Just Grind

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, but if I did, do you know what I woud do with his ears? *Smiles* You will never know...

Author's Note: Sorry for the wait everyone, I knew what I wanted this chapter to be like but I just couldn;t find the words to put it down on paper, isn't that a first? Anyway let's move on shall we. I want to thank;
Saphira,
Ren, - - - wow, I'm so utterly shocked and astounded that you would share your life story with me, I liked the poem, sad and angsty. But it's alright, I don't mind, people just sometimes need to talk and let things out... - - -
vtchachi, - - - glad I could make you feel better, thank-you so much with all your help. You have been my lifesaver and I mean that from the bottom of my heart - - -
techempath1,
BrownRecluse, - - - thank-you that means a lot to me and yes you are right Kagura - does - spread herself around, but there are things you'll see in this chapter, more insight, shall we say? - - -
Shrew,
Moon Dog, - - - oh okay, I thought you had gotten the name Moon Dog from a movie called Gidget, not sure if you heard of it or not, but the main star's name was moon doggie, but I thought you just took out the 'ie' and if you really wanna know, then you'll just have to keep reading - - -
animegirl007,
Anon,
KogasAngel, - - - do you really want me to answer that? I guess you'll find out more in this chapter - - -
CHIBIchibi,
Ever Rin,
TricksterGoddess,
jem,
FoxFireDemoness,
Paige C., - - - Wow you're back, I just realized something about Kikyou which shocked me, but it really shouldn't. I also realized why she has so many fans because I am in a way one of her fans. Although Kikyou msy have fans she may not have as much as Kagome, but she still attracts fans. Everything that happens to Inuyasha seems connected to the enigmatic priestess Kikyou, a lonely woman who's never belonged anywhere, something you notice in the early and later episodes of Inuyasha (i.e. Kikyou being resurrected) In the later episodes of Inuyasha, even though Kagome is around Inuyasha, you can tell Inuyasha still has old feelings for Kikyou, something that puts a strain on the forming relationship between Inuyasha and Kagome. The reason why I believe Kikyou has so many fans is because she was so pure and powerful. Although Inuyasha tried to steal the Shikon jewel from Kikyou, he did not and both he - and - Kikyou saw something in each other, they became friends, instead of enemies. Although the reason I believe they became friends is because they are almost one in the same, ne? Inuyasha being a hanyou (i.e. half-demon) meaning he was part-human, part-demon and Kikyou, the priestess who guarded the Shikon jewel sort of gave a piece her humanity up to become a priestess. The similarity between the two was so powerful and strong that their friendship grew into something more. Dare I say love? - - -
ivy,
Kogas Hentai Luver,
ChibiSamuraiX,
techempath1, - - - so many questions, so many answers, I just can't reveal them all right now, you'll see... soon - - -
Jess,
Precious, - - - actually I do plan to use them, but not right now, well I actually I did, but they're coming out right now, and there are many unanswered questions, but hopefully some of them can be answered in this chapter - - -
sphinx,
Inus_kagome_Forever,
Larissa,
Tokoharu, - - - Oh yes, so much drama and suspense and I think it makes up for this chapter, ne? Well that's my opinion anyway - - -
Larka, - - - thank-you - - -
Sailortee, - - - thank-you so much, I'm glad that you decided to read this fic and I thank your friend, it really means a lot to me - - -
Lenne,
Larissa,
Caramel,
LadyDogDemon,
Cassie,
sessami,
and Larka.
Note to all the Ayme/Kouga fans; I just recently started a new story that is purely Ayame/Kouga and the title is called Fatal Attraction. Check it out
Quick Note: Remember, feedback is always appreciated.
Now onto chapter nine, the lord only know how long I've kept you waiting, ne?

Chapter 9: Damage

Her fingers absently ran through her black tresses as she stared at herself in the mirror. She hadn't gone to school today; there were just too many things, too many unanswered things, too many blank spaces.

