Blood Stained

 

Blood Stained

Chapter 54:

 

His words rung through her mind, as her eyes remained fixed on his lips.  It was as if everything around her had ceased to move, she felt almost as if she was in another dimension.  She tried to process his words because she could not have heard him right, she saw his lips move.  Was he speaking?  She could not hear anything?

 

Once his words left her mind, the only thing that was left echoing inside her brain was her own heartbeat.  Someone, she was not that surprised that he said it, but perhaps a part deep within her thought he would never actually find the courage to do it.

 

And now, all she could do was breathe heavily while staring at him.

 

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru also had a million thoughts running through his mind.  He had expected to perhaps blurt out no, or even get up and leave.  However, the reaction she had chosen to display was perhaps the worst one.  Not only did he now regret his words, but an awkward silence was now filling the room.  He would have to be the one to speak first, since from the look of it, she was seconds away from having a heart attack.

 

“A-another kind of chance?”

 

Since his mouth had been opened, ready to retract his statement, he was surprised to hear her voice.

 

Kagome on the other hand felt like smacking herself on the forehead.  Another kind of chance?  What kind of question was that!  Of course she knew what he was referring too, hence why she was being an emotional mess.

 

He sighed silently in relief, glad that she could still find it in her to speak.  Though her question, just made the whole situation even worse than it already was.   Nonetheless, he cleared his throat as he tried to find the right words to express himself.

 

“I am aware of how I have wronged you in the past.”  Out of nervousness, he ran his fingers through his hair, disliking his current state of mind.  On top of that, he knew there was no way to sugar coat what had occurred in the past, meaning he really had to be honest to her with his words.

 

“This almost feels like a highly inappropriate request,” he added, glancing her way.  “I should have no right to ask such a thing of you, but I will be bold and do so.”

 

He got up from his chair, causing Kagome’s eyes to widen a bit, he closed the distance between them.  She found herself holding her breath as he kneeled down in front of her, almost as if he was going to ask for her hand.  Her mind was too busy, her heart racing too fast for her to notice that he was once again putting himself in a vulnerable and submissive position in front of her.

 

“Will you allow me to court you?”

 

It sounded wrong, perhaps it had sounded better in his mind, or maybe it was the fact that the whole situation was a tad bit awkward and uncomfortable to begin with.  Whatever it was, he found himself wishing that she would soon answer his request.  For the first time in a long time, he felt the heat coming to his cheeks, as he felt embarrassed.  He was almost ashamed to be asking her that.

 

Kagome thought that his request would bring back many bad memories, but surprisingly, it did not.  She did think of his beast, but mostly, she thought of him.  The real him, the only one she was given the chance to know.  Back in the feudal era, she didn’t know him, neither did she know his beast.  This Sesshomaru however, she knew him fairly well.

 

At least better than she would have expected.

 

She had spent the last weeks with him, discovering a new person and going through more things than she could have ever imagined.  For the longest time, she believed that being in his presence all the time would make her sick, that she would be re-living her nightmare constantly.  However, it was not the case.  No, it hadn’t always been easy, but through time she had been able to see him differently.

 

She had been able to see him as a human being.  He had emotions and fears, just like she did.  Most of all, he carried a lot of guilt around.

 

Kagome could never tell him to erase his guilt, nor to forget about the past.  Nothing could be forgotten, you could only let go and move on.  She had often imagined herself doing so, but to move onwith him?  It had never been an option that had crossed her mind.  No he was not a bad person, but could she really be with him?

 

At this point, she wasn’t even sure if was a matter of being with him, it was more could she be with anyone?  Was she even ready to invest her heart in a relationship, when she wasn’t sure she could have a physical relationship with someone without going into an emotional breakdown?

 

Furthermore, could she ever have a physical relationship with the person who caused her fear of it in the first place?  She found that very unlikely.  Intimacy would be something very hard for her and though much like everything else it was a step she would have to take one day… did she want to take it with him?

 

Sesshomaru stared at her, feeling as if a million years were passing by.  He wanted desperately to hear an answer from her, even if it was no.  At least, he would be able to push the idea aside and never again would he bother her with it.  After all, his main goal was her happiness, nothing else.  If giving him a chance would make her unhappy, then he didn’t want her to do it.

