Red Lotus

A/N: I am not dead. You are all shocked right? I know. If I say one more time, sorry I suck at updating and school is a bitch, I will feel like a broken record. Instead, I will say thank you to those who put up with me and still read my stuff. You're awesome.

Also, this is not beta.

Red Lotus

Chapter 7: The Probability

One day at a time.

It was the catch phrase they always loved to use.

After her diagnostic, she tried to obey by it. Then the days passed and transformed into weeks and suddenly she was not so enthusiastic about the whole thing anymore. Especially since she never received any good news. Though they did try to disguise the not so good news as reasons to fight harder; she had to give them credit for that.

Her situation was now entirely clashing. She was getting good news. She was getting better. However, it was not the doctor's key phrase that did for her. It was Sesshomaru's words; one day at a time as a youkai.

It was not always easy but it did motivate her. After all she was no longer trying to be human or even a miko. She was forging a new path, not one that was assigned to her but one she chose. It was a nice change. Of course, it did not always get her out of bed but it did make her smile sometimes and it provided her with some much needed strength.

Some of her nights were haunted with the voices - the evil voices of those terrible women. It hardly mattered that nearly two weeks went by since then. The memories were extremely vivid in her mind. Some nights, they were easy to shut down. Others - well other nights left her staring at the darkness. Last night was one of those. Her eyes were bloodshot, her lips were dry and her focus was all but present. She mindlessly ran her fingers over the small fuzz growing on her scalp. It was softer than before but it still felt dead. She would probably have to shave her hair a few more time before she retrieve her old luscious locks.

If she even wanted them anymore. She glanced at her still covered mirror, almost glad she could not see herself.

Suddenly, a familiar ping ran through her and her eyes snapped in direction of the door. It was Sesshomaru. Again. He did that on mornings she did not get out of her room. Thirty minutes before he left for work he would do regular check ups through the door. She wondered if he was intrigued or concerned. Although, the plausible answer was that he wanted to make sure she did not die in his apartment. It would seem rather tough to explain how a miraculous recovered cancer patient died on you.

Kagome did not move as she waited for him to leave, which he eventually did. He would not pry on her or force her to speak. He stayed out of her way - except when she did not eat for long periods of time. She had yet to be used to food again and sometimes it slipped her mind. Especially since the feeling of hunger was still missing; it did not matter how long she went without food, she was not hungry.

A few more minutes passed and the door of the apartment opened. Her mother. She did her best to stay out of Kagome's way as well but sometimes she asked a few questions. Kagome remained at the point where she had good days and bad days and her family was there to witness it all.

The only thing Kagome was not aware of was the conversation happening on the other side of the door.

"Is she awake?" Miyu tried to whisper.

Sesshomaru nodded.

"She hasn't come out yet?"

He shook his head.

Miyu bit on her bottom lip before asking a last question. "Is she alright?"

"She is."

Although, his nose could be mistaken he did not smell any emotions on her that would lead him to believe she was sad or having a bad day as Kagome's mother often called it.

"Good."

Miyu meant to give her daughter the space she needed and wanted but sometimes she could see the deep sadness shining in Kagome's eyes and she simply could not stay away.

Sesshomaru grabbed his briefcase from the couch and nodded goodbye to Kagome's mother. He almost looked at Kagome's bedroom door but he did not. Her complex human emotions were a bit of a puzzle to him at the moment and he could not get involve - mostly because he would not have the first clue on how to make her feel better.

She did have better days though. Sometimes, she worked hard. Kagome would spend the whole day walking around, working out her legs and arms until she was covered in sweat or she would try to make new meals in an attempt to keep solid food down or she would distract herself, never worrying. Those days seemed to drain her, however. She had yet to figure out how to listen to his little piece of advice.

He closed the door behind him leaving her, her scent, and her emotions behind.

-R-

Red, warm blood.

The unexpected scent forced Sesshomaru to stop in his tracks as he attempted to unlock the door. He smelled the air again, to make sure he was not mistaken, before resuming his previous action. He found his movements to be quicker than usual. Perhaps the fact that it was clearly her blood - his mate's blood- affected him. In less than a second, he found himself zipping through the apartment until he stood right behind her.

