Initiation

Chapter 8 – Ripping 

I still have to stay in Katsuro’s room, so the fitter comes to his room personally the next day.

 

She is another demon, but I’m a little comforted when instead of another silver haired dog demon an orange haired fox demon walks softly into the room. She smiles kindly at me before bowing to Naomi who’s standing next to me. Naomi bows back, “Thank you for coming on such short notice, Riu.”

 

“It is my pleasure. It’s not everyday I find a small Inu demon.”

 

Demon? Why do all of these other youkai think I’m full demon? I don’t correct her and Naomi stays quiet as well. It makes me feel as if we’re lying to her which makes me even more tense.

 

The fox demon, Riu, walks closer. I’m standing at the side of the bed and I bow as she walks closer.

 

Riu makes a surprised sound, “Oh, little Inu, you don’t have to bow to me, you’re above me.”

 

My stomach clenches and I stay bowed as I answer, my mouth dry, “I am hanyou, my lady.” I leave it there, expecting her to leave the room in an outrage and never come back.

 

But there is only the sound of her footsteps drawing closer and then her gentle hands pulling me back into a fully standing position, “Now stand straight so I can get your measurements,” she says, not unkindly.

 

I do as she says, confused, but willing to follow her instructions. She sets down a basket she’s holding onto the bed and opens it. I gasp at the contents. There are so many sewing things! Needles sticking out of a stuffed bag, dozens of colored thread, and what must be hundreds of different colors and patterns of cloth all in small squares and sorted by color.

 

Riu takes out a long measuring tape and comes close, but looks at me disappointed, “That’s not straight. Stand at your full height please.”

 

I blink; but I am standing straight. When she sees my bemused expression the seamstress puts a hand on my back and pushes. I guess I am still slouching.

 

“There, that’s more appropriate,” Riu says, satisfied. She starts wrapping the measuring tape around me and I’m stunned when I realize I’m taller then her. I’m really this tall?

 

She takes dozens of measurements, being swift but gentle. “So where is Lord Kat?” Riu asks casually, “He’s the one who called me after all.”

 

My ears pin back to my scull and I feel Riu push me back to standing straight. I hadn’t even realized I’d slouched again. The seamstress sees my expression and looks worried, “Did I say something wrong?”

 

Naomi sighs, “Kat is… busy. He has a lot of cleaning up to do.”

 

The two demon women share a look and I realize that they both know what the other is thinking. I just try not to think about him. I barely slept last night, being woken up too much by nightmares from the night before. All of them ending with Katsuro’s face in that hard unfeeling mask that wasn’t Katsuro.

 

I close my eyes and concentrate instead on where Riu is measuring and wonder what it has to do with whatever she is going to sew.

 

Not long after, she sighs, “Alright. The boring part is over, now is the fun. We get to pick fabrics for you.”

 

I slouch back over, not comfortable with being taller than her, “I – I wouldn’t know what to pick,” I respond.

 

She smiles, “That’s why I’m here. I’ll help you pick.”

 

All three of us sit on the bed and Riu takes out all of her choices of fabric. I can’t stop staring at all of the beautiful pieces. There’s just so much!

 

“Ok,” Riu says, “She will probably need four different outfits to start with,”

 

“At least,” Naomi answers, “Kat wanted her to be ready for any situation.”

 

Riu nods, “In that case she will need more then four. She will need at least four everyday outfits, a pair of exercise robes, at least three semi-formal outfits, and at least one formal wear.”

 

“That sounds about right.”

 

I can’t believe my ears. That’s more clothes than I’ve ever had in my whole life. What are they expecting me to do with all of them?

 

Both of the women smile at my expression, “Don’t worry Mizuki,” Naomi says, “You’ll get used to all of the clothes.”

 

“Yes,” says Riu, “and if you’ll be living in the palace you’ll need to get used to looking your best at all times.”

 

I’m not sure if I want to get used to palace life, but I put that thought away and focus with the other two demons on cloth.

 

“Do you have a favorite color Mizuki?” Riu asks.

 

I shake my head. I’ve never really thought about it before. She shrugs and smiles, “Well if you see one you like point it out.”

