Date with Destiny

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha

Chapter 5
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Deep within the enemy territory. In the heart of the lion's den, four figures crawled ever so slowly on a darkened metal tunnel.

Sango, Ayame, Kikyo and Kagome had disrobed their furisode and bound them tightly in parcels attached to a rope each drag along with them. Kaede, Kikyo's imouto, had supplied them with spare navy blue janitor's uniform for their arduous expedition towards the grand ballroom of the lavish hotel.

Mission Impossible Tune echoes.

“If you don't quit whistling that stupid tune I'll take a biting chunk outta your annoying ass! What do you want to do? Get us all caught?” snarled Ayame in a hushed voice.

“Aw, but that's our motivational music! Besides, that got our adrenalin pumping it'll help when the time comes when we have to do something with great force.”

“Motivational music my furry ass! It was annoying the friggin' crap outta me.” complained Ayame.

“Listen Yoda, we are not jedi and we most certainly will not do anything that requires a great deal of force.” retorted Kikyo between clenched teeth.

“Ah, but my padawan (jedi apprentice), one must feel the force flowing through her...Yes, feel the force, trust the force...”

“Hey can you keep your damn ass moving Sango, it's getting friggin' claustrophobic in here.” interrupted a flustered Ayame. “More wiggling, less lip flapping! You're consuming all the oxygen with your yapping.”

FARTING NOISE.

“Aw god! Sango! Ya could've warned me ya know, I had mouth open and everything!” Ayame complained while pinching her nose with her thumb and index finger.

“That's not me you dumb ass, the ventilation shaft we're currently in is the one over the men's room.” informed Sango.

“What? You idiot! Are you sure your reading that blue print right?” snapped an irritated Kikyo.

“Oh sh't! QUIET!” commanded Sango.

Husky males chuckles echo in duct. Voices below conversed in merry tones slurred with alcohol.

“Hiten...(hic)... the laydeeeee.. (hic)... in red nearly flambeyed... (hic)... my precious strand..of hhhair...(hic).. but I shiellldddedd it in time with my ass... OW! .. beeee careful der aniki (big brother).. my ass is .. (hic).. still recovering...”

“No your barbecued ass is glued to your microfibre pants! How many times must I tell you to ..”

BANG. (men's door slam open).

Grasping what he thought was his face Jakotsu pressed both cheeks together and blew cool air into the blackened skin

“Aw gawd! The trauma! Manten, what have they done to you?” cooed Jakotsu.

“Get away from him you damned gay lord!” roared Hiten, as he ushered off his brother leaving Jakotsu trailing not far behind.

Snicker. Snicker.

“Did you see that?” cried Sango.

“Ya, I'll say, he's face was worse off than his ass.”

“Ayame!” scolded Kagome

“What? The youkai had no neck, he was all chin, put that together with the fact that his eyes looks like they've been glued to each side of his head I'm not surprised the other weirdo mistook his ass for his face.”

“I can't believe we are having this stupid discussion at thisstupid place. Can we please get moving before anymore 'incidents' occur..” remarked an irate Kikyo.

BANG..

All eyes look out of the metal grill separating them the men's room, to focus on a familiar pair of white triangular ears.

ZIP..

“Oh yea, I couldn't hold it anymore.. hey Miroku! You better be keeping that lecherous eyes of yours focused on your 'side' or I'll shove your perverted face in the urinals!” threatened Inuyasha.

“I wouldn't dream of it, Inuyasha. Besides, I'm thinking about that Sango girl from earlier. Yep! She's quite a sight to behold.” replied Miroku dreamily.

“Yea, I was thinking of Kikyo too. Maybe I should ask her out.”

ZIP.

ZIP.

“Miroku you filthy bastard, have the decency to wash your god damn hands after you jingle, they'll be serving the food soon ya damn idiot.” yelled the hanyou.

After washing their hands, both males left.

Panting.

“Now THAT, is what I call a 'hot dog'.” grinned Ayame. "Did you see massive his..."

“Ayame, shut the hell up!” fumed Kikyo.

“Ohh.. kyochan is green around the face.” laughed Ayame.

“Let's just move now please, we're wasting time.” grumbled Kikyo.

“You sure? You may get more insight into him.” offered Sango.

“I don't want more insight, I have far too much 'insight' of him already.”

“Aw, but I wanna see if puppy boy, has white hair under there.. Sango's butt was blocking my view!” protested Ayame.

“Shut up Ayame! You've already got a wolf boy!” snapped Kikyo.

“Ohhh... Kikyo's sharpened her claws for puppy boy.” commented Sango.

“Will the three of you just get moving please. May I remind all of you that we're all currently hanging some 20 feet in the air, above the men's toilet, non the less! Let's go!” urged Kagome.

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APPLAUSE.

WHISTLE.

“Well friends, I will not bore you further by my droning s. We all agree that we are all here to toast our dear friend and highly respected Lord. Again I humbly apologize for the host change.. Jaken-sama has taken ill suddenly and I had to fulfill his role...”

“Whooo..(hic)...yea! Take em off beau-re-fur!” bellowed a drunk Manten, holding up a big schooner of beer.

