UnBound Memories

Disclaimer: Don’t own the show or characters. Don’t’ profit from them either.

A/N: Thank you so much for kind reviews.

Chapter 5

I don’t know if I’d like you to forget

Sesshomaru once again opened his eyes, but found the houshi staring down at him. Before he could tell himself not to, Sesshomaru found he was scurrying off the futon and to the corner farthest away from the dark-haired monk, almost done out of insinct. Once he reached the corner, back against the wall, he cursed himself and his terror, yet found he was completely incapable of removing his cowering body from the spot.

Nor could he stop the frightened expression from taking over his features as the monk approached and crouched down in front of him.

“So, he was human and you are afraid of me.”

"Do not humor yourself,” Sesshomaru said, his voice still maintaining its unaffected tone, despite the fact that he could feel himself tremble at the monk's presence and suspected the houshi could see it as well.

“You look like you are in no shape to do any damage to anyone. Good."

"I am glad that seeing me reduced to this pleases you," Sesshomaru snarled at the man. "Where am I?"

"We are at the mansion of an overzealous noble who was led to believe that housing you in your time of need might help him form an alliance with the western lands.”

“Kindness does not impress me.”

“I am well aware of that, but I personally consider this noble to be a baka of first degree, but I suppose I am biased against him.” Miroku knelt down, knees touching the floor, closing the distance between them, making Sesshomaru draw his knees in front of him. “While you are here, I want your assurance that you will not make any attempt on InuYasha's life, or any of the ningen here. This is the longest you’ve managed to stay awake in the last five days, but none of us want you trying to leave, either, until we are certain you are well enough to be on your own.”

Sesshomaru’s golden eyes met Miroku’s strange, almost violet, but said nothing.

“You really fear me more than the others.” Miroku’s eyes twitched slightly as he scanned the lord’s face, settling once again at the amber orbs. “Why is that? Because I am the only human male? Because he was human?”

Sesshomaru was not comfortable with the human’s intense proximity or the intense gaze with which he was faced, but he certainly wasn’t going to admit that yes, this monk, more than anyone else reminded him of Jin, for obvious and less than obvious reasons.

“There are a few tiny scars at the back of your neck that were discovered when InuYasha laid you on the bed,” Miroku said. “Sango suggested they may have been the way you were attacked, but that method required getting very close to a would-be attacker.” Miroku paused, never once moving his eyes away, hardly even blinking. “How long had you loved him? It’s the only way you would let a human get close enough to you.”

Unless he was terrified of him, as Sesshomaru now was of the monk. As he realized that the monk was, indeed close enough to have hurt him as Jin had so many years ago, he finally broke the staring contest, unsure he could keep his terror at the closeness of a human male from flashing across his eyes, looking around the room. “Where are Rin and Jaken?”

“Rin is exhausted from a long day of playing with Kagome and Shippo. As a matter of fact, they are sharing a room a few doors down from this one. Jaken is recovering from a nasty headache. InuYasha knocked him out cold several hours ago.”

“Where is he?”

“InuYasha has not left your bedside for the last five days and is finally getting some rest.”

“Of course the half-breed would need to rest.” Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes. “Why, then haven’t you? Do you enjoy taking advantage of my weakness?”

“I take advantage of the fact you seem to fear me, yes.” Miroku did not back down. “But, Lord Sesshomaru, you have awoken looking quite wild in the past. What would you do if you saw Rin at one of those moments? Do you think you might attack her?”

“I would never harm Rin.”

“But if you forgot yourself and might threaten her, I know that fear of me would bring you back. I would rather see you terrified for a few moments than remourseful over killing someone who is obviously important to you.” Miroku rose to his feet and offered his cursed hand to the demon.

“I need no help from you.” Sesshomaru stood, back still against the wall. “I want to see my brother.”

“Tomorrow.”

Miroku watched as Sesshomaru deeply inhaled, head turned upwards, yet making no noise. He was sniffing the air, managing to do so more gracefully than InuYasha. “I see,” he said, moving past the monk, his composure regained. “I suppose he has quite a lot of reason to be tired now that he has become a mere human.”

“I am a mere human, and have, as you said, been by your side the whole time, and for someone who has no human in him at all, you were doing enough sleeping, yourself.”

Sesshomaru looked back at the houshi, the small flickering light in the room reflecting in his eyes. Part of him knew that, logically, everything the monk had said had been absolutely true and quite logical, but another part of him just wanted to shred him limb from limb.

Sesshomaru stepped out into the night air, remaining calm, moving to the room next to his. His voice was low, but absolutely giving an order to the now-human InuYasha. “Hanyou, get out here now. I know you are human tonight, but I demand answers.”

