Love after Loss

Standard disclaimers apply.

A/N: Here’s a big thank you to everyone for being so supportive of this story! I hope you like it as much as I am, even though it is really pretty depressing for now. But of course, things will get better, unless my evil muse decides to conjure up some nastiness.

In this chapter, I will be exploring icy fluffy’s interior! Read on to find out more of Sesshoumaru’s thoughts and see what he thinks of his divorce from Kagome. This also takes place on the night at the hospital.

Title: Love after Loss

Chapter Five: His Family


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Keeping his hands folded in front of his chest, Sesshoumaru looked ahead at the back of the woman waiting at the bus stop a distance away. She sat with her legs folded daintily, but her slumped shoulders indicated her lethargy, her hand occasionally moving up to brush stray hair from her face.

He did not know why he chose to sit in his car and spy on her from behind the tree. He should have gotten going by then; there was a crucial meeting tomorrow afternoon which he had to prepare a presentation for. But yet something in his heart told him he could not leave. Not when she was all alone at the dimly-lit bus stop.

Hence there he was, procrastinating. It was a taboo for a workaholic and a perfectionist like him, but for now, he would not bother about it.

Even though he knew very well they were divorced.

It had been a terrible for him.

First of all, he had to endure the very boring speeches of one of his clients who basically had a pretty low proficiency in Japanese language.

Secondly, his ex-wife whom he had not seen for three years appears right outside his office.

Thirdly, he learned that his only child had contracted acute myelogenous leukemia.

Last but not least, he found himself refusing to leave the car park until she boards the bus.

Things could not get worse for him, and suddenly, he felt anger at how things have turned out so horribly. Never had he experienced such utter failure, and he had to do so in his marriage.

It also made him terribly upset to see the way she was struggling with life and their daughter, even though he would never say so.

Knowing of her current financial trouble, her juggling of two poorly-paying jobs, and Rin’s illness from the lunch they had earlier on, made a stab of guilt go through his heart. It was never like him to feel such pain; he always opted to bury pain under indifference in the past, but when Kagome and Rin were involved, he found himself unable to do so.

Honestly, it broke his heart when Rin spoke to him earlier on. The insecurity in her voice only shone a spotlight on his failure as a father and husband.

Granted, he had tried searching for them at Shinagawa after they moved away, with Kagome keeping the new address from him. She was selfish in that sense, but thinking from her perspective, it was not hard to imagine why.

He had been a bastard in the past.

He said things he should not have said, he did things he should not have done.

He did not have any affairs outside, but he could not deny the fact that he indeed neglected them somehow three years ago. Sure, he did make time for them, bringing the then infant Rin and Kagome on family outings, only to leave them halfway more than one occasion when things needed his attention at the company.

Kagome would be left all alone with Rin in a stroller, while he would then call her and tell her to wait somewhere for the chauffeur to pick them up when the day had ended. He did provide for them physically, but emotionally, he did not. Thinking back, he cringed inwardly at the mental image of his wife walking alone with their baby amongst crowds of other women and children who had their husbands and fathers with them.

Frustration at work also made him a horrible husband. The stress brought about by suddenly taking over his father’s immense duties and yielding the authority was initially suffocating to him. Back at home, Kagome would be disgruntled with his attitude towards them, but instead of listening to her, he would shut her up with harsh words which brought tears to her eyes every time.

“You’ve changed, Sess…you’re not what I used to know!” Kagome cried when he returned one night at two in the morning. “What exactly is it that you have to spend so much time on at work?”

“As you said, it is work. I am working, even if you are not, you should be able to understand this simple theory.”

“I didn’t want to talk about this initially, but since you have broached the topic, fine! Have you ever asked yourself, who is it who led to me not working now?” She retorted in tears, striding over to stand right in front of him. He ignored her, and instead, turned his attention back to his computer screen. “Answer me, Sesshoumaru! I’ve been contributing so much time and effort to this family…what about you? Where are you in this family? Do you even do anything?”

That snapped something in him, before he stood up angrily as well from his desk.

“Me? Haven’t I been making time for you and the baby as much as I can? How dare you tell me I have no contribution at all?” He asked angrily, feeling the rage take over. “You are being utterly ridiculous, woman! The very roof you are living under is paid for by me!”

“So now you are saying we will all die out on the streets if it wasn’t for your magnanimous heart to let us live here? Did it ever cross your brilliant mind, that if I got to go back to my job, I’ll be perfectly capable of getting a house too?”

“So it all goes back to the topic of your job! Listen up! My decision is final, Kagome. You will not go back to your job.”

“Why not? Why should I go with your wishes? Am I not an individual? Or am I simply a lower organism compared to your highness Sesshoumaru? You…you chauvinistic bastard!”

Tired and furious, Sesshoumaru shouted in a voice that made Kagome jump. “Enough of this nonsense! You should know your place, woman! Besides, you have no need to work at all. Every single cent you earn even as CMO is from my family! You draw your pay from me. Does it make any bit of difference in the least?”

