Come Undone

Your vision darkens around the edges, your mind becoming shadowy even through the darkness of your still-shut eyes. All the images you have conjured have left your head. There are no more thoughts now. No more words.

Speaking…

Thinking…

Both of these have become impossible to entertain.

Even breathing has become as debatable as the blurred distinction between pain and pleasure. Nothing now exists beyond the rushing torrent that’s sweeping through you as he echoes your moans of pleasure, your bodies shaking in the ultimate ecstasy of mutual orgasm.

You convulse underneath him, shuddering in tremulous rapture as he jerks against your convulsing frame. And with a loud, guttural cry, he bursts inside you as you fall apart all over his hand.

He can feel the contractions of your orgasm pulsing within his grasp, spilling your fluids frenziedly until it’s overflowing down your thighs, while he lets go of the hot liquid of his release, filling you to the fullest depths.

At last, your elbows give out, and you fall flat onto the mattress with a moaning cry that sounds more like a whimpering howl, Sesshoumaru toppling weakly above you, twisting his hips up in one final drive, spending himself utterly inside your drawn pussy. Helplessly, you lie caught beneath him, his bone-jarring orgasm causing him to shudder as his chest collapses against your sweat-slick back.

Panting, he rests his forehead against the back of your head, leveraging most of his weight off your back as you turn your face away. Seconds later, he slides his hands down the length of your arms to grasp your fingers, tangling them together as he waits for both of your breathing to slow down and return to normal.

Together you breathe heavily, each trying to refill your respective lungs, each trying to regain your strength, as you lie sandwiched together in waning rhapsody.

---

(Kagome's POV)

A short time later, you feel his form shifting against your back, and you can’t resist the small sound of protest that seeps out of your mouth when you feel him withdraw from your sex completely. He gives your dainty hands one final squeeze before turning over onto his back, lying prone, leaving your backside completely bare and exposed to the cooling air.

You're too exhausted to move, however; too marvelously spent to feel anything but the fading afterglow. Eventually, your eyes drop to a close, lethargy taking over, even as you attempt to concentrate on holding onto that fleeting feeling before it can vanish completely into oblivion.

You know you desperately want to prolong this moment as much as you can.

A few more seconds pass, and not surprisingly, you hear his body sliding against the slick, damp sheets, feeling the mattress shift unsteadily beside you. He doesn’t have to tell you what it is that he's doing or what’s happening now for that matter because you know precisely what his movements mean – this fantasy, or at least the sexual part of it, has finally come to an end.

The bed dips for a moment as you sense him sitting on its edge. But eventually, he stands up, the mattress rising up to return to its original shape when he leaves. And all at once, you can no longer feel his intoxicating warmth, and you're left lying in the center of his bed once more:

Naked.

Uncovered.

Alone.

You hear him walking about the room, moving to drop the bottle of lube back inside the nightstand. He doesn’t say a word to you, and you don’t say a word to him. Instead, you do your best to keep your eyes shut, listening intently as he opens the door to the master bathroom, flicks on the lights, before shutting the door behind him with a soft click.

The unmistakable sound of running water soon reaches your ears from the other side, and you wonder how long it will take him to get washed up; how long before you can have your proper turn to use the bathroom, get cleaned up, and then… leave?

You clench your eyes tighter, shutting out the invading thoughts.

“No…” you tell yourself.

If your memory serves you right, he's paying you to stay the night. And really, you're in no hurry to say good-bye. You're much too tired to do anything else except to get cleaned up and sleep anyway. And you'd much rather do those two things here… with him.

You only hope that by the time you get out of the shower that Sesshoumaru will have already changed the sheets, assuming he does want you to sleep with him in his bed tonight. Otherwise, you don’t know how your OCD, your proclivity for order and cleanliness, will handle sleeping in soiled spreads.

