InuYasha, P.I.

Case 5: Edopolis Precinct

Inuyasha was in shock as Kouga dragged him down the hall, his body completely frozen. Who wouldn’t be, what with having one of his biggest insecurities being, more or less, revealed (Lies! They were all lies!) in bits and pieces of what the mangy wolf had hinted about in his conversation with his father.

"You dirty bastard!! Now my dad's gonna think I'm into men! And I'm sure as hell not!" Inuyasha freaked.

"Oh, give it a rest. Besides, who said anything about you being the one being IN the man? You're more of an uke than you realize, mutt," Kouga grinned, escorting Inuyasha to the Commissioner’s office before directing the still-in-shock-hanyou to a chair.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

Kouga chuckled at the irate look encompassing the white haired inu’s face. "Anyway, the Commish told me to have you wait in his office. He'll be out of his meeting shortly."

And with that Kouga shut the door.

"That bastard," Inuyasha grumbled, finally taking a seat.

Only a few minutes had passed and he still had yet to hear any movement from outside the door that would signal his uncle’s arrival.

Inuyasha growled, impatient and anxious. Who wouldn’t be feeling that way, especially if they had in their possession some super mysterious item stolen in the midst of a lock down between two rival gangs, and then took mentioned item home before the overwhelming curiosity within got the best of them as they - quite possibly - tried any number of ways to open said super mysterious item but continued to remain otherwise unsuccessful?

The so-called item that he had to steal less than 24 hours earlier, which he originally thought to be someone’s dirty drawers, turned out to be one old fucking book! What the hell! You want a book; you go to the fucking library! Who the hell steals books nowadays? Geez! Not only that, but the book was so old it couldn’t even be opened. It frustrated him to no end, too. Why anyone would want a broken book in the first place was completely beyond him.

Oh well, he’d find out sooner or later he supposed.

But that wasn’t what was making the hanyou anxious, let alone impatient. He had to meet with Mr. Musashi- Sesshomaru – today at 6pm. He wasn’t sure what would come of it; was the item Inuyasha stole the wrong thing? Would he get punished if it was? Keh! Like that cocky bastard could do anything to him!

Just then the door creaked open and Inuyasha was thankful that he had the training he did not to jump at being startled back into awareness.

“Ah, good, you’re here, Inuyasha,” came his uncle's voice.

“Yeah, that fleabag had the nerve to think I didn’t know where your office was and dragged me here early,” Inuyasha grumbled. “Stupid bastard.”

Naraku chuckled, stepping into his office discreetly, quietly shutting the door behind him and walking over to his desk.

He set a stack of papers down upon the side of his desk in a neat pile and then took a seat, sitting back and staring at his nephew.

“So, Inuyasha, I hope you’ve managed to find a way into the Underworld by now?”

“Uhm, sort of,” Inuyasha replied.

“What do you mean by ‘sort of?’ Either you have or you haven’t, which is it?” Naraku asked.

“Well, I have found a source to the Underworld, and I think I’ve left a good enough impression on him to get into his trust.”

“That’s good. When will you know?”

“I’ll know later today, sir,” Inuyasha answered.

“Very well,” Naraku replied, giving a sigh that caught the hanyou’s attention.

“What’s wrong?” Inuyasha asked, knowing that tired sigh anywhere. Something was definitely up and bothering his uncle.

“Last night a very important transaction was interrupted,” Naraku began. “An object to be given to the police to help us gain a foothold in the fight against demons was stolen. The suspect even managed to evade the snipers’ shots.”

Inuyasha’s eyes widened slightly, his heart beating a little faster.

“Uhh, what... exactly is this object in question?”

“A book,” Naraku supplied simply, evading any form of detail, turning his chair to the side in order to gather a few files to give to his nephew. “Now, as you know, we’ll need to keep up appearances for your father in order to keep him from getting too suspicious as to what you’ve spent your days doing. I’ve noticed the lot of you tend to go sniffing around where your noses don’t belong.”

“Being canine comes with a territory,” Inuyasha supplied, quoting something he often heard his father say.

“I’m sure,” Naraku said dryly. “Here’s the file.”

“File for what?”

“For the case you are going to pretend to be investigating to throw others off track.”

“Great. So, what’s it about?” Inuyasha said, taking the manila folder and slipping it into his lap, not even bothering to look through the information himself.