 

More seconds ticked by as Kagome remained completely silent.

 

It was then that Sesshomaru made the decision that it was time to end the awkward silence instilling between them.  He rose to his feet, which seemed to break Kagome out of her trance and stood tall in front of her.

 

“I did not mean to bother you with my request.”  He bowed to her.  “I apologize.”

 

It was better to shame himself by ending her suffering than to drag the whole thing any further.

 

Kagome found herself stretching out her arm as if she was reaching out for him.  He was ending it and knowing him, he would never bring it up again.  It should be fine, but there was a part of her that couldn’t allow her to do that.

 

“Wait,” she finally said.

 

Sesshomaru found that his heart skipped a beat, as he raised his upper body to look at her.  Her bottom lip was quivering, he could tell that she was very confused.  Yet, he was almost pleased that she wanted to stop him.

 

“Just…” she paused, looking for her words.  “Just give me a bit more time.”

 

Truthfully, it was a better answer than he could have hoped for.  He nodded, before resuming his seat and avoiding peering at her.  His heart was still beating faster than it should, but he felt a certain happiness fill him.  Now the only thing he could do was wait and hope that their dinner wouldn’t be ruined because of him.

 

Kagome swallowed hard before softly shaking her head.  The question had been unexpected, but she could not allow it to make the rest of the evening uncomfortable.  She didn’t want to ignore it, but for now, she needed to push it aside, so they could act normal.

 

“How about we don’t think about that for now?” she offered, her voice a bit weak.

 

He quickly nodded, before repositioning himself in his chair again.  Although he could understand her desire to require time and that perhaps he had proposed the issue too soon, he had a bad feeling about the whole thing.  Maybe, he had already ruined it for them.  A long time ago.

 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the door, two ears were pressed against the wall, trying to listen to what was being said.

 

“Hey.”

 

Both Ginta and Hakkaku jumped, before turning their heads and glancing at Kouga.

 

“What are you two idiots doing?”

 

“Listening?”

 

Kouga sighed before walking over to them and grabbing them both by their collars before dragging them away.  Truth was, he was keen on the idea of listening to their conversation and butting in to their privacy if need be, but not that way.  He wanted to make sure all was going well, without giving away their positions.  Kagome would be mad if she knew.

 

“How about using your youki instead of spying like humans?”

 

It seemed that the realization dawned on both and they smiled, before pressing the buttons on their watches.  Kouga shook his head softly before returning to sit on the bed.  His eyes glanced towards the crib and he felt a strange feeling go through him.  He had been around Kiyoshi when Kagome was holding him, but strangely, when he was alone with the pup, he didn’t feel comfortable.

 

He was nothing but a baby and could not harm him but…

 

Kouga blamed it on Sesshomaru being a bad influence.  Clearly he was sending vibes to his son that indicated he did not like wolves.

 

Because of that, not once had Kouga gotten up to look at Kiyoshi.  He could tell from his position that he was fine, but unless there was trouble, he would keep his distance.

 

Granted the pup could do nothing to him, but it might cause a commotion and he didn’t want to ruin the already ruined moment between Kagome and Sesshomaru.  He was glad that Sesshomaru had finally decided to make a move on his own, however, he wasn’t sure at the beginning of the supper was the best plan.  Though at least Kagome hadn’t turned him down.

 

Suddenly the quietness of the room was broken by a small like noise, which sounded like a cry.  Kouga’s eyes widened, before he rose to his feet, peering down into the crib.  He was hovering over, without actually getting close, but it only seemed to upset Kiyoshi further.

 

He say his face frown, as if he was going to burst into a fit of tears, but before it could happen, Kouga decided to intervene.

 

“DONT!”

 

His words seemed to stop Kiyoshi in his tracks, but he still didn’t appear to be happy.  Kouga let out a sigh of relief as he glanced down at Kiyoshi, his features serious.

 

“If you cry, your mom is going to hear you, and then, the whole thing is going to be ruined!”

 

He wasn’t sure at all that Kiyoshi could even understand what he was saying, but he tried it anyway.  Kouga had made a promise that he would help, if he could not keep with the kid, he knew that at the first tear, Kagome would come running because it was in her to be a mother, she wouldn’t let her child suffer in any small way.