Time must’ve passed quickly because the next thing you know, you're suddenly startled out of your thoughts when you unexpectedly feel a warm, gentle hand caress your right cheek. Your eyes fly open to see Sesshoumaru kneeling in front of you, shower-fresh and still in his birthday suit, gold pools of tenderness glistening with something akin to adoration, a gentle, affectionate smile twisting the corners of his mouth.

~*~

(Sesshoumaru's POV)

You push at an errant strand, running your thumb lightly across her brow to wipe off the sweat, before sliding a warm hand down to caress her shoulder, her sweat-cold back. She shivers faintly underneath your touch. Leaning your forearm now on the edge of the mattress, you set your chin on top of it and gaze into the lights of her cerulean blue eyes.

“Hello,” you say, greeting him softly.

“Hello yourself,” she replies, smiling back despite her exhaustion.

You chuckle quietly, and you reach over to grasp her right hand, bringing it up to your lips. You kiss the backs of her fingers in a delicate manner as her eyes blink slowly, tiredly… incredibly beautiful and mesmerizing, in your humble but accurate opinion.

Lying there across your bed, naked and flushed, you feel a sense of pride at your ability to bring out the passion in this amazing and fantastically wondrous woman, wondering at the same time about your own weakness for her.

“Come with me,” you finally say, encouraging her to rise as you climb back to your feet. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

You tug at her hand, and with a weighted groan, she pushes herself up with the other and tries to sit up, draping her legs slowly over the edge of the bed, her face wincing slightly at the soreness. You wait for her to take a deep breath before wrapping a strong arm around her waist. And with another labored groan, she finally stands on shaky feet.

You ease her slow journey to the shower, keeping your arm protectively wound across her back as you walk with her to the bathroom. You open the door to the shower stall, usher her in, and then sit herdown gently on top of the tiled bench. You watch as she leans back exhaustedly against the matching tiled wall, closing her eyes as she hears you turn on the water, mixing the spray to a cozy temperature.

“Are you fairing well, Kagome?” you ask her now, concern evident in your tone.

“Mm-hmm…” she nods tiredly, eyes still shut, as she blindly reaches a hand over the soap dispenser to her right, where a fresh bar sits ready for use.

You chuckle lightly at her actions, amused that she’s now soaping herself without so much as cracking her eyes open, going completely by touch. And you think that you probably will not be surprised if she ends up falling asleep in the shower, the soap unconsciously slipping out of her hands and onto the shower floor, before she can even finish washing completely.

The sound of your amusement quirks a slight smile on her drawn face, however, and she opens her eyes finally to give herself a weary but proper washing.

You are satisfied with her answer and you finally finally with a shrug. “I’ll be in the next room if you are in need of anything. Your towel is on the rack next to the door, and your toothbrush is the red one in a box on top of the sink.”

And with that, you slip out quietly and close the glass door, letting Kagome wash herself in peace as you dry yourself with a towel again. You hurry to remove the soiled sheets from the bed, throwing them quickly into the wash, before replacing them with another set of fresh satin sheets.

Then retrieving your discarded clothes from the living room floor, you pile them on top of the heap of clothes in the laundry bin, before proceeding to pick up Kagome’s garments. You take the time to re-fold them before setting them neatly on top of the chair in the corner of the bedroom, tucking her shoes underneath the seat.

When you return much later, it is to discover her standing in front of the mirror, having just finished brushing her teeth, her dark hair still slightly wet and adorably towel-mussed, body glistening with steaming beads, and hands re-wrapping a simple white towel around her chest.

You stare at her openly, and her eyes meet yours in the mirror shyly, catching your reflection and seeing that you’re still completely naked…

And now slowly approaching her with outstretched hands.

She turns around, and you stand in front of her once again, hovering like a predator looking over his conquest, your fingers hooking over her makeshift covering. She looks up to see those same tender pools gazing down into her own, and her breath hitches when your hands pull down at the cloth. She feels the damp material give way without difficulty, unwrapping itself from around her bust before pooling heavily around her small feet.

