Across the Ages
folder
InuYasha › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
64
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10,838
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121
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Currently Reading:
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Category:
InuYasha › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
64
Views:
10,838
Reviews:
121
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.
fifty one
Gee I must be inspired by all my great readers! Thanks you guys!
Chapter Fifty-One
Ayeka had not spoken since she had awakened. Kurama remained with her. He had told her that Sesshoumaru and the others had gone to finish Naraku. He assumed they had been successful as half the remaining enemy soldiers had suddenly stopped fighting. Some crumbled to dust where they stood, others ran and still more begged mercy and surrendered.
Ayeka seemed to process the information, but she turned from the handsome fox, and stared out into the distance. Something was very wrong with her, but try as he might, he could not engage her in conversation. She was pale and her eyes seemed haunted. He'd seen eyes like that on those unfortunate human souls that found Makai.
She knew that he was worrying for her, his golden eyes following her smallest movements. The most cold blooded demon aside from her own mate. The king of thieves. How could she tell him what she was feeling? She'd died today. The agony of her death lingered in her mind. While she knew that she carried no wounds, she still felt the tightness in her chest when she breathed.
Mindless in her pain, she had sought release from it, but release would not come. Flashes of images came to her, deadly claws and golden eyes, silver hair blowing in the breeze. A pain to end all pains and then darkness. Then there was the blinding light, she'd thought it had been the thing people who brushed death spoke of, but no, it had been the light of the sun. Breath and life had returned to her in a swift, almost painful rush.
It left behind a very confused woman. Naraku had killed her hadn't he? Or had Sesshoumaru? Golden eyes and silver hair. was she lost in some half state? That couldn't be for Kurama was there with her and it was unlikely that one such as he would fall. She looked down at her hands, watched them shake violently. She wanted to laugh at cheating death, wanted to weep in fear, and she could do neither. She felt frozen.
Kurama was relieved to catch the scent of the taiyoukai back in the camp. Looking over at Ayeka he sighed, "I will bring him" he told her. She made no motion that she heard. There were happy cries in the camp, Naraku was dead at last. The healers were smiling, the monk would live. Sango dried her tears and hugged him, he wrapped his good arm around her, "I still have one hand to love you with" he assured her.
Sesshoumaru looked up as the crowds parted for the tall fox. The look on his former rival's face drew him at once. "What is it?" he asked. Kurama shook his head "It's Ayeka". Sesshoumaru felt that cold twist in his chest again. Kurama rushed to soothe him, "She's alive but she hasn't said a word Sessh. Not even to me. She needs you now. She needs to know what happened to her".
Sesshoumaru felt her waves of unease roll from the tent and he slowly lifted the flap and stepped inside. She didn't turn, but her frame stiffened and he knew that she knew it was him. Ayeka was afraid to look at him. What if he wasn't really him? She'd never worried about such things before but she did now.
Sesshoumaru caught the spiking scent of her fear. She feared him. That was unthinkable and unacceptable. He drew closer and she raised her dagger at him, "Stay away from me" she growled, refusing to look at him. Even so, the gleaming point of her blade was level with his heart.
"Ayeka" he said. She flinched and he fell silent. What could he do or say to comfort her? He waited in the tense silence. His mate was her most dangerous now, afraid and doubtful of him. Last time she'd fled from him, that option was gone now. All creatures were led by the fight or flight instinct when frightened or cornered. Fight was all she had left.
"How do I know?" she whispered and his ears perked at her voice, "How can I be certain that you aren't him?". Her voice was low and pained and it cut him deeply. Damn that Naraku to hell and back, just so he could be killed again. "Look at me" he urged her softly. His tone quiet and gentle, a tone he used when Rin suffered nightmares.
He reached his hand toward her and she shrank from him, daring a glance. Those golden eyes were soft with care and concern. Ayeka wasn't buying it. She'd fallen prey to it once, not again. Sesshoumaru could sense that she wanted, no, needed his touch, his comfort. However, she'd learned painfully that her enemy was far craftier than any other.
"Smell me Ayeka" he told her. Even as a human, mated as they were, his scent was a known thing to her. It soothed and calmed a fretful female. Inuyoukai imbedded their scent on their mates for such reasons. He watched as she sniffed delicately. This, she could trust, she'd known by scent that Naraku was not truly her husband. She inhaled deeply, the clean, fresh scent that was only Sesshoumaru reached her.
