Blood Stained

A/N: PLEASE READ THIS. Today is Blood Stained's second anniversary, and I decided to organize just a little something (tiny contest with tiny prizes) for it! You'll find all the rules-instructions and what not, on my LJ (It's the first post right now). maddiesan.livejournal.com

Thank you so much for voting Blood Stained for first place dark story at the dokuga awards. Most of the chapter was written with the prompts from the Blood Stained IDDN Skye held for me :)

Thank you Daniella for beta-reading!

Blood Stained

Chapter 83: Goodbyes

For the first time in quite a while the morning was uneventful. Kagome was still lying naked under the sheets while Sesshomaru was in the kitchen. Kiyoshi remained peacefully asleep in his crib. . Kagome wrapped the blankets tighter around her body before she lifted her head and tried to peek inside the kitchen. Unfortunately for her, she couldn't see anything.

Sesshomaru told her, even order her, to stay in bed while he prepared her breakfast. Although he always took care of her, this was the new spoiled treatment she was not used to and to be perfectly honest it was not as if she did anything to deserve it. That did not mean she would not enjoy it, simply that – well it was new.

She heard noises coming from the kitchen, but all she was able to do was tap her fingers on the mattress in waiting. There was a dull ache coming from between her legs, but nothing that was not worth it. She and Sesshomaru elevated things last night and she handled it well. The more she was with him, the less doubts she had.

The fear she had in the past was slowly starting to dissipate and vanish.

Suddenly, Kagome's thoughts were disrupted by the sound of her stomach growling. She completely forgot that she did not really eat the day before and she was starving. She bent over and grabbed Sesshomaru's shirt off the floor. Her clothes were too far and she was not exactly comfortable walking around the place completely naked.

She quickly slipped it on and did up a few of the buttons before slipping out of the bed. The floor was cold against her feet while she ventured into the kitchen.

"This is not exactly staying in bed."

The sound of his voice almost made her jump. "I was hungry," she said as she moved forward.

Unlike her, he was not a mess. His short silver hair was shiny and brushed and his shirt was carefully tucked in his black pants. She on the other hand was stuck with tangled hair and her face probably looked like she went through a rough night. She pulled on the shirt hoping that it was going to make her a little more presentable and went to stand beside him.

Her eyes moved to the pan and she spotted the eggs. Her stomach responded for her by growling in hunger once more. It was hard to miss the smile on Sesshomaru's face which caused her to look away.

"I've been too worried to eat."

With his free hand, Sesshomaru grabbed a plate and emptied the eggs on it. The meal was not very Japanese but then again they were not in Japan. He guided her to the table and put her plate down beside the utensils.

Once she sat down he went back to begin cooking eggs for himself as well. He didn't usually eat but today he was feeling tired. He was sure that it wasn't his own exhaustion he was feeling but rather it was Kagome's.. She was probably tired and it was passing on to him through the mating bond. He did not mind but he forgot that the strong their bond was the more they would share.

She would feel more youkai experiences and feelings like strength while he would be put through the weaknesses of human life. Five hundred years ago, this would have disgusted him, but now, it meant nothing. He might have changed during the last centuries, but it did not make him human, Kagome on the other hand was. Sometimes he felt like it would be easier to understand her if he could feel the same way she did.

Sesshomaru lifted the pan and flipped the eggs one last time before emptying them on a plate. He added a touch of bacon before taking a seat beside Kagome at the table. Instead of finding her happily digging away, she was looking at the wall and playing with her food.

Last night was a new step, even if the experience itself was not, and despite her current fears he hoped it would have cleared her mind. It was also the reason why he tried to treat her this morning. The two of them were in this situation together and she did not need to carry the burden by herself. He was aware that Kagome was independent, but he wished for her to know that he could help her.

He did not want to ask but he could not let her brood over this alone. "Is the jewel still troubling you?"

Her eyes snapped in his direction and she offered a small smile. When did it not bother her? When did she not worry? In spite of that, she felt guilty. Sesshomaru was trying to give her a relaxed atmosphere and she was allowing her thoughts to distract her.

"Breakfast. A great night. No more insanity. I just – I feel like something's gonna happen. We don't get to be happy."

