A Blind Heart

Chapter 9 ~

The enemy of my enemy is a friend

Kags POV

We arrived at the village within a few minutes. Riding in the arms of Maru was so different than being carried by InuYasha. Kind of like comparing a Toyota Corolla to a Mercedes Benz, both would get you where you needed to go. The difference was in the ride and the style which you arrived. ‘Girl you know you have hit the wall when you start comparing men to cars’. InuYasha and Kikyo arrived soon after. I noticed as she slid off his back they both looked kind of nervous. I kind of felt sad for them both, neither one of them was sure what kind of welcome they would receive from the village. Kikyo was notorious and not exactly liked; she was mostly tolerated because of Kaede. The villagers had accepted InuYasha but he never quite felt 100% comfortable with humans. Sango and Miroku arrived with Kilala and Shippo. The blushes were over, but they still seemed different more connected in way. Great everyone find their true love and me? I would be left stranded by myself. Yeah, yeah I know not even 6 hours ago Maru had asked me to become his mate. I was still hedging my bets. Just call me cautious.

I just couldn’t think of anything else at this moment. I figured that just getting through the sleeping arrangement would be tough. Call me wary but I had a hunch that was going to be as fun as a root canal and no Novocain. When Kaede came out of the hut I wanted to weep with relief. Here was the voice of wisdom. “Kaede, we require two more huts to stay in for the duration. InuYasha and Kikyo will stay with you; I believe you have some catching up to do. Sango, Shippo and I will take one of the new huts, while Lord Sesshoumaru and Miroku will take the remaining hut”. Okay this arrangement seemed to be the most sensible and gasp nobody argued them. And just as I was getting ready to ask Kaede which hut we could use, somebody threw a wrench in my plan. “Miko that will not do, you the Kitsune and I will share a hut while the taichi and the hoishi take the other. This Sesshoumaru owes you a life debt and will not leave your side until it is settled”. Why oh why did he open his mouth. I truly hope that my face clearly showed the why don’t you go jump in the lake look.

And suddenly all conversation ceased, I could see Sango and Miroku were stunned speechless. Noticing they weren’t fighting tooth and nail to not sleep in the same hut. If I weren’t two steps away from comatose I would be so interested. Kikyo looked on perplexed while InuYasha trembled with the force of his anger. Four, three, two, one and contact! “Sesshoumaru, I thought I told you to stay the fuck away from Kagome! You bastard what are you up to”? Kami give me strength! Before I could intervene Maru answered him. “InuYasha, as an Inu-Youkai you are aware of how serious a life debt is. My honor demands that I fulfill this. Second you are mated so you have no say in her life. What is between me and this bitch will be none of your business”. Okay I really liked his speech and then the damned bastard had to ruin it by calling me a bitch. What is the hell was up with that? InuYasha paled and asked Maru if he really called me bitch. When Maru affirmed it, I noticed InuYasha looked mad. What was the stupid significance of bitch? Note to self when I got that damned dog alone he has some explaining to do!

“InuYasha we are all tired and not in the best of tempers. Can we just let the sleeping arrangements be and then we can talk about everything when we wake up? There’s a lot that we have to discuss, about you and Kikyo, my recent choices and our immediate plans for the future. Frankly I’m just not up to it right now”! I hated to cry, and I wish I could say these were tears of sadness but they were tears of frustration. I would just have loved to sit that idiot until he reached dead center of the earth. Yes I am a terrible person with lack of sleep and low blood sugar. There is a reason why I make sure I get eight hours of sleep and it isn’t just for beauty. Maru came up to me and grabbed my arm leading me away from the others. “Shippo, come to bed now. It is way past your bed time” I said with a smile. Shippo peaked at Sesshoumaru. Apparently he was satisfied with whatever he saw, because he jumped in my arms and wanted to go.

Shit! I needed to go take a bath before I lay down. Shippo come on we have to go bathe before we go to sleep. Yep I knew he would whine, but no way were we going to sleep while smelling. “Sango would you like to join us? I hoped to get to the bottom of her situation with Miroku. Maybe that would take my mind off of all my troubles. ‘Yeah, you’ll forget it for about a minute or two. Honestly Higurashi anything for you to avoid dealing with reality!’ Sango grabbed her stuff and followed me to the “Shippo make sure you wash your hair and behind your ears. I knew if left to his own my little kitsune would take a two minute bath and be so much more the happier for it. I remember Momma having to chase after Sota to take a bath when he was younger. What was it with boys and the phobia of bathing? We all bathed and then just sat back to take a soak. I noticed Shippo was nodding off and told him to go back to the hut, after all Sango and I would follow in a few minutes.