“You are not in need of that for the time being,” you tell her in a low, husky whisper.

And as worn out as she is, your voice still sends tremors of anticipation down her spine, and she finds herself unable to resist whatever it is you’re planning for her next.

“Now, close your eyes… and come with me,” you coax her now, waiting until her eyes are absolutely shut before grasping both of her hands and walking backwards to your left, leading her to the other side of the bathroom.

She follows your lead without question, allowing you to turn her body around until she’s facing a specific direction. You tell her not to move and to keep her eyes sealed as you leave her alone for a moment. She hears something click twice as you busy yourself around the enclosed space, and she begins to wonder what it is that you’re up to this time.

When all is said and done, you stand behind her finally, hands grasping her arms gently. And at long last, you tell her to open her eyes, and she does so to a most breathtaking sight.

She takes an astonished look around the area, observing that the lights have been turned off. And in their place, strategically placed pillar and votive candles now illuminate the space, dotting the room in a soft, romantic glow.

The tub is also filled to the brim with radiant bubbles, shimmering brilliantly against the candles’ muted but luminous radiance. A delicate scent reaches her nose, and her eyes begin to mist when she realizes that you have put on the smell of sweet twilight, of clean dusk reminiscent of graceful breezes and fresh sunset walks along the beach.

“Sesshoumaru…” she breathes, turning astonished eyes to meet yours. “Wha-?”

“Shhh…” you shush her quickly, pressing a light finger on her lips.

You bridge the gap between your faces, then, lips intoxicatingly plush and soft, kissing her with the most pillowy of kisses that leaves her breathless and moaning for more. You give her a most enchanting smile when you pull away, winking only in answer when she begins to open her mouth to speak, seeking explanation for this generous act.

“Follow me, Kagome” you say finally, stepping around her semi-frozen form to grasp her hand once more. “Let’s get you into the tub, shall we?”

Nodding her head in agreement, Kagome gives you an indulgent smile and steps into the garden tub carefully, the water still wonderfully toasty against her cooling skin. And holding her hand steadily, you wait until she’s fully seated before climbing in yourself. Then shifting over to the curved end of the oval tub, you lean back and wrap your arms protectively around her torso, pulling her back flush against your chest, setting her body between your legs.

She offers you no resistance, allowing you to corral her into your arms and envelop her in your added warmth as she lies contentedly against your muscled frame, her head leaning back to rest against your left shoulder as she tries to relax, to release the tension, the soreness from her body; breathe in the moment.

Her eyes drift shut as silence, weighty and yet comfortably familiar, descends all around, interrupted only by the deepening of your breaths.

“You’re terribly lucky, you know that?” she says, breaking the hush at last, keeping her eyes closed, exhaustion evident.

“I am aware, Kagome,” you murmur affirmingly, your voice quiet as you hold her gently. “Not a day goes by that the thought about how incredibly lucky I am to have you in my life; how very fortunate I am that you’d even endure my stubborn, callous presence, and that you’d make me the happiest being on this planet by choosing to love me like you do.”

You plant a tender kiss on her temple, your arms tightening around her in generous affection as your nose nudges her ear reverently, and your mouth dropping butterfly kisses along her jaw.

“You’re not the only one, you know?” she states more than asks. “I can be stubborn too.”

“And I wouldn’t have you any other way,” you reply, and there isn’t a shred of doubt in your answer.

She grins good-naturedly, then, and you drop a velvety kiss on her cheek.

“Does this mean you enjoyed your present?” she asks now, a curious and yet knowing smile teasing on each side of her lips.

“Hn,” you reply, burying your nose into her dark hair to inhale her sweet scent. “This Sesshoumaru still can’t believe you allowed me talk you into this whole escort fantasy, not to mention role-playing a virginal lover.”

“But was it worth it?” she teases, chuckling lightly at your disbelief.

