Thank you sooooo much for the reviews!!!! Nice guesses but for the sake of suspence I'll have to sit on my own lips for keeping them quiet...
Sorry about those who got confused about "bitter" in the last part of the latest chapter... I sometimes omit words, like 'no' 'the' or similar... in this case I forgot two and it makes it sound wierd xDDD so... I corrected it, it should be "bitter towards life" = not really happy anmore, a bit hopeless, pessimistic and depressed...
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“What do you want?”
The angry face of his little brother was cut into a narrow piece of pale flesh through the almost closed door.
“Dinner. I can smell that you’re cooking something already.”
“I don’t have enough for two. Screw you.”
“I anticipated that and brought the ingredients myself.”
“Why don’t you eat on your own then?”
Sesshomaru just shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly and looked at his brother with an intensity that would have made any human faint long ago but the hanyou just looked back with his calm and indiscernible expression. Then with a sigh, the hanyou gave in and with a certain tone of resignation in his voice:
“Do whatever you want to do…”
The hanyou turned around and disappeared in the narrow hallway, only the faintest sound of clothes rustling over the tatami mats indicating the presence of their owner disappearing in the confines of his house. Sesshomaru chuckled to himself as if he had won a fight against him and after taking off his shoes, stepped in like this was his own house. Following the scents he gained the kitchen where his brother was back to his cooking task. Deposing the stuff he had bought on a free surface, he leaned over Inuyasha’s shoulder to see what he was making.
“Again only vegetables? Are you sure you’re a hanyou?”
“Mind your own business, Sesshomaru. I didn’t feel like buying meat.”
“Good thing I brought some. Is beef alright?”
“Whatever. If you’re already going to annoy me here, dress the table at least.”
“Hai, hai… don’t be that grumpy, little brother…”
“…”
The Youkai opened a few drawers and cupboards until he found everything they needed and placed them with almost maniacal perfection on the table. Just as he carefully laid down the sticks, Inuyasha calmly asked:
“Do you want your meat raw or cooked?”
“Raw, if possible.”
Sesshomaru leaned against the kitchen and watched his younger brother slice the big piece of meat into neat slices and fry half of it with almost expert handling. Once more, the gaze of the elder brother stopped at the sight of his hands. They were very lean, if not scrawny, and still held the aura of the swordsman, even though he now held only a wooden ladle. The callosities had long ago had disappeared since his younger brother had stopped being a master of the sword and had become a master of the pen. The skin was almost transparent, showing the finely drawn blood vessels tied in their own natural pattern under his flesh. The claws were neat and clean, still keeping their sharp edges, although Sesshomaru suspected that they weren’t really used anymore.
“Stop staring, it’ll be ready in a minute.”
Sesshomaru tore his gaze away from the hands and looked at his younger brother’s face. The expression was as always introverted, dark and somehow bitter. His eyes did not have that rebellious sparkle anymore, the golden irises seemed used and tired from time and yet they still captured the youkai’s attention as always. Something was hidden behind them, he knew it and he was curious about it. The former Lord of the Western Lands noticed that the cheeks, already pale and without the childish plumpness from half a century ago, had gotten slightly hollower over the last few weeks. With his eyes he checked the rest of his brother and was almost scared at how thin his neck and the rest of his limbs hidden under the pullover had to be. It wasn’t yet at a stage where it would be medicinally dangerous but it didn’t look good at all, especially since Inuyasha didn’t look very resistant to anything anymore.
“You have gotten thinner.”
“… maybe.”
“You should eat more; it’s not healthy to be like this.”
“I had a deadline last week and I forgot to eat regularly…”
“Being a passionate writer is fine but how could you forget to eat?”
“…”
“I should stop by more often… “
“It’s ready.”
During their meal Sesshomaru tried to get a conversation going but the hanyou always evaded with short answers or just saying nothing, as he had done during the last few stay-over of his brother. The pure-blooded youkai was slowly getting annoyed at this behavior and at the same time concerned with himself and why he was so pent up on building up a new relation with the brother had had once so despised and now craved in a strange way, not so sure anymore that it was a purely bodily affair. After another look to side instead of an answer, Sesshomaru snapped:
“Is it that bad to speak with me? Do you hate me that much?”
“It’s not like that…”
“Then why? Why do only answer like that, why don’t you say something?”
“I… I did not ask for you to come here…”
“So… Am I that much of a bother?”
“No…”
“Why, Inuyasha… why don’t you want us to be together?”
“I prefer being alone…”
“I don’t believe you. You were the one always amassing friends around you and I was the one travelling alone, Inuyasha. I know you don’t like being alone.”
“That was… 500 years ago, Sesshomaru…It’s the past and I’m not the same as back then. I have no intention of reviving the past.”
“So do I. Then why don’t you work with me for a shared future?”
“… the future we have ahead might not be the same for both of us…”
“But it might be! And even if, why can’t we put everything aside and become what we should have been? The age of demons is gone so why can’t we see it through until the end together? Blood isn’t important anymore, so do father’s heirlooms…”
“Enough Sesshomaru… I don’t mind you coming here whenever you feel like it but don’t expect me to do more than open the door. Heck, if you want, I’ll give you the damn key and you can come in whenever you want…”
The youkai wanted to reply something but Inuyasha stood up and carried his stuff into the kitchen.
“Thank you for the meat. I still have to do something so just put your stuff into the sink, I’ll wash it later on.”