“So you and Miroku finally got together huh? It’s about time!” I watched poor Sango go from pink to red in ten seconds flat. Oh my god, they did it. They actually went ahead and did it. Yes I was exhausted, yes I was depressed and frustrated. Nothing on Kami’s green earth was going to stop me from getting that story. Sango finally got herself together, and I could see that she was trying to decide what bits and pieces she was going to spill. “Kagome, it was like looking into a mirror and seeing your hearts desire. I knew I always loved Miroku, but I couldn’t be with him. I didn’t feel that I deserved to find happiness being the only survivor of my village, and I had to rescue Kohaku from his tortured existence. Last night when I looked at Miroku, suddenly it felt stupid to waste what time we were given. What if we never defeat Naraku? Would I want my last moments on this earth spent in regret? Miroku said that I’m his everything, and that he loves me. He never asked me to marry him because he was not sure if he would survive. He didn’t want to leave me behind to mourn. He also said that if he had to love me from afar then he would be satisfied with that, because in the end my happiness was his happiness. Kagome I’m going to marry Miroku tomorrow, and will gladly cherish any children that we are blessed with. In the meantime I am going to pray to the Kami’s that we are able to defeat Naraku and release Kohaku from his life of hell”.

Wow! That’s the only thing I could think off. And on the back of that thought a new thought of how great it must be to actually be loved to that point. To be someone’s everything, their reason for living, for fighting and maybe even dying. “So Sango how was the first time? Was he gentle and patient? Did he please you? Details, detail please”! Poor Sango I had her cornered; besides it’s in the girls’ book under the best friend section that she had to share! Unfortunately I didn’t get to hear any of the juicy details; Kikyo chose this moment to come to the stream. You could see the uncertainness in every step she took. “Do you mind if I use the stream, I can move a few feet if it bothers you”. I looked at her and shrugged, after all it wasn’t my stream and it didn’t have Kagome Higurashi written anywhere on it. I looked a Sango and jerked my head to indicate that we could get out now. I was willing to share the stream with her, but I wasn’t about to share my inner most secrets with her. We got dressed in silence. Kikyo looked like she was having some internal conversation. As Sango and I started to leave she called out. “Kagome, I just wanted to say I’m sorry if InuYasha and I hurt you. I’m also very sorry for ever attempting to harm you in the past”. Sango’s fury at this point was palpable. I could actually feel it coming off her in waves. “Wait a minute let me get this straight, you apologize and all is supposed to be forgiven, we start all over like it never happened?” I placed my hand on her shoulder. Better to stop her now then let her gather more steam. At this rate I would never see my bed.

“Kikyo, what is it that you want” I waited for her to respond. “Kagome, I was jealous of you in the past. That’s the reason that I tried to kill you so often. You had what was denied to me. You have a life, a life with InuYasha at your side. I never had the chance to experience that first kiss, the courtship ritual and of course being his mate. It was stolen from me. In that first instant when I was resurrected I knew, that if I had never returned to life it would have been you. And in that instant a jealousy and hate of you was born. That’s why I made sure my soul stealers were visible to you every time I called InuYasha. I’m amazed that after mating with him I’m alive. A part of me hates the fact that Naraku and some dark priestess had something to do with it. But in my heart I am glad that I am finally with InuYasha and that we will get the chance to do all the things we wanted to do fifty years ago. My only regret is that you were hurt. You were the innocent bystander in this tragedy that Naraku began. I humbly ask your forgiveness, and hope that in the future we can at least not be enemies”.

I sighed; I was really not ready for this conversation. However ready or not here it was. “Kikyo, I understand. I really do. In here” I gestured to my head “I know that you and InuYasha were meant to be”. Placing my hand on my heart “but in here, I still hurt because unrequited love is painful. I wonder if InuYasha ever saw me Kagome and not Kikyo’s shadow. I have been compared to you since the moment I freed him from the tree of ages. InuYasha always found me wanting. I have sacrificed so much to be by his side, and am required to sacrifice more. But the question is did he ever see me? Thru me he got family and friends that he would have never met on his own. Or if he did he would have never given them the chance to get to know him. I never asked him to be human, demon or anything other than what he was, hanyou. I’ve risked life and limb for him and he’s never acknowledged that. I accept your apology but it is going to take time and distance for this to fade away. And I need to clear the air with InuYasha. Otherwise what is left of this friendship will surely wither and die. I have to go now, see you later”. And I ran from the stream towards the village, not even slowing down for Sango. My pride would not let Kikyo or InuYasha see me cry again.