Naraku closed his eyes momentarily in annoyance. His nephew may have been great in the field but when it came to paperwork and actually having to find the clues on written documents he was as stubborn and ignorant as a damn puppy.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, the commissioner stressed, “It’s in the file, Inuyasha.”

“You mean you’re gonna make me read all this crap? It’s like, two inches thick!” the hanyou complained, waving the folder around to clarify his words.

Naraku would have groaned in agitation if he hadn’t had to deal with this for the last twenty-two years of his life.

“Burglary. Only witness to call it in lived on the other side of the district while all other residents between the two points denied hearing anything, which means someone, somewhere, is lying."

Inuyasha blinked.

“What kind of burglary? What did the witness have to say? How come they-?”

“It’s in the file.”

The half-demon grumbled up a storm as he proceeded to open the seemingly four volume file.

“I want you to go through that in case your father asks any questions, at least then you’ll know what he’s talking about and not simply stare back at him vacantly with that dumb look of yours." Inuyasha stared at his uncle. Vacantly. Naraku sighed. "In any event, it wouldn’t do to have him become suspicious,” Naraku informed his young P.I.

“Aw, man,” came the anticipated whine. “Fine, I have time to kill anyway today before that meeting.”

“Very well, see to it that you have that information thoroughly crammed into that stubborn head of yours by tomorrow morning,” Naraku said in dismissal, a slight grin curving his thin mouth.

“Yeah, yeah. See you later, Commish,” the hanyou smirked in return as he got up and left the office.

Once outside his uncle’s workplace, the hanyou took in a long needed breath of air, replaying the conversation over in his head.

Shit. A fucking police transaction was interrupted?! And the fucking item was a goddamn book! Jesus Christ, it was freaky how everything seemed to be tied together.

Shoulders slumped, Inuyasha grumbled as he stepped into the elevator and headed back down to the first floor of the precinct. Stupid file. He hoped whoever came up with the stupid system of writing up twenty page reports for investigators to read died a very painful death. Case files should be limited to a few simple fact sheets. Three pages tops. With sixteen-point font. And maybe some pictures or something to give it character.

The young detective looked back at the file in his hand. Two inches thick. Two WHOLE inches! And he had to READ all of it! Oh God, he was going to die. Stupid sadistic uncle making him read up on a stupid case he didn’t really have to stupid investigate...

Getting off the elevator and dragging his feet as he weaved through the numerous desks littered about the first floor, Inuyasha was definitely NOT looking forward to heading back to his office. The day’s outlook seemed to be getting gloomier by the second.

Forgetting that was supposed to be mad at his partner, the hanyou trudged up to Kouga like some poor, pathetic, wet dog. Which, strangely enough, he felt like.

“Kouga, you love me, right?” Inuyasha asked. “You’d do everything in your power to save me from a horrible fate, wouldn’t you?”

The ookami was instantly on his guard. “That depend-”

Inuyasha pressed the thick file against Kouga’s chest, not giving him a chance to finish. “Read this for me.”

“What, are you nuts? That thing is like two inches thick!” Kouga exclaimed, pushing the file back.

“Oh, come on! You’re going to end up reading it anyways when you go snooping through my office. I’m just trying to save you the trouble now.” Inuyasha pushed the file back into Kouga's chest.

“Hell no. Get that monstrous thing away from me!” the wolf yelped out, jumping away.

“It only looks monstrous because it’s filled with so many pictures,” Inuyasha insisted, refusing to give up as he walked after his retreating friend. Had he not been so determined to get Kouga up close and very intimate with this file, he would have noticed how much of a chicken shit he was being, what with fleeing the way he was.

“Oh yeah? Then why don’t you read it?”

“Because I am a busy man,” Inuyasha said haughtily. “You know, places to go, people to see and such.”

Kouga growled, stopping in the midst of his valiant withdrawl, and grabbed the young hanyou by the shirt as he approached him. “Listen up, pup, don’t you go stealing my lin-”

“Inuyasha!”

Both canine demons paused and blinked as Kagome suddenly appeared out of nowhere, wedged between them. They blinked yet again as the girl’s hands flew all over Inuyasha’s body; groping here and touching there, slim fingers running over his arms, shoulders, chest, stomach, thighs, butt-

“Hey! HEY!!”