 

“Do you want your mom and dad to get together?” asked Kouga when the expression of Kiyoshi did not change.

 

This time, Kiyoshi’s features relaxed a bit, just as if he understood what Kouga was telling him.  A bit proud, Kouga went back to sit on the bed, thinking the problem had been taken care of.  Unfortunately, Kiyoshi had another plan in mind and very quickly he screamed.

 

Kouga winced before rushing to the crib and in one swift motion, he took him out of the crib and into his arms.  He began attempting to rock him to calm him down, but it didn’t work.

 

“What’s wrong with him?” asked Hakkaku, and he pulled away from the door.

 

Kouga shrugged his shoulders.  “Maybe he’s hungry.”  Or maybe he didn’t like him.

 

“Doesn’t Kagome breastfeed him?”

 

For a second, Kouga’s face fell.  Kagome breast-feeding was perhaps not the appropriate image he wanted to be thinking of at the moment.  As if on cue, he felt a burning feeling on his fingers.  Kouga glanced down only to see a purple glow around Kiyoshi’s fingers and as soon as he understand, he hurried to put him back in his crib.

 

Kouga then took a look at his hand, only to see it was burnt.  He had tried to purify him!  An aggravated sigh rolled off Kouga’s lips, as he could imagine in his mind, Sesshomaru snickering if he could have seen the scene.

 

It was then that Ginta and Hakkaku jumped in surprise when the door opened.  They turned around only to see Kagome peek her head in, confusion and worry all over her face.

 

“Is everything okay?”

 

Before they could answer, her eyes traveled around the room, where she saw Kouga holding his hand and the obvious burn.  By then, even prior to her appearance, Kiyoshi had ceased his cries as if he was completely innocent.  Kagome rushed into the room, only to grab Kouga’s hand in hers, examining it.

 

“What happened?” she asked, looking up in his eyes.

 

He did his best to try to come up with an answer, but unfortunately for him, Kagome knew that kind of injury too well.  She gently dropped his hand before focusing her attention on her son, a serious look upon her face.

 

“Did he do this?” she inquired, never glancing at Kouga.

 

He couldn’t lie, after all, who else could try to purify him?  “Yeah, but listen Kag, it was an accident.  We scared him a bit when Ginta was being an idiot, and -”

 

Kouga was suddenly cut by Ginta, who came forward, as if to defend himself.  However, before he could speak, Kouga smack his hand over his mouth.  “And Kiyoshi was just trying to defend himself.”

 

Kagome bit on her bottom lip, clearly concerned.  That Kiyoshi had meant it or not, it could be dangerous.  Granted his powers shouldn’t be strong enough to kill Kouga, but he could seriously harm him.  She tapped her fingers along the wooden edge, thinking it through.

 

The atmosphere between her and Sesshomaru had remained awkward since his proposal, even if they had decided to ignore it.  Frankly, she had been extremely relieved when the food had arrived since it had acted as a distraction.  Now this was another.  But did she want to get away from him that badly?

 

“He’s probably just hungry!” offered Hakkaku, noticing how twitchy Kouga was.  They had to get her back in there.  “Why don’t you feed him, he’ll sleep, and you’ll be able to go eat before it gets cold!”

 

Kagome exhaled deeply before looking at the three men.  “Are you sure?”

 

“Absolutely!” said Ginta with a smile.

 

She nodded weakly before turning herself to the crib and glancing down at her son.  He looked so peaceful, almost like a little angel.  Surely what happened could be nothing but an accident!  He was still so young, not used to certain sounds and his powers reacted to his fear.

 

Kagome’s smile only grew bigger as she grabbed Kiyoshi, taking him out of his crib.  Then, she glanced down at the boys, who for an instant were confused.  Kouga was the first one to catch on.

 

“Right, privacy,” he said before turning around and grabbing the other two by the collar and dragging them into the living room so Kagome could be alone in the bedroom.

 

She couldn’t help but giggle slightly at the sight of Kouga’s red face as they disappeared behind the door.  A sigh of contentment slipped past her lips as she sat down on the bed, getting ready to breast-feed Kiyoshi.

