Pink Carnation

A/N: Thank you Daniella for beta-reading, and putting up with me!

Amaranth: Immortal Love

Pink Carnation

Chapter 8: Amaranth

It was staring at her.

It was calling out her name.

All she could do was stand there and look at it, unable to move. Her eyes were locked on the door of her studio and she could not take one step forward. Kagome had not gone in that room ever since she had returned from the hospital though she could not explained why. She had given herself an excuse many times, especially since she was always surrounded by people lately, but today she was completely alone.

She had to go in.

There was no logical explanation as to why she couldn't! It was her studio, her job, her passion! Yet, every time she came close to going in something was holding her back. Today though, it was as if it was whispering her name, begging her to come inside. Kagome found herself staring left then right almost as if to make sure she was alone before taking one step forward.

Her body was trembling a bit as she closed the distance between herself and the door. Once she was face to face with it, she extended a shaky hand and grabbed the handle before turning it and causing the door to open. At first, as the door squeaked while it fully opened, all she could see was darkness.

After a few seconds her eyes began adjusting to the lack of light and she began distinguishing the usual drape she threw over all of her uncompleted work. Shyly, she stepped in, prior to roaming her hand all over the wall until she found the switch. Once it was flipped open the whole room filled with light and she was allowed a better view.

Kagome made her way towards the first painting, her fingers twitching, as she carefully pulled away the drape only to reveal a fully bare and untouched canvas. She knitted her eyebrows together as she allowed the drape to fall upon the ground. Strange; she didn't usually covered something until she began working on it.

She moved to the next one and repeated the process. This time around however, it was a piece in progress. Colors of pink and red were clashing together in a blue sky and she could only guess that she had begun a sunset. She frowned in disappointment at her own art before covering it again. It was not a piece she would finish.

Kagome made her way through the whole room until the reached the center piece which was usually where she kept her most important piece of art. A bit nervous, she pulled on the drape awaiting the revelation only to find herself staring at a fully black canvas causing her to be left perplexed.

She didn't feel it as the heavy drape slipped off her fingers. It was as if she was hypnotized by the piece. It seemed as though it hadn't been the room that was calling out to her but that canvas. She took one step forward before approaching her fingers to it. Gently she slid her fingers down when suddenly a feeling she had never experienced before took hold of her.

It was as if someone was squeezing her heart from the inside, bringing her unbearable pain. It was difficult to breathe. It felt as if each inhale was only causing the squeeze to become tighter. She swallowed hard and she could not tear her eyes away no matter the suffering it brought her.

Why was it so painful to stare at a simple black painting? And why was such an insignificant painting put in such an important place? As the pain in her chest grew, she brought her free hand to her heart, clenching the fabric of her shirt in the process. It took a few seconds, but she finally snatched her fingers away from the painting before dropping to her knees.

Never before had she felt so hurt. It was when she felt something wet fall upon her lap that she noticed she was crying. Could it be that the painting was related to something she had forgotten? What in the world could it be that it was making her suffer like this and why hadn't anyone told her? Was it possible that they didn't know?

She was known, after all, to keep certain things for herself sometimes especially if it was going to worry her friends.

Kagome remained on the ground for a few seconds trying to compose herself and attempting to chase the pain away. She took deep breaths which seemed to slow down her heart beat a bit and waited for the horrible feeling to past.

When a few minutes went by, she finally began to feel as though she could breathe again. She made it on her shaky legs before clumsily throwing the drape back on the canvas, not wanting to see it again. Until she found out why it hurt her so much, she wouldn't look at it again.

Never did she want to be in such a state again.

A shiver went through her body as she rushed out of the art room nearly slamming the door behind her. She should have known she was not ready yet to set foot in there. Art used to be everything for her and now she feared her own favorite place.

She exhaled deeply, before almost banging her head against the door. This incident only made her despise what happened to her even more. How could she have gotten into a car accident? She was always so careful! What in the world could have distracted her so badly that she hadn't even seen the car coming? Granted the drivers had been put to blame, but from how it had been described she never even attempted to get out of the way.

Though, it was a familiar thing for her to be lost in her own thoughts, forgetting the world surrounding her.

Another deep sigh escaped her before she ran her fingers through her hair. They were slightly damped from her sweat which had been caused by the small trauma she had just experienced.

