Blood Stained

 

Blood Stained

Chapter 57:

 

Although the night had fallen, Kagome was still awake in her bed, tossing around a bit.  When she had asked Sesshomaru if he could tell her about his past, she hadn’t expected him to actually share.  She had to admit it had been a surprise, but a good one nonetheless.  In a way, it had perhaps helped her understand him a bit better.

 

The first topic he had begun with had been his childhood.

 

She had been a bit surprised to find out that his parents had still been mated when Inutaisho had sought out Inuyasha’s mother, which had made Kagome understand a bit where his hatred had came from.  The relationship Inutaisho had with Izayoi had taken away his father and his family.  Though from the tale he had told, Sesshomaru hadn’t been very much attached to the whole idea of family.

 

It was when his father had passed away that he had begun living with his mother full time.  From what Sesshomaru had told her, she was a very cruel emotionless woman, to whom love was not a concept she could comprehend.  Perhaps it was because of the betrayal of her mate, but never had she accepted the fact that her son could feel.

 

If he did, he would be weak, just like his father.

 

Of course having lost his father, Sesshomaru had thrived to be strong.

 

He had been bluntly honest with her, telling her everything.  What he had experienced and she hadn’t expected that.  Perhaps it was because she still had in mind how Sesshomaru should act and think, but often, he would show her differently.  She couldn’t say that she was not pleased with that.

 

Once he had skimmed over his growing up years with his mother, the story in the tomb had been told.  Of course, that was their first meeting.  She had been surprised that he remembered her.  Very surprised.

 

“You remember that?”

 

“How could I not?” he inquired, almost surprised she thought he could forget her.  “You were the annoying human who succeeded in pulling out the sword while I could not. Also, you did not die by my hand of my poison.”

 

She chuckled.  “I guess I made quite the impression.”

 

“However bad it was, yes.”

 

Kagome arched an eyebrow.  “Bad?”

 

Perhaps he had spoken too much.  Though now it was too late to take his words back.

 

“You were siding with my half-brother, taking my sword from me and remaining alive despite my attempts to kill you.  I would qualify that as bad.  Oh I also lost an arm.”

 

Kagome couldn’t help but cringe at that memory.  She had sort of completely forgotten about that.  It was true that back then she really couldn’t have cared less about Sesshomaru.

 

“By the way, how did you get it back?”

 

“You are not the only Miko.”

 

“You mean, you went to a dark Miko to regenerate it?”

 

He nodded.  “I had no other choice.  Although I could operate perfectly with one arm, it was a sign of weakness.”

 

Sometimes she could forget just how power had used to mean everything to him.  To her it seemed like yesterday, but to him so much time had passed.  It was true that he had become perhaps more matureduring the last few centuries, she had to give him that.

 

“What happened to your thirst for power?”

 

“I came to understand that certain things were more important.”

 

The look he gave her as he pronounced those words made her feel as if he was referring to her, but she couldn’t be sure.  It was true he was working to make it up to her, but there was no way she was the one event in his life that caused him to change so much.  She didn’t matter that much, nor did she have that much influence on someone.

 

The rest of the conversation had mostly covered everything before their fateful, dreadful meeting that had lead everything to go into a spiral of doom.  Clearly they had both thought that part would be better left for another time.  Nonetheless, she would have liked to hear about his tale of the past five hundred years.

 

Since he had shared with her, she would not push him, just like he didn’t push her.

 

One day, she would understand the mystery of Sesshomaru.

 

 

-B-

 

The sun was just rising as he felt the warmth of the rays raise the temperature of his skin.  Through the sleepiness and his closed eyes, a smirk appeared on his lips.  Never in his life had he ever felt so relaxed before.  He was going to press himself into his bed even more, until he felt hands on his bare stomach.  The smirk on his face grew larger as her warm little hands felt great against his flesh.

 

As her hands rose higher on his chest, it was then that he realized something was wrong.  It was herhands.  His eyes snapped open, he glanced down at her.  Her hair was wet, he could only assume it was from a shower.  The other thing he noticed was her bare chest, her breasts pressed against his own stomach, her hard nipples brushing against him.