This is why she should have stayed in bed this morning. It felt like the moment she stepped out and allowed herself to think about something outside of the happy bubble they created, it all fell apart. Her words were negative, but not exactly false. For each step forward they took, they backtracked twice as much.

"I'm just waiting for the next disaster."

Part of him wanted to comfort her and let her know that there were no more hurdles for them. However, he was afraid that he would not be able to keep that promise. Their life here was about to be shattered and he could not assure her that their situation back home would be an easy ride.

Despite that, he could promise her one thing. "We will get through it."

There was no longer any other option for him then her, there never was. It was also pointed out to him that he was the only answer for her as well. He failed her in the past, but never again. No matter how hard life was, he would protect her, even from himself if he had to.

Kagome stretched out her hands and tangled her fingers with his. She was terribly gloomy lately and it bothered her but after the way she was broken, she did not want to experience that again. She was now aware of how fragile happiness was and it taught her a lesson. When you have it, do not let go.

It might have been a hard road to happiness, but she got a relationship with someone she trusted with her life and a son out of the misery.

"Do you think it's for good this time?" They discussed it, they agreed it was for the best, but this morning it felt so real. Night together and breakfast in the morning; would it be like that back home?

Also, the jewel ruled her life for too long now. It got her to the Feudal Era, kept her there and she spent the last few months hunting the remaining shards. Its completion was not even the end of the road. Even now, it still existed – it lived inside her son. Until Kiyoshi was older, it would remain there. All they were able to do was hope his youkai side would not affect his purity or when the time came, he would be unable to purify it.

But until that time arrived, there was nothing else to concern themselves with. Actually, Sesshomaru's beast was still present but it was rather quiet lately. Even though her feelings towards his other personality were not positive, he stopped trying to harm her both physically and psychologically.

Maybe Sesshomaru was right; maybe the time was now.

"Now. We should go now before it all falls apart." Did she sound convincing?

Sesshomaru put down the fork he was holding and looked her way. "Are you certain?"

She nodded. "It's not like avoiding that step is going to do us any good."

He moved his hand to reach out for hers and he entwined their fingers together. If she was ready then so was he. Never mind the fact that he was afraid this might be how he lost her. If she was sure and it made her happy, then he was okay with it.

Kagome squeezed his hand back and smiled. Now if only she could stop dreading the next catastrophe, this might not be so bad.

-B-

Half the day went by already when Sesshomaru left Kagome and Kiyoshi alone inside the hotel room while he got ready to go outside. He closed the door behind him and turned around to head down the hall. There were a few things he needed to take care of before their departure.

When he reached the elevator, he felt a familiar presence behind him. When Sesshomaru tilted his body to the side, he found Kouga standing there. As usual, he seemed to be in a rather good mood while he approached Sesshomaru.

"You're actually out?"

"I need to attend to a few obligations."

Kouga raised an eyebrow. "So serious. What's going on? Is Kagome alright?"

"She is fine. I am simply preparing. We will be leaving."

Now, Kouga's expression changed. His smile dropped and his lips parted. He always knew they were not going to stay here forever. Actually, neither was he. His home, his company, everything was back in Australia. The only reason he was here was because she was and he promised to look after her. If she was leaving – then perhaps he would be too.

"Oh. Well that's a surprise. I thought you were going to stay here forever," he said masking his tone with amusement.

"Her home is not here."

Sesshomaru would not point out how poorly Kouga was putting on his attitude, but he did not fail to notice.

Kouga had a happy life back home as well, but being here with her and even Sesshomaru reminded him of the good old days back in the Feudal Era. For a while it felt acceptable to be a youkai again. Of course, there were still plenty roaming around but they were always hiding. Here with her, he felt free to be himself all the time.

"I hope it'll work out," he finally said. "I mean, you and her you know, back home. I'm sure it will."

Kouga knew that if they made it this far, they could go all the way. Of course, that did not mean they would not face any obstacles. But the hardest ones were probably behind them already.

"You'll make her happy. At least you better," he said tauntingly.

He could not get rid of the ball forming in his throat and he backed away from Sesshomaru. "You should get those things done." He lightly hit the wall with his fist. "See you around, doggie."