“Ka-Kagome!”

In a flash, Kouga pulled Kagome away, clasping her hands and tearfully asking her, “How could you?” while Inuyasha blushed bright red and wrapped his arms protectively around his being and demanded, “What the hell!”

“Are you alright, Inuyasha?” Kagome asked worriedly. “You’re not hurt are you?”

“Hurt? Why would he be hurt?” Realization dawned on Kouga. “You’re just using that as an excuse to touch a man’s body, aren’t you? Well, if that’s the case, my biceps have been really sore lately...”

“Of course I’m alright, stupid. As if anything could hurt me,” Inuyasha stated confidently, before shooting Kouga a dirty look at his antics.

“But I saw your bike and-”

And with those words, and the insinuation of her earlier comment, Inuyasha abruptly began having his own private panic attack.

“My bike? What about my bike?!”

Kagome huffed. “Well if you would shut up and let me fini-”

“Relax, Kagome darling,” Kouga interrupted, moving around the girl to throw an arm over his partner’s shoulders. “Inuyasha here was just playing a little game of tag yesterday and had a teeny-tiny wipeout is all. A few small scratches or dents or whatever resulting damages you saw on his bike isn’t anything to get so worried over.”

“But I saw-”

“There are dents and scratches on my bike?!” Inuyasha cried out, regardless of the fact that it was a stated possibility and not a fact (even though he did basically slide across feet and feet of concrete to dodge a potential hit and run).

“There’s more than that-”

“Oh come on, Yash. Such minor damage is hardly worth freaking out over,” Kouga tried to pacify.

“The damage-”

“You don’t understand. There are fucking dents and scratches on my BIKE!!” Inuyasha said, completely freaking out now. “And don’t call me Yash!” he added as an afterthought.

“But the bull-”

“I’m going to murder that bastard!” Inuyasha raved, not giving Kagome a chance to speak as he stormed towards the door. “Decapitate him! I’m gonna gut him alive and force-feed his bowels to his subordinates! I’ll-”

“Inuyasha, SIT!”

Inuyasha froze and looked back at Kagome questioningly.

“Sit. Down. Now.”

Inuyasha, as well as every other man, woman, and child within the vicinity (criminal or otherwise), sat.

Only one person remained standing; a hardened criminal with a rap sheet as long as his arm (within which murder, rape, and torture were listed several times over amongst other things), and that was because no chairs were left for him to sit in. The last word that young college girl had uttered came out in a nearly satanic tone and caused him to now sport an impressively large (and still growing) wet spot in the front of his jeans for all the world to see.



Oh God, I’ll confess. I’ll confess for everything and voluntarily go to prison for the rest of my life, he thought as tears poured down his face. Just as long as they never put her in my presence ever again!

Inuyasha perched stiffly on the edge of a small wooden chair as a thoroughly pissed Kagome marched over.

“Jacket! Off! Now!” she barked.

The jacket came off.

“Shoes!”

The shoes joined the jacket.

“Socks!”

The socks as well.

“Shirt and pa-!”

“Wai-wait, wait, wait!” Kouga cried, jumping up to Inuyasha’s rescue. “You aren’t seriously going to make him strip down in front of all these people, are you?”

Kagome’s pissed countenance instantly changed into one of shocked embarrassment. “Oh my gosh, you’re right! Sorry! I guess I got a little carried away.”

Inuyasha snorted, but didn’t dare say anything more as he slouched back in his seat like a petulant child.

Clearing her throat, Kagome continued. “Now, Inuyasha, if you would please roll your sleeves up for me.”

Undoing the cuffs first, Inuyasha pushed both of his sleeves up until they were securely bunched up and cutting off the blood circulation in his well-defined biceps, scowling as Kagome grabbed his wrists and turned his arms this way and that as she checked for injuries.

Finding none, she gave a self-satisfied nod before releasing him and stepping back. “Now for your shirt.”

The hanyou’s eyes widened comically as his cheeks tinged pink. She seriously wanted to check out his torso? Here? But that would consist of everyone seeing his…his nipples!

Catching on to Inuyasha’s train of thought, Kagome rolled her eyes. “I meant lift your shirt up, not take it off.”

Oh. Well that was different.