As I neared the village I dashed away my tears. I didn’t want the guys to see my tears. Oh I knew that Maru and InuYasha would smell it, but my pride could as least pretend if they didn’t witness it. The villagers were already moving about getting started with their long day. Good grief I was way past wanting sleep, now I desperately needed sleep. So I ran past the guys to the hut, into the room and barricaded myself in. Yes I heard Sango call for me and yes I ignored my very best friend in the world. Call me a bad person, call me selfish but I couldn’t take one more moment. Not the pity in their eyes, not them looking at me as if I were delicate and break at any moment. I especially could not bear that the stupid Hanyou was clueless to all the heartache that I was suffering. Everyone has a limit and I was three miles past mine. Sango left and I heard Shippo and Maru enter the hut. I peeked out of the door to make sure that I was alone. However cowardly it may seem, I just wanted the comfort of Shippo and strangely enough Maru. If I wanted to ignore the pink elephant in the room, then my Lord would let me do just that. I don’t know how long he would let me ignore it, but if it brought me a solid twenty four hours then I was golden.

“Will you sleep Maru”? He nodded to the question. “Where will you sleep”? Okay even I know the duh look when I am on the receiving end of it. So I was to surmise that he would sleep in the hut with me. Okay twenty four thousand dollar question, where in the hut did this Taiyoukai think he was going to sleep?

Oh never the mind, I was gong to sleep! I lay down on the mat, and gathered Shippo in my arms. Maru leaned against the wall near to me. Sleep Koishi I will watch over you. “Thank you Maru I’m glad you’re here”. I murmured sleepily. And the last sight I saw before my eyes closed was Maru sitting next to me and stroking my hair as I drowsed off. And I my last thought before I lost all train of thinking was that he would protect me against hell itself if I let him. Well what can one say about sleep. It was restful and peaceful. There was no worries or sorry in sleep. Oddly enough I was not disturbed with dreams or nightmares. I was safe and warm with a soft fluffy pillow. Shippo was still in my arms. Kami I was so comfortable that I did not want to get off my sleep mat. Mother Nature and my stomach had other plans. At first I was just aware of my bladder calling. Then my stomach decided to grumble, talk about mortification. I’m sure Maru and InuYasha must have heard that. So while I woke up refreshed and semi ready to deal with the world, I also was aware of very human business to take care of.

I carefully moved Shippo, and tried to wiggle out of Maru’s grasp. For those of you who have never tried to get away from a Taiyoukai even one who is asleep, well you have better luck getting “Pretty Sailor Soldiers by Naoko Takeuchi” back on the air. All right sue me! I Kagome Higurashi will admit to being addicted to the cartoon. It’s not often you know that they show woman as the hero. So there I was stuck with my butt halfway down the mat when his arm tightened on me. Where was the open ground when you needed it? “Maru” I whispered “I need to take care of some personal business if you get my drift”. “Hmm” the slightly sleepy and very sexy voice mused, should I let you out or make you suffer?” Note to self, warning, warning sexy Taiyoukai alert. I actually blinked at him and to my utter mortification what came out of my mouth was anything but witty, sexy or coy! “What were we talking about”? Oh shit Higurashi, you did not just say that. ‘Uh yes you did said the nasty little voice in the back to my head. By the way, very good way to sound smart’! Meanwhile the bladder situation was not getting better. “Maru”! Maybe the high pitched voice let him know I meant business. When he released me I ran to the woods to take care of business. R-E-L-I-E-F! I went to the stream to wash up. Finally with my hair twisted up in a pair of chopsticks and my teeth clean I was ready to face the music. When I turned around I had to ask myself when I would learn to stop tempting the fates. InuYasha leaned against a tree waiting for me.

“InuYasha, good morning” I looked around. A swarm of demons so I could avoid this conversation would be welcome at ANYTIME! “Kagome, we need to talk”. Was that the understatement of the century, no maybe the millennium? “Fine InuYasha, but let me talk first and don’t interrupt me” he nodded yes. “I was torn from my time and brought here. I freed you and shattered the Shikon Jewel in the same day. I accepted you for what you were, never asking you to change or be anything other than InuYasha. Somewhere along the line we gained family and friends with when we met Kaede, Sango, Miroku and Shippo. Even Koga is a friend. We had some awesome adventures, but I have seen death and suffering. Despite your gruff manner I fell in love with you. But you never saw me. You always saw the shadow of Kikyo. You measured me against her and I always came up wanting. Part of me would die every time you put me down. Yet I always came back. You would sneak off to see her. I would pretend I was all right but my heart hurt. Those were the nights when I would cry myself to sleep. You gave me false hope when you acted jealous. You made me feel precious and needed. I was being pulled in two separate directions with you Inu, not knowing left from right. You never acknowledge my sacrifice, or saw the hardship of trying to live two different lives in two different times. I never had my first real kiss, or a love of my own. I have lived in the shadow of a woman that I could never beat. Did you when you chose her even think of me? Was I a thought or a weighing factor”? My voice cracked, looking into his face and seeing his eyes avoid mine I had my answer. “I know in my heart that you were meant to be with her, and that she is your soul mate. I have to give up on you; this doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends or that I’m breaking my promise to stay. I need time, time to get over you and deal with all this. I need time for my heart to heal.”