 

His breathing accelerated, before he pressed his palms against the bed, as he tried to move against the headboard in an attempt to pull away from her.  His heart was throbbing against his chest,  his mouth completely dry.  How could he, how would he?

 

Ignoring the way he was trying to move away from her, she only began to get closer to him.  A playful smirk was  upon her face as she bit on her bottom lip, looking so teasingly up at him.  Like a cat making its way to its prey, she hunted him.  How could she act as if nothing happened, how could she come on to him like this, why in the world was she naked?

Completely……Completely Naked?

 

It wasn’t until the thought of nakedness hit his mind that he realized that he himself was bare.  Why wasn’t he wearing any clothes?  Why did his head feel so fussy and why couldn’t he remember anything?  Surely if something had happened between them, he could be able to recall it.  He searched through his mind as best he could, but it didn’t help.

 

Meanwhile, it seemed Kagome had taken the opportunity to sneak up on him.  She laced her arms around his neck before pressing her plump lips against his, savoring his mouth.  His eyes widened in surprise, but it did not stop him, from somehow returning the kiss.  He could remember when she had kissed him not too long ago in the hotel room, he wanted that feeling again.

 

As she voluntarily pressed her body against his, he found himself wrapping his arms around her waist, feeling her smooth skin, before he returned the kiss with as much passion as he could.  She was his, only his.  He still didn’t know what was going on and if he should even be enjoying this moment, but she was making it very difficult.

 

The kiss went on for a little while longer before she pulled away, pressed her nose against his.  She laughed softly, which was the sweetest sound he had ever heard, before kissing the tip of his nose.  “Morning sunshine.”

 

He could say something or return the greeting that was proper in this occasion.  But he didn’t.  Instead, he asked the question that had been burning his mind.

 

 “K-Kagome what’s going on?”

 

She tilted her head to the side, pouting slightly.  “What are you talking about?”

 

The right words wouldn’t come to his mind so he glanced at her body then his.  “What is this?”

 

The smile on her face grew bigger before she shook her head softly.  “What’s wrong with you this morning, did you get hit on the head?  You’re acting weird.”

 

He was acting weird?  She was the one who was acting as if she was out of her mind!  Why did she think this was right, or that there was nothing wrong with what she was doing?  They weren’t that close!  No he wasn’t about to complain, but he wouldn’t take advantage of her either.

 

“Come on, stop acting silly.  My mother will be bringing the kids back soon and I want to spend some more time with you.”

 

There was no way he had heard her right.  

 

“Kids?  With an s?”

 

Kagome had thought he was playing around at first, but the more time passed, the more she became worried.

 

 “Yes, kids.  Our daughter, our son.  Remember?”

 

No, no he didn’t remember!  The only thing he knew was that they had a son, he didn’t know where that daughter came from.  Not that he wouldn’t be pleased with having a daughter too but he knew for a fact that they didn’t have one.  It didn’t make any sense to him.  Dreaming, it had to be a dream right?  It made no sense at all.

 

Kagome crashed her lips against his again and this time he found himself savoring it.  If this was a dream, the least he could do was enjoy it right?  She bit on his bottom lip, causing him to feel a sting of pain, but he didn’t stop.  However, it made him think; if he could feel pain, didn’t this mean this was real?  His whole head was spinning with confusion, as she pressed more and more of her naked body against his.

 

His will felt so thin, she felt so willing.

 

His hands roamed over her body as she moaned into his mouth, sending him into a spiral of lust.  Her hair was tangled through his finger and he could not help thrusting against her.  His tongue slipped into her mouth as he tasted her sweetness.  This was the warmth, the feeling of wholeness he had been looking for all this time.

 

In the past, he didn’t know about it, in the present, he didn’t think he could learn it.  It was true that he didn’t deserve it, but if she offered it to him, he would make sure that every day, he would let her know how grateful he was for having it.  He would cherish her, he would never hurt her again.  Never would he be the cause of her tears rolling down her cheeks.

 

“I need you,” she breathed, her heart pulsing in her chest.  “Please.”

