My Hearts Desires

To my readers, I want to apologize that it has taken me so long to update this story. I have had some personal problems that have restrictd my writing process. But I really do promise to have these chapters come up as quickly as I can finsh them and type them up. It also took me so long to produce this chapter because its the longest chapter to date and had alot of info. SO I hope you all enjoy it. Please continue to review this story it means alot to know what you all are thinking about the story. Just another note I have already started the next chapter so it probably will be soon that it will be up.


It had been about a month since Rin’s accident and she was feeling like her old self. Granted, she was given a clean bill of health by the village doctor, less than 2 weeks earlier. But Rin convinced Sesshomaru to let her stay longer, so that she could individually thank all her well-wishers. Even though Sesshomaru desperately wanted to move on, he knew that she would not budge, so he figured that he would be better off letting her do as she pleased. He sent Jakken ahead to ready his household ready for Rin and his arrival. Something that Jakken was very pleased and grateful to do for his lord. But he was beginning to regret send him away, because during the days, Rin was out in village and he was left to his devises and had no one to converse with, that is if by some small chance he chose to talk to anyone. He was bored, he wasn’t fighting, nor was he intimating any of the villagers. Seeing as that most of them had come to the temple and saw him with Rin and assumed that he was approachable, like Rin, which irritated him to no end.

Sesshomaru’s ‘Infinite’ patience was wearing thin. He has always been accustomed to doing what he wanted whenever he pleased, and at this current speed he would never make it to his castle. Early in the morning he came to the decision that he no longer wish to be as understanding with Rin. They were leaving, early the next day, he needed to tell her of his decision, but she had awaken earlier than he had, saying something about “I spent much of the last month resting and no longer needed to sleep through the morning” So he accompanied her to one of her visits. This one was with an elderly couple that came to visit Rin several times and had mentioned to Sesshomaru that he was a very dutiful husband. He was unsure what that meant, but Rin assured him that it was a compliment, based on the fact that he was always by Rin’s side. The couple were glad to see him with her. The elderly woman said to Sesshomaru, “It would have been a real shame to have to say goodbye to Rin, without saying goodbye to you. We feel a very good connection between the both of you and wish you all the luck in the future.” As they left the house, the elderly gentleman, whom had remained silent for most of their visit took a moment to say his parting words, “I hope that the two of you are blessed with many children.”

Rin smiled at his comment, the idea of having children was something that she had always wanted, after losing her own family at such a young age, she couldn’t wait to have a family of her own. Sesshomaru, on the other, face turned paler than usual, he hadn’t really considered children. He figured that he would, maybe allow Rin to possibly bear him an heir, maybe. But the idea of a litter was not what he had in mind. But the look on Rin’s face, as they left the elderly couples house, told tales. He figured she wanted to have children and by the looks of it, she wanted a lot. He did consider the idea of actively pursing a large brood would be exciting. Then Sesshomaru’s thoughts went to whether he could stand having little children running around, he asked himself if he could handle it? Then he considered the notion that if they were as well behaved as Rin was growing up, that maybe, just maybe he could fulfill Rin’s desire. Sesshomaru was completely lost in thought, when Rin’s voice broke through changing his focus to the lovely woman standing in front of him.

“Sesshomaru, you wanted to talk to me about something?” looking as angelic as she always did.

Somewhat shaken from his previous thoughts, he composed himself and then responded, “Oh…ah yes. I wanted to inform you that we would be leaving.”

“But, my lord. Why?” Saying with sadness in her eyes. But even with her lip sticking out, pouting, Sesshomaru was stern. He had made up his mind and once his said the word there was nothing that she could do to pursued him.

“Rin, we are leaving in the morning, and I will not hear another word about it.” He said as he turned started walking toward the temple. Rin was about to speak out against his decision, but figured that she better just do as he said. She felt that for as much as she wanted to stay, the same amount of feeling was in her lord to leave. He stopped traveling to stay by her side and she knew that he had done more then enough the least she could do is to allow him to put some earth under his feet. She had noticed that he was getting restless, and if she didn’t get him back out on the road and taking on enemies he would take his aggressions out on any villagers that caught him in a mood.

