Gotta Get Thru This

Shippou persistantly poked Sesshoumaru's shoulder in the same place for ten minutes until the teenager looked at him. The inu youkai boy growled and narrowed his eyes at the kitsune. He was seated on the plush, comfortable black couch while his responsibilty had been busy sitting on the gorund, drawing pictures. Of course, Shippou got bored and decided to bother him, predictably.

"What do you want." Sesshoumaru growled in a low voice, for he was busy trying to watch 'Hannibal'.

"Why do you smell so funny?" Shippou wrinkled his little button cute nose. He waved a big purple crayon at Sesshoumaru as if the teen would be threatened by it.

"I don't know." Sesshoumaru's eyes glanced back to the tv screen; Hannibal Lecter stood with his mask on and a wounded Clarice was cradled in his arms as if she were his bride.

"Are you sick?" Shippou poked Sesshoumaru again.

"Maybe.You could say that..." The inu youkai grabbed the kistune's tiny hand, further preventing the annoying kid from touching him again. He was just glad he was able to get his arousal down before the fox child could notice.

"Hey! Let go! Lemme go or I'll tell my daddy!" Shippou cried, furiously trying to tug his trapped hand away.

"Hn, whatever." Sesshoumaru let him go without even sparing him a glance.

Shippou landed on his head with a loud thump. He fell on his back with a smack and held back his tears. Of course, he didn't hold back his complaints.

"Hey, you big meanie! That hurt! Why ya being such a grump today?!" Shippou balled his mini fists and jumped on the couch's arm. He glared at the inu youkai boy, but knew he was fighting a losing battle.

"Sorry. Just don't touch me." Sesshoumaru muttered moodily since a spell of depression had cast over him suddenly.

"Whoa, I think you ARE sick! You NEVER apologize for being a jerk!" The kitsune plopped down right next to him, his big blue-green eyes locked onto the depressed teenager.

Sesshoumaru ignored him and watched as the cannibal known as Hannibal Lecter kissed FBI Agent Clarice Sterling. He didn't fail to notice the tear that rolled down her pale cheek. The boy sighed and turned the movie off. If a devious, master-mind manipulator cannibal and a pure-hearted, courageous FBI agent loved each other, then...why couldn't InuTaishou love him as well?

He wasn't stupid, or daft. He knew his father didn't love him. He wasn't even sure why his great father would pretend to love him. Maybe it was pity...or a cruel joke? No, he knew his father wasn't a cruel youkai. But, to him, pity was something cruel. Sesshoumaru didn't need nor want pity. He just wanted what anybody wanted. Love. And strangely enough, the only one he wanted to love in such a forbidden way was his own father.

'He loved Izayoi. He always told her he loved her. He didn't even love my mother as much as he loved that human woman. he even loved that woman's son more than he loves me. Does he even care? I doubt he even loves me. If he loved me, he would say so! Dammit, why doesn't he love me?!' Sesshoumaru hysterically thought, his hands covering his face.

Shippou watched curiously as his older friend's shoulders shook. He wasn't all too sure whether Sesshoumaru was laughing OR sobbing.

'He's...he's going to bring another one home and have more offspring! Then he's going to focus all his attention on HER! He'll completely ignore me, again, and give that bitch and her bastard child all the attention, again! Just like last time. The only reason he's not letting me kill myself is so he looks good to everyone else. He's only letting me live because I am one of the only remaining two inu youkai left. He doesn't care. He never did. He's...only using me. I'm to be his whore until he finds his stupid woman wife. So he can have his stupid new son that'll he'll love best and act like he's the only pup he has...' Sesshoumaru realized, his golden eyes widened in shock. His trembling hands dropped abruptly from his emotionally agonized face.

"I'm such a fool. I've been such...a stupid fool..." Sesshoumaru whispered to himself and he forced the tears that prickled at his eyes away. Without another word, he bolted from the room and out the front door. He didn't stop dashing away until he was miles and miles away.

"He's lost it big time." Shippou muttered, his eyes big and wide. Being Shippou, he knew something was wrong, so he bounded off to where he had last seen InuTaishou.


~*~*~*~*~*~


'What in the thirteen bloody hells is wrong with me?! I almost took him! I let him suck me, too! It was good...but it was so very wrong! He's my pup...he's my only living treasure that I have left. And what do I do? I use him like he's nothing more than a pretty whore! I'm raping my own pup! He's far to innocent to realize exactly what I'm doing. He's been through too much to get treated like this. I apologized to him before it happened yet again, but how can I expect him to believe me now? How do I make...this all right again...?' InuTaishou mused, his thoughts a bitter, torn storm. He sat on the edge of his king-sized bed, hunched over. His elbows rested on his thighs and his face was buried in his hands.