 

Oh, all he wanted was to answer her, give her what she need.  Was it right?  He wasn’t sure anymore, his mind was filled with lust.  All he needed was her, he had to feel her, touch her, make her feel good, better than she ever wished for.

 

Sweat dripped down his back as he breathed heavily, a gasp coming out of his mouth.  He couldn’t help but glance around as his confusion took over.  It was only too quickly that he realized that he had indeed been dreaming, that such a world had been taken from him.  He still could feel his heart hammering in his chest and the warmth of his body.

 

He was in the hotel room, in his own bed, while Kagome was in hers.

 

It burnt within and he didn’t know what to do.  It was then that he noticed something particular rising through the blankets.  Oh no, this was not happening, not right now, not like this.  Immediately he kicked the blankets off his body, intending to rush to the bathroom.  Unfortunately, it appeared that the commotion he was creating was enough to wake her up.

 

“Sesshomaru?”

 

He froze dead in his tracks, afraid to turn around.  There was no way he could let Kagome see him in such a state.  Not only was it very embarrassing, but it would also make him appear as if he was some kind of animal.  She couldn’t know about what his head was filled with, because even he himself was embarrassed by it.  It made him feel so shameful.

 

“Yes?” he finally answered.

“Everything okay?”

 

She sat in the bed, rubbing her eyes slightly as she came out of her slumber.  She remembered feeling a disturbance and it had woken her up.  It was then that she had seen Sesshomaru leave the bed in a panic.  She knew there was nothing wrong with Kiyoshi, hence why she couldn’t help wondering what was going on.

 

Sesshomaru’s mind was hard to come up with something to say, anything to say, but he couldn’t.  He cursed himself in his mind, before making sure he was not tilted to the side in any way.  

 

“It was a bad dream.”  God, he had just made himself sound like a five year old.

 

At first Kagome was a bit surprised, unsure what to say, but then she found herself thinking.  It was possible that Sesshomaru held many regrets about the past and it was perhaps what was haunting him.  Had it often kept him up at night?  It was obvious from the tone of his voice that he had no desire to share, but she couldn’t help the thoughts running thru her mind.

 

Nonetheless, she wouldn’t bother him.  “Oh, alright,” she softly said, before laying her head back on her pillow.

 

For now, there was not much she could say or do, so she remained quiet.  It was bothering her deep within, especially when he literally ran for the bathroom.  Never before had she seen him so preoccupied and nervous about something he was so quick to dismiss.  It was more than obvious he was keeping something to himself.  Or it was a really bad dream.

 

But it was technically none of her business.  He kept things to himself, she kept things to herself, there was nothing more to it.  Throwing her head back into the pillow slightly, she closed her eyes, attempting to go back to sleep, but it was soon made obvious to her that it was not a privilege she would be granted.  Compared to before, now once she was awake, it was for good.

 

Meanwhile Sesshomaru had his back pressed against the door, while he exhaled deeply.  His damp hair was glued to his neck, he raised a hand to run his fingers through it.  He couldn’t remember the last time he had such a vivid type of dream.  As a matter of fact, he didn’t think he ever did.  He was not a teenager overloaded with hormones.  There was no reason for him to have such sexual dreams.

 

And it had felt so real.

 

The proof of that was currently very awake in his pants.  There was only one known cure he had heard for such predicament and he was about to put it to the test.

 

He rushed to the shower before turning it on, only allowing the cold water to come through.  Hopefully it would work, because he would already have a hard time facing her right now without this, and god, hard was the wrong word to use.  His lips felt extremely dry under his tongue as he licked them, before quickly undressing himself.

 

The coldness of the water was harsh against his flesh, but he ignored it.  He needed this.

 

He could feel the heat still present in his cheeks, as he tried to find many reasons why he shouldn’t be embarrassed.  Although it was not something that happened to him before, he had known it happened to many others in the past.  It was not as if he had control over his own dreams.  Kagome was an attractive woman in whom he was interested and five hundred years of celibate life had its effects on him.  Yes, it was a one time thing, a sign of his body feeling the years.  There was nothing more to it.

 

Of course, it would never happen again.  One could not control dreams, but he would be trying his best.

 

-B-

 

“What’s up with doggie over there?”