She moved so fast, he was barely prepared for it. Ayeka threw herself into his arms, crying into his armor covered chest. "I was so afraid. He was you! He was you!". His arms tightened around her and he made small soothing sounds to her. His hands stroking her back and hair softly.
"He is gone Ayeka. Dead. Kagura used your vest and ended his threat" he told her. She nodded against him and then slowly she leaned back to look up at him. "Dead?" she asked. He nodded. Her eyes welled again and she began to tremble in his embrace, "Like I was, but I came back. What happened?" she pleaded with him to tell her.
Sesshoumaru soothed her as best he could and then sat down on the cot, drawing her onto his lap. "Nakaru mortally wounded you. I used the Tenseiga to bring you back to me" he told her in a very abridged version of events. She met his gaze and held it intently, "Was he in your form when he killed me?" she asked. Slowly, he shook his head. She felt coldness creep into her flesh, "You had to wait until I died to use the sword didn't you?"
He nodded, knowing what she wanted, "You were suffering greatly and it would not have been quick" he whispered. She raised his hand to her face and looked at his claws, her eyes shimmering, "You.... did you" she began but he cut her off, "I couldn't, no. Inuyasha set you free from pain and I restored your life" he rasped.
She was shaking hard now, and he pulled her tightly against him. Her whimpers made him cringe, Rin had nightmares about dying and he knew how hard she could be to soothe. "And... I'm alive now" she whispered. He pressed gentle kisses to her temple, "Alive, with me" he told her.
She nodded slowly, clinging to him like an errant vine. Sesshoumaru was content to hold her and soothe her until she slipped into the realm of dreams. Once she was settled in the wide cot, he turned and strode out of the tent. Kurama was there. "I must check on the miko and her pup, stay with her until I return" he said.
The fox grunted, he need not take orders from the likes of Sesshoumaru but he would stay with her. He settled himself in a chair and waited. She looked pale and every now and then she whimpered softly in her sleep. Was it true he wondered, had the silver hanyou slain her to save her life? He supposed she could tell him when she woke.
Sesshoumaru strode into Inuyasha's tent without warning, finding the miko wrapping herself in a clean robe. She whirled to face him. "Oh, it's you" she said, her voice relieved. He arched a brow at her, "Did you expect the enemy perhaps?" he asked. She shrugged, blushing, "We've thought he was dead before and he wasn't" she reminded him. He nodded, "It is over Kagome, he is dead".
Kagome nodded. Her brother in law was still a mystery to her, but she knew that she owed him her life. "You had pains earlier" he stated. Her eyes widened at his words, "This child shares the blood of my father and so I am aware of some things" he offered. He seemed to notice Inuyasha's abscence then, "Where is he?" he asked. Kagome looked sad, "He has gone to see Miroku. He worries that Sango will blame him for taking his hand".
Sesshoumaru snorted, "Well he does have a knack for taking limbs" he mused. He motioned her closer and knelt before her. She blinked down at him, heat flooding her cheeks, "I mean to ascertain the well being of your pup" he soothed.
A moment later he pulled away from her and stood. "Your pup is fine. You need to rest miko. Your pregnancy will be harder now. The child is quickening within you". She rubbed her stomach and nodded, "What do we do now?" she asked. Sesshoumaru blinked at her, "Now we go home Kagome" he told her.
"Home?" she asked. He nodded, "To the western palace of course, I would like it very much if you and yours remained with me. I have been without a pack for long enough" he told her. He left her with those words and went to find his brother.
Sango was sobbing against Inuyasha's chest. He looked very sad as he comforted her the best way he knew. "I'm so sorry Sango" he told her. She lifted warm brown eyes brimming with tears to him, "No, no Inuyasha, you saved him from his curse. I thank you for that. I would rather have him, imperfect than to live with his memory alone!" she cried out. hugging the gruff hanyou to her.
Inuyasha returned her embrace and kissed the top of her head, "Yeah well just get busy you two, my pup is gonna need someone to beat up" he responded. She smiled up at him and stepped away. Sesshoumaru watched the exchange from a respectful distance. "Strange packmates you keep" he said then. Inuyasha looked at him from over his shoulder, "Yeah, well they're mine" he said proudly.
