Inuyasha Tails

Kagome came back from her time with something new. She really thought that everyone would love the sandwiches she made since usually Inuyasha complained unless it was ramen or potato chips since he thought of everything to be too spicy.

“I’m back.”

Kagome chimed as Inuyasha sniffed her back pack. For a guy who claimed he didn’t want to be treated like a dog he sure fit the role of the perfect puppy dog not known to keep his nose out of trouble especially if it involved food.

Inuyasha couldn’t understand the new smell. It smelled sweet and good. Not like Kagome who smelled like ‘sit boy’ instead of sugar and spice with everything not nice since Kagome was not nice to sit people.

“What’s in the bag?”

Kagome shook her head no and smiled.

“I am not telling you until we set up the picnic.”

As they approached the campsite where Sango was busy slapping Miroku for the thousandth time Inuyasha lost all patience and sat moping in the tree waiting for everyone to get done with their stupid hello’s again so that he could see what Kagome was hiding in that back pack.

“Inuyasha are you going to sit up there all day? We are ready now.”

Inuyasha after what felt like an hour couldn’t believe that the idiots below were finally ready for him. Sure he liked them, even loved his mean bitch who sat him, but they were still sometimes so damn stupid when it came to Kagome’s returns like she left them for years or some shit. It was only a day she had been gone.

“Keh……..whatever……..”

Inuyasha stated as he sat down looking at the thing that was a sandwich wrapped in that plastic crap he could never open without destroying it as well as his food. Kagome took it from him and unwrapped it. It was the only nice thing she did for him all day. Making him wait, making him have to share whatever good smelling stuff in the back pack with others, making him wait some more while they babbled on…….being a half dog really sucked. How can humans stand waiting like that? Dogs were ten times smarter taking what they wanted and eating it before the human could take it away.

As everyone else ate they were smiling, but Inuyasha felt totally screwed over if it were not for the great taste of this stuff. It was sticking to the roof of his mouth and he kept trying to lick it off.

“What is this stuff Kagome………” (Slurp, slurp)

Inuyasha stated between licks.

“Oh, it is just peanut butter………”

Inuyasha grabbed the bottle of it from Kagome and smiled. He had a great idea. This stuff was going to make wolf flea bag and his girly brother look stupid.

“I’ll be back with this.”

Kagome went to sit Inuyasha, but he was gone.

“Well there goes a week of food. Now we are stuck with only grape jam. It is a good thing I brought another bottle and that I am out of school or none of this would have fit into my back pack.”

Kagome stated sighing as the group put things away knowing that Inuyasha would be back later once the peanut butter was gone.

Shippo was still licking the roof of his mouth while this was going on eating another sandwich thinking this was the best stuff on earth.

“I wonder what Inuyasha is going to do?”

Shippo thought to himself as he snuck away from the group to go chase after his ‘Father’ figure.

*******************************************************************************

Inuyasha ran to a normal meeting area of Sesshoumaru and Kouga’s where most of the men would meet up to get away from whatever was bugging the hell out of them. Usually it was the women.

“So anyway, the bitch just won’t get the idea that I don’t want to mate her anymore. I mean I liked the whole redhead above and below for a while, but a guy can’t just live on that alone. I plan on being a bachelor for a long time.”

Kouga stated to Hakkaku and Ginta who were following him as usual.

“But Kouga, you promised and the council is going to have a fit if you don’t remain mated to Ayame.”

Ginta pointed out.

“Yes and just because Lord Sesshoumaru does it doesn’t mean you can. You are our leader and supposed to lead us by example.”

Hakkaku stated firmly.

“Look you morons, you two are gayer then a parade and no one bitches about your problems so stay outta mine.”

Inuyasha opened the jar and dug a finger into the peanut butter unsure he wanted to share with the wimp even if it made him look stupid. The guy was an idiot for wanting to leave Ayame to be like Sesshoumaru. Who in their right mind wanted to be a beautiful asshole that looked girly and was vainer than his own reflection?

“Jaken stay with Rin unless you wish for this Sesshoumaru to kill you now.”

Inuyasha couldn’t believe his luck, both idiots were upon him and he was…….shit….this stuff was great. No he would stay hiding in the tree and see what the idiots did…lick…slurp….

“But….Lord Sesshoumaru…….”

“Now Jaken!”

“Yes Mi Lord.”

The toad almost tripped over Shippo who was disguised as a small tree in the forest.

The two demon Princes approached one another.