 

Kagome raised her head from her book, before glancing over at Kouga to see what he was looking at.  Of course, there she found Sesshomaru sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in his hand, an open book in front of him, while he stared at the emptiness ahead.  She sighed heavily before closing the book in her hand, so she would not lose her current page.

 

“Beets me, he’s been like that since this morning.”

 

Which was a rather nice way to put it, ever since he had emerged from his shower, he had not said a word to her.  He had been lost in his own world avoiding any kind of eye contact.  She had tried to think about what could have caused such a reaction, but nothing had come to mind.  Perhaps it was just part of the mystery that was Sesshomaru.

 

Kagome seemed to dismiss it quite quickly, but Kouga was quite interested.  Perhaps it was because he had the feeling that a rather interesting story linked to the whole thing.

 

“Did he say anything?”

 

She shook her head.  “He said he had a bad dream and ran into the bathroom.”

 

That little sentence meant nothing to her, but it made perfect sense to Kouga.  He found himself unable to hold back a chuckle, letting it out in front of Kagome.  It caused her to raise an eyebrow in confusion and when she glanced at Kouga for more information, he dismissed it with a hand gesture.

 

“Men stuff.”

 

Before Kagome could reply, a sound could be heard from Kiyoshi’s crib, which caused Kagome to put her book down.  She had been re-reading the Miko books Sesshomaru had given her, hoping to continue the research she had begun.  Though for now, it would have to wait.  Gently, she grabbed Kiyoshi from his crib, before pulling him into an embrace.

“I think somebody’s hungry.”  Kiyoshi made a sound that resembled a giggle and she smiled.  “At least you don’t have secret men stuff you keep from me.”

 

She glanced at Kouga, making him understand that her words were for him and he almost rolled his eyes.

 

“I know when I’m not wanted,” he said, leaving not because of her words, but because he knew she was about to feed Kiyoshi.

 

He closed the door behind him and took a step into the kitchen, which seemed to break Sesshomaru out of his trance.  He looked rather confused for a second, as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t, but then, he quickly glanced down at his book.

 

“Do you not have somewhere else to be?  Your presence is not required every second of every day.”

 

Kouga turned a chair around, before sitting down, resting his arms on the back of the chair.  “No, but if I wasn’t around, you’d still be looking at her from afar, whining about how much you love her, but don’t have a chance.”

 

Touche, was all he could think, but he wouldn’t admit it.

 

“Do you have something you want to say?” asked Sesshomaru, his tone reflecting his irritability.

 

Kouga shrugged his shoulders.  “I don’t know.  Are you going to tell me about your bad dream?  In which I assume bad refers to bad girls you had to punish?”

 

It took a lot of Sesshomaru’s self control to not allow his embarrassment to appear upon his cheeks.  Obviously he had not taken into consideration the fact that Kagome might have paid any sort of attention to the incident that had occurred during the morning.  Obviously she had noticed that his behavior had not been like usual.

 

“I don’t know what you are referring to.”

 

The man was stubborn, he would give him that.  “I think we both know you wouldn’t have a bad dream.  Now I understand you wouldn’t tell her, but there is no point lying to me.”

 

“What difference does it make if I had a bad dream or not?” inquired Sesshomaru, his tone harsh as he put his book down loudly.

 

“Nothing.  I just like seeing you squirm.”

 

Even Sesshomaru had a limit to his patience and clearly Kouga was pushing it.  It was none of his business what he dreamt about, obviously, he didn’t wish to discuss the matter with anyone.  Especially not with Kouga.  Or Kagome.  Nobody. Sesshomaru attempted to glance away, hoping that if he paid no attention to the Wolf he would go away.  However, he knew Kouga better than that.

 

“So, how was it?”

 

A small growl escaped Sesshomaru before he could stop it.  

 

“Nothing… that.. concerns… you, wolf boy.”

 

A whistle nearly escaped Kouga before he chuckled.  Obviously Kagome was a very sensitive subject, although he already knew that.  He had to admit though, it was natural, he was surprised that someone who carried as much guilt as him would actually have a sex dream about Kagome.  Nonetheless, it was a good sign, since it meant progress for the two of them.