A few minutes back, Kagome had been relieved to be completely alone in her apartment. Now however, she wasn't sure if she felt the same way. She clenched her hands into fist before heading for the phone. She was about to dial a number when she realized she wasn't sure who to call.

Sango was at work and so was Miroku. Most of the time, joining them because of their busy schedules was a hassle and Inuyasha well… he had still not called her back and frankly she was worried. Yesterday, Sesshomaru had told her he was in a meeting and to be honest she was wondering if it was the truth. Wouldn't he have called? Came by? But he did nothing.

Maybe work had called him away though it was very unusual for him to be so dedicated to his job. Then again, he might have changed during the last year. Kagome sighed as she put the phone back in its place; with everyone so busy, she had no one to call.

Well, there was him.

She still wasn't super familiar with Sesshomaru but it was true that his company had not been displeasing when they had shared dinner. Actually, it had surprisingly been very interesting. But to call him right now, when she was a complete mess… was that appropriate? Sure, they might have been friends in the past but now, was she comfortable enough to share?

There was always her mother. Though, Mrs. Higurashi had returned to the shrine and Kagome didn't want to make her mother come all the way to her apartment for such silliness.

Her fingers tapped against the phone before she decided that it was silly. Sesshomaru had told her yesterday that he was a friend. Friends were there in times of need weren't they? Plus, this would be her chance to know if she could actually trust him in the sense.

She took a deep breath to give herself some courage before taking the phone in her hand again. She was about to dial his number when she chuckled; she didn't know his number. Once again she found herself putting the phone back in its place before she rushed for her purse. She dug through it rapidly and after a few seconds she pulled out a card. Sesshomaru had given it to her in case she needed to contact him.

She was feeling a bit bad for interrupting him during work but he had insisted that she could call at any time. She could only assume that he was not busy every second of every day. After all, Inuyasha was the same; he didn't mind her calling him during his work hours.

Her hand trembling slightly she reached out for the phone and began dialing his number. When the first ring echoed through her level of nervousness rose a bit. She began shifting her weight from one side to another waiting for him to pick up. The more time passed, the stupider she felt.

Did she really need to talk to someone just because she had a perfectly normal small break down?

Couldn't she bring herself back to composure on her own? Did she really need to discuss it with someone so badly? Kagome was about to convince herself to hang up when suddenly the ringing stopped and someone picked up.

"Hello?"

Kagome was at loss for words for a few seconds since this was unexpected; she should have hung up! She fumbled for a few seconds, looking for a voice, before finally answering. "Sesshomaru?"

"Kagome?"

His voice sounded a bit panicked which intrigued her but she proceeded nonetheless. "I – hm – sorry to disturb you." Idiot. "I just… I needed to talk to someone."

A silence installed itself between them as he did not respond. She did not know if it was a good or bad thing. Since it was killing her, she added more. "I mean, it's silly really. I was just… in my art room, and … I…"

"Do you need me to come over?"

The request sounded so natural yet it scared her a bit. However, she could not understand why since plenty of people had come over, especially since she had left the hospital. Yet, wouldn't it seem strange that Sesshomaru would come… alone? No. Miroku had come alone and nobody had thought anything of that right?

She closed her eyes tight trying to make up her mind. It was only natural that he would try to help. After all, she was the one who had called him right? If she hadn't felt comfortable enough to be in his presence she shouldn't have done so! But it wasn't her fault the whole situation was so complicated…

"Well, I mean, I don't want to be a bother…."

"Not at all," his reply came very quickly. "What time is convenient for you?"

"Hm- hr – Whenever it's good for you."

After all, she was the one at home with nothing to do while he was the one with a job. She was already disturbing him enough as it was so it was only polite to allow him to pick the time to come deal with her.

"I'll be there in half an hour."

"Thank you," she said, almost in one breath.

The loneliness that had been created in her heart by the whole incident could not be helped and frankly, it was forcing her to not want to be alone. She might not remember much about Sesshomaru, but so far, he had proven to be great with her. The lunch and now this. She really felt bad that she didn't remember her friendship with him.

"It's nothing. I will see you soon."

"Thank you again. Goodbye," she said awkwardly.