The sight he found was not the one he expected.

Kagome was on her knees, vigorously rubbing the couch, with a large red stain on her rear. A sniffle echoed through the room before she turned her head, suddenly aware of his presence.

"S-sseshomaru." Her lips parted and move so that her hair covered her red, crying eyes. "I'm sorry - I di-dn't th-ink. I didn't think it wo-uld happen so soon."

He stared at her face, then at the now visible stained on his couch but he said nothing.

"I mean," she began as she pushed her hair out of her face, "they said - the doc-tors said it would pro-bably take a year or mor-e before I start having them again…"

She usually napped in her room, not on the couch. She tried to watch a movie but she fell asleep and of course it was at that moment that her period decided to make a re-appearance. She would not have cared if she stained her bed but this was Sesshomaru's couch. It was embarrassing and humiliating. She could not even afford to get it clean or to get a new couch.

"I'm so-rry," she said, holding back a sob.

She was covered in blood. On his floor. Sobbing. Today was not a good day.

This time, Sesshomaru did something; he moved. He walked closer to her and only stopped when he reached her side. Then, he imitated her position by lowering himself down to her level. Sesshomaru then grabbed the ruined, dirty rag from her hand and put it down. "It is only a couch," he said in a neutral voice she assumed was supposed to be re-assuring.

Her arms fell limply at her side and she pulled on her shirt. "I'll clean it," she answered, hitching her chest.

"I will have it cleaned. Do not concern yourself with this."

If it was not for the fact that the scent of her blood was masking the stench of her emotions, being this close to her would have been unbearable for him. Though, he was not certain the blood was helping the situation. It was not any blood after all; she was healing and was now fertile again. That little realization was enough to make his nose twitch slightly. That thought did not cross his mind before. As a matter of fact, he never thought it would affect him in any way.

Apparently, he was wrong.

Sesshomaru felt that same prick he felt when she shared with him that she kissed his half-brother. He did not appreciate that feeling.

"I guess I am getting be-tter."

Some days it did not show and some days she forgot the process would be faster. She still thought it would take years for certain things to settle back into place but the mark on her neck apparently had other ideas in mind. Her period. She could barely remember the last time she had it. Her first chemotherapy was rather intense and not only did she lose her hair, her nails, her eyebrows, but her period and appetite also vanished.

"I'm so-rry I can't pay for it."

"This is merely an accident. You did not intend on staining the couch." He stood up, his hand clenched around the rag. "Do you require help standing up?"

She shook her head before wiping the tears that made their way on her cheeks.

His breathing picked up and he turned around. Calmly, he walked to the kitchen and threw the rag in the garbage. He would have to take out the trash - the scent was strong. He did not look back at her once as he made his way to his bedroom. He quietly closed the door behind him and then, sat down on the edge of his bed.

It seemed that each day the situation became a tad more complicated.

As he rested his hands, palms down, on his lap, he realized he brought the scent of the crimson liquid along with him. His right hand bore her scent. From the smell alone, he could tell that even though her cycle began, it was not right yet. To top it all up, he did not smell it when she was in heat - because she probably did not have a proper fertile time yet. He hoped not to cross that hurdle already. As he mentioned to her, he never found himself in a situation where he wanted someone which did not mean he could not get aroused. It would not bother him if she became fully fertile again but it could prove to be a bother - and somewhat uncomfortable - from time to time.

Sesshomaru inhaled slowly, preparing himself for the scent out there. Obviously he could not remain in his bedroom because she could think something was wrong with him and he refused to let anyone know he was affected by a bond between himself and a human. She was not youkai and her influence on him should be minimal.

He opened the door and walked to the kitchen. As he stood behind the counter, he looked at her. She was still staring at the stain on the couch and he could only assume she remained upset about the whole incident. As if a couch mattered to him; it was but an object. He only got it because humans have couches. It was the same reason why he had a television and a refrigerator and many other things. He had to blend in and appear normal. They meant nothing to him and they could get smash and it would not make a difference in his life.