Sitting up straight, Inuyasha lifted his shirt up to just below the nipples, hoping that would be enough to satisfy Ms. Bossy-Grabby-Pants.

Kagome eyed his stomach critically for a moment. “Well, you certainly don’t seem injured,” she said, looking at his pants in an obvious debate over whether to check out his legs as well.

As if sensing the girl’s intent, Kouga once again stepped in. “I told you he was fine, Kagome. He’s got me to look out for him, after all.”

“Oh really? And were you even there 'looking out for him' when he was getting shot at?” Kagome asked skeptically.

“'Course I was! Who do you think saved his ass?”

Inuyasha frowned at Kagome’s choice of words. “Wait, how did you know about-?”

Kagome ignored him to instead fight over his safety with Kouga like they were two divorced parents fighting over what either of them thought was best for their offspring (which would more or less mature to be a very fucked up individual regardless of, and probably due to, their bickering). “Oh, what, by causing him to wipe out on his bike,” Kagome said deadpanned. “You call that saving someone?”

“Fine, then. I’ll prove it.” With that, Kouga’s hand dived into Inuyasha’s shirt, groping and skimming about his chest.

“HEY!!” The inuhanyou shouted, arms and legs flailing about in a wild, unsure manner.

“Calm down,” Kouga growled, still feeling intimately about before grinning and leaning close to his partner’s ear. “Or else I might start to think that you’re enjoying this.”

This statement only prompted Inuyasha to flail about even more, causing him to crash to the floor and Kouga to fall into the chair.

“Ah-ha! Here it is!” Kouga said triumphantly from his position lying on his side across the chair, arms and legs dangling from either side.

Inuaysha groaned due to his head being painfully reclined against the leg of the chair while the rest of his body rested horizontally on the floor. Opening his eyes from their previously squeezed shut position, he instantly went cross-eyed at the object Kouga now had dangling right in front of his face.

“Oooh, what’s that?” Kagome asked, crouching down for a better look.

“It’s his good luck charm,” Kouga replied, taking great care not to snap the object from around Inuyasha’s neck as he twisted around to a more comfortable position on his stomach.

“But... isn’t it kind of... girly?”

Kouga chuckled as they both looked closely at the unusually dark amethyst bead surrounded by two small fangs of ivory before Inuyasha snatched the necklace away and stuffed it back into the safety of his shirt.

“It was my mom’s, alright? No need for you to get so nosey about it,” Inuyasha snapped, sitting up straight as he grabbed his shoes and socks.

Kouga smiled at Kagome’s apologetic look, ignoring Inuyasha’s foul-tempered grumbles of, “Need to shower now... Never been so violated... Ever!” while he straightened his rumpled clothes as he stood.
“It carries some sort of protection spell, which is why he actually wears it rather than just holding on to it,” Kouga explained.

“Oh. What kind of protection spell?” Kagome asked.

“I’m not sure, to be honest,” Kouga admitted, scratching his head. “I stopped listening after a bit, but it’s guaranteed to protect Inuyasha from harm. So don’t worry about him so much. He’s a big boy now.”

“The term you’re looking for is ‘man’,” Inuyasha grunted irritably, hopping on one foot while trying to slip on his shoe.

“Yeah, that means you only have to go crying to daddy only once every other day now, right?” Kouga teased, quickly dodging the fist that came flying his way.

Ignoring the fight that was now tearing its way back and forth between the two desks restricting it, Kagome sighed happily. “Thank goodness. I was so worried when I saw the bullet holes around the place where the decal used to be.”

The fight froze.

“Bullet holes?” Inuyasha questioned, one hand shoving Kouga’s face back while the other was struggling free of the hardened grip it was captured in so that it could do some real damage. “What bullet holes?”

“The ones on your bike. Didn’t you know?”

Inuyasha’s jaw hit the floor. “There’re bullet holes in my BIKE?!?!”

“Erm... kind of... yes,” Kagome answered meekly at the inu’s sudden outrage.

“There’re – bul – in – in – my-”

Kouga slowly stood and backed away until he was standing next to Kagome. “I think you broke him,” he said lowly, cautiously keeping an eye on his partner who was currently hunched over and muttering to himself with his head in one of his hands while the other drew imaginary circles on the tiled floor.

Kagome nodded, taking a few careful steps forward. “Inuyasha...?”