The hanyou disappeared into the hallway leading to the other rooms and Sesshomaru was left behind with a bad aftertaste in his mouth. He finished his meal alone and as he brought his plate into the kitchen, he noticed that his brother had only eaten half of his portion. Concern cursed through his mind as he put the rests into bowls for keeping them in the fridge. Although Inuyasha had said to only depose his dishes, the former Lord of the Western Lands began to do the washing up, not minding the humble task as much as he would have a few months earlier. As soon as he was done, he left for the room where his brother was. The workroom was empty and the bed room was closed while a frowning Sesshomaru stood in front of it and sighed. Deciding that he should leave him alone as something seemed to tear at the hanyou, something he didn’t want to tell him, his only family left, he went to a room he had discovered only on his fourth visit in the house.
Almost identical with the work room, this room was filled with various objects and more importantly, everything that the hanyou had ever written, published or not, drabble or completely worked out stories. The notebooks filled a whole little library themselves and Sesshomaru liked to pull out one at random as a change before he plunged into another work of his brother. To his surprise ‘Makoto Shirayuki’ was the second pseudonym of his brother and his previous identity, ‘Satori Shirayuki’ had been a poet and a writer as well, almost doubling the amount of works the youkai could delectate himself with and observe the literary evolution of his little brother who was again working on poems. He chose a few small books, mostly collections of poems, before returning to his room, the guest room, already buried in the verse and not needing to look where he walked until he stretched out on the comfortable futon which was now almost permanently laid out for him. Only when he had finished the first one he turned around, now lying on his back, he looked at the night sky through the open panels before his window.
“New moon, eh? No wonder it was rather dark…”
Suddenly a cough disrupted the peace of the night with an ugly, rasp and painful sound from the next room where his younger brother lay. Having no doubt as from whom it came, Sesshomaru immediately worried as the cough didn’t sound good at all. Even though it calmed down a bit the youkai could now hear the wheezing sound of a chest only moving with great difficulties and he stood up, deciding he had to check no matter what his brother would say. As he was just in front of the closed door he heard a pained moan vainly stifled, as if Inuyasha’s whole body was hurting at the slightest movement.
“Inuyasha?”
The youkai already had his hand on the door frame, not yet daring to open it.
“Go… away…”
“You are sick. Let me help you.”
“Go… away…”
“I’m coming in…”
“NO!”
Sesshomaru froze as he could imagine from the following fit of cough how much it had had to hurt the hanyou who was apparently seriously sick.
“No… don’t come… in”
The voice was rasped, wheezing and weak, barely audible through the thin paper.
“Please… just go away…”
“Inuyasha, you sound horrible… Let me help you!”
“If you… open this door… I’ll never… forgive you…”
“Inuyasha…”
The wheezing calmed down and Sesshomaru felt a body leaning against the door from the other side.
“Sesshomaru… you know about… hanyous, right? We transform…”
“… into humans from time to time… don’t tell me, you…”
“Right… tonight… I am human… I don’t… want you to ever see me… like this…”
“But… why?”
“Don’t ask…”
“Are you sick? Are you in pain?”
“I’m definitively not very healthy but it’s… okay… this human body is… after all around 600 years old… it’s not the youngest anymore… even with youkai… blood…”
“Do you… need medicine?”
“Ah, no… I have it with me… but… a glass of water would be… wonderful…”
Sesshomaru disappeared in flash and came back hurriedly with a glass full of cool water. He put it down right where the door would open and the door opened a little bit, just enough for a hand to pass. The hand of his brother was skeletal, the skin grey and looking like old paper that had been used once too much and in spite of his will to accept all of his younger brother, Sesshomaru found himself gasping at the sigh and being repulsed at the thought of how the rest of his brother’s body looked right then.
“Thank you…”
The rustling of aluminum betrayed pills being taken out and following the sounds of water being drunk, the glass was put somewhere on a wooden surface. Sesshomaru sat down; his back leaning against where he supposed his brother was leaning against the wall as well. In silence they sat there, not knowing what to say, what to admit to the other while the seconds, the hours ticked by inexorably. Suddenly the youkai heard a soft rustling and brother writing something on his phone.
“Sorry, Sesshomaru… I can’t go on, I need a break…”
“From what?”
“Let’s see… maybe from myself…”
“You’re going away?”
“Yeah… a friend will come… to get me tomorrow morning…”
“When will you be back?”
“One day…”
Sesshomaru felt hurt as his brother seemed to vanish right before his eyes to a place where he couldn’t follow him but Inuyasha seemed to be in real trouble and he didn’t wish to stand in the way of what the hanyou needed.
“I’ll miss you...”
Inuyasha didn’t answer and after a while he whispered:
“Go back to your… room… I’ll sleep for a bit…”
“I’ll stay here and watch over you.”
“I don’t need… your protection.”
The youkai didn’t answer but stayed there while the rustling of fabric told him exactly how his brother slumped back into his bed, the movements slow and less fluent than usual. Soon a regular breath reached his sensitive ears and he relaxed a bit, knowing that while asleep, the pain wouldn’t reach his brother even if he didn’t know what caused it. He wondered if the explanation that it was just his age was really enough for what he had seen. Of course he knew that hanyous had shorter lives than pure-blooded youkai but they could reach up to 8 centuries of existence and Inuyasha was with his 600 years still good to go for while and his body shouldn’t be that unhealthy as the aging process for most youkai and hanyou was only visible during their last 50 years of existence. However, Sesshomaru had never seen a hanyou in its human form so he didn’t if maybe that was normal for them to be in a state like that. The youkai sighed and tried to forget about the saddening fact that his younger brother would die earlier than him and that he himself would have to die one day, probably all alone.
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