It was only after they returned to the temple did Rin realized that Jakken was nowhere to he found. Sesshomaru had gone back to the room. She herself returned to her room and for a moment just stared at her lord as he gracefully placed her belongings in her satchel. But her curiosity got the better of her and she finally asked,

“Lord Sesshomaru, might I ask what has happened to Jakken?”

“Did you just realize that he was gone,” He chuckled light heartedly for a moment “I sent him ahead, we will meet up with him in a couple of days.”

“Oh?” She said surprised. Jakken hated to be away from Lord Sesshomaru. He always said that he owed Sesshomaru his life and swore that he would never leave his side. So it was strange that he would venture away without him.

If Rin were to have looked at Sesshomaru at that moment, she would have seen him sweat, figuratively speaking of course. He was trying hard to keep his secret from Rin. He wanted her to truly experience her new home. He wanted to see her amazement when she saw the lavish grounds and the grandeur of the castle. But most of all, what he wanted to do was gage how she will react to being the lady of the Western Lands. He never did explain that he was Lord over the west, and what that meant to her future as his mate. For as long as he has known Rin, he still finds himself surprised by some of her actions toward him. She at times would go through stages that she would snap at him or defy him. But then in the next moment, she would seek out his attention and comfort in his embrace. He was told by the few that he confide in that it was normal for young humans to progress in such a way, toward their caregivers. But it was always too much for him to take, he just waited for the moments that she wanted him to hold her. Even before she advanced on him, he had a special place for her affection. He may not have had a way to show his own feelings, but knew that the gesture was good enough.

After sometime of packing, Sesshomaru thought to himself, ‘Rin didn’t come with so much stuff, these people really appreciated her actions and accepted her. Maybe I will allow her to come back here time and again to visit.’ While Sesshomaru had his inner dialogue, Rin noticed that she hadn’t seen her sword. Her mind snapped to the last time that she saw it, the day she wield it against the demon. She wondered if she had lost it on the battlefield, but remember that she had at least the sheath of the sword attached to her waist as she was taken into the temple, but that too was missing, she became frightened. She didn’t know what or if she should tell Sesshomaru that she wasn’t able to find it. It was definitely scary, Sesshomaru had especially gave her that sword and she didn’t want to disappoint him or worst anger him for being careless with it. Things between them were going so blissfully and she hated the idea making him mad at her. Of course she then remember that he had cursed himself for giving her the sword, after she got hurt. Rin then decided that it would be a good idea to search the temple to see if it was misplaced, before she did anything hasty. If worst came to worst, she would try to stall him in the morning to go out and search the spot were the attack took place and see if it was laying somewhere, but that seem like such a long shot.

Sesshomaru noticed how Rin’s demeanor had changed and the worried look that took over her features. He smiled for just a second, and thought to himself ‘Rin must have realized that her sword was missing.’ It was the only item in her possession that if it were missing would cause her so much distress; she had always taken such good care of it, in the hopes to please him. Sesshomaru took the sword back when came to the temple after Rin’s battle. He wanted Rin to stew in the fright for a while. The small scent of fear that permeated from her was alluring to him. He wanted to bait her for what would expect to be one hell of a fight, as soon as she found it.




Rin checked every nook and cranny of the temple, but nothing doing. The sword was nowhere to be found. She feared at what would be Sesshomaru’s reaction, but tried to formulate a plan to stall in the morning, although, from past experiences she knew that all plans to stall will fail. Once her Sesshomaru wanted something, then he would take with ruthless aggression. Except, of course for her. He had made his own intentions crystal clear over the last month. He had shown so much patience, more than she ever thought that he was capable of. Now, that she was capable of more mobility she was wondering how much long she would have to wait for him, to take her in the ways that he whispered to her as he showered her with his own version of love, all those nights. Rin’s thoughts trailed off as she made her way back toward her room.
“Rin…” Sesshomaru called from inside the room, with his even, emotionless tone, that would have left any man frightfully still, but not to her. Rin adored the strong sound in his voice, it always seemed to excite her it would always send shivers up and down her body. Especially as she got older and began to look at him with love filled eyes. “Come.”
She obeyed and walked into the room. “Close the door.” She did and walked toward him. She was worried maybe he knew found out about her sword and was going to scold her for it. She decided to tell him before he had a chance to yell at her about it. ‘He won’t punish me to severely, right?’ she thought.