Sesshomaru did not even react to the nickname, instead he watched as Kouga walked away with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Seeing the wolf's sadness reminded them that Kagome would probably feel the same way once it hit her that they were leaving some people behind.

If he was to be completely honest, and though he would never, ever admit it out loud, Kouga was not that bad.

It was not terrible to have another youkai around. Oh how times changed.

-B-

Night fell and the dark sky was filled with stars by the time Sesshomaru returned to the hotel room. The first sight he was greeted with upon his arrival was Kagome looking completely exhausted while she walked into the kitchen with a towel over her shoulder.

Her eyes widened when she lifted her head and caught sight of Sesshomaru. "That took a while."

When he said he needed to retrieve a few things before their departure, she did not ask what. It never crossed her mind that he was hiding or keeping something from her, which meant she had no reason to ask. It was strange to think she trusted him fully but then again, lately she found herself in his hands more than once. Plus, it was not as if she would never find out especially with their mating bond growing.

"My schedule conflicted with someone else's schedule." He lifted his hand and pointed at the towel. "Is Kiyoshi fine?"

She tilted her head slightly confused, before realizing. "I think he's upset. It took an hour for him to fall asleep." He was usually calm and rather easy when bedtime came along but not today.

Perhaps he could sense all the disturbances in her aura.

Sesshomaru noticed her fingers fidgeting while she held them in front of her chest. He put down the envelope he was holding and moved forward towards her. He grabbed both of her hands with his and pulled her closer. He rested her hands on his chest and bent down to kiss them.

"Are you alright?"

He asked her this many times already, but her eyes seemed to be shining with worry

She nodded. "I just – I keep telling myself it'll be the same, but it won't be. Out there is the real word and this is just… not fantasy but… it's just us."

The world had rules and other people to consider. Here, they just had themselves to focus on. It might be selfish, but she did not want that. Although at least this time, they would not have to concern themselves with his beast's reckless behavior. Even without the watch, he remained at bay.

Eventually he would completely merge with Sesshomaru and they would be one.

He moved her hands down while still holding them. "It will still be us."

She nodded and he bent forward slightly to rest his forehead on hers. He did not want her to concern herself with all of this. Her happiness was the only goal. Sesshomaru pressed his warm lips against Kagome while she leaned in towards the nearest wall. Sesshomaru released her hands and moved his so that he was holding on to her waist tightly with his fingers digging into her flesh. His kisses reminded her of the night before and the thoughts of passion tainted her cheeks pink.

One of his hands moved up to her hair which allowed him to tangle his fingers in her ebony locks. Kagome was terrified by her own choice, he could tell. Sesshomaru was doing what he could to help her relax but even now, she tensed up. She could not allow her mind to blank out, not anymore.

"Kagome –"

At the sound of the familiar voice both Kagome and Sesshomaru backed away from each other. Sesshomaru glared in Kouga's direction but he kept his hands on Kagome's hips. He was not going to let her go completely.

Kouga smirked before he stepped into the room completely. "At least you have clothes on this time," he said mockingly.

Kagome blushed a little more and unconsciously brought an arm near her chest. "Is something wrong?"

"Sesshomaru told me you made up your mind." He was unable to hide the hint of sadness in his voice.

When he was with Sesshomaru, he did not let his voice betray him but now it was different. The sight of her made him feel weaker. Although he only reunited with her recently, it felt like she never disappeared from the Feudal era all those years ago. Back then he was wild and stubborn and well, he quite liked it.

Kagome's smile faltered and she pulled herself free of Sesshomaru's hold. Once she reached Kouga, she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. "You could come back. Go home."

He might have made his life in Australia, but now that she was calling Japan home it could not be ignored that it was where he was from. Did he not miss it sometimes?

"I'll come visit," was the only answer he could give her.

Kouga was not even sure where he would return or even when. He always thought that once Kagome left, he would too but now things had changed. . He found another member of his pack here and he did not want to leave her behind to be by herself.

She could feel her eyes burning with tears before she forced herself to pull away. "Now, no reason for sad goodbyes. We're still here." They were not gone yet and already, she was turning into a crying mess. She did not even want to think about how she was going to react the day they left.

Kouga's presence was reminding her of the life she was about to leave behind and it was becoming harder to ignore how heavy her heart felt in her chest and how painful each heartbeat was.