"Are you hungry?"

"I'm fine."

She was not. She could use more food; Kagome was still nothing more than skin and bones. Since she could now keep her food down, it was her chance to eat and gain some weight which would greatly improve her condition. Nonetheless, her life was none of his business. If she did not wish to eat, he would not force her. His involvement in her life would always remain minimal; he would help when she required help. That was it.

Instead, he sat down at the desk and began some of his work with Kagome staring at him. She was not exactly sure why she thought he might be irritated. It was Sesshomaru. Except the annoying people he worked with - along with probably more than a half of the population of the world - he probably was not annoyed by many things anymore.

Since there was nothing she could do about the couch at this particular moment, her only option left was to wash the blood off of herself. She dragged her heavy body to the bathroom and locked the door behind her. A sigh rolled off her lips before she began removing her clothes. She did her best to hurry and get in the shower. Once the scorching hot water hit her skin, she felt herself relax. Traces of the incident were washed away and she leaned against the wall. Although her recovery was great, her balance was not. It was mostly because she had yet to recover her strength in her muscles and lately she had not worked on it.

There were some things even the mating could not help with and she had to do some work if she wanted to actually fully get better.

On top of it, she had to get something going in her life or she would fall prey to the same depressing situations as before. Maybe a job? Or there was school… but was she ready for big steps like that? Some days, she found it hard to get out of bed…how was she supposed to go somewhere regularly…somewhere where she would have to face everybody's glances?

Maybe that was too much of a step but what else could she do?

She sighed as she let her body drop to the bottom of the tub. The water rained on her face which forced her to close her eyes. Maybe she could talk about it with Sesshomaru? He might come up with an idea. After all, he became a master of blending in and all that none sense. Maybe he could teach her how to do it because it seemed she forgot how to be human. Although, she was not sure it was a great idea. Sometimes she sensed his aura and at the moment he appeared rather angry. It confused her since she was almost certain it had nothing to do with the couch. If he had a problem with it, he would have told her. Hurting her feelings mattered very little to him.

Kagome shook her head at her silliness and then put her hands on the edge of the bathtub to get up. Unfortunately, the bottom of the tub was slippery and half way up, Kagome tumbled down. Her back was hurt the most and then her head hit the edge of the bathtub, leaving her to scream in pain. Her whole body jolted under the unexpected fall and she was breathless. Her first instinct was to scream but because she hit her head, she was extremely dizzy and could not find her voice: the air was literally knocked out of her lungs. She attempted to find her balance again but the pain was too great and keeping her eyes open was an effort.

On the other side of the door, Sesshomaru's nose twitched. The scent of blood once again attacked his nose but it was not the same this time. He dared to venture closer to the bathroom's door to confirm his suspicions. Yes, he was right. That was blood from a wound.

He knocked on the door. "Kagome?"

Silence.

He tried again. "Kagome?"

This time, he heard a faint grunt coming through the door. She was mumbling but even he was struggling to hear what she said.

"I will open the door," he warned politely.

It only took a twist of the wrist for him to break the lock on the door and a second later, he turned the handle. As soon as he walked in, the scent of blood was even stronger. Inside, he found Kagome, her hair spilled over her shoulders, her hands trying to hold on to the edge and her legs hanging into the emptiness. The fact that she was naked did not dawn upon him until he was on his knees by her side. Nonetheless, his eyes never traveled to her naked body. Instead, he immediately took hold of her head and began examining her injury.

Blood was spilling from a wound and he ran his thumb over it. He deducted that the injury was minor and that their bond would heal it in no time. However, it was clear to him that she was unable to get up by herself. He lifted himself from the ground and then hovered over her so that he could wrap his arms around her as best he could. Once he felt he had a secure hold on her, he lifted her up. Her body was limp in his arms as he reached out for a towel, realizing she might want to keep her pride.

He covered her quickly and then proceeded to her bedroom. Once he was there, he carefully laid her on her bed. The movements proved to be too much for her and she found herself ready to throw up. Involuntarily, she grabbed on to his shirt, trying to lift herself up. Fortunately, the urge passed and she relaxed.