Once she hung up the phone, instead of feeling lighter, she in fact felt a bit heavier. It was a friend coming over, someone who was going to be there for her when nobody else was. Yet her mind could not help but drift back to Inuyasha. He had been known for trying fits in the past, especially jealousy fits, even when there was no reason for him to do so.

Though, he could never be jealous of his own brother right? Not in this sense.

-P-

Nervousness was something he did not often experience but right now he couldn't get rid of the feeling. When she had called him he had already been shocked out of his mind. Yes, he had given her his number, but never in a million year did he actually expect her to call him. Especially not in a situation where she seemed to require someone's presence.

For a second, he had felt thrown back in the past before her accident.

How many times had she called him, using the same desperate, broken tone of voice, which broke his heart every time? Even if he had seemed forward, and that it could have almost appeared inappropriate, he had launched himself forward. He could not say no, he could not ignore her plea for help.

In some way, it made him feel as if nothing had changed.

However, therein lays the problem. Things had indeed changed and he could no longer provide the same kind of comfort he used to. Kagome and he were not close, at least not in her mind. He had to keep a certain distance from her and he could not know too much.

It would torture him to be so close yet so far but at least he would be of some help, which was all he wanted.

Truly, even if he only was in her life as a small part, he would take it.

The lunch he shared with her reminded him of too many memories. He had truly intended on letting go, on allowing her to live a peaceful life without him in it, but he couldn't. It still killed him to think she was engaged to his brother but perhaps if he could become her friend he would be able to do something about it.

He would never convince Kagome to let go of Inuyasha but perhaps he could offer his half brother a warning. As long as she was not hurt he would do nothing. But the moment Inuyasha hurt her; he would have no choice but to get involved.

When her building came in view his heart cease to beat for an instant before he brought himself back to reality; now was not the time to be having a car accident.

Slowly he pulled into the parking lot reserved for guests and then proceeded to leave his car before heading for her apartment. He was usually filled with joy every time he followed that path knowing he would see her smiling face. Right now though, from the tone of her voice, he could tell he would face a mess.

He was quite intrigued about what could have upset her so much.

Sesshomaru rushed his way to the elevator and once he was inside he tapped his foot the whole time against the floor until reached her level. Once he did, he was the first one out and he headed down the hall. After he had learned about her memory loss he had believed he would never come down that hall again and that he would never go back to her apartment.

Some part of him was extremely glad that he had been wrong.

His anxiety only grew when her door came in view and he had to take a deep breath to calm himself before he could knock. He knocked twice before bringing his arm down and impatiently waited for her to answer. Surprisingly, she did so in almost an instant. Perhaps she had been waiting for him.

It was hard to prevent his heart from fluttering when she came in view. Kagome opened the door ever so slightly while poking her head out just to confirm it was him. She offered him a weak smile, which did not help his traitorous heart. He gave her a nod which was the only gesture he could do before she opened the door fully, silently inviting him in.

She quickly turned around, hoping to hide her red cheeks. She had been a bit shy thinking about the whole thing but actually having him in her apartment made her feel slightly embarrassed. It was true that all the males she knew in her life, she had known since she was young, hence why she was so comfortable around them.

"Thank you for coming," she said before heading for the coffee machine. "You want some?"

"Sure. Thank you."

Sesshomaru sat down at her table, in his seat unknown to her of course. Nobody except him had ever used that chair and once she had told him that a long time ago he had decided he would be the only one. Of course if she remembered she would have shaken her head at his silliness but now, she had no reaction.

Kagome's hands were shaking as she was pouring the coffee, causing her to fear making a mess. Fortunately for her, they were steady enough to avoid an accident. As she finished pouring the coffee in her cup, she realized she was using the mug. The one he had given her. A tiny smile appeared on her face as she put the kettle down before grabbing both mugs.

"Here you go," she said as she put a green cup in front of him, keeping the mug for herself.

Kagome thought Sesshomaru wouldn't notice, but he did. How could he not? He knew how much she loved that mug and the fact that she was still using it, even though she had no memories, pleased him immensely.

It was as he took his first sip of coffee that Kagome noticed just how comfortable he looked, as if he fit in her apartment no problem. Every time Inuyasha was present he looked extremely uneasy as though he didn't like the place.

Sesshomaru felt her eyes on him and he raised his own eyes, their glances meeting. "Is something the matter?"