"When are you going?"

The question left Kagome stumped. She mentioned that she wanted to go before it was too late, but they never actually discussed a date. It probably meant she was required to make up her mind. "In the next few days," she announced to both Kouga and Sesshomaru.

"You better not leave without saying a word," he said while his eyes strangely began to shine. But it was not tears. He would not cry.

"Never."

It would be much harder to leave with everyone present, but it would not be right without all of them there. She was able to pull herself out of the darkness because they helped her so much. If they never met up with Kouga back in Australia, her life would not be the same and she probably would not be as happy. Having him, having a friend during the dark times where Sesshomaru terrified her helped.

"I wouldn't have made it without you," she said softly..

He tightened his hold before he forced himself to pull away. He did not think he would have to say goodbye again. Although, the first time he hardly got to say it.

"Sorry for interrupting," he said with a fake light tone. "Just keep it down. You have neighbors."

He turned around before they could add anything else and Kagome held her hands together. She was not as skilled as them when it came to sensing aura, but even she did not miss this one.

Suddenly she felt Sesshomaru's hand on her shoulder and she spun around to wrap her arms around him. She wanted to cry, but she did not. Instead she let his hand that was gently stroking her hair calm her down. Sadness was to be expected when you were leaving.

Goodbyes were never her strong suit.

While she looked away, she noticed and remembered the envelope Sesshomaru came in. She did not care about what he did, but it was a topic and she needed one to distract herself.

"Anything important?"

"The envelope," she said when she noticed that he was confused.

"Kiyoshi's birth certificate."

This time Kagome was the one to pull away. "I forgot, I completely forgot."

They could hardly go back home without it and yet she never thought about getting it. Once again, she felt quite unprepared. Everything that was tossed at her was so unplanned and she never thought she would need to get ready for a baby at seventeen years old.

Sometimes she believed she was lucky that her son was half-youkai. She had less of a chance to do something terribly wrong and dangerous because of her complete lack of experience and knowledge.

"You are an excellent mother." He refused to let her put herself down. Especially when she did nothing wrong. "You never failed him."

"I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Most mothers are in your situation Kagome. Your age is not a factor. You rely on your instincts and they are right."

"What if I do something wrong one day because I didn't know?"

"Everyone does." He cupped her cheek with his hand. "You forgot about a birth certificate, it is hardly a big issue."

She nodded and leaned back into him before taking in a deep breath. She was not alone. If she ever made a mistake or forgot something, he was there as well. She was afraid their life together would change, but she was taking all the responsibilities upon herself. For a while there, especially during their relationship she was forced to be strong and be on her own.

Kagome needed to learn how to let go.

-B-

Two days went by and each day new suitcases were added to a pile in the corner. Since they were leaving with more luggage than they arrived with, Sesshomaru was forced to get them more suitcases. It was mostly for her and Kiyoshi really since he didn't get anything new during their trips. She on the other hand had a whole new wardrobe and she could hardly go back to her old clothes.

It was not only a matter of her thinking they would not fit anymore since she already knew she still had the baby weight on. No, it was because she felt her old clothes were too childish. Then again, she had no idea how a mother was supposed to dress. All she could think of was her own Mother but that did not feel right.

How did young mothers dress? Usually, they were not exactly in her situation when it happened…

She sighed and shook her head. Lately she spent too much time being gloomy and focusing on the bad. The whole point of leaving was to go out in the world, all three of them and be happy for real. Until they resumed a normal life they could not go along with a normal family life.

Normal life. These felt like strange words.

She moved forward from her current position and did not stop until her pelvis hit the edge of the window. The curtains were pulled but since it was dark out, not much light was coming in or at least not enough to disturb Kiyoshi's sleep.

This would be her last time looking at this scenery. The unsettling feeling in her chest refused to falter and her eyes lowered to the wooden edge. This was the place where she healed. Mingled with the happiness there was some sorrow and tears, but it was part of the process. In the end, through it all, she came out stronger here.

She vowed to never let the darkness overcome her again. She might be afraid, but she refused to let that fear break her. Bad events would follow no matter what. After being close to death and almost losing the people who were important to her, what else was there to be scared of?