 

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was sitting in his seat, feeling clearly uneasy.  He had heard the same commotion as Kagome, including Kiyoshi’s cries and he hoped everything was well.  Especially for the wolf’s sake.  Though Kouga was supposed to be babysitting Kiyoshi, Sesshomaru had expected that such an interruption would happen.

 

In fact though, it could not have come at a better time.

 

He could feel that she was somewhere else, deep in her mind thinking, probably about what he had asked her.  Their conversation was a bit limited, which was mostly to blame on the fact that he didn’t know what to say when he had to have a conversation.  When it was just in the moment, it was much easier.  Now, he was just afraid, an emotion he did not like, he could not find the words to speak.

 

Sesshomaru tried to relax himself, adapting a sloppier position in his chair, but it failed.  He had never felt completely at ease with her, especially because of their past, but it was now worse.  If she ended up saying yes, for some crazy reason, how could he make it up to her?  He could never physically be with her, it would kill him and probably her as well.

 

How could he take her body now after the way the beast had used her so many times?

 

Though, physical relationships were not everything.  After all, he had spent the last five hundred years without it, before her, he had spent most of his life without it as well.

 

He just wanted to be able to bring her happiness.

 

The day he would see a true smile on her face, not darkened by the past, he would finally be able to breath easier.

 

Perhaps he was not the one who could provide her with everything she required, especially since she would always be confronted with her past, but he would give her everything he could, everything she wished for.

 

Suddenly, he heard more noises coming from the room next door, which brought him out of his thoughts.  His eyes were fixed on the door, as he waited.  He noticed the handle being turned and quickly enough she came into view.  She had a shy little smile upon her lips, as she slid herself in.  Their eyes only met for a brief instant before she tilted her head, to close the door.

 

“Hey,” she said, for lack of better option.

 

She resumed her seat and took her fork in her hand, looking a bit tense.

 

“Is everything well?” he asked, her body language making him worry just a bit.  He just knew the Wolf could not be trusted with a child.

 

Kagome was about to open her mouth, when a small laugh escaped her.  She was going to tell the story as if it was nothing, but considering the feelings Sesshomaru shared towards Kouga, she could tell he would be rather pleased with what happened.

 

Her laugh arose his curiosity, and he raised an eyebrow.  “What is it?” he asked intrigued.

 

Kagome pinched her lips together as she put her fork down.  She then put her elbow on the table before resting her chin in the palm of her hand.  “It is possible that Kiyoshi tried to purify Kouga.”

 

Sesshomaru did his best to look composed, but frankly, he was amused.  Before he knew it, his mask cracked, allowing Kagome to see the smirk forming on his lips.  Perhaps Kiyoshi understood more of what was happening around then he thought.  He for one was very proud of his son.

 

“Oh,” was all he managed to say while remaining polite.

 

“I’m sure you’re worried,” she said, almost as if she was taunting him.

 

It was not often that she saw Sesshomaru looking as if he was having fun.  Actually, she could not even remember the last time it had happened.  Everything with them was always tears and drama.  When did they ever just have a moment that was peaceful and happy?  Well, of course there was their son’s birth, which had been the best moment in both their lives, but something that only involved the two of them?

 

Never.  Or almost never.

 

“Is he going to live?” asked Sesshomaru, clearly putting an over dramatic effect to the whole thing.

 

“I don’t know, he might lose his hand.”

 

The tone of her voice was so serious, that his smirk dropped and for a brief instant, he appeared to be very concerned.  How could Kiyoshi already do such damage to a fully grown youkai?  He was much more powerful than Sesshomaru could have imagined.

 

When his face looked so serious again, she couldn’t help but laugh.  She could not believe he had trusted into her words so easily.

 

“He’ll be fine,” she said, her laugh still lingering.

 

Sesshomaru however did not pay much attention to her words, as if he was captivated by her.  Her cheeks were a little bit flustered from her laugh, her hair was tousled around as if she had been wrestling under the blanket.  She looked so natural and raw, that he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her.

 

Fortunately for him, Kagome was so caught up in her own amusement and thoughts, that she didn’t seem to notice his reaction to her.

 

The good thing was, the awkward atmosphere between them had finally dissipated.  Perhaps he truly needed to thank the wolf.