 

They start sorting through the cloth, putting aside anything with very big or outrageous patterns on it. “She’s too delicate for anything big or loud.”

 

Then they sort out some colors that wouldn’t go good with my skin tone. Yellow, pastels… That just leaves deep, rich colors with intricate and subtle patterns. They lay them out and my eyes are drawn to two different colors in particular. I don’t want to say anything, but I keep watching as they start holding up different colors next to my skin to see how it looks.

 

“Dark blue looks good on her,” Naomi says.

 

“Yes it does. Green not as much though,” Riu replies, putting away any of the darker greens.

 

I can’t take my eyes off the purple and red fabrics. But they aren’t picking any of those colors. They go for grays and oranges next.

 

I take a deep breath and hope they don’t punish me as I point to a deep purple fabric that looks smooth and shiny.

 

Both demons smile happily, “You like that one Mizuki?” Naomi asks, she sounds so excited. I blush and give a small nod. Was that the wrong thing to do?

 

They pick up more purple squares of different shades and patterns and hold them up. Riu looks especially excited, “I can already see the beautiful garments I’ll make you.”

 

I feel my face getting red again; beautiful? How can she see me as beautiful?

 

“Are there any other colors you like?” Riu asks.

 

I look at the squares and point to a very bright red one. Riu smiles, “So you like the warmer colors. It’ll go wonderfully with your skin tone and your hair. What about the golden ones?” She asks.

 

My eyes widen. They’re made of gold? How could I possibly wear gold?

 

She laughs softly at my expression, “It would match those wide eyes. Just as an accent.”

 

I nod uncertainly. I don’t want to get in trouble for wearing too nice of clothes.

 

The meeting lasts about an hour, and after Riu has about a dozen fabrics that she’s going to work with she arranges a meeting the next day to fit the clothes and then they will be mine. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but I decide not to think about it as she exits the room with her basket.

 

When Riu is gone, Naomi turns back to me, “Now, you’ll need to bathe again. But this time I will be the only one helping you.”

 

I stare at her for a moment before following her into the giant bathroom again. I feel trust starting to bloom in my chest for Naomi, but I shove it back down. I trust too easily. It’ll just hurt me in the end.    

 

 

 

 

 

*~*~*

 

I’ve been in the palace library for hours now. Since last night when I couldn’t sleep. I can’t sleep, all I see is her face; recognizing me, knowing who it is, knowing its me…

 

I grit my teeth and take a deep breath. Don’t think about that right now, I have to concentrate.

 

I’m trying to find the reason father hates this hanyou in particular. Apparently its common knowledge that he hates hanyou, even though he failed to tell me that these creatures even existed. I guess that proves his disgust of them, not even wanting his son to know what they are.

 

But I’ve seen Sesshomaru’s hate before; I’ve seen his rage, for the most part directed at me.

 

A memory of when I was very young sneaks into my mind; I was playing behind the palace, running around and generally acting ridiculous. Voices coming from the back courtyard caught my attention and when I looked I saw my father bearing down on a young servant girl who looked terrified. He raised his claws and I remember seeing the look of death in his eyes. I ran to them and stood in front of the girl, holding out my arms to protect her. I remember his face, the grin that stole his features, and watched as his claws descended on me instead.

 

Those scars are long gone, but the memory remains. I sigh and rub my temples, there has to be something about Mizuki that really has him riled up. But of course, there is no record of the word hanyou in any of the books located in the library.

 

In frustration I slam the book shut in front of me and leave the room. I walk through the halls of the palace, others avoiding my frustrated aura.

 

Maybe I’ll just have to break down and ask Sesshomaru. I really don’t want to do that, but I have to know what’s going on. There’s something important he’s not telling me.

 

My stomach clenches at the thought of talking to him but I shove the feeling away. He knows that I fear him, I can’t hide that, but I can still show him my dominant side. Fear will make him satisfied, and dominance in me will make him proud to call me his son. I just have to find the right balance and he won’t kill me.

 

So it’s decided, I’ll go ask him.