Since he did his duty and looked after her, Sesshomaru prepared himself to leave her alone. Kagome, however, feared being alone.

"Sesshom-aru?" she said in a shy voice. She truly did not want to ask but the urge to was too strong.

"Yes?"

"Cou-ld you stay? I - I'm sca-red of fall-ing asleep and thro-wing up," she admitted, still breathless.

He nodded, and since there were no chair or other seat in her room for him, he was forced to remain sitting down on her bed. He awkwardly stayed on the edge, his back half facing her.

"You can la-y if it's more comfo-rtable," she said while the urge to close her eyes grew stronger.

"I am fine," he replied.

It was not the most comfortable position but he went through worse in the past. Also, not only did he not want to invade her privacy and comfort zone, he also was not certain it was a good idea. As much as he hated to admit it, while she bled and proved she could now be in heat, it made it slightly intolerable to be around her. He enjoyed his life when it was not complicated and without those emotions. He never thought a bond with a human would bring so many feelings forward and dealing with them became quite irritating.

And so, he decided to remain where he was.

She did not seem to mind since mere moments later, he heard a soft snoring coming from her. He knew if she was a simple human, falling asleep after such a hit was a bad idea but if she was close to death he would know. The bond, his strength, would not let her die from such a foolish situation. Though, he had to agree with her, even the bond could not save her from chocking to death which was the only reason why he agreed to stay.

To top it all off, he was not like her. His days were not filled. He went through the motions. What did this world have to offer him? Nothing. It brought him nothing new, nothing interesting. He did what he had to do to survive, waiting to come back on top. Until then, he would remain lurking in the shadows.

Minutes turned into hours and he found himself more at ease. Especially asleep, she was not annoying at all. He shifted his position a bit until his back was resting on the headboard though his legs were hanging off the edge instead of being stretched out. Then, he closed his eyes.

And he inhaled deeply.

-R-

Once morning came and woke her, Kagome felt like a truck ran her over.

She could already tell the wound on her head was gone and that the bones in her back were not broken. Nonetheless, she felt like crap. However, those feelings were quickly forgotten when she lifted her head and saw Sesshomaru was there, laying beside her. His arms were crossed over his chest in a very serious manner and he almost looked like he was frowning. The sight almost made her laugh but she held it back: it might wake him and she had a feeling her laughing at him was not how he wanted to wake up.

Deep down, it made her happy that he felt comfortable enough to sleep by her side.

"Your towel has slipped."

At first, the sound of his voice, indicating that he was awake and knew she was staring at him, shocked her and she did not process his words. However, when she did, her eyes widened while she looked down. The towel remained on the bed while her whole chest and stomach were exposed to Sesshomaru's eyes. Though she guessed he saw it all when he rescued her from the bathtub. Still, she picked up the towel, a faint blush coloring her cheeks, and covered herself.

"At least ther-e's not much to look at," she mumbled.

He did remember her with a fuller figure. Of course, she also weight much more then. Her breasts were perhaps not even half the size they used to be, not that he paid much attention to her body.

An aspect that would not change for a while was how uncomfortable she was with her body. She used to not care about it but the cancer and the treatments took quite a toll on it. It was not pretty, it was not something anyone would want to look upon. Not that she had anyone who wanted that kind of intimacy with her.

"Thank you. For staying."

"I am only doing what I promise I would do."

Then, just like that, he was on his feet and walked out the door. She watched him leave a sad smile on her face. She knew it was Sesshomaru, the man who never slept with anyone and had no desire to do so, but the fact that her naked body did not even arise any kind of reactions from him was almost hurtful. It was not like she wanted him to be turned on by her but she expected…something? Even him being uncomfortable would have been enough.

Now, only one thought ran through her mind; it was that bad?

The door closed behind and she pinched her lips.

It appeared that her recent resolution to feel better was not quite working. She needed something that would bring her out of this routine, she needed something new. The question was, what would busy her enough to let her slip away from her troubles?