She quickly shrugged her shoulders. "I was just wondering if you've been here before."

It was not something that would really cause her a shock, so he told her the truth. "Yes, a few times." Technically much more than a few times, but he would let that detail slide unknown.

Kagome slowly nodded before holding her mug with both hands. Now that there was someone to talk to and her mind was no longer focused on the pain she had experienced earlier, the whole thing seemed foolish to her. She could have done this on her own without disturbing him.

"I'm really sorry I disturbed you at work."

He put his mug down. "Nonsense. You sounded quite alarmed. What happened?"

Sesshomaru was doing his best to act calm and collected but inside of him, a storm was raging. He didn't want her afraid of anything, although at the moment it was something hard to avoid since she was unfamiliar with so many things. This was his chance though to prove to her he could be by her side and provide comfort.

Kagome began shaking her leg around, as she tilted her head to the side. How could she tell him without looking like an idiot? If Sango was the one sitting in front of her it would be much easier but with Sesshomaru, she was almost afraid to appear like a fool.

"I went into the art room."

For a second, his mask slipped and his expression changed. Fortunately, Kagome had been too busy staring down at her cup of coffee to notice. The first thing that ran through Sesshomaru's mind was that perhaps Sango and Miroku had left something behind which had led Kagome to remember something bad.

Since she was not continuing her story, and his nervousness was growing, he pressed her. "What happened in there?"

She bit on her bottom lip as she looked up at him. "I'm not sure. I was just looking around at the paintings… and…" She sighed heavily before laughing at herself. "There was this painting, well if you can even call it that. It's all black."

Sesshomaru didn't require further explanation to know what she was referring to. He blinked for a bit too long prior to nodding. "You want to know what it is?"

She shook her head. "Well, yes but, that's not it. It might sound stupid but it hurt. It felt like my heart was being broken into a million pieces and I could not stop looking at the canvas. I couldn't even breathe because of how much it hurt."

So even when she couldn't remember the way Inuyasha had cruelly betrayed her, she could still be hurt by it. Anger boiled within him, but he managed to keep it suppressed deep inside of him. In a way, he was glad that all she experienced was pain since he didn't want to lose her if she went into a shock but he hated to see her suffer.

"Anything else, perhaps a memory?"

"No," she said, her tone showing her disappointment. "I was hoping someone would know more than me." She didn't expect Sesshomaru to know much about her art but it was worth a shot especially since he was the one who was there.

"I wish I could help," he said, hoping he would be able to lie in a convincing manner. "But, all I know is that it was an important piece to you."

It was more than important, it was her life.

"You know I hate when you come in here. I don't like having anyone in my studio."

"Yet this is the extent of your efforts to kick me out."

She giggled before turning her head only to stick her tongue out at him. Anyone else, she probably would have insisted that they left but with him, it was different. Although she hated that he could see her work in progress she enjoyed his company. It made her feel calm and at ease, which in the end helped her paint better.

Sesshomaru did not say another word so that he wouldn't disturb her while he started to walk around, examining her work. There were always new pieces each time he came. Of course, most of them got scrapped in the end but he enjoyed looking at all of them. It was then that a strange one caught his attention.

He took a step forward before narrowing his eyes. Why in the world was it all black?

"What's this?" he inquired, unable to resist the temptation of asking.

Kagome in confusion turned around to look at what he was referring to before cursing to herself. It wasn't really that she wanted to hide the piece of from him, but she still wasn't sure about it. Though, now it was a bit too late and there was no point in lying to him.

"It's my life."

"Your life?" he asked before standing straight. "Strange. I pictured it with more pink."

Kagome rolled her eyes. "It's what my life became recently. And when I'm ready, I'll put the colors back in." A pause installed itself, before she added something else. "Starting with magenta."

He arched an eyebrow. "Magenta?"

"I know you love that color, don't deny it."

"Despise would be more the word."

"Magenta it is then."

They both shared a laugh as she dismissed something very important with a joke. She wanted him to be the first color back in her life. She didn't want to put neither amber nor silver since they were attributes both brothers shared. She wanted something unique to Sesshomaru. He usually wore only dull colors except that one day when he had wore a magenta shirt. Since that day, she had decided it was his favorite color.

It annoyed him to no end and she loved it.

Of course, she didn't know that he actually enjoyed color but he wasn't about to let her in on that secret just yet.