Sesshoumaru shook his head, "Feelings seem to come so easy for you Inuyasha" he said then and the hanyou nearly fell over, "Yeah well you tell my mate that" he retorted. Sesshoumaru nodded, "I want to ask you something". Inuyasha waited, whatever it was it seemed that his stoic brother was having problems getting the words out. "I care about your pack" he said at last.
Inuyasha walked over to stand beside him. Sesshoumaru spoke softly, " I would like it if you would remain in the palace with Ayeka and I", he said, "All of you". Inuyasha's golden eyes went wide. He was asking them to stay with him, the way a real pack should? Sesshoumaru took in the stunned look on his brother's face and sighed, "I will not force you of course".
Inuyasha suddenly smiled at him, "I'll ask the others" he promised. Sesshoumaru nodded and wandered back to his tent. He spotted Kurama at once sitting beside the cot and stoking his wife's hair. "She's been fretful" the fox offered. Sesshoumaru wasn't pleased to see the fox's claws twined in his mate's curls but he merely nodded.
"I have given her something to help her sleep" Kurama told him, "I wanted to talk to you about something". Sesshoumaru shrugged out of his armor and move to sink gracefully to his seat. "Go ahead Kurama, there is too much between us for you to hold back now" he said.
The fox glared at the haughty lord. "She ran from you. Youkai law would allow you to abandon her, or to take her life for the dishonor" he said. Sesshoumaru nodded his agreement. "Why didn't you do those things? Why did you take her back into your home?" Kurama persisted. Sesshoumaru lifted a brow in question, "Why Youko, would you have had me done either of those things?" he asked. The silver fox shook his head, "Of course not. But mercy is not something you are not known for. Why?" he demanded.
Sesshoumaru let his gaze wander over the sleeping form. "Because I cannot be without her" he admitted softly, "I cursed my father for a fool when he took Izayoi. I was sure that she would flee him as Ayeka had done to me. She didn't though. Even after his death, she loved him. Despite the years apart, she has remained close to my heart".
Kurama sat back down, the dog's words robbing him of his well planned arguments. "You admit to loving her?" he asked. Sesshoumaru growled at the other, "I do. You will not have her" he snapped. Kurama lifted his hand in a placating gesture. "She chose you. More than once it seems. I won't argue that" he said quietly and rose from his seat. "Good night fluffers".
Sesshoumaru growled the fox out of the tent. How dare he call him that? With a huffing sound he wandered back to the bedding. Ayeka was still sleeping. He removed his clothing and slid in beside her, drawing her back against his body.
It was several hours later when she began to wake. Claws traced rhythmic circles on her bare stomach. Somehow she'd been rendered nude in the night. Hot, wet kisses trailed along the side of her neck and she whimpered. Her body still relaxed from sleep shivered under the onslaught of feelings.
Sesshoumaru heard her heart beat increase, so she was awake. Good. He pushed her hair away from her nape to nip there. Her body pressed back against his of it's own will. He'd wrapped his arms around her while she slept and now he cupped one of her breasts. Rolling the pebble between his fingers and tugging lightly. she moaned and her scent spiked.
Sesshoumaru slid his hand down her stomach and to the cropped curls below. They were damp with her desire already. He wedged a knee between her thighs, using the motions of his leg to part hers. She arched and cried out softly when his claws flickered over her pearl.
Sesshoumaru had been wanting to take her for a very long time, he'd not deny himself tonight. Ayeka felt his fingers slide back through wet folds, seeking her pleasure. He groaned as she rocked against his hand, her warm juices coating his fingers with heavenly slickness.
When he deemed her ready for him, he pressed his hardness against her folds and slowly, almost painfully slowly, he entered her. Ayeka bit her lip and whimpered at the feeling of him filling her so completely. His fingers continued to press on her pearl and then he rocked against her back.
It wasn't long before they were losing themselves. His slow but hard thrusts rocking her and she whimpered at the slow, burning loving he gave her. She felt the peak of passion swell and then it crashed over her, her mouth opened on a silent scream. He felt her flutter and clench around him and felt himself swell within her as he emptied his seed into her waiting warmth. He growled into her hair, wanting to roar to the heavens. There would be time for that later.