“Lord Sesshomaru, I wanted to apologize…” as she spoke she lowered her eyed in fear of what he would look like if he were to be angry. She knew from past experiences that when he would get really angry or even very protective his eyes would shine red and it frightened her. Jakken told her that, that was the beginning stages of Lord Sesshomaru transformation into his demon form. Rin had never seen him in his ‘true’ form and was terrified about ever seeing it. She lowered her gaze she looked at his hip where he had his swords attached to his hip. Whenever he was scolding her as a child she would look there and repeatedly count and stare at the swords so that she wouldn’t cry or say something to get her in more trouble. She knew those handles well, but as she stared down, she saw it and her words left her lips and all she felt was anger and then relief and then outrage. ‘How did he come to posses it? How dare he take my sword and not tell me.’

Sesshomaru saw her facial expressions change with every change in her emotions as she found him wearing her sword. He could almost hear her inner dialogue and awaited himself for the wrath of Rin. He had been waiting for this event all day and by how angry her face grew, he knew it was going to be great explosion. He could smell the anger growing within her and the scent made him smile with the anticipation of what was to come. His smile just fueled her anger, it had an air of smugness in it and that was enough to make her snap,

“WHAT THE HELL, ARE YOU SMILING AT? HOW DID YOU GET MY SWORD? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THAT YOU HAD IT? I’VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR IT!” Her anger was fuming, but then she realized that she was out of line and had just snapped at her lord, and was suddenly plagued for guilt. She turned away, with her own disgust. But as she turned away Sesshomaru seized her arm and forced her to turn and look at him. She became so upset that she began to cry a little.

“Rin, its okay. Yell at me, I want you to.” He sounded serious and it puzzled Rin to no end. But as she explored his face she realized that he stole her sword in hopes that she would attack him like she had. But she couldn’t get past the overwhelming sense of guilt that shrouded her. All she wanted to do was to beg for his forgiveness and leap into his arms. Sesshomaru has never known of love and intimacy. The only way he would allow himself to show his feelings of his unrelenting passion was through his aggression. Sesshomaru wanted Rin and he wanted to pursue her in the most pure, powerful and animalistic way. Rin could see the passion that filled his eyes, she could tell that he wanted a fight. But even when she tried to summon up the strength to get angry with him again, but she couldn’t, the utter sense of guilt was too much to be able to do as her lord wished and how she wished she could. Her inability to produce the necessary emotions made her feel regret and the overwhelming need to apologize to him,

“I sorry,” she said whispering trying to hide her sobs “sorry to disappoint you, my lord. I believe that I have too much respect for you to allow myself to disrespect you.”

“Rin you could never disappoint me.” He said pulling her face up to meet his. “ Now that you are feeling better, I only wish to engage you in some spirited fun.”

‘Fun?’ she thought ‘ he never used that word before.’ Since he was still holding Rin’s face he took the opportunity to kiss her. Which incidentally snapped her out of her thoughts. She wrapped her arms around him invited his kiss, she only wished that could have stayed angry with him to see what he had in mind for her. After he released her, Rin’s thoughts went back to her sword that sat gracefully on Sesshomaru’s hip and in that moment she was pulled back to when he gave her the sword.


It was two years earlier; Rin was out in a field picking wild flowers to adorn the heads of Ah-un, the two-headed beast. She loved to dress them up and Ah-un loved Rin’s attention, and generously allowed her to put on the flowers and ribbons. When she noticed that Sesshomaru was approaching her, she stood up and placed the flowers she had in her hands on the ground in a piece fabric that she used to carry her flowers.

“Rin this is for you. “ He said as he lightly tossed her a bundle. It was a little heavy and clanked as she caught it. When she unwrapped the bundle, she was a long pearl handle with a matching sheath that covered a shiny metal blade. She loved how beautiful set looked and felt in her hands. Her gratitude was absolutely tremendous; she looked at the sword and then at her lord.

“Its lovely, Lord Sesshomaru. Thank you so much. I will always cherish it, but umm….”
She said as her words trailed off.

“What is it?”

“Well, why did you get me a sword, my lord? I don’t understand.”

“I won’t always be around.”