- He - needed to know.

He needed to know - everything.-

Her sapphire colored gems appeared troubled at the moment, lost even, and yet...

...Yet, she could see everything so clearly.

It wouldn't make sense to someone on the outside, but she knew what was going on and that was - all - that mattered. She just hoped he could handle the truth. Her fingers, now shook as she combed her fingers through her hair. It was a nervous habit, something she had done as a child and yet now, almost a woman, she still didn't break the habit.

'Old habits die hard, ne?' She questioned herself silently. She blinked and went back to her former thoughts.

On the outside she appeared normal, well somewhat normal anyway. Then again, what was normal now-a-days? Her black raven hair fell in soft wavy curls to her midback, but some of it had fallen onto her shoulders. Her black bangs fell over her eyes, covering - her - secret. And her skin didn't have the natural glow it usually held. In fact it seemed a bit pale. Her fingers seemed to look a bit slimmer, bony even. Maybe, but then again she wasn't surprised because of the secret, the secret that was killing her.

Eating her alive, devouring her.

She wore her blue pajamas, not even bothering to change into regular clothes, uncaring as to how she looked at the moment.

After all not everyone looked glamorous - all - the time.

But, on the inside... Her eyes lowered. ... On the inside she was disoriented, lost.

And yet no one had found her.

Not a one.

She was so disoriented, so distant lately, so cold to - him, - to everyone.

She just wanted something that was hers.

One thought.

One deed.

One secret that was her very own.

But... she was an open book...

She had always been like that. Anyone could see right through her, especially - him. -

She shuddered and rocked on her heels, closing her eyes briefly.

She craved sanctuary, something familiar in this place that no longer felt like home.

She opened her now, dull colored orbs.

Her eyes...

She smiled faintly.

"Mama always said the eyes are the windows to your soul" she whispered.

Her lips parted in a silent gasp and she closed her eyes, willing herself to calm down.

She opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't.

And who was she talking to anyway?

Herself?

Maybe, maybe not.

"Kagome."

Her name... someone had called her name in a soft, calm, and lazy drawl, filled with slow, sensual sarcasm.

She snapped her eyes open and looked at the figure standing in the doorway of her room. Somehow, her lips seemed to form into a soft, yet bitter smile.

Instantly she felt the rush of tears come to her eyes. She swallowed thickly and watched silently, waiting. Her body tensed with uncertainty, before gradually relaxing, although not quite. Her memories were still fresh with how - she - had hurt her, not physically, but mentally, verbally.

"Kikyou" she replied, although reluctantly.

"What's the matter?" She asked in a soft questioning tone.

Kagome smiled bitterly.

'As if you care' she thought, lowering her head as she started to shake it.

She wanted nothing more than to block Kikyou out. She looked up and soft blue eyes clashed with dark gray ones, and... Kagome was the first to look away.

"What are you afraid of?" Kikyou asked softly, her words edged with a diamond-sharp malice.

Kagome smiled again, her smile turning into a wry grimace, her eyes turning to look at herself in the mirror.

"Nothing" she whispered. "I am afraid of nothing."

Yet, even she could sense the lie in her words.

"Then why do you look away? Why do you hide behind a mask? Does this have to do with Inuyasha?" Kikyou asked and Kagome felt her world begin to spin.

She gave herself a mental shake and her eyes hardened, like diamonds.

Cold and crisp.

Kikyou cocked her head to the side, giving her an amused glance.

She smiled, her lips curling into a cat-like smile, something that immediately reminded Kagome of the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. Her smile held a secret, something she was not willing to show Kagome, but something in her smile allowed Kagome to know that Kikyou knew. She - saw - the truth behind her words.

'Of course she would know' Kagome thought with a curl of her lip.

She was, after all an open book.

"You - are. - You are afraid, Kagome, you just don't want anyone to know it. I can see the truth behind your lies. I always have, I always will" Kikyou said, and yet her words seemed to have a mocking ring in them.

