest, and carefully undressed her. The kimono, obi, and slippers were hastily tossed aside, before he tenderly released her long hair from its braid, running his claws through the soft locks. His swords, armor, hakama, and haori soon joined the small pile of clothing.

Burying his face in Hikari's hair as he gathered her frail form into his arms, Sesshoumaru settled in their nest, inhaling deeply of her scent. Sakura blossoms. That fragrance had haunted him ever since he'd left her side; it seemed always on the wind during his waking hours, and filled his dreams when he slept. Clenching his eyes tightly shut, he growled quietly, his lips murmuring against Hikari's ear.

"Hikari.. my mate.. why have you done this to yourself? Was it out of spite, to punish me for leaving you? Was that why you blocked me out, and weakened our bond?" His lips traveled across her cheek, leaving a trail of feather light kisses, until they reached her own. The softest of kisses was placed there, a low whine of anguish escaping his throat as he turned to hide his face against the side of her neck. "Had I a choice, I would have stayed by your side. I would have shown you what it means to be my mate.. that the moment you entered my life, my first priority was you."

Sesshoumaru's head shot up as he felt Hikari's breath hitch, and her body shifting in his grasp. Hope filled his eyes, fading away as quickly as it came when she made no change otherwise. Pulling her tightly against him, he closed his eyes and tilted his head back, letting loose a mournful howl that shook the walls of the keep.

The West knew well the torment of its Lord in that long moment when his howl shivered in the air.

----------

Weeks passed, and Sesshoumaru never left Hikari's side. Each morning he would rise and carry her into the bath, where he would bathe her with the utmost care. After dressing both himself and her, he took her out into the gardens, and sat beneath their sakura tree, holding her on his lap as he spoke to her. He told her of his life; his childhood, his parents, how Inuyasha came into his life. When he ran out of things in his own life to tell her, he moved on to the myths and tales he'd heard. And soon, those too were depleted . He finally resorted to begging her to come out of this death sleep and return to him. He told her Shippou and Rin needed her, that he needed her. But each day, whatever he told her seemed to have no effect.

When the sun began to set, he carried her back inside, undressed them both, and held her close as he could as they laid in their nest. He slept lightly, alert instantly if she made even the slightest movement. Sometimes, it seemed she was on the verge of opening her eyes, or speaking. But she always just sighed and rolled her head away. By the time two and a half months had passed, Sesshoumaru was at his wit's end. What would he have to do to get her to come back to him?

One night, as Sesshoumaru lay in restless sleep, the answer suddenly came to him, and he snapped wide awake. His lips sought Hikari's neck, and the two small scars marring her flesh, which had faded considerably. His mating mark. As his soul reached out to Hikari's through their mating bond, weakened almost to nonexistence though it was, he sank his fangs as gently as possible into those faint marks. Her blood, sweet as ever, filled his mouth; he gulped down a mouthful and withdrew the sharp teeth, licking the wound till it closed again.

In hopeful silence, Sesshoumaru waited. For long moments, there was nothing, and he despaired once more. Just as he was about to relinquish the grip he still held on Hikari's end of their bond, he felt something.

A ripple of energy. Of pure light.

It flooded into him, leaving him breathless. Had it been visible, he would have been blinded. As it was, the familiar feel of everything Hikari swamped Sesshoumaru's senses; the sound of her lovely voice, the touch of her lips beneath his, the taste of her blood, her sweet scent, the way her eyes appeared as they gazed into his that night when he took her as his mate beneath the crescent moon...

When the utter flood of sensations receded, Sesshoumaru looked eagerly at Hikari's cadaverously pale face. His heart leapt into his throat as her eyelids fluttered, and slowly slid open. The darkness of the sea met the brightness of the sun as they stared at each other, he with a smile threatening the trembling corners of his lips, she with an exhaustedly bewildered lack of expression.

Tense moments passed, and Hikari finally blinked, her lips pulling into a confused frown. Her voice, scratchy from long weeks of disuse, still sounded beautiful to Sesshoumaru, for in that moment he knew she had come back to him. But her words told him there was still much to be done.

"..Lord Sesshoumaru? Have I displeased you?"

A slow smile spread across his lips as Sesshoumaru shook his head, gathering Hikari close against him. His face came to nuzzle into the silkiness of her hair, and he once again inhaled the fragrance that was purely Hikari. His beautiful light.

"Iie, Hikari. This Sesshoumaru has never been more pleased than to see your eyes open once again."

----------

Though her self-induced sickness seemed to have robbed Hikari of the vitality that had once been the very definition of her person, her body recovered quickly. Sesshoumaru watched with relief as her skin, though still pale, lost its wax-like pallor, and her thin frame rapidly filled out to a healthy weight again. But his relief was short-lived, for even as her physical self was restored, the sheer passion for life and everything in it that she had once had was absent. In its wake, it left a quiet shell of a woman, who spoke only when spoken to, in a whisper of a voice and as few words as possible. Even the impending nuptials of Sango and Miroku couldn't withdraw her from this state as the day drew closer.