 

His mind was curious though.  What did, the oh so great Lord of the West fantasize about?

 

“Fine, don’t share.  But remember, these kinds of dreams never come in singles.  I hope you keep a bucket of cold water by your bed.”

 

And with those comforting words, Kouga left the hotel room, hoping his words would remain with Sesshomaru, perhaps make him a bit uncomfortable.  No, this was not helping Kagome and Sesshomaru, but it would be very enjoyable to see Sesshomaru be so uncomfortable.  Kouga intended on savoring every second of it.

 

Sesshomaru was nearly dumbstruck by the words, as he remained in the same position for what appeared to be an eternity.  Eventually however, someone entered the kitchen, which forced him to quit his reverie.  It did not help though that said person was Kagome, who was holding Kiyoshi.  There was a bright smile on her face as she headed in his direction.

 

In her eyes he looked as messed up as he did when he had woken up, but she tried to ignore it.  If he wished to share, he would.

 

“Could you watch over Kiyoshi?  He’s quite awake, but I need a shower.”

Hn.  Shower.  Wet hair.  Naked body.  No thinking was bad.

 

Not being able to form a coherent answer, all he could do was nod, before reaching out for his son.  Kagome carefully transferred him, before her smile grew.

 

“Thank you.”

 

As she left to return to the bedroom he found himself staring at her.  She was wearing a bit more fitting clothes lately since she had gone shopping and it was easier to see her form.  Not that he was looking of course.  As his eyes wouldn’t tear away from her, he found something burning his face, as if he was being intensively stared at.

 

Sesshomaru glanced down at his son, as Kagome disappeared out of the view.  As expected, Kiyoshi was looking up at him with his big amber eyes.  Immediately Sesshomaru cleared his throat.

 

“I was not looking.”

 

As if he understood, Kiyoshi’s features seemed to transform into an expression of non-believing.  Sesshomaru almost sighed; would there be no one to believe him?

 

He meant no harm by his thoughts, but now that Kouga’s words were echoed through his mind, he feared even more that he might have those kinds of dreams again.  Something would have to be done, because he could not avoid her forever.

 

Even if he tried.

 

-B-

 

Kagome was sitting on the bed, her toes twitching.  Perhaps she had gotten the whole situation wrong.  In her mind, Sesshomaru and her were supposed to be giving this a try.  However, this was not happening, at least not today.  Instead of talking to her, Sesshomaru had been avoiding her like she had the plague.

 

As a matter of fact, after her shower, he had kept spending time with Kiyoshi, though she knew he might like spending time with his son, she felt like somehow it was a way to avoid her.

 

Maybe she was turning this into something crazy.

 

Nonetheless, she was hoping for some sort of conversation.  Granted he said he wouldn’t rush her or push her, but this was less than progress, this was a stalemate.  How was she supposed to get better if he refused to say even one word to her?

 

He was currently out, getting some Thai food, at her request.  Well, actually he had mentioned the idea of take out food and frankly, she hadn’t been able to resist.  Of course, it was nothing more than another plan to avoid her, but she didn’t mind that one as much.

As the seconds ticked away, she waited for him to come back, she found herself glancing down at her body.  The change of attitude couldn’t have anything to do with her new clothes could it?  Could it be that he noticed the difference in her body as well?  No, he wouldn’t have noticed that first thing in the morning.  She was simply being too paranoid.

 

Nonetheless, she wasn’t able to stop herself from rising to her feet and rushing to the closest mirror.  She quickly gave herself an inspection, only to be dissatisfied with the results.  She ran her fingers through her hair, almost as if she was expecting it to transform her look, but of course, it didn’t.  Pinching her lips together, she bent forward, trying to inspect her baggy tired eyes, when the door of the hotel room opened.

 

Quickly she pulled away, as if she had been caught stealing and turned around, remaining in the bathroom, waiting for him to appear.  When he did, she watched him put the bags on the bed, before his eyes began searching for her.  Of course, it wasn’t too long until he located her.

 

And there was no good explaining for her just standing in the bathroom.

“Are you well?” he inquired, speaking to her for the first time that day.