Kagome lost herself in the past and found the light again. She was positive she could do it again.

Suddenly, arms were wrapped around her waist and without a second though she moved herself backwards and let his warmth surround her.

"Are you certain you are ready? We can wait."

"For what? The world to end?" She smiled. "Things are calm, if we don't do it now, I feel like we never will."

He rested his chin on top of her head and followed her gaze outside. He was strong and confident for her. Her home might be the one thing that would take her away from him. If it did, the only thing he could do was let her go without begging and without fighting.

That thought alone was mournful.

If he lost her, life would not be the same. Even though she felt their bond and the benefits from it it ran so much deeper for him. He was a youkai, mating was everything. She was part of him and apart of his soul.

"Are you still settled on tomorrow?"

This time she did not answer with words, instead she nodded against his chest. "If you let me change my mind, we might never leave." At that moment, another thought crossed her mind. "Did you tell Kouga?"

"Yes. I spoke to him earlier."

"Is he okay?"

"He is a grown youkai Kagome. He will recover."

She chuckled at her own worries. "I know. I just – he's my friend. He's our friend."

Despite how Sesshomaru might act and how he and Kouga teased each other, she refused to believe they did not form a friendship over the months that went by. They were around each other often and they helped one and another. They had to be closer now than before. Although what they had before now was probably not even close to a friendship. She did not even know if they ever met back in the Feudal Era.

Friends. It was not a word he used often. He was not even sure if he could say he had friends. Kagome was not to be qualified with that word because she was much more. Before her there was never truly anyone. Rin was like a daughter, not a friend and Jaken – well, there was not a word to describe the little toad.

"Shocking to think you would have a friend?" she said teasingly as she turned around. "Maybe if you weren't such a hermit you would have many more."

"I enjoy the quiet.."

Those words were almost funny considering that back in the day she was anything but quiet. She used to be young, loud and stubborn. Most of it did not change but she did grow quieter.

"You have the wrong mate then."

She did not use that word very often and neither did he actually. It felt weird to say it, but she did not mind.

"Never." He pressed his lips to the side of her head. "You'll see Kouga again."

Sesshomaru already knew Kouga would stay around for a little while longer, probably because of Kai. She was pack and when it came to that, instincts were strong. In spite of that, Sesshomaru was certain Kouga would like to come back to Japan if he could. Obviously his life was now in Australia with his company and everything but…

If he needed it, Sesshomaru would help.

It would make Kagome happy.

Her happiness was what he aimed for.

-B-

The sun was low in the horizon and morning barely began while Kagome was already by the door with all of their luggage. Since it would be a long trip, they were taking the first plane of the day. Now that she was standing back and looking at the empty room, she felt like they were never there. It looked empty and clean yet they spent so much time in it.

She held her son closer to her chest and snuggled him under her chin. Sesshomaru was already downstairs and brought most of the bags to the car with Kouga's help. She was left behind in the room with Kiyoshi watching over the rest that needed to be carried. Her eyes were glistening with tears but she was holding them back. She could not start crying now.

Her quiet moment was soon disturbed when someone pushed the door open. Kouga's head peeked in and he smiled at her. "I'm grabbing the rest. Ready to go?"

Kagome nodded before bending down to grab one of the bags which contained Kiyoshi' stuff before she followed behind. When she grabbed the handle and closed the door, her heartbeat became slower. This was it; they were leaving it all behind to return to Tokyo.

Somehow everything in her surroundings felt extremely quiet and each step Kouga took echoed through her head. A part of her was dreading returning home because of her mother's reaction which she could not blame her for. Any caring mother would probably beat the crap out of Sesshomaru on sight and truly she did not expect her mother to do anything but that.

Of course, she was not going to mention that out loud.

Once they arrived downstairs, she spotted Sesshomaru outside of the hotel. He was putting or rather shoving some of their bags in the car. Their entire life here could be stuffed into a bag and packed away.

It was only when Kouga pressed against her that she realized she came to a stop. She offered him a small smile before moving along. "Are you coming with us to the airport?"

"You think I would let you leave with him without accompanying you?"