Across the clearing, Inuyasha held Kagome to him as she climaxed and he growled into her throat as he shuddered with his own release. Nearby Sango cradled a sleeping Miroku to her chest as she silently counted how many children she wanted to have.
Chapter Fifty-One
Ayeka had not spoken since she had awakened. Kurama remained with her. He had told her that Sesshoumaru and the others had gone to finish Naraku. He assumed they had been successful as half the remaining enemy soldiers had suddenly stopped fighting. Some crumbled to dust where they stood, others ran and still more begged mercy and surrendered.
Ayeka seemed to process the information, but she turned from the handsome fox, and stared out into the distance. Something was very wrong with her, but try as he might, he could not engage her in conversation. She was pale and her eyes seemed haunted. He'd seen eyes like that on those unfortunate human souls that found Makai.
She knew that he was worrying for her, his golden eyes following her smallest movements. The most cold blooded demon aside from her own mate. The king of thieves. How could she tell him what she was feeling? She'd died today. The agony of her death lingered in her mind. While she knew that she carried no wounds, she still felt the tightness in her chest when she breathed.
Mindless in her pain, she had sought release from it, but release would not come. Flashes of images came to her, deadly claws and golden eyes, silver hair blowing in the breeze. A pain to end all pains and then darkness. Then there was the blinding light, she'd thought it had been the thing people who brushed death spoke of, but no, it had been the light of the sun. Breath and life had returned to her in a swift, almost painful rush.
It left behind a very confused woman. Naraku had killed her hadn't he? Or had Sesshoumaru? Golden eyes and silver hair. was she lost in some half state? That couldn't be for Kurama was there with her and it was unlikely that one such as he would fall. She looked down at her hands, watched them shake violently. She wanted to laugh at cheating death, wanted to weep in fear, and she could do neither. She felt frozen.
Kurama was relieved to catch the scent of the taiyoukai back in the camp. Looking over at Ayeka he sighed, "I will bring him" he told her. She made no motion that she heard. There were happy cries in the camp, Naraku was dead at last. The healers were smiling, the monk would live. Sango dried her tears and hugged him, he wrapped his good arm around her, "I still have one hand to love you with" he assured her.
Sesshoumaru looked up as the crowds parted for the tall fox. The look on his former rival's face drew him at once. "What is it?" he asked. Kurama shook his head "It's Ayeka". Sesshoumaru felt that cold twist in his chest again. Kurama rushed to soothe him, "She's alive but she hasn't said a word Sessh. Not even to me. She needs you now. She needs to know what happened to her".
Sesshoumaru felt her waves of unease roll from the tent and he slowly lifted the flap and stepped inside. She didn't turn, but her frame stiffened and he knew that she knew it was him. Ayeka was afraid to look at him. What if he wasn't really him? She'd never worried about such things before but she did now.
Sesshoumaru caught the spiking scent of her fear. She feared him. That was unthinkable and unacceptable. He drew closer and she raised her dagger at him, "Stay away from me" she growled, refusing to look at him. Even so, the gleaming point of her blade was level with his heart.
"Ayeka" he said. She flinched and he fell silent. What could he do or say to comfort her? He waited in the tense silence. His mate was her most dangerous now, afraid and doubtful of him. Last time she'd fled from him, that option was gone now. All creatures were led by the fight or flight instinct when frightened or cornered. Fight was all she had left.
"How do I know?" she whispered and his ears perked at her voice, "How can I be certain that you aren't him?". Her voice was low and pained and it cut him deeply. Damn that Naraku to hell and back, just so he could be killed again. "Look at me" he urged her softly. His tone quiet and gentle, a tone he used when Rin suffered nightmares.
He reached his hand toward her and she shrank from him, daring a glance. Those golden eyes were soft with care and concern. Ayeka wasn't buying it. She'd fallen prey to it once, not again. Sesshoumaru could sense that she wanted, no, needed his touch, his comfort. However, she'd learned painfully that her enemy was far craftier than any other.
"Smell me Ayeka" he told her. Even as a human, mated as they were, his scent was a known thing to her. It soothed and calmed a fretful female. Inuyoukai imbedded their scent on their mates for such reasons. He watched as she sniffed delicately. This, she could trust, she'd known by scent that Naraku was not truly her husband. She inhaled deeply, the clean, fresh scent that was only Sesshoumaru reached her.