“Wolf, why are you here? I did not call on you.”

Sesshoumaru stated sounding rather offended that the wolf Prince was there at the meeting spot where he traveled miles to get to since it smelled exceptional today. He was in need of a long break from forcing his pet frog to babysit Rin and from being so magnificent, powerful, and feared since that took a lot of time out of one’s day.

“I am coming here for a break. Why would it matter to me if you called upon me or not? This is a public area even if it is on your lands. You proclaimed it so.”

Sesshoumaru sighed. He really didn’t want to deal with anyone today.

“Well take your leave since I wish for some time alone.”

Kouga looked at his companions.

“You two take off. I will deal with this snob on my own.”

Hakkaku and Ginta turned white.

“But Kouga……

“I said get your asses gone! I will catch up with ya later!”

Sesshoumaru frowned at Kouga.

“I didn’t want you here either wolf.”

Kouga leaned against the tree.

“No one said you did. Still I smell it too so why not just share what you got? I mean we have shared everything else when alone.”

Sesshoumaru sighed again.

“I am not hiding anything and I wish you to be gone. We are not playing that game today.”

More slurping could be heard.

“Do you hear that?”

Sesshoumaru frowned and growled.

“I said leave wolf and Inuyasha get your ass down from that tree before I clear this forest.”

Kouga growled.

“No way, I smelled him first.”

Sesshoumaru snarled.

“He is my brother wolf.”

Inuyasha pouted since he was almost out of peanut butter.

“I ain’t sharing. Go get your own.”

Suddenly Inuyasha was pulled to the ground and Sesshoumaru was on him sniffing everywhere for that scent. Shippo seeing the peanut butter jar grabbed it and ran for his life with the rest of it. He was going to finish it up.

“Hey, get off me asshole!”

“Open your mouth.”

“No.”

Kouga bust up laughing, Inuyasha keeping his mouth closed. Like that would happen.

“I said open your mouth.”

“No way!”

Inuyasha growled as he tried to wiggle free until Sesshoumaru did something uber gross and held his head still then plunged his tongue into Inuyasha’s mouth to find out why he smelled so good when he talked. Kouga stopped laughing.

“Oh, I didn’t need to see that.”

Inuyasha tried to fight only to have Sesshoumaru clean out what was left of that peanut butter on the top of his mouth with his tongue the big jerk.

“YOU KISSED ME!”

Inuyasha screamed in horror and tried to spit out the Sesshoumaru flavor.

“Hn….what was that this Sesshoumaru had tasted on you half breed?”

Sesshoumaru stated licking his lips. It was good, sweet, and nutty. The same things he hated about his brother.

“It is called peanut butter and that doesn’t explain why you kissed me you closet girly boy! You are so disgusting you know that!”

Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes at Inuyasha.

“I am a dog and so are you. It is how we taste things so get over it. I will get what I want and if you hide this from me I will still find a way to get it. Now where is this peanut butter?”

Let’s just say Shippo didn’t get far neither did Kagome’s back pack. The peanut butter was confiscated due to a life or death situation. Kagome and the small brat pack live if peanut butter is given over to tyrant Lord. Thus battle ensued, Sesshoumaru won, peanut butter became history in more ways than one.

So still wondering if it was creamy or crunchy peanut butter? Who cares? Well here is the panel of tasters and what they prefer.

Kouga likes crunchy because he went home after losing battle with boyfriend material Sesshoumaru and had to make his own peanut butter by stone grinder.

Sango and the other brat pack prefer creamy because they can get that kind from the store, but have tried Kouga’s. It was one tooth less of a gravel pit of peanuts.

Sesshoumaru steals peanut butter forcing his cook to make it just like the jar except they don’t know what ‘yellow 5 means’ so the first natural creamy peanut butter is created. It is oily, gives Rin pimples when she is a teenager, and thus is only good for dogs. You really don’t want to know all the ways Sesshoumaru uses his peanut butter either.

Inuyasha is still recovering from the trauma of being kissed by his brother. He and Shippo fight over the peanut butter, but in the end Sesshoumaru wins. Inuyasha is forced to deal with said trauma over and over again if he doesn’t comply with peanut butter thief tyrant commands since said tyrant will tell said friends about said kiss if he doesn’t do what said tyrant tells him to.

Moral to the story.

Do not become a slave to the peanut butter trade. Ha huh ha huh hahaha.

The End.

Or maybe not.

By,
Vyperbites/Vyper