This time, her smile grew in size. He nudged her shoulder before moving ahead and handing Sesshomaru the last bags. Sesshomaru finally lifted his hand and his eyes met Kagome's. He offered her a nod while concern danced in his eyes. She was sad but it was to be expected. He simply hoped she was not regretting her decision. Really they could stay here as long as she wanted; it was not like he could not afford it.

Although, they did have to return someday.

Kagome began walking towards the car while holding on tightly to their son. He met up with her at the door and smiled.

"This is it," she said almost afraid to look up.

"This is it," he repeated.

Slowly she slid inside the car where Kouga already was and sat beside him. Instead of looking at her, he was staring straight ahead. She did the same. Sesshomaru was the last one to enter the car and he sensed the disturbed auras. This would be a rather awkward trip to the airport.

While they were being driven to their destination, everyone remained completely quiet. How do you say goodbye? How do you close the page to an adventure or a chapter of your life? For Kagome this was the point where she moved on and grew up. For Sesshomaru, it was the return to reality where he was forced to face its harshness. For Kouga, it was the moment where he finally had to let go of the past. He saw her, he found her again and she was fine and happy. It was a closure.

The half hour seemed like an eternity, but finally the driver pulled into the airport. They hurried to get everything inside and then Sesshomaru left Kagome with Kouga while he left to retrieve his ticket. For once, he was quite please that things did not go as he expected or Kagome and his son would be leaving together without him today.

Life threw a few surprises his way.

Kagome shifted her weight from one leg to the other and she tried to find the right words to say. She was always crappy at goodbyes. Instead all she did was make it harder for herself not to cry. She was not able to say she had many friends but Kouga was one of them. Suddenly, he reached out for her face and took hold of her chin.

"I know I'm terribly handsome, but there's no need to cry over me."

She laughed at his foolish attempt to make her smile. It did work. "I'll miss you."

Since Kiyoshi was covering her stomach, he put his hand on the back of her head and brought her closer. He then pressed a kiss on top of her head. "I'll miss you too."

For a moment, he flashed back to the moment he told her wolves mate forever and he laughed at himself.

"You know, my offer still stands. If you get bored of him, you know where to find me."

She chuckled lightly and nodded. She didn't know how to find him because he was staying here and she was leaving, but she would not mention it.

"Take care of him."

Kagome knew he did not mean Kiyoshi.

"He's a bit of an ass and he's stubborn. He'll take care of you I'm sure, and he thinks he doesn't need to be taken care of… but he does."

"I know."

They were both hurt and broken in a way. Maybe it was another reason why they were always going to end up with each other.

Kagome stretched her hand and gave Kouga's a squeeze. "You look after Kai. I think she has been alone for long enough."

He would try. She was quite stubborn though and he was not certain he would be able to convince her to leave everything behind and go home with the rest of the pack. Then again, he was quite thick headed himself. Maybe it would work out.

"Ready?"

Sesshomaru's voice brought them out of their thoughts and Kagome nodded in response. She backed away and Sesshomaru moved forward. He extended his hand to Kouga, who shook it.

"Hurt her and I'll come getcha."

"I would like to see you try, wolf."

Kouga scoffed before releasing Sesshomaru's hand. "Don't give up." If Sesshomaru ever doubted he was not the right thing for Kagome, he would hurt her.

Sesshomaru didn't respond but never broke his stare. Once the beeping went off and the message for their flight was blasted through the speakers, he moved away.

"I'll see you around," Kouga said before he stuck his hands in his pockets.

Kagome raised her hand and waved at him while walking away. She was smiling brightly but he could see tears were threatening to fall. He did his best to show nothing but put on his best smile to help her.

Then she stopped waving. Kouga watched as she lowered her hand and tangled her fingers with Sesshomaru. It was hand in hand that the both of them were walking away and slowly disappearing from his view. He never wanted a couple to make it more than these two, but he was not worried.

Kai might not be able to tell them about their future, but he was lucky enough to be told a few snippets.

For that reason alone, he did not doubt them. If they could make it, anyone could with a little effort. They arrived with nothing and they were leaving with everything. Including their terrible son who would not stop trying to purify him.

Only one image remained in his mind; her smile. It was quite striking because he remembered the broken look on her face when he first saw her.

She was finally Kagome again.

-B-