 

-B-

 

Night had fallen, engulfing the sky into an almost darkness.  Both Kagome and Kiyoshi were upstairs sleeping, while he was outside, sitting at the outside deck of the hotel’s restaurant, thinking about everything that had happened that day.

 

The dinner with Kagome had gone much better than expected especially towards the end.  The weight on their shoulders had been lifted, they had been able to make small talk without feeling uneasy.  Of course, a lot of what they had talked about involved Kiyoshi, but that was fine.

 

Now though, he would have to wait.

 

Wait for an answer that he was fearing.

 

If she said no, he would not take it well, perhaps because it would feel like a blow to his pride, but if she said yes, he would often be worried about hurting her again.

 

But it had to be done, there was no other way around.

 

“Smoking cigars?”

 

Sesshomaru snapped his head at the voice, only to find Kouga leaning against the immense doorway, his arms crossed in front of his chest.  A chuckle escaped Kouga as he closed the distance before taking seat right in front of Sesshomaru.

 

Kouga hadn’t really dared to ask Kagome how things had gone, especially since her main concern about the dinner had been Kiyoshi.  Plus, he knew girls talked about that stuff with other girls, so to get his information, he had decided to ask Sesshomaru.  Unfortunately, he had nearly disappeared after the meal.

 

He was aware that Sesshomaru wasn’t strong on sharing, but it hadn’t stopped Kouga before.  If it had, Kagome and Sesshomaru would have never spent the evening together.

 

“How did it go?”

 

Sesshomaru exhaled the smoke that had been in his mouth, before turning his body slightly, his cigar still in his hand.  He didn’t smoke very often, never cigarettes, but after such a night, he felt as if he had needed it.

 

“We had dinner,” he simply stated, glancing at Kouga.

 

Sesshomaru couldn’t help but remember what happened, which caused him to look down at Kouga’s hand.  It was then that he saw the small red mark on the back of Kouga’s hand and he almost chuckled.

 

Kouga’s eyes narrowed a bit, before he smirked. “You’re a bad influence on your son.”

 

“It is one way to see it,” replied Sesshomaru, amused.

 

Kouga scoffed, before shaking his head.  He would love to dwell on the incident, but he had a better question for Sesshomaru.  “Did she reply?”

 

After the little encounter with Kiyoshi, they hadn’t listened to much of the conversation between Kagome and Sesshomaru, especially since Kouga had no desire to hear the tale of what had just occurred being told.  Kagome had looked fairly relaxed and happy after the meal, which had lead Kouga to believe that something had happened.

 

Sesshomaru was not surprised that the Wolf had been spying.  He wanted nothing more than to tell him it was none of his business, but he found himself wishing for another opinion on the matter.  Granted, he would have liked for someone else to have an input, but since Kouga was all he had…

 

“She hasn’t.”

 

“She will.  Even if it’s only to tell you no.”

 

How reassuring.

 

Sesshomaru sighed heavily, before taking the jump.  “What if she says yes?”

 

Kouga tilted his head to the side, before laughing.  “You’re scared!”

 

“I am not afraid of her answer.  It was merely a question.”

 

Kouga shook his head.  “You’re scared that she’ll say yes.”  He shrugged his shoulders.  “Can’t blame ya.  You won’t be allowed any mistakes.”

 

“What if I cannot bring her happiness?”

 

Kouga slouched a bit to one side, before running his fingers through his bangs.  “You see, Kagome’s not complicated.  I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, she doesn’t need much.  She’s not one of those women who want money, fame and brand name stuff.”

 

Sesshomaru nodded in agreement.

 

“She’ll be happy with the simple things.  And I know even that seems like a difficult task for you after what happened but… If you’re sincere enough, I think you’ll be able to make her happy in the long run.”

 

It might appear to be a lot to forgive, but when you looked at the big picture, the situation, and everything else… if someone in the end could let it all go, it was Kagome.  It could however take a very long time, but Kouga could see it happening one day.

 

“Perhaps,” was the only answer Sesshomaru could give him.

 

He really hoped he could bring her joy, but he wasn’t sure.  He would do his best if she gave him the chance, if not, then he would still do what he could to make her happy.  Whatever she would request from him, he would do.