"Why?" Kagome asked simply, her eyes looking to Kikyou for some help, for some explanation. "Why must you always taunt me, mock me? Why must you always have the upper hand?" Kagome asked quietly and Kikyou seemed to be genuinely startled for a moment, before her lips curled into a soft smile.

It was as if she was waiting for Kagome to ask her something else and yet... Kagome seemed hesitant, afraid.

"I love Inuyasha, Kagome. I love him with all my soul, with all my heart and as a child he promised to wed me and trust me, when he finds out the truth, and he - will - find out the truth, what do you think he'll say? Is he some kind of toy you can throw around - Kagome, -" Kikyou said, not giving Kagome the chance to speak. She kept going, angry that Kagome was using Inuyasha. "Is that all he is to..."

"Kikyou, please, just... stop" Kagome whispered, cutting Kikyou off as her shoulders slumped in defeat. She was tired of pretending, tired of acting like everything was... normal when it clearly was not. She raised her chin defiantly, knowing she - had - to swallow the pain and act, even though her words were broken, spoken lightly and yet...

... There was also a subtle warning ingrained with Kagome's stare as her eyes flickered back to meet those eyes of her sisters, if she could call Kikyou her real sister. In fact, Kikyou was actually her half sister, although Kagome preferred to have her father's last name, whereas Kikyou did not. In fact Kikyou wanted her mother's maiden name.

"It's ironic" she started off, not really talking to Kikyou, but to herself. "We both have different mothers', but we look so much alike, don't we? Maybe it came from papa, maybe not, but we... we're always being compared, always being confused. I am Kagome, not Kikyou, or Kikyou's sister. My name is Ka... Kagome" she mumbled, her voice heavy, weary even, laced with defeat.

"I love Inuyasha, I always have and I always will and..." Once again she raised her chin defiantly. "Inuyasha loves everything about me. - Everything. -" She said and raised her eyes to see Kikyou staring at her with soft, yet sad, bitter, and broken eyes. Something about Kikyou's stare reminded Kagome of Inuyasha.

"But... I... I love him" Kikyou whispered before her eyes hardened, angry at herself for letting her sister see her pain, her betrayal...

"Inuyasha belongs to me, you cannot have something that I've already tasted Kagome. You're just sloppy seconds and besides, are you sure he'll love - everything - about you when he finds out the truth?" She asked in a scarce whisper giving Kagome a dark, saucy smile, turning to leave her room.

Kagome gasped and closed her eyes again, sliding down, low onto the ground. She loved Kikyou and yet, she just couldn't understand why she hated her so much. Kikyou was her sister. And yet, she - could - understand why Kikyou would hate her so much, why she loathed her. Inuyasha was the reason they were always fighting, but... she loved Inuyasha and she knew that no one would be able to love Inuyasha like her, no matter what Kikyou said.

She was - not - using Inuyasha.

'I'm not using him, right?'

She shook her head, angry at herself for doubting her love towards Inuyasha. Of course she wasn't using him, but she - was - hurting him by not telling him the truth. No one, would - ever - love Inuyasha like she did.

'Then why?' She thought, gritting her teeth together. 'Why am I lying to him? Why can't I just tell him the truth?'

She gave a small sob, clenching her eyes shut. She knew she would ultimately end up destroying their relationship, or at least what was left of it. She had lied to Inuyasha and he wouldn't know. He wouldn't - ever - know. She couldn't risk it. She couldn't lose his love. Her shoulders shook as she began to cry.

Tears of guilt...

...Tears of sorrow...

...Tears of pain....

'Will you forgive me, Inuyasha?'


_ _ _ _ _


She tapped her pencil on the desk, her knees shaking and quivering with apprehension. She needed to get out of this place. She felt like everyone knew what was going on with her. She knew she was just being paranoid, but she knew she would eventually give in. She would finally spill her secret and what was worse, she always had the worst timing.