Sesshomaru watched as he saw a raven-haired figure step out of the room and into the moonless night. With trepidation, the two approached one another. “I don’t like orders,” InuYasha said, putting his hands on his hips. “What do you want?”

“Why did you help me?”

“Because you’re family, and I’m an idgit.” Sesshomaru nodded and began walking to a tree in the courtyard. Now, it seemed InuYasha was willing to follow, yelling after his brother. “Where d’you think you’re going?”

“To sit.” Sesshomaru lowered himself at the base of the tree. “So, is this why you knocked out my servant?” Sesshomaru asked, looking over the now-human hanyou, who gave no reply. “Maybe, InuYasha, while I try to recover—the monk already informed me that I am not to be ‘allowed’ to leave—I can teach you a little grace in your fighting. You have skill, but no finesse.”

InuYasha walked over to Sesshomaru, a strange look on his face. That had been a compliment. Admittedly, it was deeply imbedded in criticism, but Sesshomaru had said InuYasha had skill. InuYasha crouched in front of Sesshomaru, hands on the ground between his legs.

Sesshomaru reached out with his right hand and pushed on InuYasha’s shoulder, putting the hanyou’s backside firmly on the ground. “We are royal dog demons, InuYasha. Do not sit like some common mongrel.”

“What the hell?”

“You need to be trained how to behave.”

“I wouldn’t if someone hadn’t kicked me out of the family home.” There was no response and it only further infuriated InuYasha. “Why are you just sitting there? You are the great Lord Sesshomaru, or so you remind me every time you see me. Why don’t you just say something, damn it?” InuYasha’s now dark eyes searched the demon’s face. It looked as cold as ever, but something wasn’t right.

“You know,” InuYasha said, trying to draw the older demon into a conversation, “you never answered my question earlier. Your scent changed. Why?”

“You ask me as though I went and put sakura blossoms in my hair to smell more pleasant. I do not know what happened.”

“First of all,” InuYasha slid beside Sesshomaru, not entirely looking the older demon in the eyes. “you do smell a little like sakura blossoms. Rin put them in your hair while you were sleeping.”

Sesshomaru began to rub the bridge of his nose. “She has been trying to do that since she was seven. I thought by now she might have outgrown it. Apparently even she is taking advantage of my current condition.”

“I took them out after she left, figuring you would kill her or all of us for it.” InuYasha looked up at Sesshomaru, who only raised an eyebrow. “But that isn’t what I mean. You smell like… like family.”

“How do you mean?”

“It reminds me of Father.”

“You were only a few months old when he died. Do you honestly remember him?”

“Not much, but I remember from when I was a baby the way he smelled.” InuYasha wrapped his arms around his knees, seeming to be waiting, even for a hypothetical.

“I have underestimated memories quite a bit. Perhaps they are linked to more than even I knew. You say I smell more like family, and maybe I feel that way as well.” Sesshomaru didn’t look at InuYasha. “Perhaps.”

InuYasha turned his head and looked up at the larger inu. “You are shitting me, right? Are you telling me that you have suddenly gotten over all the hate you’ve been holding onto for mother and I?”

“I am not exactly sure about my feelings toward you, but I know I never truly hated Izayoi.” Sesshomaru turned his head in time to see InuYasha’s expression change to one of incredulity. “I knew her long before Father did. We had become close friends before I introduced them. I was even happy when Father finally married her. He had become so lonely after my mother abandoned him.”

“She was your friend? Then why did you say you hated her so much?”

“I cannot remember.”

"Hell of a way to show your friendship, insulting her to her son, acting like a complete and total bastard," InuYasha muttered, but those words were only followed by silence. InuYasha looked to the ground. “I’m sorry about leaving you with Miroku. I thought you’d kill me if you found me like this. I shouldn’t have left you with him, though. He has a lot of stupid theories.”

“Do not discount the monk’s ideas, though I would appreciate it if you asked him to stop theorizing about me.”

There was a moment of silence again, as the two were obviously not used to speaking, particularly the older demon, who rarely spoke in more than single sentences. Beside him, InuYasha looked like he was struggling to talk, or not to talk, about what had happened all those years ago. “So, um, you like guys?” Inuyasha didn’t move his head, but was noticeably watching Sesshomaru out of the corner of his eye.

“That is not exactly how it works in the demon world.”

“Oh, ‘cause Kagome said something about that sort of thing being inherited. She called it gen-et-ic.”

“Are you worried you are going to wake up one morning with the monk?” Sesshomaru said with a smirk.

“What?! No!”