"Sesshomaru?"

The sound of her sweet voice brought him back to reality, as he offered her a puzzled look.

"Are you okay? You seemed lost in your thoughts?"

"My apologies I was thinking about the past."

He almost felt like kicking himself in the ass for being unable to come up with a better lie. It was obvious that she would now want to know what he was thinking about since she knew so little about the last year that had passed.

"Oh," she said, trying to not let her curiosity get the best out of her.

Kagome could guess it had something to do with her, hence why he was thinking about it now. Though, if he didn't want to share she could not force him. It would be nice however to find out more about the time she could not recall.

"Why is everyone so afraid to talk about the last year?"

It was blunt, and frankly perhaps he was not the one she should be asking this to. But then again, since he was the most emotionally detached to her, maybe he was the only one who could offer her a true answer. Each time she asked about the past, everyone around her became so nervous.

Maybe it was because they weren't sure if she wanted to know everything or not but sometimes, it made her feel uneasy.

"We all have our own versions of events. If different people begin telling you your tale, you won't know when yours begin and theirs end."

It was not the best answer but it was the only one he could provide her with that would not sound stupid or that wouldn't imply that they are doing it on purpose. They were only doing it to protect her but even if they told her so, she would most likely want to know the truth anyway.

Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose you're right."

It wasn't the answer she was looking for, but he was correct. Everyone had a different point of view and maybe it was better they didn't confuse her too much. Still, she didn't like it and she probably never would, meaning she would need to learn how to live with it.

"Thank you, by the way. I know it doesn't seem like much, but having someone to talk to, it really helps me feel better. I guess all that pain and darkness made me scared of being alone."

"You'll never be alone Kagome."

Because even when fate would erase him from her mind, he would always be by her side.

-P-

Inuyasha cursed loudly as his exited the airport, his mood worse than ever. Everything involving the last couple of days had been absolutely terrible and nothing had turned out the way he had expected. All of his trouble of course had begun with Kikyo.

He had an apartment with her back in Singapore and apparently she hadn't been there in a long time. It also meant the rent hadn't been paid. Since she had left him he had figured she'd stay there and take of it but it seemed she had other plans. It wouldn't have been much of a problem for him to lose the apartment if he hadn't had so many things left in it.

Inuyasha had believed that Kikyo would come to her senses and that there was no need to take his stuff. Apparently, he had been wrong. Now he had been forced to go all the way down there just to retrieve his things and there was still no sign of her. Apparently she kept her habit of not answering his phone calls.

She had gotten him in a lot of trouble; what would he tell Kagome?

He could have called her while he was traveling, made up an excuse and all would have been well, but that had been impossible. When he was angry and preoccupied he was a terrible liar. He hadn't wanted to take the chance to slip up and mention Kikyo because then he would have been screwed.

Inuyasha could only hope she would believe whatever lies he told her.

He groaned as he threw his heavy suitcases in his car before getting into the driver seat. Her house should be his first stop but he was a bit nervous since he still hadn't been able to come up with something to tell her. His grip on the wheel was tight as he began heading in direction of her apartment nonetheless.

Inuyasha knew he had to be careful when it came to Kagome because nobody had his back. If he messed up, nobody would come to his rescue.

He was about to make a turn when he remembered something important; the ring. There was no way he could show up without the ring! She would wonder where it was since he had been supposed to bring it to her before his unexpected trip. He slammed his hand against the wheel before cursing out loud.

Inuyasha tried to take a deep breath to calm himself but it did not work. Since his temper would keep flaring he found himself glancing around trying to find the most expensive looking jewelry store. He would buy her such an amazing ring she would forget all about questioning him and it would all work out perfectly.

A smirk appeared on his face, when he spotted one, thinking his plan was without a fail.

Meanwhile on the other side of town, Kagome was still in her pajamas watching TV while lounging on the couch. The previous day, Sesshomaru had ended up staying longer than she thought and once again they had lunch together. It hadn't been fancy since she had quickly thrown something together, but it had been nice.

Gosh, when was the last time Inuyasha had come to have lunch with her? And he hated his job. At least, last she remembered he did.

Though, it wasn't fair to be comparing, they were both different and she had called Sesshomaru sounding quite helpless meaning he was probably scared to leave her alone in case she went psycho or something. Maybe the doctor had warned them all about her going crazy if something happened.