At the sound of his name, the hanyou’s head suddenly shot up, eyes narrowed as he glared at his almost-girlfriend. “Lies,” he stated firmly (aka complete denial).

“W-what?”

“You’re lying,” Inuyasha repeated as he stood.

“Excuse me? Why would I lie about something like this?”

“I don’t know, maybe you’re just jealous!”

Kagome’s mouth fell open. “Jea-! Of what?!”

“Keh. The hell if I know,” Inuyasha said while crossing his arms defiantly. “Maybe you’re still mad about that time I didn’t go with you to the library because I had to work on my bike instead.”

Kagome frowned in confusion before her eyes widened in remembrance. “You idiot! I had completely forgotten about that, but now that you mention it: Yeah, I am still pissed about that! What kind of self-respecting man chooses a bike over a woman!”

“Oh yeah! Well, what kind of self-respecting woman chooses to change a date location to the library!” Inuyasha shot back.

“Are you saying that you voluntarily chose to use your bike as an excuse so you wouldn’t have to accompany me to the library?” Kagome asked dangerously.

“Keh, you sure are dumb if you’re only just figuring that out now.”

“Uh-oh...” Kouga took several large steps back.

“What. Was. That?” the demonic voice was back.

Inuyasha blinked, suddenly realizing the peril he had just placed himself in. “Er, I mean-”

“Forget it! You were right! I was totally lying about your bike!”

“...You were?” The hanyou’s eyes brightened hopefully.

“Yes. There aren't a few bullet holes in your bike, it's completely riddled with them!”

Inuyasha’s face took on an expression of complete horror as he stepped back in shock.

“Yeah, that’s right!” Kagome continued maliciously. “It looks like Swiss cheese right now! And the scratches – Ugh! – don’t even get me started-!”

“No! Argh! Shut up! You’re lying! My bike is fine!”

“It’s a mangled mess!”

“LIES! THEY’RE ALL LIES!” Inuyasha shouted, running out of the precinct, his hands covering his ears.

Kouga stood wide-eyed off to the side for a moment before stepping forward very cautiously. “Er... Kagome?”

“Kouga!” Kagome whirled around. “What are you doing Saturday night?”

Kouga blinked, quickly realizing that Opportunity was pounding on his door. “Nothing! I am absolutely free and ready to be beckoned by your lovely call.”

“Good. We’re going on a date,” Kagome stated with absolute finality.

“W-we are? Really? You mean it?” Kouga asked, unable to stop himself from sounding like an overexcited cub.

“Yes. You’re going to take me to a nice dinner and then to see some show down in the theatre district, and after that, dessert at the ice cream parlor, got it?”

“Yes, ma’am!” Kouga replied with flourish. “Wait, which show?”

“Surprise me,” Kagome said angrily as she slung her backpack around her shoulder with more force than necessary. “Ooooh, that stupid Inuyasha! And to think that I was even worried that he might be hurt! I hope he gets hit by a bus!”

“Aw, you know you don’t mean that,” Kouga consoled, putting an arm around the girl’s shoulders and pulling her close.

“Yeah, I guess...”

“A bus, huh?” a voice seethed from behind. “If that’s the case, I hope you get hit by a dump truck! Twice!”

“Very mature, dog breath,” Kouga replied lazily as he turned around, a startled Kagome jumping away in surprise. “What are you doing back here so soon, anyways?”

“Forgot my file,” Inuyasha sniffed, snatching up the retardedly thick manila folder and stuffing it into his trench coat. “Now if you two cozy, backstabbing lovebirds will excuse me, I’ve got some reading to do.”

And with that, Inuyasha stomped off in a childish fit of rage, wishing it was freaking 6 o'clock already and that he didn’t have to read this massive godforsaken volume of crap.


~ * ~


Next time on INUYASHA, P.I., Case 6: Hi-Nezuni Tower:


You ever get the feeling the whole world is against you? First, I’m asked to steal a broken book, then it turns out Kagome is right and there are fucking bullet holes in my bike, and now that bastard Sesshomaru refuses to give me the respect I deserve for not only putting my ass on the line for him, but for totaling my bike in the process. He sure as hell better pay me back for all the trouble I’m going through! And not in the way he’s trying to now! Wah! Things are really heating up, next time on InuYasha, P.I.!