 

She quickly nodded before exiting the washroom.  “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, her tone nearly letting him know that not everything was well.

 

Sesshomaru might not be the greatest expert when it came to women, but he knew enough to be aware that nothing good came with that tone.  Now that it was night, and they were alone in the same room, and that he had asked the question, he couldn’t avoid her.  Plus, it had gotten somewhat ridiculous.  He had nearly begged for a chance, now he was almost throwing it away.

 

“What is bothering you?” he inquired as he sat on the bed, taking out the food from the bag.

 

Kagome glanced left, then right before settling on the bed much like he had, except on her own.  Technically they should be talking so that no trouble happened right?  There was no reason why she couldn’t speak about the way she was feeling.  What kind of relationship was built on silence?

 

She played with her fingers, a bit nervously.  “I just.  I know you’ve been avoiding me.”

 

Well, it wasn’t like he could be surprised, since it was to be expected that she would catch on.  All he could do was nod silently.

 

“Why?” she inquired before pinching her lips together.

 

There was no way he could tell her the truth.  The first reason for that was that sex was not a subject he wanted to bring in, not now, not this soon.  He also didn’t wish for her to be thinking that it was the only thing on his mind.  It could ruin all chance he had for a normal relationship with her.  However, lying to her would not make him feel any better.

 

No matter what he did, what he said, it would be a lose-lose situation.  The only thing he could do was attempt something.

 

“I had dreams of the past.”

 

The lie had slipped out and it could not be retracted.

 

Meanwhile, Kagome fell completely silent, she nodded.  Of course.  Perhaps this was not even his first time having such dreams, it was simply the first time she had noticed it, she had probably made the whole thing very awkward.  She had thought at the beginning that it might be the problem, but she had been so busy looking for other options, she had never considering that perhaps that was the only one.

 

No the past could not be erased or changed.

 

It could not be forgotten or misplaced.

 

The only thing she could do was to move on, leave it behind.  She had to take all the experience and take it to grow on.  She was tired of struggling, of being pushed back, or left behind.  She had to take the grown up steps and go on with her life.  Perhaps if she did that, each day would get much easier.

 

Without being intimate she could be closer to Sesshomaru.  She could provide comfort.  Though, it would all be a lie.  The one who needed comfort, the one who was sick of being alone in the darkness was her.  She had just never thought he’d be the one to pull her away from that.  Then again, until now, she had never given him a chance.

 

Her heart was pulsing, she could feel it in her veins as she rose to her feet and took a few steps in his direction.  It was then that he glanced up, their eyes met, her heart skipping a beat.  Slowly, she sat down beside him, unable to hear anything except the sound of her heart echoing through her mind.  Without any second thoughts so she couldn’t doubt herself, she leaned into him.

 

To her surprise, it was as if he knew what she was going to do.  He opened his arms wide for her, as she leaned her face into his chest, while he wrapped his arms around her.  In his hold she felt fragile, breakable, like a china doll that he had to protect.  He had put her in that state and now he had to rebuild her.

 

Her fingers were gripping his shirt as she held on the best that she could.  The tears were being held back, as she listened to his heart pounding through.  He was just as nervous as she was and somehow, that re assured her a bit.

 

“I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

He lifted his hand slightly, his fingers running through her soft, silky ebony locks.  He didn’t want her suffering anymore either.  If he could take it away, he would.

 

“It’s easier to go on now then it was, but, I’m afraid to get hurt again.”

 

It was then that she felt his slender fingers grab a hold of her chin and lifted her head gently.  

 

“I will never let you be hurt again.”

 

His green eyes were locked on her grey orbs, for a split second the world had ceased to move.  He had spoken with such passion that she wished to believe him.  She wanted to believe that the kind words he said were true, that it would never happen again.  However, it was a promise that could never be kept, not by anyone.

 

Though she knew, he’d do everything he could not to be the one to harm her again.

 

She tightened her hold on him, bringing her face just a bit closer.

 

There she was, vulnerable and tempting, he wanted to chase the pain away.  He could see how exhausted she looked, just how much of a front she put on every day, because no matter what, he had noticed that she always had to be the strong one.  Not for herself, never for herself.  It was always for others.