She moved so fast, he was barely prepared for it. Ayeka threw herself into his arms, crying into his armor covered chest. "I was so afraid. He was you! He was you!". His arms tightened around her and he made small soothing sounds to her. His hands stroking her back and hair softly.
"He is gone Ayeka. Dead. Kagura used your vest and ended his threat" he told her. She nodded against him and then slowly she leaned back to look up at him. "Dead?" she asked. He nodded. Her eyes welled again and she began to tremble in his embrace, "Like I was, but I came back. What happened?" she pleaded with him to tell her.
Sesshoumaru soothed her as best he could and then sat down on the cot, drawing her onto his lap. "Nakaru mortally wounded you. I used the Tenseiga to bring you back to me" he told her in a very abridged version of events. She met his gaze and held it intently, "Was he in your form when he killed me?" she asked. Slowly, he shook his head. She felt coldness creep into her flesh, "You had to wait until I died to use the sword didn't you?"
He nodded, knowing what she wanted, "You were suffering greatly and it would not have been quick" he whispered. She raised his hand to her face and looked at his claws, her eyes shimmering, "You.... did you" she began but he cut her off, "I couldn't, no. Inuyasha set you free from pain and I restored your life" he rasped.
She was shaking hard now, and he pulled her tightly against him. Her whimpers made him cringe, Rin had nightmares about dying and he knew how hard she could be to soothe. "And... I'm alive now" she whispered. He pressed gentle kisses to her temple, "Alive, with me" he told her.
She nodded slowly, clinging to him like an errant vine. Sesshoumaru was content to hold her and soothe her until she slipped into the realm of dreams. Once she was settled in the wide cot, he turned and strode out of the tent. Kurama was there. "I must check on the miko and her pup, stay with her until I return" he said.
The fox grunted, he need not take orders from the likes of Sesshoumaru but he would stay with her. He settled himself in a chair and waited. She looked pale and every now and then she whimpered softly in her sleep. Was it true he wondered, had the silver hanyou slain her to save her life? He supposed she could tell him when she woke.
Sesshoumaru strode into Inuyasha's tent without warning, finding the miko wrapping herself in a clean robe. She whirled to face him. "Oh, it's you" she said, her voice relieved. He arched a brow at her, "Did you expect the enemy perhaps?" he asked. She shrugged, blushing, "We've thought he was dead before and he wasn't" she reminded him. He nodded, "It is over Kagome, he is dead".
Kagome nodded. Her brother in law was still a mystery to her, but she knew that she owed him her life. "You had pains earlier" he stated. Her eyes widened at his words, "This child shares the blood of my father and so I am aware of some things" he offered. He seemed to notice Inuyasha's abscence then, "Where is he?" he asked. Kagome looked sad, "He has gone to see Miroku. He worries that Sango will blame him for taking his hand".
Sesshoumaru snorted, "Well he does have a knack for taking limbs" he mused. He motioned her closer and knelt before her. She blinked down at him, heat flooding her cheeks, "I mean to ascertain the well being of your pup" he soothed.
A moment later he pulled away from her and stood. "Your pup is fine. You need to rest miko. Your pregnancy will be harder now. The child is quickening within you". She rubbed her stomach and nodded, "What do we do now?" she asked. Sesshoumaru blinked at her, "Now we go home Kagome" he told her.
"Home?" she asked. He nodded, "To the western palace of course, I would like it very much if you and yours remained with me. I have been without a pack for long enough" he told her. He left her with those words and went to find his brother.
Sango was sobbing against Inuyasha's chest. He looked very sad as he comforted her the best way he knew. "I'm so sorry Sango" he told her. She lifted warm brown eyes brimming with tears to him, "No, no Inuyasha, you saved him from his curse. I thank you for that. I would rather have him, imperfect than to live with his memory alone!" she cried out. hugging the gruff hanyou to her.
Inuyasha returned her embrace and kissed the top of her head, "Yeah well just get busy you two, my pup is gonna need someone to beat up" he responded. She smiled up at him and stepped away. Sesshoumaru watched the exchange from a respectful distance. "Strange packmates you keep" he said then. Inuyasha looked at him from over his shoulder, "Yeah, well they're mine" he said proudly.