Damn it.

Her pencil snapped in her fingers, startling her. She glanced at the clock that seemed to be moving slowly, as if torturing her.

When was the bell going to ring?

She shifted in her seat and blew her firey colored bangs out of her seemingly dark green gems. She was nervous, maybe even scared, she didn't know anything anymore. She felt lost, yet somehow she knew where she was, where she stood.

She needed to tell someone and who better to tell than her best friend.

She sighed and propped her elbow on the table of her desk, placing her head on the palm of her hand, her heart, heavy with guilt.

She closed her eyes briefly when she thought about Rin.

Rin was in her own world, in her own torment and all because of that asshole Sesshoumaru.

She gave a low growl and then stopped short. She sighed again as she opened her eyes to glance at the clock again before closing her eyes once more.

Maybe she should just go shopping.

Her lips curled into a half smile.

Maybe she should, maybe she shouldn't.

She blinked and jumped, startled by the shrill ring of the bell. She quickly gathered her things, placing them in her bag blindly. Her feet felt like lead.

In fact, she realized something with growing dread.

She didn't - want - to see Kouga today, because if she looked into those startling and stunning blue irises she knew her walls would crack and she would tell him - everything. -

Her mouth dropped open in mute horror and she closed it and felt her body sway. Her arm instantly shot out to balance herself on her desk. She gripped the wood... hard... until she felt her knuckles turning a pale white chalky color.

'How... how could I think like that?' She thought, berating herself angrily for thinking like that about Kouga.

She loved him with all her soul and yet...

She opened her eyes a little bit, looking at her fingers that were currently turning numb.

... Yet she knew that Kouga would reject her if he knew the truth and she just couldn't....

She swallowed thickly.

... She just couldn't bear that...

At least... not again...

"...Ms. Ookami?"

She blinked, startled and quickly drew back from her desk, raising her eyes to look at the person who had called her name.

She gulped feeling very much like a deer caught in headlights. She laughed sheepishly, feeling her heart quench with something she couldn't begin to describe.

"Yes, Mr. T... Takuro?" She asked timidly, hoping that he hadn't noticed her - not - paying attention in his class and if he did...

Then what?

What exactly would he say?

'He'd probably give me a pop quiz' she thought remembering her teacher was notorious for pop quizzes. She gave a low groan and felt the beginnings of an oncoming headache.

"Ms. Ookami, class is over, it's time to go home" he said and she saw the worry shining clearly in his obsidian orbs.

"Oh" she exclaimed in bewilderment, her eyes moving to the clock and realized he was right, but then of course he was because she remembered briefly hearing the shrill ring of the final bell. She instantly felt stupid and felt the beginnings of a heated blush rising to her already, rosy colored cheeks. She licked her dry lips.

"So it is" she murmured, swinging her black backpack over her shoulder.

She started to walk out of the classroom and was stopped when her teacher called her name again.

"Ms. Ookami? Is everything... alright?" He asked tentatively, as if afraid of stepping on forbidden ground.

Ayame felt her heart plunge to her stomach. She turned around and gave her teacher a weak smile before nodding her head 'yes.' She then, proceeded to walk out of the classroom.

She stopped outside the door and sighed heavily, sliding low onto the ground. She grabbed the fabric of her shirt tightly, clenching and grasping the material tightly, trying to stop her rapidly beating heart.

'Could anyone - really - tell what was going on with her?' She thought with glazed eyes.

She shook her head, and sighed, leaning back against the wall.

No no, she was just being paranoid.

She got up off of the floor and started to walk out of the school building. She held her head up high, knowing what she had to do, but first she wanted to go shopping. She wanted to clear her thoughts before she decided to tell Kouga - everything. -

And she needed to do it fast before she lost - all - her nerve.


_ _ _ _ _


She felt the rain pelting down against her already soaked uniform, but... she didn't care.

Her body still felt numb from Sesshoumaru's betrayal and the rain, but... she didn't care.