 

She needed to let someone else be strong for her.

 

Her lips were parted ever so slightly, they looked so luscious.  This was nothing like his dream, because this was Kagome, this was how their relationship was.  It was very tempting to close the little distance that separated them, he didn’t know if he could.  It was one thing to let her do the first step, but doing it himself… he would feel as if he was pressuring her.

 

However, it dawned upon him that she was not moving away.  Could she have been waiting for this?

 

Nervousness was taken hold of his heart as he managed to summon the courage to close the distance and softly press his lips against hers.  He expected her to not respond, or even pull away, but she did neither.  Instead she returned the kiss just as gently, it made him feel alive.  He had only kissed her once of his own will since they had met in the Modern Era and it was after transforming back to himself.

 

This was different.  This was a very willing kiss.

 

He never dared to move his hands which were wrapped around her, as she leaned in even closer.  Her chest was against his, as he continued the kiss.  It was not the most passionate, or lust filled, but it… he could not even explain it in words.  None that fitted the situation came to his mind.

 

Her lips remained against his for a few more seconds, until they both pulled away.

 

It was impossible for Kagome to look at him, so she found herself staring down, the smallest blush upon her cheeks.  Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was somewhat misinterpreting her reaction, causing him to release her from his hold immediately, feeling quite apologetic.

 

“I’m sorry – I shouldn’t have – I cr-“

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she said, raising her head, but not quite looking at it.

 

Nothing bad had happened.  It was simply that she still had a hard time knowing what to do or how to feel in such a situation.  It hadn’t been horrible, that was for certain, but it hadn’t dragged her into a vortex of lust, which was probably because of the previous sexual encounters they had.  Still, it hadn’t hurt her to kiss him and somehow that was a relief.

 

It was true that she had kissed him of her own a while back, but it had been different.

 

This time, it hadn’t been out of depression, feelings of remorse, or anything like that.  It had simply been a kiss they had decided to share.

 

Not knowing what else to say, Kagome found herself biting on her bottom lip.  Considering everything, her total lack of experience in dating, this had quickly become very awkward.  Though this was silly, they were attempting to have a relationship, yet almost every time there was progress, they felt like they couldn’t talk.

 

“You know this won’t be easy right?” she asked, a tiny smile on her lips.  “My mother will definitely kick you out of the house when we come back.”

 

He couldn’t help but share her smiling laugh.  He had once thought about Mrs. Higurashi’s reaction and no matter how he pictured it in his mind, it never ended in a  good way.  But then how could it?  After what he had done to Kagome, no mother would ever forgive him.  Perhaps he would rather not think about it, because perhaps Mrs. Higurashi would bring Kagome back to her sense and he’d lose her.

 

“She wouldn’t be wrong,” he said, his smile disappearing.

 

The meeting would be difficult, there was no doubt about that, she had always known so.  After all, her mother had picked up the pieces of the broken version of herself she had became.  She had seen her devastated beyond belief.  Kagome knew it wasn’t a sight her mother was close to forgetting.  Even Kagome herself was aware that all of it was insane.

 

But, when had something been sane in her life?

 

She didn’t want to inflict her mother with any pain, she could not stop her from expressing her opinions.  All they would be able to do would be to talk to her, see where things would go.  One day at a time was the best thing they could do for now.

 

“Who knows.  Apparently I take after my mother.”

 

She didn’t know if she was trying to re assure him by saying that like she was much forgiving, like her mother, or that she had a bad temper.  Though Miyu didn’t have such a furious temper as her daughter did.

 

Since an awkward moment had appeared between them, she decided to lighten it by changing the subject.

 

“I’ve been reading the books again and I thought that since you know, there is no risk for me or Kiyoshi, maybe we could try the connection again.”

 

Not only would it help them connect a bit, but it would also improve their understanding of each other.  She knew a bit more about him since their little talk, but nonetheless, there were hidden secrets he was keeping to himself and even though it was his own business, if his mind was ready to share, she was ready to accept.

 

He nodded in agreement, before stretching his hands in front of him.  Gently, she slid hers in and he squeezed ever so softly.

 

And a heartbeat was skipped.

 

-B-