“You already know the answer to that, my Kagome,” you confirm readily. “However, I never thought you’d indulge me with the role-playing, but I’m impressed. You actually played your part quite convincingly,” you beam, sun-bright eyes gleaming at the not-too-distant memories.

She can’t help the deep blush that creeps up to color her face, and she giggles appreciatively at your gracious review of her performance.

“Thanks. But I gotta admit… You make it pretty damn hard to say no to you sometimes.”

“That may be so, but you sure drive one hell of a bargain,” you laugh, countering easily. “This Sesshoumaru can’t believe you talked me into paying you five grand.”

“Hey!” she objects suddenly, trying but failing to look affronted as she sits up and turns her head to look back at you, her eyes narrowing, feigning offense. “I resent that. This was your idea, remember?” she states more than asks. “If you lack variety and you want spice, then you gotta be willing to pay the price,” she retorts, and you can’t help but chuckle at the look on her face, the way her smug remark rhymes like a cheesy slogan.

“This Sesshoumaru is completely aware of that,” you smirk knowingly.

Her face breaks into a sunny smile, and you chuckle together as she falls back onto your chest and into your waiting arms. A peaceful silence invades the room, broken only by the sound of bubbles shifting and bursting into thin air, and you think to yourself that you can stay like this forever.

Moments later, you hear Kagome take a slow, weighted breath, sounding as if she’s contemplating about something. You swear you can almost hear the thoughts whirring in her pretty head. You nudge her ear, coaxing her to spill whatever’s on her mind. From your vantage point, you see her give you a meaningful smile, and you know that she’s certain that whatever’s been nagging her thoughts hasn’t escaped your notice.

She takes a careful breath this time before proceeding.

“Uhm, Sesshoumaru?”

“Yes, my dear Kagome?”

“There’s something that I’ve… been wondering about,” she starts hesitantly. “Something I’ve wanted to ask you.”

Your thin brows knit slightly with concern, and this time, it’s your turn to take a careful breath, slowly exhaling before telling Kagome to continue.

“Proceed.”

Hesitating for only a moment more, Kagome finally takes a resigned breath and asks, “Why did you choose this particular fantasy?”

“You mean, why did I ask you to play it like it was your first time?”

Kagome nodded slowly, “Yeah.”

Now it is your turn to take a resigned breath, your hands unconsciously rubbing Kagome’s arms as you think about how to answer her question. You’ve been trying to answer that question yourself, knowing that Kagome’s curiosity will eventually get the better of her and that you will have to give her a reason for your fantasy.

There are so many things you can say, but none of them will probably make sense… at least not without ounding like a damn pervert. You figure that it’s probably best to just tell her in a roundabout way the one regret you’re finding difficult to ignore and hope that she grasps what it is that you’re implying.

“Because I didn’t get to have you the first time,” you answer finally, sincerely. “It sounds odd, I am sure, but…” you breathe with resignation for the last time and continue, “…I wish I’d been your first, Kagome. I wish there hadn’t been anyone else before me, that there was always only me… from the beginning. Just you… and me.”

Frowning, Kagome asks, “Why?”

And this time, you know exactly why…

“This Sesshoumaru would have been with you sooner,” you tell her at last, trying to keep your voice from wavering, even as your eyes harden with the weight of your words and regrets and the ‘what ifs’ that you’ve been carrying in your chest since your relationship first began. “We would have had more time behind us, and I…” your voice fails you this time, and you break off for a moment to swallow hard and regain your composure.

“Sesshoumaru?” she calls, half-turning her head to face you. She gives you a faint smile, her eyes encouraging you to continue.

“In truth, I didn’t know what true contentment and happiness was until I met you, Kagome. There are times I wish that we’d been lovers sooner rather than later,” you confess, baring your soul for Kagome to see. “I cannot help but think about all the time we’ve wasted not being together, knowing that we could’ve been happier a lot sooner if we’d just-” you break off again, the pang of regret finally choking back your words.