It had been nice though, to have lunch with him again.

Once again, he had proven to be much different than what she remembered him to be.

It was a good thing though. She could finally understand how Sesshomaru and she had become friends in the first place.

Suddenly, Kagome was brought out of her thoughts when a knock on her door was heard. She frowned, since she was not expecting anyone before rising to her feet and heading for the door. She approached it, ready to open it, before she stopped herself.

"Who's there?"

"It's me."

At the sound of Inuyasha's voice her heart fluttered but she wasn't sure if it was good or bad. After not calling her back for basically two days, she was a little upset. She put her best frown on before opening the door and putting a hand on her hip to show her displeasure.

Inuyasha knew she was mad the second she opened the door and he could only hope that the ring would make her forget it all, especially since he hadn't been able to come up with a good lie yet. At least nothing that would sound believable to her ears.

"Hey," he said, breaking the silence.

He made a maneuver to come inside, but Kagome quickly stopped him. "Where were you?"

Inuyasha sighed. "Look, sometimes with work now I get real busy."

"I didn't know a meeting lasted two days."

He arched an eyebrow. "Meeting?"

"I came by to have lunch with you yesterday and I found your brother instead. He told me you were going to be in a meeting all day. Weren't you?" There was no reason for Sesshomaru to lie to her was there?

Inuyasha couldn't help but be surprised; Sesshomaru just might have saved his ass. He could make a good excuse out of this, especially since he had Sesshomaru's words to back him up. Who knew his brother would be the one to come to his aid?

"Yeah well, they weren't very convinced and all so I ended up goin' to China with them to try and you know get them. I wanted to call you, but it happened so fast. I just got back now."

Kagome searched his eyes, trying to find out if he was telling the truth or not. In the past, she had always been able to see but now she wasn't sure, she was confused. But if both Sesshomaru and Inuyasha were telling the same story…

He could see her expression changing and before she made up her mind, he decided that now was the time to pull out his trump card. Quickly, he took the ring out of his coat before holding it in front of her face. It took Kagome a few seconds to realize what he was holding, but when she did, her lips parted a bit.

"Is that?"

He smirked proudly; he knew she would love it. He had gotten the most expensive one. "Yeah. Sorry it took so long."

Gently, he grabbed her hand before slipping it on her finger and then looking up at her happy face. She was looking down at it and he could see she was pleased. At least now he wouldn't have to deal with an interrogation anymore.

"It's beautiful," she said, almost surprised that Inuyasha would invest so much in it since he had never been too keen when it involved marriage and what not.

"Anything for you Kag."

His words strung a cord in her heart yet the moment didn't feel as complete as she would have hoped for. She had always pictured it differently. Yet, it wasn't as if she wanted something fancy, she didn't even require an expensive ring leaving her to wonder what exactly was missing.

She glanced up at him and she could see his waiting face. Kagome put up a bigger grin on her face before throwing her arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly. This was all she had ever wanted right? There was no reason for her to not be happy.

"Thank you Inuyasha."

He felt a little awkward as he returned the hug but he pushed the feeling aside. They lingered in that position a little bit longer before she pulled away.

"Do you want coffee?"

"Yeah sure why not," he said before heading for the table.

Something felt a little strange as he sat down at her table. "So what have you been doin'?"

She stiffened a bit. "What do you mean?"

"I dunno. I was gone. You didn't stay here by yourself did ya?"

"Well, I you know, I hung out with Sango."

Inuyasha nodded as she joined him at the table before putting down the cup in front of him, which gave her a feeling of déjà-vu. Kagome did her best to chase Sesshomaru out of her mind as she tried to focus her attention on Inuyasha, her fiancé. Maybe the accident had messed her up more than she thought.

Hanging out with Sango? Why couldn't she tell him she had seen his brother? They were getting along now there was no reason to lie. Plus it wasn't as if there was anything going on between her and Sesshomaru.

Surprisingly, even Inuyasha could notice that she was out of it. "You alright?" Maybe she was just thinking about the wedding. Boy, he was in no rush to start preparing that. Hopefully she wouldn't ask too much of him.

"Yeah I'm fine," she said before taking a sip of her coffee.

I'm just a dirty liar.

-P-