Rin waited, thinking he was just pausing for effect, but he didn’t. He just turned and walked several yards away. Once he got the desired distance away he said something that startled Rin.

“Rin, come at me.” Rin timidly stood up and placed the sheath on the ground next to her flowers. She found that once she held the sword out in front of her, that it was lighter than she had expected, actually it was quite easy to hold up. She juggled the handle back and forth in her hands. Fright came over her at what he was asking her to do, she quickly thought about what would happened if she would, by some off chance she actually hit him or if he would strike her out of instinct. But before she had time to argue with him he called out his command again. “Rin, come at me.” This time she did as she was told. She began to charge at him, with the sword held hap hazardously in the air. It seemed as if it took days to reach him, she was beginning to get exhausted from the sprint. When she finally got close enough to him, she extended her arm and tried to swing. But her clumsy attack was foiled by Sesshomaru, who not only sidestepped out her rampaging path, but also took out his sword and tripped her up with it.

Rin stumbled to the floor. She became frustrated, but then she looked up at Sesshomaru who looked rather amused at her current state (at least as much as could be expected from Sesshomaru), which made her angry. She stood up, brushed herself off and decided to go at him again. This time she was closer to him, so maybe he wouldn’t have time to move or trip her and catch him by surprise. Sesshomaru, a master swordsman, anticipated Rin’s frustration, and waiting for her to tried to attack again. He eagerly awaited his ward’s next move. He figured that she would tire of him mucking up her plans to ‘sneak attack’ him. Then he will begin to teach her how to handle herself, if he wasn’t there to protect her. But first he decided to play with her a little.

Rin got up, turned around and in a moment was charging at Sesshomaru. Much to his delight, her eyes shined with anger and determination as she came at him again. Even though she came at him at a closer distance each time he still found away to evade her advances, and would end with the same result, with Rin falling to the floor. As Rin fell to the ground she growled in anger. Which caused Sesshomaru to let out a very out of character, booming laugh. It took Rin by surprise to hear him laugh, however hearing him laugh actually enraged her more. ‘How dare he find humor in this?’ she thought to herself. Out loud she felt pass out of her mouth, almost without her control. “ And what pry tell do you find so amusing?” She slapped her hand to her mouth in fear that more out of line comments would pour out of her mouth if left unchecked. She was just so frustrated with the fact that he had thwarted her attempts to grapple so many times; that she lost herself for a moment. Sesshomaru just looked at her and smirked a little and extended his hand to Rin whom was still sitting on the ground.

“Get up, I will teach you how to properly hold and wield that sword.” With his aid Rin got up and grumbled, but began to feel foolish that she had tried to out strength her lord who incidentally was considered one of the strongest demons to ever to walk the lands, or so Jakken would tell her when she would get worried for Sesshomaru’s safety when he was in battle.

Once on her feet she thanked her lord for his generosity and “ I would appreciate the help, and maybe one day will be able to challenge you and not end up on the ground.” In her mind that was her ultimate goal. Sesshomaru snickered at her remark

“Rin, promise me that will take absolute good care of this sword. It was forged especially for you.”

She was beside herself and couldn’t believe that he had a sword made for her. “Oh my yes, I will take the utmost care of it.”


They have been practicing as often as they could for the last two years, until she decided to pursue her lord in another way. She was beginning to feel a little out of practice, seeing as she hadn’t held her sword since the day she help to slay the demon a month earlier. But seeing it now resting on Sesshomaru’s hip has made her feel empty.

“Lord Sesshomaru?” She asked, pausing to engage him in her conversation.

“Yes.”

“Will I ever he able to get my sword back? Or did you decided to take it back due to my…(cough) um…carelessness?” Rin said looking downtrodden

“You will have to take it back from me.” He said with his even tone, but she noticed the playfulness in his eyes.

“How do you expect me to take you down, your stronger, faster and obviously more armed than I am?” Staring at her sword that was on her lord’s hip.

“Take me down and its yours.”