A job was out of the question and leaving the house was not a good idea while she did not have all of her strength back. Although…there was stuff she could do from the house right? These days all you needed was a laptop and you were all set. Work was out of the way also because she had no experience…but online courses could be an idea right? It was not exactly how she thought she would be going to school but it was an idea. At least that way she could do it on her own time and when she was tired she could rest up a bit.

The only problem left was the money situation. Online classes were not as expensive as real classes but she had no money. Sesshomaru was using all of his to take care of her and her family had none…not that she would ask anybody to pay for it.

That left her back to square one. There was nothing she could do until she got better. However, all this laying around doing nothing all day was starting to drive her crazy. Once more, she sighed and sat herself up in the bed. There were not any other options apparently.

"Kagome, I'm here."

Kagome frowned; her mother was here two days in a row? She did not want her mother worrying and taking time to come check up on her. The whole point of this was also to free up Miyu. Although now that she was thinking about it, Sesshomaru might have called her to let her know she got injured. The reminder caused Kagome to raise a hand and feel the back of her head. As expected, there was nothing left. It was as if she never nearly killed herself.

Another perk of the mating.

Deciding she felt stuffy in her room, Kagome stood up and chose to meet up with her mom in the living room. The surprise was obvious in her face when she saw Sesshomaru sitting at the table surrounded by papers. He never looked at her but her mother smiled.

"It's saturday, dear."

Oh right. She did not really have a reason to keep track of the days and every day was saturday for her at the moment.

"I made some Kasutera, and I thought you might like some. It should not to be too hard on your stomach." Because of Kagome's speedy recovery it was always hard to figure out where she stood regarding food, strength and energy.

"Thanks mom," Kagome said as she sat down on the couch. "I'm not very hun-gry right now, but I'll have some la-ter."

"Sesshomaru told me about what happened yesterday," she said as she approached her daughter and gently caressed her hair. Then, her eyes caught the sight of the red blood staining the couch and her eyes widened slightly. "Are you alright?"

"Oh." She forgot about the couch. After the hit on her head and everything else, it surprisingly slipped her mind. "I'm fine. I started a-gain."

Relief showed on Miyu's face as she nodded. "I suppose you don't have anything?"

Another thing she did not think about. She spent so much time without having to worry about it that she forgot the basics. "I don't."

"Well, you cannot go out and I do not think I want to subject Sesshomaru to this experience. I'll go pick you up some stuff." She bent forward and pressed a kiss on her daughter's forehead.

"Thank you mom."

"Do either of you need anything else?"

Kagome simply shook her head and Sesshomaru offered a quiet, "No, but thank you."

Once Miyu left they were back to being only Kagome and Sesshomaru and that made her a bit uncomfortable. She was at ease in his presence now and she hated this feeling. All that began with a stupid stained couch - which was still stained… Was he too busy to take it in? It only made her feel as if she was yet again adding more work to his already full plate.

"I barely use the couch. The insignificance of the event made it slip my mind."

It was a little white lie. Even though the blood was dry by now, he could still smell it. It mostly had something to do with the fact that he never really got anything dry cleaned. He took care of washing his own suits. Dry cleaners seemed like a place that would annoy him - and his nose. Also, the people there would probably get on his nerves. Since he did not know of any places, he did not take care of the small problem yet.

Though, with the strong scent of her blood, it might be something he should take care of rapidly.

"Is it ob-vious on my face?"

Actually he felt it. However, since he did not let her know just how much of her he could feel, that could not be his answer. "There was a shift in your aura."

"Oh."

At least one tense situation was taken care of and that only left one more. "I'm re-ally sorry about the bath thing." She nervously began playing with her fingers. "And for the uncomfor-table situation. I know it's not the best sight right no-w." Her eyes widened a bit. "Not that you w-ere looking or anything."

Why did she bring it up? Now she was basically accusing him of staring at her naked body while she was half unconscious. If someone did not want to look at a naked woman - or a naked anything - it was him.

"There is no reason for you to apologize. You were in need of help."