Shippou, who had grown considerably during Hikari's sickness, was often seen sitting with his silent mother in the gardens. He would be talking to her, or weaving a crown of flowers which he would then place on her head, or sitting in her lap, equally as silent. None ever saw when he would turn and bury his face in Hikari's kimono, to weep piteously and beg her to love him again. These pleas fell on deaf ears.

Soon the time came for Sango and Miroku's wedding. Rin, with her glorious new kimono of pale purple, while still enthusiastic about seeing her friends again, was just as effected by Hikari's almost comatose state as Shippou was. Sesshoumaru showed no outward signs, but inside, he too was suffering. He had to make things right by Hikari, and soon.

Maybe seeing her friends would help. This prospect brightened their collective spirits, and Sesshoumaru eagerly gathered the party of Hikari, Rin, Shippou, and the guard Jiro, and left for Kaede's village early in the morning two days before the ceremony. During the journey, Sesshoumaru noticed something promising. The scenery appeared to be extracting Hikari from her inner musings, if that was what they were. He thrilled at the sight of the weak smile that flittered across her lips, brief as the touch of a butterfly against one's hand, as they passed a particularly splendid waterfall, the mist of which formed a rainbow in the sunlight. But still, she said nothing.

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The sun was low on the western horizon when they arrived at Kaede's village. Rin and Shippou, tired from the long journey, had fallen asleep minutes before the village came into view. Sesshoumaru glanced over as Ah-Un came to a stop at the edge of the village, and saw that Hikari was looking better than she had since the morning after they mated. There was a spark of life in her eyes that he hadn't seen in months, and a bright expression of anticipation on her face; her cheeks were flushed, a smile threatening as the corners of her lips trembled. Sesshoumaru wasn't sure whether to be relieved she was returning to her former self, or hurt that it wasn't because of him, but rather at the prospect of seeing her friends again.

Hikari jumped, startled, as two strong hands grasped her by the waist. Glancing down, she saw Sesshoumaru looking up at her, asking her silently to let him help her. With a smile that made his heart leap, she turned to face him and placed her hands on his shoulders, telling him with these actions that, at least for the time being, all was forgiven. Offering a fleeting smile of his own, he lifted her down from the back of the two-headed dragon, then turned to grab Shippou, who was placed in Hikari's arms. Much to the surprise of everyone, when he lifted the slumbering Rin, rather than handing her to Jiro, Sesshoumaru held the young girl himself. With a small gesture, he led his mate into the village as Jiro led Ah-Un off into the forest.

They had barely gone ten feet before there was a squeal of delight that immediately woke the children.

"Hikari!"

A blur of white, black, and green sped out of a small hut, and was only seen to be Kagome when she finally skidded to a stop in front of Hikari. Rin and Shippou squirmed out of the arms of their respective adopted parents, attaching themselves to Kagome's legs as the miko and Hikari embraced. Kagome's exclamation had alerted Miroku and Sango as to the arrival of their friend, so the former demon hunter and her soon-to-be-husband came running out of Kaede's hut and joined in the hug. There was much questioning over how everyone had been, and relief that Hikari looked much better than she had when they saw her last.

All conversation stopped as Hikari suddenly became very still, and very silent, looking past all her friends with a blank expression. They knew what she had seen, and slowly turned to follow her gaze. Inuyasha stood in the shadows of Kaede's hut, stepping forward reluctantly when he realized he'd been seen. Sesshoumaru growled angrily, stepping up behind his mate and placing his hands protectively on her shoulders. Instinctively, Hikari shrank back against him, her eyes watching Inuyasha warily.

What happened next surprised the two taiyoukai, though Hikari less than Sesshoumaru; Kagome broke from the group with a delighted laugh, running forward to throw herself into Inuyasha's arms. He caught her, smiling brightly, and kissed her full on the lips, then buried his face in her dark hair. Hikari fully understood then the two small marks she'd noticed on Kagome's collarbone, and why the small miko seemed a bit more thick around the middle than she had been. Some time in the nine months since they'd left her, Inuyasha had taken Kagome as his mate.. and it seemed that they were now expecting.

Hikari knew now that everything was as it should be, and her worry that Inuyasha would do something stupid faded away. Looking up at Sesshoumaru, she placed a hand on his as though to reassure him everything was okay, then moved forward through the silent group. Inuyasha and Kagome broke apart as the kitsune approached; Kagome had lost all jealousy towards the other woman when she mated Sesshoumaru, and now that she was mated with Inuyasha and bearing his child, she trusted him implicitly, which is why she moved away to give the two a little privacy.

Inuyasha wasn't sure what to think when he saw Hikari coming towards him. All that he had felt for her was gone, had died the moment she sent him away. He'd thought he was in love with her, but knew now it was only infatuation; the one he truly loved was Kagome. Knowing this gave him strength as he looked at Hikari, smiling slightly. Though when she stopped in front of him and bowed her head, he looked extremely confused.

