Walking Fathers Path

Chapter 5: A Difficult Choice

Miroku watered the plants on the balcony thinking back to yesterday. He was totally surprised that Inuyasha, a human, had stood up to his master in such a way, and for him. He was mulling over the feelings of gratitude he had for his friend and his conflicting emotions that he had for both his master and the dark haired boy when he noticed a small bird on the deck of the balcony.

Its wing was hanging at an odd angle as it tried to hop away from him. ‘Oh, It’s hurt,’ Miroku thought as he cornered the bird, reaching out and picking up the squirming and squawking creature. The bird stabbed his beak down in fear catching Miroku on the back of his hand and making it bleed. The bird continued to stab and peck, deepening the wound further.

The monk kept his cool and gently restrained the terrified animal. “Shush now, I won’t hurt you. I can heal you,” he soothed as a soft glow came from Miroku's hands while he cradled the bird. After a few moments he opened his palms with a smile and watched as the bird took flight, passing from his vision into the blue sky. He looked as his bloody hand and went into the bathroom to clean and bandage it before heading to the bedroom. It was almost time for Sesshoumaru to get up and get ready for school.

“What happened to your hand,” Sesshoumaru asked, noticing the bandage.

“Oh, nothing really,” Miroku responded, blushing as his master took his hand and gently pulled off the bandage he had taped over the hole.

Sesshoumaru frowned, “You fool. What have you done to yourself?” The demon grew angry, confused at to what was distressing him so much. He threw Miroku to the bed and straddled him holding him down by his shoulders. “Tell me what happened,” he demanded. “Wounding yourself; without my knowledge…”

Miroku was surprised, why was his master so upset? He turned his head to the side so he wouldn’t have to stare into those angry eyes any longer. “It’s just a small wound, it’s no big deal,” he tried to placate.

‘Why won’t he tell me?’ Sesshoumaru thought, his anger only being fuelled by his servants avoidance of his question. “You belong to me. Do not mar yourself with wounds,” he demanded.

‘Is that all I am to him, a possession, a way to purify his shouki and nothing more?’ Miroku thought sadly.

“I’m…sorry,” Miroku answered, hurt that his master seemed to only care about his appearance and not if he was actually hurt.

‘Why doesn’t he understand?’ Sesshoumaru thought. The demon teen decided to try and show his vassal his feelings, as he was never good with words, but his anger got the better of him as he leaned down and kissed the boy beneath him forcefully, pinning him more securely to the bed as the monk began to struggle against him. He began to pull roughly at his servants clothing.

“Sesshoumaru!” Miroku cried out. “It’s getting late…”

“Who cares,” Sesshoumaru interrupted angrily. He finished pulling off any remaining clothes and then pulled his own pants off, keeping the struggling boy tight in his grip. He pulled Miroku's hips up and then thrust into him hard, unable to control his anger that the one he thought of as his was fighting against him. ‘You will learn your place,’ he thought, pushing back the feelings of guilt that had begun to come forward as he heard Miroku cry out in pain beneath him.

He finished quickly, his anger beginning to abate as feelings of self loathing coursed though him at the sight of the tears that were running down Miroku's face. Tears he had caused. He was disconcerted at his inability to control his anger, that it had caused him to be so rough with the monk. He hadn’t wanted to hurt him. He wasn’t sure what he had been trying to do.

New feelings had begun to sneak through his defences, ones he did not want to admit to and they were making him lose his famous control. He looked at the weeping boy beside him and not knowing what to say and knowing he was certainly not going to apologize, he stood and dressed silently, then left to go to school.

Miroku laid there for a few moments more trying to bring his sobbing under control. He dressed himself shakily and then he too went out the door to school.

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It was well into the early hours of the morning when Miroku awoke. The sky was still dark as dawn would not be coming for a few hours yet. He carefully got out of the bed that he shared with his master, trying not to jostle him awake and then walked out the open French doors onto the balcony and the night air. Sesshoumaru cracked open his eyes and watched him go.

‘Why? Why does he do that? He always hurts me, makes me cry. Am I really nothing more than a possession to him?’ As Miroku pondered the enigma that was Sesshoumaru, a small bird landed on the railings edge, cocked its head to the side and looked at him. “Is it you?” he questioned the animal with a smile, wondering if this was the same little creature that he had helped earlier. The bird continued to stare at him and hopped a bit closer.

Miroku grinned. “It is you, isn’t it?” The dark haired monk let out a sad sigh. “He’s not really a bad guy. I just don’t know what I mean to him anymore. I used to think I was important to him, but…” The bird looked steadily at him with its bright black eyes as if it was listening to him.

Sesshoumaru kept watch, hidden behind the curtain of the doors, listening as his vassal spoke. “And what is he to me now? I mean he is my…my…what? Not my friend, I wouldn’t dare presume…I’m just a mere monk. I mean it’s a great honour just to be by his side as his servant.”