In fact, the only thing she - did - care about at the moment was her choice to forsake her father after her father had died. It was something she really and truly hated herself for it because that was her father, that was her flesh and blood.

She glanced at the tombstone once more with her dark, hazy colored gems, blinking as she realized something...

She had touched the tombstone with everything. Her thoughts, her feelings... and yet...

She just couldn't bring herself to touch it, to caress it. She knew it would be like reconnecting with her father, but she was... afraid. In a way it felt as if she was stepping into unknown territory or perhaps a forbidden taboo.

But, it was.

It was a forbidden and unknown territory, but that was only because she - had - forsaken her father after he had died. And it was because of her anger. The anger that had gotten the better of her, her sadness, her pain...

She just couldn't bring herself to come here after her father had died.

It hurt... it hurt a lot.

And she realized something else.

If she would have visited her father's grave after he had died, she would have finally realized that her father was truly... gone.

And yet now, here she was being forced to face reality.

She leaned forward, her fingers tentatively reaching out, stretching forward as she made her final decision. She closed her eyes as her fingers lightly touched the cold, hard cement of her father's tombstone.

"Papa" she whispered, her eyes clenching shut even tighter than before and felt the salty taste in the back of her own throat.

The salt of her own tears...

"Papa" she called out again, her fingers now, lightly moving over the familiar words on her father's tombstone.

"Papa" she called out again, shivering as the wind and rain seemingly turned colder, like ice, but she didn't care.

She pulled her hand back as if she had gotten stung and laid on the ground. She winced as her back connected with the sharp blades of the green grass and closed her eyes, reminiscing.

Papa!

In her mind she reached for him. For just a moment, in the oasis of her scattered memory she was with him again.

She was five years old again, her small, dainty fingers stretching towards him in a sign for him to pick her up.

Papa!

Papa!

He was laughing beside her, beaming as he picked her up with his strong powerful fingers.

"What is it, angel?" He asked, brown eyes dancing with mirth.

"I have a secret" she whispered, her eyes dancing in the light that hit it.

"Oh yeah?" He raised a thick brow. "What is it?" He whispered.

She shook her head, refusing to let him know.

"Awww, not even for me" he said, feigning hurt. She gave him a small smile. Her eyes darted around playfully.

"Okay." She bit her lip. "Come closer" she whispered.

He leaned forward.

"I just wanted to let you know that I love you, papa" she whispered in his ear. He laughed and swung her around.

"I love you too, sweetheart" he whispered, his fingers combing through her black locks.

The sound of a foot crunching on the fallen leaves near Rin startled her, forcing her eyes to open and she was shocked at what she saw.

'Sesshoumaru' she thought and felt her heart give a painful lurch.

She sat up, her eyes looking at him with dawning fear and excitement.

"Sesshoumaru" she whispered, her eyes forming with tears.

She blinked them back furiously, willing herself not to cry.

After all she had cried enough tears for this man.

She quickly got to her feet and turned to face him.

"Rin" he finally answered making her visibly shudder.

How she missed him.

She took a step back as he took one forward.

"Are you afraid of me?" He asked and her eyes hardened angrily.

No!

And yet... the way her body moved seemed rather unsure of herself, frightened even

He took another step forward and she took another step back, gulping in fear, watching as his eyes moved to her neck, before looking back into her eyes. Her eyes widened seeing the feral gleam in his eyes and she knew he saw the fear in the way she held herself. She turned to run, she just couldn't be around him anymore, at least not at the moment. If she would have looked back when she ran she would have noticed the crimson quickly gathering in his eyes, the way the faint markings were appearing on each side of his cheek and forehead and the way his mouth curled into a smirk.

He had always loved a good chase... and she was definitely worth the chase.