"Inuyasha.. I hope you can forgive me for sending you away that day. What I did was for the best of everyone; if you'll allow me to, I'll explain why I did it."

A strangled sound caught in Inuyasha's throat; Hikari was surprised when Inuyasha's hands grasped her upper arms and pulled her to him, then his arms wrapped her in a hug. Her surprise faded, and she returned his hug eagerly as she laid her head on his shoulder and began crying. His actions said more thoroughly than any words could that there was nothing to forgive.

Silent moments passed until they drew apart, smiling at each other; Hikari through her tears, Inuyasha with apology in his eyes. She sniffled, wiping her face on the sleeve of her kimono and uttering a watery laugh. "I was afraid you were mad at me."

"No. If anything, I was mad at myself." Hikari looked up at him, obviously confused. He shrugged, scratching the back of his head. "They told me about what you saw."

"So.. you understand that what I did was to protect everyone." Inuyasha nodded, and looked over at Kagome, who smiled at him; he grinned, ears flattening against his head.

"Yeah. Besides.. everything has turned out great. No thanks to me." He reached out for Kagome, who took his hand and nestled up beside him with a smile. Then both of them glanced past her, at Sesshoumaru, who appeared to be his usual stoic self. Though there was a sense of relief about him as he saw how Inuyasha seemed to feel nothing more than friendship for his mate. In fact, after hugging Inuyasha and Kagome again, she rushed back to Sesshoumaru and smiled up at him. Though there was no expression on his face as he looked down at her, she could tell as she tentatively explored their bond that he was relieved and pleased that she had come back to him.

It was the first time she had even acknowledged their link since that fateful day, when he had ruined everything by acting before he stopped to think. Now, the sensation of Hikari so fearfully touching upon the slowly strengthening thread of feeling that connected them, made Sesshoumaru do something he would never have done before he met Hikari. He smiled at her, without caring that his half-brother and his ningen friends were watching - gaping, more like - and dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose.

That moment, Hikari realized.. maybe she had been wrong about Sesshoumaru.

----------

The next day was a flurry of activity. Everyone was hard pressed to keep Miroku and Sango apart. Eventually Inuyasha and Shippou dragged the monk off claiming they were going to keep him 'occupied'; everyone knew this probably meant tying him to a tree and stuffing something in his mouth to shut him up. Since the women were making it their mission to keep Sango distracted and calm, Sesshoumaru shared an amused glance with Hikari at the antics of the perverted monk, then wandered off into the forest.

Since there wasn't much to be done, seeing as the villagers wouldn't let any of them help with the preparations for Sango's wedding, Kagome, Rin, and Hikari found themselves walking with the nervous bride-to-be to a hot spring near the village. The hot water soothed all their nerves, and as Hikari ran a sweet-smelling concoction through her long hair, she noticed Sango gazing somewhat expectantly at her. Biting back the urge to laugh, the kitsune ducked her head beneath the water, rinsing out her hair, and making sure to take her time. The impatience she saw on Sango's face when she resurfaced was enough to make her bust out laughing, but she recovered herself a few moments later.

"Is something wrong, Sango?"

"Well..." The taijiya bit her lip, glancing over at Kagome, who shared a curious look with her friend. They nodded, and Sango turned her gaze back to Hikari. "Kagome and I were wondering.. what happened? After we left, that is. You weren't looking.. healthy, after you made Inuyasha leave. And Rin and Shippou said you were sick..."

Hikari frowned, shooting a look at her adopted human daughter. Rin at least had the sense to look embarrassed, hoping her blush would be mistaken for the heat of the water making her cheeks flushed, as she ran her fingers through her wet hair. But Hikari knew she had no reason to be angry with Rin, and with reluctance, she began to explain to Kagome and Sango what had happened. Though of course, the tenderness with which Sesshoumaru had cared for her went untold, for she was still unaware of what her mate had done for her.

By the time she was finished, Kagome and Sango had tears in their eyes. Rin, though, looked puzzled, and it was soon found out why. "But.. okaasan, you didn't tell Kagome-chan and Sango-chan about how Sesshoumaru-sama took care of you."

Hikari blinked in confusion, turning as the other two did to look at Rin. "..What are you talking about, Rin?"

"You mean.. you don't remember?" Rin frowned when Hikari shook her head. Sesshoumaru hadn't told her? He must have a reason... "It's not my place to tell, okaasan.. if Sesshoumaru-sama didn't tell you."

Before Hikari could chastise Rin for keeping secrets, the small child had climbed out of the spring and was drying off. Sango and Kagome followed her example, and after pondering what she had been told - or rather, not told - Hikari did the same. The walk back to the village was silent, with Hikari deep in thought.

What was Sesshoumaru keeping from her?