To be perfectly honest he barely remembered the sight of her body. She was awfully skinny but everything considered, he already knew that. Also, it hardly mattered if her body was a pleasing sight for him or not; they were not true mates and he had no desire to venture in those territories.

"You should not care what others think of you."

It used to be one of her admirable qualities. It was one she should keep despite the changes happening to her personality.

"I don't." Most of the time. His reaction simply took her by surprise. It was also the first time someone saw her basically fully naked. Inuyasha got a peek once but it was not the same. That was her first time naked in front of someone from the opposite sex… someone who also happened to be her fake mate and fake husband.

Their situation was complicated.

"I guess it'll be the on-ly time we'll be in a nor-mal husband and wife situation."

For a moment, she thought she saw the corners of his mouth twitch into a smile but it happened so fast, she concluded that she imagined it. Although, it would not be the first time he would have an out of character reaction. She could still remember when their fingers touched; that was definitively not a gesture she expected from him.

"From what I have observed we tolerate each other better than most married couples."

She laughed, though it mostly ended up sounding like she was wheezing. "I suppose." Sesshomaru trying to be humorous; that was new.

"What are the o-dds huh? All of this happ-ening back to back."

He raised his head and stopped typing. "Considering all the situations you have been, I would the probability was fairly high."

"You didn't see me that often in the p-ast."

"Yet each time you seemed to trip over your own feet. Is that not how you retrieve my father's sword?"

Oh. That. "Point taken." She grinned. "I wonder what happ-ened to it."

"I kept it." She tipped her head to the side and her eyes widened. "It is in storage. Not only is it of no use to me in this new world but I cannot yield it."

"Your father used to yi-eld it."

"Yes."

"He was a youkai." She turned her body to face his. "Myoga once tol-d us that your father made the sword to pro-tect Inuyasha's mother, who was a human."

"That is correct." Though he despised that very much when he was a young pup.

"And you yield it once with a human arm and Inu-yasha could yield it all the time… once he swore to protect me. A human."

He blinked slowly. "Are you suggesting I cannot yield it because I never had a human to protect?"

She shrugged. "Maybe."

None of them ever knew much about the sword. They simply learned about it as they went along their adventure.

"I still cannot yield it."

"You pro-mised to protect me."

"I am under an oath, an obligation. There was no feelings beneath it unlike when my father tried to protect Izayoi and Inuyasha wished to save you."

When he put it like that, it did not help ease the guilt she felt. She shuffled her feet and pulled away from him slightly. She was his obligation.

"As I have mentioned to you, I believe you are worthy of receiving a second chance at life. I also do not mind this."

Her emotions were not part of his preoccupations. He was not certain why he made sure to add to his previous statement to spare her feelings. None of what he just said was a lie but there was also no point in mentioning it. After all, she was already well aware of the reason why he came to her at the hospital.

Kagome believed his words. His promise to Inuyasha was extremely vague and he clearly went further than what was required of him. She was extremely grateful for that.

"I think it still counts. For the ss-word, I mean."

"I do not believe it would be wise to test your theory in the middle of Tokyo."

She laughed. "Inuyasha did that once… it did n-ot turn out well."

As she spoke about his brother, her face brightened. He could also sense through her how much she missed him. Almost involuntarily, he stood up. This time however, he was not going away from her but closer to her. He joined her on the couch and the only thing separating them was the red stain.

She was not put off by his closeness. Instead, she realized how much she welcomed it.

Having emotions influence his actions was new to him and it was a concept he was growing to hate more and more each time. Trying to distract from the situation, he took the remote and turned on the television. She never said a word.

She did do something else however.

Out of nowhere, while the silent room was filled with background noises coming from the television that neither of them were watching, she moved her hand. She kept on moving it until her little finger touched his… much like he had done before. He almost felt the urge to look at her but he did not.

Kagome allowed her tensed body to relax. She recognized the feeling in the room. It was the same one that was present when he joined her on the couch much like now and connected their hands with a touch. She did not realize it before but she did now; it came from Sesshomaru.

She felt his feelings.

Deep down, through all the layers, the power, the strength, it was… insecurity.

What was the probability of that?

-R-