_ _ _ _ _


He was impeccably beautiful and perfect. Truthfully, she had always found him to be sinfully and dangerously handsome, something that had her instantly attracted to him. And of course he had that aura around him that just screamed 'bad.' And he was gorgeous, with skin that looked as if it had been coated in honey, holding a slightly golden bronze color. His piercing, pale frigid blue eyes were agitated, but she saw the softness in his eyes as well.

The same softness he had when he was her lover and she knew he still had - some - feelings for her, right? Well if his eyes were soft, then he must of felt something toward her. His long raven colored locks were pulled back into a low ponytail and some of his hair fell into those soft irises, the same irises that she fell in love with. His high cheek bones brought the attention to his perfectly shaped lips. His lips... she had always loved his lips, especially because if she pressed her lips against his own she could feel them swell against her mouth.

She give an inwardly sigh. How she missed him and how she... loved him.

But, he didn't feel that way about her, especially because he had fallen in love with some stripper... or dancer. Something like that. She gave an inwardly shrug.

'They're all the same' she thought with a frown. She hated his girlfriend, even though she didn't even know who she was. She knew the person took Kouga's love from her... because Kouga belonged to her. She glanced at his facial features again.

His face was a master piece.

But, it wasn't just his face either. She glanced down at his body appreciatively, obviously liking what she saw. And she liked what she saw, especially with his black T-shirt and a red button down shirt that was tucked into a pair of skin tight black jeans. He wore a pair of old scuffed black boots. She licked her lips hungrily, as if she could taste his essence once more on her lips.

She took a step forward, not really minding the rain, although her body shook, but not from the cold, but from excitement. This was her chance and she wouldn't lose him again.

He was staring at her dumbfounded, as if not knowing what to expect and she smiled because that's exactly what she wanted. Her arms slowly, reached out and hesitantly locked around his neck. She brushed her lips against his in a soft chaste kiss.

"Kouga" she whispered, shuddering in the process.

He rocked back on his heels, obviously shocked from her blunt action. She pressed her face into his neck inhaling his scent and shuddered once more.

"Kagura, no, this isn't right" he said, unlinking her arms from his neck. He just didn't feel it was right, especially because Ayame was his girlfriend.

"But I love you. Why is it wrong?" She asked in a soft, quiet whisper.

She was rewarded with silence because he had no answer to give her. He stiffened once again and this time she didn't care as she linked her arms around his neck as pressed her lips against his own desperately, waiting, wanting nothing more than a sign of reassurance.

'Please Kouga, allow me this, and grant me my wish' she thought, pressing her body against his firmly.

They stood there for minutes or an eternity, Kagura wasn't really sure, but she didn't close her eyes. She merely stared at his eyes as her lips were pressed against his own, no matter how hard it was. All she wanted to do was give in to the instinct of closing her eyes when her lips touched his own. Finally his eyes closed, and she felt the sweep of his lashes against her cheek making her shiver. Her knees quivered with excitement and finally her own eyes closed as he kissed her.

He pulled back and stared at her and she saw the softening of his now, dark blue irises and he sighed her name.

"Kagura."

He kissed her again and she was bombarded with countless memories of times and places when she had heard the breathy sigh of her name escaping his lips in a torrent of desire. She just couldn't resist him, especially because this was her chance at getting him back.

His lips moved over hers in a desperate attempt to satisfy his need. She groaned against his mouth and their lips finally parted to allow each other full access to their mouths. They never noticed that across the street a figure had appeared. A pair of narrowed, glossy green gems reflected anger, jealousy, betrayal and most of all hurt in them.

Although it hurt Ayame to see her beloved boyfriend with a disgusting person like Kagura, the thing that hurt the most was when he had kissed her back. In fact it had such a humongous painful effect on her that she felt as if the world had crashed down unto her.

'How could you... Kouga?' She thought choking on her own tears. She turned and fled, not planning on coming back...

... Ever again...