“Kagome, I never meant to hurt you. But in my heart I knew Kikyo was my other half. She was meant for me. Kikyo is the one, who is to say if Kami-sama or Fate gives you more than one. As long as some part of Kikyo remained alive, my youkai would accept no other as my mate. Maybe if she had not been brought to life I would be with you. However, we would both wonder if I was with you because of you or your resemblance to Kikyo. I never recognized your feelings for me because I knew we were not destined to be. There is someone else who will love you the way you need to be cherished. And no, it’s not that mangy wolf Koga! If I compared you to Kikyo all the time it was because I needed to be reminded that no matter what I felt you and I had to remain friends. Your acceptance of me and the gift of bringing me friends were nothing short of phenomenal. The Shikon Jewel is both a curse and a blessing. It was a curse because of the first chance that was taken from me and Kikyo fifty years ago. it is a blessing because it brought you to my life. I like to think that you’ve helped me be a better person. Maybe not so much a kindler, gentler or more patient person but improved all the same. You were my reason for fighting and winning. You gave me strength and assisted me in winning situations that full Youkai’s may have not won. If I never saw you again my life would have been richer for knowing you. Arigato Kagome”.

Tears fell from my eyes. But these were not tears of sadness. I was happy that if this was our last conversation that at least it would be a good one. We had cleared the air. I don’t know if our friendship would be the same, but I felt for the first time that maybe we could salvage it. I grabbed his hand. “Come on InuYasha, we have to get back to the others. There is a lot for us to discuss”. We headed back to the village. You would think that everyone expected bloodshed or mayhem by their expressions. I giggled. I could not help it. Yes, it was a tragic love triangle. But in the end I had always wanted InuYasha’s happiness. Kikyo was InuYasha’s happiness plain and simple. Seeing the gang stunned by my giggle was priceless. Sorry all this is when I fell down laughing my ass off. I could not help it; even Maru opened his eyes slightly. For those of you familiar with the Taiyoukai you know that’s a definitive show of emotion. Tears streaming and breathe wheezing I tried to talk, easier said than done. “Sorry guys, let’s go eat breakfast and then talk.”

I won’t go over breakfast; nothing special was said or done. I think that we were all in a hurry to discuss what happened. When we finished breaking our fast I sat back trying to think of the best way to tell the story. “Maru” he looked at me and nodded. I sat near him for the support. “Well you know that we were under the Spell of Longing that Keiko and Naraku. This spell caused us to want our inner most desires and needs. And because it was so insidious and caused us to think that we were in control of ourselves we responded. InuYasha mated with Kikyo which had some unexpected results, such as bringing her to life and making her a Hanyou. Sango and Miroku confessed their love for each other. The only ones that escaped were Shippo and Kilala. Sesshoumaru-Sama and I chased the spell back to its creator. When we got there it was a battle of epic proportion. I struggled, as you all know while my Miko powers are strong I am not trained enough to simply call them when needed. As I tried to win my power clash I heard a voice offer me power. Power has a price though and my sacrifice was losing the ability to go back and forth to the future” I held my hands up to forestall any comments. “I know you want to know why I made such a deal. I saw the future and if I did not make that choice all would have been lost. The future was a desolate barren wasteland. It was the future if Naraku wins. I have to believe that I was brought to this time for more than just the Shikon. This is my fate as the Kami’s have decreed. I will go to the future one last time to tell my family goodbye and then return to this time for good. InuYasha, I would like you and Sesshoumaru-Sama to accompany me. When we get back we all need to go train with Sesshoumaru-sama and that included Koga. I know that we all have problems getting along. Naraku has been able to win so far because we have not united together. The enemy of my enemy is a friend is an old saying. If we can not connect for friendship then we must do so for a common enemy”. By the time I finished I was holding Maru’s hand. I did not tell them about the courtship or anything else. I was too raw to delve into my heart in front of the gang. A blind heart, which did not want to see, hear or feel at this moment. I felt unburdened and weighed down at the same time. Interesting feeling wasn’t it? As if I spoke up the devil himself who did I feel coming towards us? Kami, why now?????????????

Gomen Ne for the wait all! I’m working way too hard. Extra long chapter as a make up!

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Inu~Lover