The small bird twisted its head from side to side as if it was trying to understand the monk’s sadness. “He used to be so kind to me when I was little, but now that I’ve gotten older, it’s like he doesn’t care for me any longer. Perhaps I’m getting on his nerves now.”

Miroku crossed his arms and leaned them on the railing, dropping his chin onto his arms. He was remembering when he and his lord were walking through the village in the demon realm. As usual, Miroku was tagging along behind trying to keep up to his long striding master when he had tripped in front of two women who had been admiring and gossiping about Sesshoumaru.

He had overheard one of the women ask the other why the successor to the throne kept a lowly monk by him. “What an inferior child,” the woman had spoken in a nasty tone. “That boy is not worthy to be in the presence of our lord.”

Miroku had been hurt and upset by the comment that the woman had meant for him to hear. He could still remember quite clearly what Sesshoumaru had said, as he had overheard the woman’s words as well.

“No matter what anyone else says,” he had stated looking directly at the woman as he spoke to the young boy, “you are my only vassal, the only one I want by my side.” With those words he had made Miroku feel special and the small boy had started to love him then.

“Sesshoumaru used to be nice…before.” A lone tear had started to leak from the corner of Miroku's eye and he quickly wiped it away. He gave a soft smile as he thought of his friend. “And then there’s Inuyasha. He is very nice to me, I like him. He’s so much fun to be with. Don’t get me wrong, I owe my master my life, but…sometimes I wish…Oh!” Miroku cried out as the bird suddenly took flight. It had noticed the curtain move as Sesshoumaru turned and stalked back to bed, causing it to flutter.

Miroku stood there for a bit longer feeling loneliness engulf him before he went back in and climbed carefully back into the bed. He was soon breathing deep as sleep claimed him.

Sesshoumaru was wide awake, his back to his smaller servant, a huge frown creasing his face.

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Miroku awoke early and headed out into the kitchen to cook breakfast for himself and his master. He was whistling a little tune, so was surprised when he turned and saw Sesshoumaru leaning against the door watching him. “Oh, Sesshoumaru, I’ll have it ready for you in just a second,” he smiled.

Sesshoumaru turned away angrily. “I do not eat human food,” he replied disdainfully as he left the apartment slamming the door behind him.

Miroku looked at the closed door, blinking in surprise, his feelings hurt. ‘He always told me he liked my cooking.’

Miroku turned off the stove and quickly wrapped up the food and put it in the refrigerator for later. He then hurriedly threw on his school jacket, grabbed his bag and raced out of the apartment and down the stairs trying to catch up to Sesshoumaru who was striding down the hallway towards the door.

“Sesshoumaru!” Miroku called out hoping to get the taller boy to wait for him.

The demon teen turned around, a scowl on his face, watching as his vassal came huffing up behind him. ‘Miroku has always followed after me, ever since I found him,’ he thought and a soft feeling overcame the demon as he waited for his vassal to catch up to him. When Miroku arrived, Sesshoumaru put his hand on the back of his servant’s collar, tugging him towards him and kissing him.

The kiss was so gentle that the monk’s eyes went wide with surprise, unsure how he should react to it. Before he had gotten his wits together to respond, Sesshoumaru let him go and walked away.

‘He’s never hidden things from me before. Is Inuyasha more precious to you than I am?’ The lordly boy worried as he left his very confused retainer trailing behind him.

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The bell rang signalling the end of another school day, but before the kids could rise to leave, Kaede called out to them. “Please check the board, I am assigning these five pages as homework,” she stated as she wrote the page numbers down on the chalkboard. Her announcement was met with loud groans of disapproval.

Miroku called out to Sesshoumaru, but the taller boy completely ignored him, standing from his seat and walking out the door without a glance in his vassal’s direction.

Inuyasha noticed the sad look that crossed his friends face as Sesshoumaru left the classroom. “Is everything okay?” he asked as he stood by Miroku who was still staring after his master’s retreating back. “You guys have a fight? He didn’t hurt you did he?” Inuyasha wouldn’t put anything past the overly controlling teen.

“No,” Miroku responded. ‘What could I have done to make him so angry?’ He thought to himself.

“Well that’s good,” Inuyasha sighed in relief. “You shouldn’t just be a servant to him, you know. You’re a nice guy, you deserve better.” ‘Like me,’ Inuyasha added silently.

Inuyasha could see that Miroku was in need of doing something to get his mind off of the other boy. “Hey, could you help me with setting up the chemistry lab preparations?” he asked, giving his friend his nicest smile. “I could really use your help.”

Miroku returned Inuyasha’s smile. ‘He always makes me feel better.’

“Sure, okay,” he agreed. The two boys left the room chatting away while, unbeknownst to them, a tall, white haired boy watched them head to the chemistry lab.

Sesshoumaru followed at a discreet distance as the two boys went into the lab room. The two human teens were so involved with talking and joking with each other that they never noticed him at all.