- - - - -


She didn't know what compelled her to come here, or maybe she did. She just didn't want to admit it to herself because then it would be... real. She would have to live it, have to accept the truth. She actually would rather have gone shopping, but her feet seemed to do all the talking or rather, the walking. Perhaps it was because her heart was heavy; filled with guilt and she knew why she was going there.

Because of Kouga.

It was always because of Kouga.

Whether or not it was because of his caresses, his words, or his kindness, Ayame knew she was helpless without him. She also knew she was selfish for thinking that way, but in reality whenever she wasn't with Kouga, she was totally and utterly lost. And she was angry. Angry at herself for thinking that way, angry that she had become dependant on a man for his help. And she could not comprehend why, but then she realized that if she was going to think that way, then he needed to know.

Thus, she was going to his house because he needed to know the truth. It wasn't right to keep him in the dark any longer and Ayame knew that. She was just afraid he would reject her, both her and her unborn child and she just couldn't bear that. She couldn't take rejection... a second time.

Maybe that's why she ended up with Kouga, to forget about him, the loneliness and despair she put herself through, and to forget. Just to simply forget. Forget about everything, the cruelty, the sin she committed. And jii-chan would never let her forget it... ever.

Sinner... Her grandfather's voice hissed around her, almost smothering her.

Ayame could picture his frown inside of her head, the many times he had chastised her.

"But I was too young..." she mumbled to herself, or rather to her grandfather's image.

"Too young to have a baby, so it was the only way..." she trailed off, biting her bottom lip.

She blinked, letting her hazy, green eyes adjust, only now noticing that it was raining.

Is the sky crying for me? She thought, her hands reaching out tentatively to touch the rain, the drops of water stinging her palms, almost as if it were rebuking her. Or is it crying for the child I gave up so long ago? The child I promised never to think of ever again? The child I promised to never seek out again?

She shook her head, the rain and tears blurring her vision.

Why can't I let go? Why does this always come back to haunt me? Ayame thought pitifully, her chest aching with the knowledge of knowing her son was still out there, close and yet, so very far away.

Ayame's eyes clenched shut, her hands balling into fists as tears spilled down her already wet cheeks.

A sob escaped her throat as she held her stomach, promising she would never let another child of hers go... get taken away.

She sniffled as rubbed her soaked uniform sleeve against her face, trying in vain to wipe away the tears.

It's the same thing you did to your son. You tried to erase him from your memory, but your thoughts wil always be haunted by him. Always filled with him. Why don't you let go? He doesn't remember you anyway! To him, you've abandoned him - thrown him away like he was-

"Stop" Ayame mumbled weakly.

"I didn't... I never..." She trailed off, angry at her conscious for being so... right.

But you did and if you can't forgive yourself... how can you forgive others? Her conscious asked softly, almost soothingly.

Ayame would have answered, but it was then that she realized that she was close to Kouga's home. She felt her heartbeat begin to pick up, pounding loudly within her ears like a drum as she realized, Oh God...! I can't do this...

But you have to. You must! Her conscious shouted.

Ayame closed her eyes tight.

"I know..." she whispered, her words blurring with the rain.

"I know!" She stated again, blinking her eyes a few times. Her green orbs narrowed with determination. She was at the corner of Obita Avenue, near Kouga's house and she literally felt like she was dragging her feet.

Wait a minute... she thought. I am dragging my feet!

She felt them buckle beneath her as she looked up to see...

"K-Kagura?" Ayame wondered aloud, bewildered to see Kagura in Kouga's arms. And then it was the other emotions assaulting her. The pain, the anger, and most of all, the hurt.

"Oh... My... God..." Ayame breathed, forcing herself to get up and flee, but not before she took one last look at Kouga, only to wish she hadn't.

There it was, the proof. The proof that Kouga felt something for Kagura, for he placed his lips upon her own and kissed her with fierce passion. Angry, Ayame turned and stormed off, blinded by her tears.


A/N 2: Chapter 10 was wayyyyy too short for my liking. So I added chapter 10 to the end of chapter 9.