That was the first time he ever used his higher financial power to push her into submission, and even though the temporary thrill of knowing he shut her up was good, the guilt that struck later on was enough to make him feel like a class A jerk.

That was not the only bad argument they ever had. They had more…so much more than their fair share of fights and arguments. The worst, which was what led to her moving out of the house, occurred after he vented his frustrations on the irritating guy Kouga who had been pestering Kagome.

“Why did you do it?” Kagome asked quietly, placing her chopsticks down by her bowl of rice.

He kept quiet and went on eating, deliberately evading her gaze.

“Why?”

He picked up a piece of radish pickle with his chopsticks and placed it in his mouth.

“I asked you why you did it!” Kagome shouted, pushing her chair back and standing up. Somewhere behind the two of them, the baby started wailing at the top of her lungs. “How can you be so despicable?”

“Sit down, woman. I am only giving him what he deserves.” He replied icily. “And you should go see to Rin.”

“Do you have any idea what you did, Taisho Sesshoumaru? Any idea at all?” Kagome asked, throwing her hands up in exasperation. Sesshoumaru noted that she neither sat down nor attended to the baby.

If Miroku, her good friend from the Finance department, did not inform her, she would never know that her husband cancelled the business dealings under Kouga’s name with his company, resulting in the other company incurring a loss of more than a hefty 60 million US dollars. In doing so, Taisho Holdings also lost approximately 10 million dollars, but to an irate Sesshoumaru, that was worth it. As a result, Kouga had to issue a public apology to his company and resign from his post.

“I know very well what I did.”

“How can you do something so extreme? Just because Kouga-kun is always pestering me does not mean you should do this to him! Besides, you don’t stand to gain from it, do you?”

“Kouga-kun? How intimate, Kagome.” He pointed out in a matter-of-factly tone, with traces of bitterness underlying his voice. “I was merely showing that fool not to come near what belongs to me!”

“Intimate? What the hell are you talking about?” Kagome asked, her eyes widened in shock. “What are you hinting at again? You are overstepping the line! How can you even hint at something like that?”

“What, I hit the nail on the head?” He asked in an ice-clipped voice. “Can’t bear to see him suffer, can you?”

“This is ridiculous! Your attitude is so…boorish!” She shouted, while the tears started with a will of their own again. “I don’t know how I can talk to you! Suddenly, I feel as if I do not know you at all.”

“You can go talk to him then. You know what I call this? I call this infidelity.” He said, only to have the full force of his words hit him like a sledgehammer.

Her sobs died, and the only sounds left in the huge house were Rin’s helpless whimpers from her crib.

“Kagome, I…” He started when she turned to go, her eyes void of emotions. “Kagome, wait-”

“You said it, Sesshoumaru.” She said icily, turning to look at him with eyes filled with hurt. “So this is what you’ve always wanted, right?”

“Kagome, come back here. Listen-”

“What’s there more to listen to?” She threw back. “I hope this makes you happy.”

With that, she left with baby Rin in tow. It was a month later when he received the letter from her lawyer.

And this was exactly how things came to be.

He exhaled loudly and leaned his head on the steering wheel. In the chilly interior of the car, the DJ on air was the only other voice he had for companionship.

“Did anyone know it was Chinese New Year four days ago? If you did not know, I am sure you are not the only one. Did you also know that Japan used to follow the Chinese lunar calendar until the Meiji Revolution? If the Western calendar had not been adopted, we would have been celebrating the New Year a few days ago as well. Like every other New Year celebration anywhere, what matters most is the presence of the entire family, isn’t it?”

Sesshoumaru’s eyes opened at the mention of the word ‘family’.

“So what about you, dear listener? In the hectic society we live in today, do you spare time for your family members? Do you think about them when you are busy with your own affairs? Sometimes, it is important to show them you still care. You don’t have to do a lot, perhaps just a phone call, or a simple dinner together-”

He pressed the “off” button, before silence took over. In the silence that reigned, the air-conditioning was the only thing he could hear.

She was still waiting for the bus. Her back arched slightly as she yawned involuntarily, before hurriedly raising her hand to cover her mouth.

“What do you know about family?” He asked the silent radio absentmindedly, drumming his fingers over the steering wheel. He did not know who he was asking. It might be himself, it might be anyone else. “What do you really know?”

Things are not as easy as they appeared. That was easily proven from his own experiences. Right now, if it was not for his dying daughter, he would not even be seeing them. He did not even have a proper family. His father was in Hokkaido with his stepmother, while his half-brother was stationed in the other branch of Taisho Holdings in Shanghai. His biological mother, divorced from his father, was somewhere in France.

His life, if you took away all the glorious success at work, basically sucked.

Then the bus came.

She left.

He left.


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To be continued…

A/N: Now you got to see things from Sesshoumaru’s POV and even more about their past together! What do you think about this? Let me know! Please keep supporting “Love after Loss” as well.


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