Up to this day Rin had not been able to even remotely close to attacking Sesshomaru in their swordplay, ‘so how does he expect me to take him down?’ she thought to herself. The look that Sesshomaru was giving her was thick with passion and anticipation. ‘Did he want me to him down in more playful way, possibly…’ she reached up to his face and began to aggressively kiss him. She pushed her tongue past his lips and encouraged his tongue in the intricate dance. He reciprocated, by enjoying the kiss and coaxed her to continue to take control of her actions. She was waiting for a sign from him that he was completely under her spell to make her move. She tried to move the progression quicker, by moving her hands through his silver hair. The act caused Sesshomaru to let out a small moan against her lips, which made her happy. For a moment she felt that taking him down saw going to be easy if he was so easily relaxed in their moment of passion. Even though he may have slipped with the moan, but kept his stiff composer. Rin realized that it wasn’t going to be as easy as she had hoped.

Rin decided that she needed to change her strategy. She was trying to entice him into taking control, for however much she wanted him she was a little inexperience in the art of passion and physical intimacy. But he wasn’t moving. He was hell bent on experiencing Rin in the forceful nature that he wanted, needed. Rin decided that she would mimic some of the intimate things that Sesshomaru had done to her, the one thing that he did was explore her bare flesh. She was looking for something that would make him weak in the knees for her and then she will be able to drop him. She began to open Sesshomaru’s Kimono baring his bare chest to her. She stop and stared in awe, she very infrequently saw her lord without clothes. The few times she had was to help nurse some wounds that he would sustain in battle that needed more attention, then to let his natural healing process to do. But even then she shyly looked away. But this time she felt Sesshomaru’s approval, inviting her stare. Rin took her hands and started to glide them over his muscular chest. She then lowered her lips to feast on his flesh. Sesshomaru delighted in feeling her warm lips touching him, he wanted to moan, but knew that if he did that she would stop and that was the last thing he wanted at this moment in time. But for how much he liked the feel of her lips on his chest, he wanted her to be more aggressive, he moved his hands over hers, which were still rubbing his chest and began to motion her to rub harder and to run her small nails over his flesh. She figured that she was doing a good job, if he was inviting her to be rougher. She then decided to nibble on the skin of his chest, she figured that the felling of scratching at him was what he liked then if she racked her teeth over his skin would be right up his alley. He was lighting up and she could tell that he was enjoying her pleasurable torture, but he still hadn’t bend to her will. Just as she began to feel like nothing she could do to make him succumb to her, she remember the unexpected laugh she had got from him all those times she growled in frustration, when they would play fight. So she did just that, but this growl wasn’t out of anger, it was more playful and a little lustful. It was a deep low animalistic growl that actually sounded more like a purr, which ended with her softly mumbling his name. That was the last straw for him, he had reached the threshold and was unable to control himself, he snaked his arm around her waist. That was it, Rin thought he was ready for her and would be easy to overcome. She summoned all of her strength and playfully pushed Sesshomaru down onto her sleeping mat. As he fell he kept a firm grip on Rin’s waist, pulling her down on the mat with him.

Rin fell on top of him, meeting his lips on the way down. She really did enjoy him in control of this particular event. She felt so inadequate when it came to expressing her physical need to be with Sesshomaru. After their kiss ended Rin sat up and made herself more comfortable, by positioning herself at his side. She continued to run her nails up and down his chest as she stared down lovingly at him. Her attention, awakened Sesshomaru’s inner beast and it growled from within his belly, which vibrated his body. Rin felt the vibration against her body and caused her to giggle. The sound of her light laughter, made his inner best happy, and Sesshomaru realized that if he didn’t put a cap on these festivities that all his well laid plans for the night that he would mate Rin will all be for naught. He took that moment to give himself the upper hand and shifted his position so that he was on top and could better handle his control on the situation. He moved some loose strands of hair that fell over Rin’s face as he moved her, and laid a kiss on her nose. Rin decided to take that sweet moment to reach down and grasp her sword, but just as her finger grazed the handle Sesshomaru’s hand grabbed at her hand and pulled it away.

“What are you doing?” He asked

“I was wondering why you asked me to take extra care of the sword, other than the fact that you gave it to me. I mean I would have taken good care of it if you wouldn’t have said anything, but it seems that you wanted to make it a point that I would care for the sword.” She said while trying to cover up her foiled attempt to seize her sword back from her lord.

“Is that not enough reason to care for it?”

“Well yes, but …it seemed that it was more than just a sword or something that all.”

“Alright, if you must know the sword is special because I had forged especially for you…with the use of one my fangs.”