Turning around more fully this time, Kagome gives you a thoughtful glance.

“Sesshoumaru…” she starts, but you interrupt her to tell her what’s really bothering you.

“No, Kagome,” you say, shaking your head. “I’m being foolish. I can’t help but regret the fact that it is not in my ability to turn back the time. There’s no way for us to recover what we lost in the past, let alone, do it over so that it is you who would’ve been with me all along… no one else. No one-night stands, no elusive bedmates, no jumping from sack to sack… You would’ve been the only one, Kagome… the only one for me. I wish I didn’t have to go through all those people before I found you.”

Something inside her breaks at the words you spoke. You can see it in the shift of color in her eyes, the way she’s trying hard to keep the glassiness from spilling into tears, and you whisper brokenly what your heart’s been yearning but cannot ever achieve.

“I wish I’d been your first, Kagome. For I know we would’ve made it last.”

“Sesshoumaru,” she begins once again, and you don’t even try to interrupt him this time. “I wish that things had been different too, but we can’t change the past. There’s no way we can turn back the time,” she tells you now, her voice gentle and heartening and serious all at once. “But that doesn’t mean you’re not my first because you are.”

You look at her, then, your eyes easily conveying confusion, befuddlement. You shake your head, not grasping what Kagome’s trying to say.

“This Sesshoumaru does not understand.”

Sighing, Kagome reaches a hand up to cup your face and smiles the kind of smile that makes your insides melt.

“I love you, Sesshoumaru Taisho,” she says with the utmost conviction, her voice both steady and heartfelt. “I’m so in love with you. I’ve never loved anyone as madly as I love you, nowhere as deeply as I adore you now.”

The implication of her confession strikes you in a profound way, and you can only look at her with wide-eyed amazement, realizing for the first time just who you are to Kagome Higurashi and where you stand compared to her past ‘loves’, her past relationships.

You suspect that she’s probably been keeping this a secret from you to protect herself, just in case you end up breaking her heart. Nevertheless, you can’t help but feel that fantasy or not, this simple and used-to-be-secret revelation has to be one of the best birthday gifts you’ve ever received because you know that no amount of money can ever buy you that kind of earnest declaration.

No amount of fantasizing or role-playing can ever replace what is real between you and Kagome.

And no amount of your past regrets and ‘what ifs’ can ever overcome what is genuine and honest and beautifully real in and of itself: that even though there is often a stark difference between one’s ‘first love’ and ‘true love’, to Kagome Higurashi, you and your relationship have become a fantastic union of both realities…

You are her first true love.

You are silent with awe and appreciation. You open your mouth to say something, only to find that words refuse to come out.

She raises her hand as a sign to stop. “It’s okay, Sesshoumaru. You don’t have to say anything.”

“No,” you shake your head this time, still reeling a bit from her confession. “I didn’t know.”

She gives you a sympathetic smile, then, and speaks in a voice that holds neither shame nor misgivings about who you really are to her.

“Now you do.”

You lean your head down to give her a chaste kiss, stealing her breath away, before following it with another.

She settles back onto your chest after the kiss, and your mind unconsciously begins to replay the evening’s rendezvous: from your initial phone call and Kagome’s much-anticipated arrival, to the seductive interplay and the particulars of your fantasy. You can’t help the smirk that twists your face as you remember each decadent detail, each delicious second of having your lover indulge you and your birthday fantasy.

But then a single detail worms its way into your thoughts, and you can’t help but wonder how serious Kagome was at the time. You know it’s really silly, maybe even foolish to ask, but you can’t seem to stop thinking about it.

What if…?

:]]]]]]Reviews keep my cursed hands writing. Please, keep them writing.
A/N: Okay, there is one more chapter left in this little story of mine.

So, now you all know what his fantasy was. Were any of you able to guess this? Come, now, I want to know.