 

I turn toward his chambers, but before I get close I run into Riu the seamstress as she’s leaving the palace.

 

She bows low to me since we could be being watched by unfriendly eyes, “My lord Katsuro.” Usually she would talk to me like a normal person and a friend, but she has to act formal when we’re not in a secure place.

 

“Riu. Did everything go well with fitting the hanyou?” I say in a level tone. I hate having to act this way, but Riu is one of the few who know me better and know that the distance is just an act. Just an attempt to prove that I am like the father I hate.

 

She nods, “Yes my lord. The girl will be well fitted by tomorrow.”

 

I nod back, “Very good…” I shouldn’t ask, but the words leave my lips before I can stop them, “How is she?” I feel my mask slipping, but only Riu would be able to tell.

 

“She is feeling better my lord, she didn’t seem very stressed or nervous around me,” she replies. She knows it’s not what I want to actually know about, but we can’t discuss that in such a used corridor of the palace. I will just have to talk to Naomi when she’s free.

 

“My lord,” Riu says, breaking through my thoughts, “She went through the initiation?”

 

I nod, not wanting to say too much. I might let too much emotion through.

 

“And my lord took part?” I hear her meaning behind the words. She knows I would never do that. Yet she can feel my distress.

 

I look around and for the most part we’re alone for now. So I answer honestly, “At Sesshomaru’s insistence,” I say with as much venom as I can put into the three simple words.

 

Riu closes her eyes for a moment, understanding exactly what happened. “I see my lord.”

 

“You should get going seamstress, I would imagine you have a lot of work to do,” I say.

 

She nods and bows again and I move on. But before I’m out of her sight she calls out, “Her favorite color is purple.”

 

I stop, my back still to her. Mizuki. Her favorite color is purple? What a lovely color, it will look beautiful on her. My jaw tightens as I feel emotion roar through me. There’s no way I can confront Sesshomaru today. I take a deep breath, “Thank you,” I say, barely loud enough for Riu to hear, and then disappear from her sight.

 

There’s only one place that I know I can be alone, at least for a little while; the trees in the back woods of the palace.

 

I go there now, deep into the thickest part of the forest. I take off my formal robes and fold them carefully to hang on a low branch. Only in the thin white cotton bottom layers of my clothes I can feel the forest all over me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath of the sweet and spicy air filled with the smell of pine and leaves. The trees are so alive, I can feel their spirits pulsing around me, and breathe deeply until my heartbeat is in time with their pulse of life.

 

Sesshomaru never understood this connection with the trees. He started punishing me when he found me in this magical place too often. But he can’t touch me now. He hasn’t touched me in a long time.

 

I am not afraid of him. I am not afraid of him.

 

The branches of the trees groan in a breeze and I hear them whisper with the wind, That isn’t the truth. That is a lie…

 

My heart speeds up again, I grind my teeth and silently leap straight up into one of the tallest branches. I crouch on the limb of the strong tree, letting my hair fall over my face.

 

I haven’t felt this horrible in a long time. Fear and self-loathing curl out from my stomach and wrap around my throat and chest, choking me and preventing me from taking a full breath.

 

The trees whisper again, Let us know your emotions little prince. We will keep your secrets.

 

I cough and gasp, my face breaking as I crumple in on myself. Tears fall hot and fast from my closed eyes, dripping down over the scars on my cheeks and falling onto the bark of the tree who’s holding me up.

 

They don’t speak anymore, but I feel the trees closest to me pulse. They’re hiding me from the world, so that the entire palace doesn’t feel my high emotions.

 

I’m safe from the world for now.

 

I let go and feel something deep inside me break. I groan and collapse onto the limb of the giant oak holding me, my arms going limp around the branch and I lay my head on the soft bark. I let my eyes unfocus as they go blurry from the burning tears, and feel the two parts of my heart rip themselves apart even more.

 

We know many secrets young prince, the one who has been so loyal and open to us. We will help you Katsuro Inushiro. Sleep and we will give you the answers you so desire. Sleep…

 

The words float to me on the wind and I feel myself get instantly drowsy. I feel safe, and so I close my eyes, surrounded by the immense power of my friends.