Love after Loss

Title: Love after Loss
Chapter 6: Results

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It has been a few days since Sesshoumaru went for the HLA tissue typing test.

Kagome sighed inwardly, running her face over Rin’s slightly puffy face, before giving her a kiss on the cheek. Beneath Kagome’s eyes, were eye bags that spoke of the mental and physical stress she was suffering.

Today’s chemotherapy session went horribly, with a usually obedient Rin throwing a major tantrum and crying fit in the morning. Being of a tender age, she was not suitable to receive chemotherapy orally, and had to receive all three chemotherapy drugs through spinal taps, where the drugs were injected into her cerebrospinal fluid.

She would usually stay still and kept silent until the pain became too much for her little body to bear, but that particular morning, she kept crying and screaming, demanding for her daddy. Kagome could totally understand how scary it was to have a needle inserted into your back, even as an adult. What about the fear a child felt? It was immeasurable.

There was nothing Kagome and her mother could do to calm the emotionally-disturbed Rin down, and in her panic, Kagome had dialed Sesshoumaru’s office number.

Kagome did not know what he said to Rin over the phone, but the little girl calmed down visibly, and with little difficulty, the doctor and nurses were able to administer the suitable doses of chemotherapy for Rin.

However, it was also due to the chemotherapy, that Rin was unable to keep her lunch down at all. She threw up every bit of food she consumed an hour ago during lunch, unable to even keep sips of water down. It broke her heart to see her daughter suffering like that, and she could not help but send a silent plea to the gods above to stop tormenting Rin.

“Mommy…Rin feels funny…”

“Yes, baby…Mommy understands you are not feeling well now…” She brushed Rin’s hair away from her face, noticing how even as she did so, a small clump of hair fell along with her hand. It was excruciating to watch.

“Is Rin’s hair going to be all gone?” Kagome’s eyes turned in the direction of the owner of the weak little voice, who was watching the clump of hair intently.

She smiled and shook her head, before changing the topic quickly. How was she ever going to tell the child that?

“Shall I sing a song for Rin?” Kagome asked, placing her larger hand over the child’s little one. “How about Mori no kuma san?”

Rin nodded with the biggest smile she could manage in her weakened state. “Rin loves this song. Uncle Souta sang it to Rin yesterday, but he always got the music wrong at the end.”

“Really? Then you must get well quickly and we will teach Uncle Souta how to sing it properly, alright?”

As Kagome sang with false cheerfulness and exaggerated hand actions, Rin mouthed along.

“Aru hi, mori no naka kuma-san ni deatta! hana saku mori no michi, kuma-san ni deatta!”
(One day, I met Mr. Bear in the forest! On the forest path where flowers are in bloom, I met Mr. Bear!)

As they sang, Kagome suddenly noticed Rin was no longer mouthing the lyrics along with her. Instead, her frail-looking hand was reaching out towards the door, and her eyes were shining with a joy Kagome has not seen since the day Sesshoumaru visited her.

Turning to look at the door, her heart did a little leap when she saw her ex-husband standing there, holding a large teddy bear up.

“Kuma-san no iu koto nya Ojousan onige nasai!”
(Mr. Bear said, Young Missy, quick escape!)

Hearing Sesshoumaru sing to an obviously delighted Rin, who was squealing and trying to turn to the side when her ex-husband moved the teddy bear closer to her, Kagome couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face.

As she watched the two of them finish the song together, she turned to Sesshoumaru and gave him a little nod of gratitude.

He returned her nod, before turning his attention back to Rin.

“Kuma-san wa mori kara kimashita! Ojousan no Rin-chan wa ii ko de ita no kai?” He asked in a voice that was meant to sound like Mr. Bear from the forest.
(Mr. Bear from the forest is here! Has Young Missy Rin been a good girl?)

“Yes!” Rin exclaimed, smiling broadly despite being unable to sit up fully in bed. “You really came, Daddy!”

“Of course...didn’t I promise you that this morning over the phone?” Sesshoumaru answered softly, his eyes sweeping over her form only to see the toll the illness had on his daughter. She was deathly pale, and her hair was thinning rapidly.

He continued, ignoring the ache in the depths of his heart at the sight of her. “So, since Daddy kept to his promise, should Rin keep to your promise too? Will you promise to be a good girl and listen to everything Mommy tells you from now on?”

Rin nodded, before her little hand reached out for Kagome’s.

“Mommy…Rin is sorry. Rin was a very bad girl this morning. Rin made Mommy sad again.”

“No, darling…no you haven’t been a bad girl…” Kagome shook her head quickly, before leaning over to embrace Rin. “Mommy is not sad…not at all…”

Sesshoumaru watched on from his standing position, and it only added to the heaviness of his heart with the knowledge that he was going to bring Kagome greater hurt later on.

“Rin-chan!” Came another little voice from behind. It was another little girl from the same ward, who was suffering from a brain tumor. She was one year Rin’s senior, making her six years old.

“Ai-chan, konnichiwa!” Kagome smiled at the little girl, before making space for her to stand by Rin’s bed.

Ai greeted the adults and brought out two large picture books from her bag, before saying, “Rin-chan, my aunt brought these books for me yesterday when she came here! Do you want to read them together with me?”