“You very well could have if you had not met your little miko first.” InuYasha looked at him, mouth gaping. “You seem to be attracted to people with spiritual powers. There is a definite pattern with your two recent interests, as they were both mikos, and that is how all youkai works. It knows what it needs to have a perfect balance, and for you, it is someone with spiritual powers, probably kind, and strong-willed. Though, if you one day mate the current one, it will probably mean a lifetime of rescuing her.” He raised his eyebrows. “I have never seen someone so capable of getting captured.”

“And what about you?”

“Strength, physical and of will, intelligence, kindness, and usually a caring nature with children.”

“Thought about that one, have you?” Inuyasha said, actually smiling at the daiyoukai.

“Every time I find myself drawn to someone, they exhibit these traits. Unfortunately for my youkai, I have been so distant for so long, I could have missed the person I was destined to be with.”

“But given the choice who that would be…” InuYasha said.

Sesshomaru once again pinched the bridge of his nose. “I choose males,” he answered. “Does that disturb you that much?”

“No,” InuYasha said, “the only one even mildly disturbed at the idea is Sango. Miroku isn’t fazed. Shippo acts like it’s natural and Kagome is so happy you are capable of caring for someone, she wouldn’t care if it was a sheep.” As soon as those words were out of his mouth, InuYasha’s face twisted. He’d obviously created an unwanted, unpleasant visual image, one that the elder inu wasn't going to dare allow enter his own mind.

“Merely because I find myself once again capable does not mean I plan on doing it any time soon.” Sesshomaru leaned his head back against the tree behind him. “I feel weak, and I do not care to continue feeling this way.”

“Would you rather go back to having a hole in your memories?”

“Would you want the memories of a man violating you, a man you said you loved, doing with you what he wanted, then passing you on to his father for the same purposes?” Sesshomaru said, shocked he had quickly broached and blasted the subject he and InuYasha had been avoiding. “Would you want to remember your father’s face when he saw what he prayed to Kami they were not doing to you? Would you want to feel your heart leap with vengeful joy as your incensed father and a sadistic sword mutilated and decapitated every single human who had been watching? Yes, InuYasha, I had an audience, at least a dozen. Worst of all, Father did not even think when he decapitated Jin’s father. He was simply too angry to consider it.”

“You mean he was still…” InuYasha left those words hanging.

“Yes. Father had to separate his dead body from me.”

InuYasha held his hand over his mouth as he retched.

“My feelings precisely.” Sesshomaru looked through the sky through the branches, trying not to close his eyes and see that day replay across his eyelids. “I would gladly do anything to make that memory go away.”

“This is going to sound terrible, but if it means things going back to the way they were, I don’t know I’d like you to forget.” Sesshomaru’s hand clenched. How dare InuYasha suggest he live with these memories? How could he even understand what this is? “I’m sorry, Sesshomaru. That was stupid to say, but I feel like a damned kid when you’re around. Especially when you actually sit and talk to me like this.”

“I have spent a very long time trying to hurt you, InuYasha, and I am very sorry for that.”

Sesshomaru’s attention focused upwards again to a sound that maybe if he had not been so focused on himself, he would have noticed long before. There was a saimyosho buzzing above. With his shoulder, Sesshomaru shoved InuYasha over.

“What the hell was that for?”

Sesshomaru flicked his wrist upwards and sent his energy whip through the branches and the saimyosho’s body. The bug disintegrated on impact, and Sesshomaru had thoroughly scorched the tree, but he felt they were safe and once again having a private conversation.

“So Naraku has had that thing watching?” InuYasha asked.

“Apparently.”

Then, a tiny whimper came from behind a bench at the edge of the courtyard. “Rin,” Sesshomaru said, “come here.” Rin ran across the courtyard, and with Sesshomaru’s hand guiding her there, settled herself on his lap. “You did not need to be scared. I will always protect you.” Sesshomaru kissed her dark hair, much to everyone’s mutual shock and wrapped his arm around her.

“What do we do about the saimyosho?” InuYasha said.

Sesshomaru looked around for a moment, sniffing the air. “It was alone. I cannot follow a trail to Naraku.”

As InuYasha moved to Sesshomaru’s other side, deciding that if another saimyosho should visit, he didn’t want to be beside Sesshomaru’s only arm, said, “You know, I just noticed. You aren’t talking about yourself in third person anymore.”

Sesshomaru only smiled, an actual, genuine smile.

“Lord Sesshomaru, will you tell the story of how Rin was saved by Lord Sesshomaru?”

“Though you have heard it many times, I will tell it again.”

Each re-telling of the story had always remained the same until that night, when suddenly words like “felt” and “worry” entered the tale.

************

Kana looked up at Naraku. “He killed the saimyosho.” She looked back at her now-blank mirror.

“But I heard enough. Now, at least, he will know why I make him an offer and what I intend to trade.”