Hiten shakes his head. Miroku snickers. Inuyasha sits contemplating why the girls where still nowhere in sight.

“And now.. our illustrious Taiyoukai... Sesshoumaru-dono.”

APPLAUSE.

Sesshoumaru, regally attired in a black and silver haori and hakama, walked the length of the stage. He gave a curt nod to all then proceeded to grab the mic.

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“Ok, it should be this metal grill that leads towards the ventilation shaft in the ladies room within the grand ballroom... Sh't it's stuck! Hey Ayame, lend me some youkai power will ya.” requested Sango.

Both girls pushed and pulled.

CREAK.

Sound of metal bending.

CRUNCH.

“I don't like that sound.” whispered Sango.

“Gawd! It sounds like titanic all over again... Don't let go jack..” pleaded Ayame comically.

“Let go of my damn foot you brain dead moron!”cried Sango trying to pry off Ayame by wiggling sideways.

More creaking and clanking noises.

“Oh F'ckkkkk!” (Sango and Ayame), “Kyaaaaaaaaa!” (Kagome), “Kami-samsh'ttttt!” (Kikyo).

A section of the metal ventilation duct where they are, gave way and one side dropped suddenly, creating a diagonal slide that tethered precariously over a slightly dark room filled to the brim with cables.

“It's ok, just grab one of the cables!”assured Sango.

“Eekkk. Sango, when I get through this alive I'll kick your trouble making ass all the way to Australia!” threatened Kikyo. “Kagome, ... where's Kagome?” asked Kikyo worriedly.

“There! She's covered in cables.. what the hell is this creepy place? Looks like a place where the phantom of the opera would just suddenly appear.” Sango remarked.

Trying hard to untangle herself, Ayame retorts, “You better not get any ideas about humming the Phantom of the Opera theme or I swear to god, I'll cut one of these cables and electrocute your diva ass to re-incarnation!” threatened Ayame. “Kagome, are you ok? Don't move! I'm the closest to you I'll cut you free..” Ayame swings cable to cable tarzan-style.

“Ya know for someone who complained non-stop at being stuck with the chitah outfit, you sure could make a chimpanzee proud with those swings!” laughed Sango.

Ayame glared at her coldly.

Snap!

“Sh't.. what the hell is that now?” asked the swinging Ayame.

“It's the separated ventilation duct. It's snared onto the cables and the beam can't take the combined weight of that and us. It' giving way!” cried Kagome in alarm.

They watched with horror filled eyes as the beam where they were being held up by the cables broke and descends downward dragging their screaming forms with it.

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“Thi Sesshoumaru owes you all many a gratitude for your unending loyalty. I am a most fortunate and happy ruler.” began the western lord.

“Who's he trying to kid? His face still has the same graveyard expression.” whispered Miroku to Kouga.

“Maybe his moko-moko sama is giving him a fur-wedgy.” snickered Kouga. "That could explain his constapated expression."

“We have fought side by side, and this Sesshoumaru is proud to see that many have retained their lands and titles.” Sesshoumaru continued.

“Is it just me or has Sesshoumaru's speech get more boring as the years pass?” Miroku asked.

“Not your imagination, but boring is not the word, snore-fest is more like it.” Hiten answered.

“Hey hanyou, what's with the face? Don't tell me you're actually thinking?” remarked Kouga with a fake gasp.

“Your mangy-tick infested ass won't understand, ya wimpy wolf! I was actually thinking about the girls we met earlier... they were supposed to be here but I haven't seen any sign of them yet.”

“Maybe they realized what a jackass you are and fled the country altogether.” taunted Kouga.

Inuyasha glared at him coldly.

The two exchanged insults quietly as the inu lord concluded his speech.

“And now milord... we present you with...” said Totosai grandly.

'Please not that ridiculous cake shaped like me again..' groaned Sesshoumaru inwardly.

“.. A modeled cake statue of your royal mightiness in all your resplendent glory..”

'Hn, he must have been reading Jaken's que cards.' thought Sesshoumaru.

A towering cake in white complete with silver icing worked in it, was wheeled in as the crowd gave a cheer.

'This Sesshoumaru must remember to skin alive the fool responsible for this yearly humiliation.'

Just then...

CRASH!

No one saw it coming all, everything happened so fast. No one saw the black figures fall from the ceiling,all anyone saw was the white cake exploding in all directions spluttering half of the stunned guests with white and silver icing.

Silence..

Then,

“We're being attacked by terrorists!” panicked one woman. Soon the panic spread and everyone was scurrying and standing up screaming their lungs out.

“DAMARU! (silence!).” Roared Sesshoumaru holding up one hand.

All stood still more afraid of the western lord than any terrorist attack.

Cough.

Cough.

“This is all your friggin' fault Sango! Now look at meeeee.” screeched Ayame. "I have icing in my friggin' bra n panties!"

Everyone turned their attention on the four figures covered head to toe with the icing.

Sango slapped Ayame's arm and then turned her around to face the audience.

“Oh my friggin' sh't!” gasped Ayame.

“Um.. we ..uh..Surprise?”said the half-smiling icing-covered girls in unison.

“Indeed.” Sesshoumaru remarked drily with one eyebrow raised