 

They both sat in silence for a few minutes, as Sesshomaru’s cigar ran out.  When it did, Sesshomaru put it in the ashtray, before looking at his watch, which indicated almost one o’clock.  He had been sitting there for so long, that he had barely seen the time pass.

 

For now, everything was uncertain, since they could not leave because they had one more shard, but they couldn’t hunt for it because of Kiyoshi.  They would probably remain at their current location for a while, not that it was much of a bother.  After all, he could afford such vacations.

 

Without saying a word, Sesshomaru got up from his seat, showing his intention of leaving.  Kouga remained in his seat nonetheless, as Sesshomaru began heading for the doorway.  It was when he reached it that he came to a stop.  Sesshomaru turned his body to look back at Kouga, before giving him a small nod, in a sign of thanks.

 

Kouga returned the gesture, before watching Sesshomaru disappeared.  He was hopeless.

Sesshomaru took his time heading back, even though there was no reason since everyone in his suite would be sleeping.  It would be easy to face Kagome the next morning, even though all that would be on his mind would be when she would answer.

 

But he would not show her that concern, since he wanted her to feel comfortable and at ease.  If she wanted to take a few months to answer, then so be it.  He would have to deal with it.

 

The seconds passed as he finally reached the door.  He made sure to be extremely quiet when he opened it and once inside, his steps were slow and careful.  Kagome could only hear the noises, but perhaps Kiyoshi could also sense his aura, so Sesshomaru made sure to do no brusque movements.

 

When he reached the bedroom area, he was going to head for his suitcase immediately, but he found himself walking over to the crib.  Before he knew it, he was peering inside.  As expected Kiyoshi was peacefully sleeping, which made the features on Sesshomaru’s face soften.

 

Gently, he reached out for the blanket, before fully covering his son with it.  When Sesshomaru was satisfied with the way Kiyoshi was tucked in, he turned around and grabbed his suitcase on the way. He never once glanced at Kagome, as he headed into the bathroom.

 

Why was he so nervous, he could not explain it.

 

Sesshomaru could not remember the last time he had slept in comfortable clothes ever since he had begun traveling with Kagome.  Perhaps it was because he did not find it appropriate in her presence.  However, since he was always in a human form, the fact of sleeping in clothes all the time was beginning to wear him down.  Since he was always up before her, he didn’t see the harm in getting a bit more comfortable.

 

He proceeded to change, putting on a simple white t-shirt and long pajama like dark blue pants.  Quietly, he exited the bathroom, glancing around in the darkness, making sure he hadn’t awoken anyone.  He quietly put his suitcase against the wall, prior to heading for his own bed.

 

Sesshomaru pulled away the sheets before sliding in, feeling the coldness of the blankets.  A sigh escaped him before he closed his eyes, ready to attempt to sleep.  Lately, it was not something that came to him easily.  He was about to turn to his side when her voice came through.

 

“Sesshomaru?”

 

It was so quiet, that for an instant, he thought he imagined it.

 

“Sesshomaru?”

 

No, she had really spoken.

 

“Is everything well?” he asked, his voice serious.

 

Kagome had tried to fall asleep, but she hadn’t been able to.  She had remained in bed, but she had found herself waiting for him to return.  At first, she had intended to speak when he had first entered the room, but since he had gone for Kiyoshi’s crib, she had remained silent.

 

She had waited, thinking it was silly, but now it was too late.  Kagome slowly sat up in the bed, pressing her back against the headboard.  Ever since they had gone their separate ways after their dinner, his question had been burning her mind.

“I’m scared.”

 

He knitted his eyebrows together in confusion.  “Scared of what?”

 

“Saying yes.”

 

She turned her head to look at him, but all she could see was the blackness of the room.  He was completely silent and she had a feeling he would remain that way, after all, how was he supposed to answer such a statement?

 

“I’m scared that I’m not ready for that.  And, frankly, I just –“

 

How could she tell him that maybe she wanted to try because she was tired of fearing, but that, she was even more scared of throwing herself into such a situation?  She no longer knew what the best thing to do was.  Kagome took a deep breath, before pulling the blankets away from her body and doing a bold move by moving towards his bed.

 

She sat on the edge, giving him no choice but to sit up.  He was a bit surprised by her actions, but he didn’t allow it to show.  He took notice of her pajamas, which were the ones she had been wearing when she was pregnant, causing him to make a mental note to buy her some fitting clothes.