‘So you can be happy with a human, but not with me,’ Sesshoumaru thought jealously. He watched as the two friends, with the other kids that were helping, went to work setting up for the new experiments and clearing away the old ones.

Miroku walked towards the back of the room with a box of test tubes that needed to be washed. Kohaku, looking at the time and realizing he was going to be late to meet his mother, turned quickly as Miroku was about to set the box on the counter, bumping into the monk teen. The pony tailed boy dropped the tubes, smashing them on the floor.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Kohaku apologized as Miroku bent down to pick up the broken glass. “I’m going to be really late. Can you get that on your own?” he questioned guiltily as he glanced at his watch again.

“Yeah, it’s okay. Go ahead,” Miroku smiled. He continued to pick up the glass and then cried out. He carefully pulled out the shard of glass that had embedded itself into his finger.

Sesshoumaru couldn’t stand it. He could smell the scent of his servant’s blood and he charged into the room. He crouched down and grabbed Miroku’s hand to check how deep the cut was.

Miroku was surprised by the sudden appearance of his master who he had thought had left for the day. He became concerned as he saw the blood begin to drip off the end of his finger. “You’ll get blood on you,” he said to his lord as he stood, trying to take his hand away from Sesshoumaru’s grip.

The demon boy refused to let go and stood with his servant. “I don’t care,” he replied as he brought the bleeding finger to his mouth and began to lick the blood off.

“No!” Miroku yelled as he whipped his hand out of his lord’s grasp. He felt his heart give a lurch as he realized how bold he had just been, noticing the look of complete surprise on Sesshoumaru’s face at his vassal’s defiance.

Inuyasha, hearing Miroku’s distress, stepped between his friend and the demon boy. “Leave him alone!” he shouted as he punched Sesshoumaru hard in the mouth.

Sesshoumaru fell back onto the floor landing squarely on his butt, too stunned by the human’s actions to even get angry.

“Sesshoumaru!” Miroku cried out, worried for his master as he saw blood begin to leak out of his mouth. He was also concerned for Inuyasha and couldn’t believe the human boy had not been instantly crushed by his lord.

Inuyasha turned to Miroku deciding that enough was enough. “Look, I like you and I don’t want you to be with a jerk like this. Leave him and come with me. You can be free of him if you want to.”

Miroku looked at his friend a bit shocked. The thought of leaving his master for good to live his own life was tempting, especially if he could spend it with such a nice guy as Inuyasha. Then he thought of all the kind things Sesshoumaru had done in the past for him. How he had found him and taken him in when no one else wanted him, how he had stood up for him when other’s thought he was unworthy. He looked at his master that was sitting on the floor. He could see Sesshoumaru was holding his breath waiting to see what he would say and in that instant knew that if he really wanted to leave, Sesshoumaru would let him, but it would hurt the demon boy to let him go.

“I don’t want to be free,” he stated softly. Without Sesshoumaru…I wouldn’t even be here. Before I met him…I was just a crying child. My father died and left me alone. I didn’t know how alone I was…before he held out his hand to me.”

Inuyasha was extremely surprised and if he wanted to admit it, hurt as well. “Why? I can’t believe it, he treats you like dirt. Why would you want to stay with someone like that?”

“He didn’t always,” Miroku muttered, defending his master. “He saved me. I…I want to stay with him. Can you understand?”

Inuyasha smiled sadly at his friend. “No, but I’ll honour your wish.” He then gave Sesshoumaru an angry glare as the demon rose from the floor. “But just know I’ll always be here for you if you ever need me…for anything.”

“I know you will, Inuyasha. Thank you.” Miroku embraced his friend in a warm hug, thankful that he cared for him so much, sad that he couldn’t return Inuyasha’s feelings because of the feelings he carried for Sesshoumaru.

Inuyasha returned the hug and gave Miroku a peck on the cheek before watching sadly as the two boys left the room.

Out in the hallway Miroku stopped and looked at Sesshoumaru’s lip. “Are you hurt?” he asked with concern. He knew his master had not been feeling well because of being in the human realm so long and he worried that his lord’s healing ability wasn’t working as well as it should.

“There’s no way a mere human can hurt me,” he returned with a small grin, gently touching his sore lip that was beginning to swell. “It will heal soon.” Sesshoumaru chuckled at the worried look on Miroku's face and pulled him into a hug. “At least I got to hear how you really felt.”

“What about your feelings?” Miroku whispered as he blushed from being in the arms of the person he loved.

Sesshoumaru tightened his grip on the monk. “I’ll never leave you behind. No matter what anyone says…I don’t intend to keep anyone but you by my side. Didn’t I tell you that?” he asked, thinking back to when Miroku was but a young boy. He had his small hand in Sesshoumaru’s larger one and the demon boy had told him then, that no matter what, he would always be with him.

Miroku melted into the arms of the taller boy, thinking that Sesshoumaru was a lot like that bird. ‘He’s afraid to voice his true feelings so he tries to lash out and hurt those around him. He’s afraid to be healed.’