Rin made a move to nod, before looking up at Kagome for permission. Kagome smiled in return, and it was not long before Sesshoumaru and Kagome were tucking two little girls into the bed with a large picture book opened across their laps.

As the little girls chatted and laughed at the colorful pictures in the book, Sesshoumaru spoke up to the silent Kagome.

“Can we go outside for awhile?”

She nodded, and they walked out together to the lobby where the couches and coffee table were. Somehow, the seriousness in her voice gave her a horrible feeling. Whatever he was about to say could not be good, and she knew it.

“Coffee for you?” He asked.

She nodded.

She sat down first, before he took his place beside her on the couch, placing two Styrofoam cups of coffee on the table. She noticed his tastes did not change; it was still black coffee without creamer. And he remembered her preferences too. Coffee with low fat creamer, and half the amount of sugar. He picked up the cup meant for her and placed it in her hands.

He did not speak up immediately, and it felt as if he was deep in thought.

“What is it?” She broke the silence first, even though her voice sounded slightly hesitant. “Is it about Rin?”

He took a deep breath.

“I received the results of the compatibility test.”

She froze, and her hands wrapped themselves tighter around the cup. Despite her external composure, Sesshoumaru could clearly see the surface of the brown liquid shaking, evidence of her quivering hands.

She used to think that waiting for the release of exam results was the worst feeling, but this was easily worse than all her past exam experiences added together.

“And?” Her voice came out like a whisper, almost inaudible. He turned to look at her, and their eyes met. She did not evade his eyes, and bravely looked into his, searching them for any answers. “How did it go?”

He looked back into hers. Those beautiful brown eyes of hers were something he loved so much, shaped to the point of perfect measurements, with wit and gentleness underlying the warm brown. They were still beautiful, but they looked so sad now. Lined with broken red capillaries, framed by darkened eye rings, she looked so upset. He tore his gaze from hers, before shaking his head.

Her mouth opened in a soundless gasp, before a weak breath escaped her, and her eyes closed.

“It was a half-match,” He replied in a soft voice. “Not enough for a bone marrow transplant.”

She nodded weakly, before hurriedly placing the cup back onto the table before her weakened hands dropped it onto the flooring.

She could feel the tears rising behind her eyes as the horrible news kicked in.

Sesshoumaru’s bone marrow could not save Rin either, and he was her father. What other hope was there for Rin? How can she be saved? If they did not do anything about it, her little girl was really going to die.

“I am sorry, Kagome.”

She shook her head amidst all the acrid tears, before answering in a choked voice. “No…there’s no need for an apology. This is nobody’s fault…we cannot blame anyone for this…”

He kept silent, and she cried on.

“What am I going to do now? What am I going to do?” She sobbed bitterly, pushing her fringe away from her face with her palm. “She is only five, Sess! Five…she has such a long way to go! I told her she will get well for sure…I don’t wish to be a lying mother!”

“Kagome! You are already doing your best!”

“No…no…she’s responding so poorly to the chemotherapy treatment…and the doctor has already told me that it is almost…almost impossible for her to get into remission with chemotherapy alone…” Kagome cried, recalling the doctor’s words earlier on. “She can’t even eat properly now…she threw up everything she had for today’s lunch! I don’t know what to do…what can I do? I’m so useless…”

He stayed silent, while she cried on.

“Earlier on in the ward, she asked me if all her hair was going to be gone…I…I didn’t answer her…how am I going to answer her?” Kagome choked back a sob. “And now, our final hopes are gone…I really don’t know how long I can stay sane, Sess…I don’t know how long I can hold on like this alone! I am already not thinking about the money issue…but right now, it seems that…that no amount of money can save Rin! I am so tired…I don’t know if I can take it anymore-”

Her sentence died as he pulled her into a tight, crushing embrace, pressing her close to him with his hand placed on the back of her head.

“Kagome,” He whispered, inhaling the light rose scent of the shampoo she always used. “Listen to me.”

Her initially stiffened frame relaxed before she wrapped her arms around him, leaning in deeper to close in the distance. She clung onto him desperately, crying all the pain bottled up in her heart out. He felt like the anchor to her ship in this choppy ocean, and all she could do was hold on.

He interlaced his fingers in her hair, before promising her as sincerely as he could.

“You will not be alone in this from this moment onwards, Kagome.” He said, pulling apart to look into her red-rimmed, watery eyes. “Because I’ll be with you and Rin from now. Every burden, worry or fear you have, I will share them with you. Don’t worry about the money issue too. Just leave that to me. Do you understand me?”

The tears were once again welling up in her eyes before she nodded in agreement. He pulled her back into his embrace, closing his eyes reveling in the feel of her in his arms again after so long. He missed this feeling, and knowing he could bring comfort and peace to her brought peace to his heart as well.

It was only too bad he did not treasure what he had in the past. Now, it was all too late. She was only his ex-wife, and there was a invisible line he should never cross.

“We’ll never give up, Kagome. Rin is our daughter, and I swear, I will do anything I can to save her.”

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To be continued…

A/N: This was the first chapter so far to make me cry as I write! I sincerely hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, especially the interactions between all three of them. Even though I have to say I like the last part best!