 

“What if it’s too fast?  What if I get scared?”

 

Sesshomaru bent forward a bit so he was closer to her.  Her grey orbs were shining, almost as if she was about to shed tears, which caused a weird pain in his heart.  He didn’t mean to bring her more suffering than she already had.  Gently, he raised one of his hands, before cupping her left cheek.

“I will never go past what you are comfortable with.  You are in control Kagome.”

 

If he had to take years, then he would.  Perhaps he was that desperate for her to say yes, which almost made him feel selfish.  When had he begun feeling that way?

 

“If you feel it’s too fast, we will cease, there is nothing wrong with that.  I only wish for your happiness.”

 

And then, at his words, the tears began to fall.  “Which makes this whole thing so difficult!”  She had voice had risen her tone past the whisper stage, which caused her to glance over towards the crib to make sure she had not woken Kiyoshi up.

 

When she confirmed he was still sleeping, she focused her attention back on Sesshomaru.

 

“I knew you differently.  You didn’t care.  But now you’re someone else and you’re just being… I’m confused, I’m so confused.”

 

She felt herself break down, but before she could allow her head to rest on her knees, she felt him wrap his arms around her waist, bringing her face into his chest.  He wanted to find the right words to comfort her, but he couldn’t.  What could he say that would make it all better?

He had been heartless in the past, but he could not change that.  If he could, he would.

 

Kagome felt like she knew at least three different Sesshomaru’s, which made the situation so complicated.  He had changed, there was no doubt about it, but was it enough?  Was the new person he had become enough for her to forget the pain in her heart, to forget the past?

 

It was one thing to let go, another to move on with someone else.  But now, it was asked of her to move on and stay with him.

 

The idea was not the most repulsive that she had ever heard in her life, but it was the most difficult.  She herself was still lost, trying to be Kagome again.  Was this supposed to be a part of it?

 

She remembered when she had decided to be friends with him.  She had been so scared of getting hurt, of regretting it, but it never happened.  Though, he hadn’t asked her to be his, he had asked for a chance and the permission to court her.  She knew he wouldn’t try to do anything to make her feel bad, or scared.

 

Could she do it?

 

Could she allow herself to fall again, with no promise of being caught?

 

If she said yes, she could be hurt in the end.

 

But when was the last time she did something that wouldn’t maybe cause her to be hurt in the end?  For the last year, it was all she had done.  Kagome took a deep breath, which caused her to lean into his chest even more.  She felt his embrace tighten a bit, her whole body was either shaking or pulsing.

 

She found the strength to raise her head and look up at his face.  She could see the constricted look on his face and she made a decision.  The ball was in her court, she was the one deciding if it would happen or not.

 

Truth was, she was still completely terrified, confused beyond belief.  She wasn’t sure which Sesshomaru she was giving her answer to and if she could pull through this.  But since the previous times she had said yes to give him a chance hadn’t turned out horribly, she decided to take the jump.

 

Perhaps, she would learn how to fly before she fell.

 

“I can’t promise anything,” she finally said, which caused him to loosen his embrace so she could pull away a bit.  “I might not be able to do it.”  There was no reason to lie to him, or sugarcoat everything to make it into a fairytale.

“But, I’ll try.”

 

His heart nearly skipped a beat, but before he was willing to accept it, he had one question.

 

“Are you trying because I requested, or because it is your choice?”

 

Her lips were tightly pressed together, as she pondered.  Chaos was currently ruling in her heart, which made it so difficult to come up with a clear answer.  Her mind was cloudy, but she thought carefully about what she wanted.

 

“I’m doing this because that’s what I want.  I want to try and be happy.”

 

Sesshomaru slowly, nodded before his arms fell to her side.  He brought his hand back to her cheek, where he could still feel the wetness of her tears.  He didn’t want to see her cry anymore, never again.

 

He found himself bringing his face closer to hers until their noses touched.  She didn’t flinch or move away, but it was almost as if he could hear the loud sound of her heartbeat.  There was a tiny smile on his lips before he lifted his chin, and pressed a kiss against her forehead.

 

One chance.

 

-B-