Sesshoumaru shook his head, "Feelings seem to come so easy for you Inuyasha" he said then and the hanyou nearly fell over, "Yeah well you tell my mate that" he retorted. Sesshoumaru nodded, "I want to ask you something". Inuyasha waited, whatever it was it seemed that his stoic brother was having problems getting the words out. "I care about your pack" he said at last.
Inuyasha walked over to stand beside him. Sesshoumaru spoke softly, " I would like it if you would remain in the palace with Ayeka and I", he said, "All of you". Inuyasha's golden eyes went wide. He was asking them to stay with him, the way a real pack should? Sesshoumaru took in the stunned look on his brother's face and sighed, "I will not force you of course".
Inuyasha suddenly smiled at him, "I'll ask the others" he promised. Sesshoumaru nodded and wandered back to his tent. He spotted Kurama at once sitting beside the cot and stoking his wife's hair. "She's been fretful" the fox offered. Sesshoumaru wasn't pleased to see the fox's claws twined in his mate's curls but he merely nodded.
"I have given her something to help her sleep" Kurama told him, "I wanted to talk to you about something". Sesshoumaru shrugged out of his armor and move to sink gracefully to his seat. "Go ahead Kurama, there is too much between us for you to hold back now" he said.
The fox glared at the haughty lord. "She ran from you. Youkai law would allow you to abandon her, or to take her life for the dishonor" he said. Sesshoumaru nodded his agreement. "Why didn't you do those things? Why did you take her back into your home?" Kurama persisted. Sesshoumaru lifted a brow in question, "Why Youko, would you have had me done either of those things?" he asked. The silver fox shook his head, "Of course not. But mercy is not something you are not known for. Why?" he demanded.
Sesshoumaru let his gaze wander over the sleeping form. "Because I cannot be without her" he admitted softly, "I cursed my father for a fool when he took Izayoi. I was sure that she would flee him as Ayeka had done to me. She didn't though. Even after his death, she loved him. Despite the years apart, she has remained close to my heart".
Kurama sat back down, the dog's words robbing him of his well planned arguments. "You admit to loving her?" he asked. Sesshoumaru growled at the other, "I do. You will not have her" he snapped. Kurama lifted his hand in a placating gesture. "She chose you. More than once it seems. I won't argue that" he said quietly and rose from his seat. "Good night fluffers".
Sesshoumaru growled the fox out of the tent. How dare he call him that? With a huffing sound he wandered back to the bedding. Ayeka was still sleeping. He removed his clothing and slid in beside her, drawing her back against his body.
It was several hours later when she began to wake. Claws traced rhythmic circles on her bare stomach. Somehow she'd been rendered nude in the night. Hot, wet kisses trailed along the side of her neck and she whimpered. Her body still relaxed from sleep shivered under the onslaught of feelings.
Sesshoumaru heard her heart beat increase, so she was awake. Good. He pushed her hair away from her nape to nip there. Her body pressed back against his of it's own will. He'd wrapped his arms around her while she slept and now he cupped one of her breasts. Rolling the pebble between his fingers and tugging lightly. she moaned and her scent spiked.
Sesshoumaru slid his hand down her stomach and to the cropped curls below. They were damp with her desire already. He wedged a knee between her thighs, using the motions of his leg to part hers. She arched and cried out softly when his claws flickered over her pearl.
Sesshoumaru had been wanting to take her for a very long time, he'd not deny himself tonight. Ayeka felt his fingers slide back through wet folds, seeking her pleasure. He groaned as she rocked against his hand, her warm juices coating his fingers with heavenly slickness.
When he deemed her ready for him, he pressed his hardness against her folds and slowly, almost painfully slowly, he entered her. Ayeka bit her lip and whimpered at the feeling of him filling her so completely. His fingers continued to press on her pearl and then he rocked against her back.
It wasn't long before they were losing themselves. His slow but hard thrusts rocking her and she whimpered at the slow, burning loving he gave her. She felt the peak of passion swell and then it crashed over her, her mouth opened on a silent scream. He felt her flutter and clench around him and felt himself swell within her as he emptied his seed into her waiting warmth. He growled into her hair, wanting to roar to the heavens. There would be time for that later.
Across the clearing, Inuyasha held Kagome to him as she climaxed and he growled into her throat as he shuddered with his own release. Nearby Sango cradled a sleeping Miroku to her chest as she silently counted how many children she wanted to have.