Killing Your Memories

all normal disclaimers apply







Chapter 6-



The wind will blow

The birds will sing

The fish will swim upstream,

Nothing in the world will change

…Except for everything





Days passed with her blatantly ignoring me with Rin running back and forth between us, growing closer to Kodora they became friends. I often found myself wishing to know what they spoke of in private. One day I passed by a window that opened up to view the gardens and I saw them sitting in the brown grass among the half dead flowers laughing. They both wore many, many layers of kimonos for the season had now turn bitter cold. I could not help myself as I snuck around the corner to the sliding doors that lead to the gardens and listened in on their conversation. Did I know it was wrong? Yes, did it shame me and my honor and dignity? Yes, did I really care? No. They continued laughing before Rin began talking once more, “He ran around for thirdly minutes. Fluffy had ordered him to watch over me, so he could only get about twenty yards away before he had to turn and run in a different direction.” ‘Jaken,’ I thought with no thoughts of pity what-so-ever, that worthless toad demon had gone through hell and back with both of the girls, apparently they were now sharing stories… and using that disgrace of a nickname for me.



Rin giggled before sighing, “Kodora-chan, I… I need to tell you something important…” My ear twitched involuntarily, “alright Rin,” Kodora responded in a gentle voice, “you know you can tell me anything.”



“Yes, I know Kodora-chan, I really appreciate that, however, I has to do with Master Sesshoumaru…” Kodora stayed silent for a moment, “Rin,” she sighed, “if it is important, but you do know how I feel about him right now.”



“Yes, well there are things you need to know… about what happened after you died, before he reawakened you…”



“…You’re really going to tell me?”



“Yes, I did not want to tell anyone actually, especially not Master. His actions during that time where not… they…” she cleared her throat, “his actions were most embarrassing for him, most dishonorable. I told him that he had been incapacitated for five days, but…” After a moment Kodora prompted, “but…?”



“But, that was not the truth…” I nearly stormed out there, she had lied to me! However, her next words stilled my anger. “I hoped to save a bit of his pride by lessening the true number of days, he was actually out for eight days.” I leaned my head against the wooden paneling of the door, eight whole days… She continued, “I can only hope he never finds out, thankfully the only people who know about what happened are either dead or are loyal servants of him in his army. You see… when I brought the news to the army superiors, they all immediately agreed that in order to save our lord’s dignity, we must capture him, and detain him until he got better. For four days Sesshoumaru-sama ran rampant in his true youkai form, killing hundreds of thousands of demons, both dangerous and benign. By the time we reached him, even my human nose could scent out the blood on him. The entire army had to be brought in to restrain him, he killed many of them as well…”



She paused for a moment and I was positive they could hear me as I slid to the floor. It was worse than I had ever feared, who had I killed? My own army? I really had lost control, all because I thought I had lost my Kodora forever, and this time, I really might have lost her, not to death but to myself. Rin continued, her voice wavering, she was crying, “he, he was so unlike himself, it was like he really had no soul… I could barely watch as he decapitated and skewered hundred of his own followers on his claws, he did not care, his pain had taken over him, his anguish was all he could see, all because he thought you were dead…” At this point I am sure she was looking poignantly at Kodora, “he was so out of it that once we got him into his humanoid form, they had to wrap him in chains… it was more than I could bare to see. We kept him in the dungeons down stairs and for four long, heart wrenching days I lay in my bed, helpless but to listen to his echoing cries. Night and day he roared, growled, snarled, screamed, all the while struggling against his bindings…” I heard her sniffle and Kodora’s soft words, she had seen too much, I was her lord and guardian, and she had seen me a beast in chains, how could she even look at me straight? I stood and was about to leave when she composed herself enough to finish.



“T-there were times when he would calm slightly and a few of the bravest servants would approach, trying to clean the blood aw-away, or t-to make him drink. Even though he was b-bound…, only th-three of the seven escaped with their l-lives.” She began to cry again and I turned my head down in shame, my bangs hiding my eyes from view, I could envision little Rin up in her room, crying uncontrollably, her tiny frame shaking with her sobs, as I lay beneath her yelling and roaring, completely insane. I honestly did not know if I would be able to live with myself after that. It was not fair to her, and it was entirely possible, though I shiver at the notion, that it could all happen again some day.



“The emotion was so o-overwhelming that it elapsed his m-memory completely, when he w-woke up, h-he could not remember anyth-thing…, the weird t-thing is, is that throughout the w-whole ordeal, he never once killed a h-human,” she took a claming breath, sniffled, and said quietly, “not once…” I heard the shuffling of cloths as Rin moved a bit, “please, please Kodora to not hold a grudge against our lord for something he did long ago. I did not know him then, but I don’t need to have. He is a great man who relinquished control of himself for the first time I have ever seen because he thought you were lost to him forever, Kodora-chan… he… he must love you… to have such a reaction as he did…he must…” I heard Kodora’s soft gasp as I walked away from the area, unable to stay.



I walked at a brisk pace until I reached my office as I again found myself buried in political issues to block out my personal problems. I was not running away from them, just placing them in the corner of my mind, or, at least, I tried to. However, images of Kodora ran rampant through my mind. Finally I could not concentrate at all and sighed leaning against the wall. When had it escalated to this? Sure, I had felt the pull between us, the way her scent flared when she was around me, how that same scent both calmed me and heated my blood, but love? I suppose it was the inevitable ending to it all, but it disturbed me more than just a little that Rin had picked up on it so correctly. Perhaps I do not hand her enough credit, she is now grown and is aware of such things, but still she saw even before I, myself, did. I gazed out the window, my land was bathed in the golden light of the setting sun. I narrowed my eyes, something had to be done. So what did I do? I ran.





I know it's a short chapter, sorry, review?