His bedroom was dark and not a light was to be seen. He had been torturing himself in his dark thoughts since Shippou had come through the front door. Sometimes, just sometimes, the kitsune reminded him of InuYasha.

"Lord InuTaishou! Lord InuTaishou! Fluffy, er, I mean, Sesshoumaru ran away! He was acting weird, then he looked like he was either laughing or crying. And then he said something about himself being a fool. Then he ran away like his tail was on fire!" Shippou stood in InuTaishou's doorway, his bushy tail twitched from all the excitement.

"What? He ran away? Where?" InuTaishou, thrown out of his self-hating thoughts, jumped to his feet and stared hard at the fox. He would kill him if this was only a mere prank.

"I don't know. He just...flew...like the wind." Shippou scrunched up his cute face, desperately trying to explain himself to the pissed-off looking demon lord.

"Do you have an idea where he would go?" InuTaishou asked, the edge of panic not far from his deep voice.

"I think...I think he went to the God Tree. He always...goes there to think and stuff. Sometimes he takes me there with him. He might have gone there now. Its like some sort of...refuge for him, I think." Shippou replied thoughtfully, as if that idea hadn't occured to him until now.

"Its worth a try. Come, Shippou. You are coming with me." InuTaishou grabbed the kitsune and quickly dashed through the front door towards the direction of the God Tree.

He only hoped Shippou was right.


~*~*~*~*~*~


Sesshoumaru sat against the God Tree, his back pressed against it. His arms were pressed tightly across his slender chest. He constantly bit and chewed, out of bad habit, at his lips.

Somehow, this place always made him feel safe and more placid. Unfortunately, it made him feel all the more alone and forlorn. But that's how he liked it. He was used to being alone. Now he could cry without great golden eyes judging him.

'I'll just stay here forever, father. I doubt you'll miss me. I bet you won't even notice I'm gone. That's okay, though. I won't get in the way of your stupid affection-stealing new mate and cradle-hogging new pup. This way, I will no longer be the outsider looking in on the fucking happy family. This way...you won't hurt me anymore...InuTaishou...' Sesshoumaru bitterly thought to himself, his claws digging into his arms. He smelled his blood, but he didn't care. He even smelled his own tears and still, he did not give a damn.

Sesshoumaru only bit down on his lips harder as sobs attacked his trembling, shaking body, and tears leaked from his eyes. He could bear to cry now, for no one could see his shame. No one would tell him to stop crying and no one would ask stupid questions like, 'are you ok?' or 'whats wrong with you?'. He could let it all out now, and if he dared cut himself too deep now, no one could stop him. No one would stop him from ending his own wretched, fucked up life.

Of course...somehow, he was wrong, again.

A tall shadow descended over the boy, swallowing him up whole. Someone had found him.

"Feh, whats with the crocidile tears, Sesshoumaru? I didn't know you could cry! Whats wrong, did someone steal your stupid fluffy pelt or something? Or, let me guess, did someone mistake you for some prissy little girl? Oh, this is really rich. I never thought someone like you, someone so cold and apatheic...could even shed tears..." Spoke a particulary annoying, grating voice that would turn anyone off.

The fifteen-year-old inu youkai could do little more than gawk at the being that stood before him.

"Speechless, eh, Fluffy? Tell me, if you can, why are you here?"

"Who are you...?" Sesshoumaru asked, confusion marring his beautiful, tear-stained face. He purposely ignored the stranger's questions.


TBC

Note: Shippou's eyes look like turqoise or some kind of blue-green to me, anywho. I may be wrong. *shrugs*

HA HA HA, I am EVIL!!!!! Another cliffy! Can anyone guess who this mystery man is? O_O If you guess right...I may reward you...

Oh yeah...I didn't mean for this chapter to be so depressing, but it turned out this way. Originally, I was just going to have it a mild chapter where only InuTaishou is torturing himself with his own morbid thoughts. Sesshoumaru was supposed to be all angsty in another chapter. AND I wasn't going to throw in this mystery character in so soon, but I guess I did, and I don't think it'll hurt the ficcy. ^^


To My Reviewers:


The Seeker: Yeah, some people are so inconsiderate. A lot of people were assholes during the very busy and depressing week of the hurricane Katrina. No, she didn't hear nothing (The drive thru window was closed), but anyone could tell...that someone died. The look on Liz's face...the heartbreaking look and the tears. *sighs* We were holding on that bitchy customers food anyways, so there was nothing we could do. ((Holding is when we have to wait for a particular food item to be cooked or made...)) Oh yeah, thanks for reviewing, too! ^^


Eye of Ra-Yep, I love to tease. *gringrin* Don't worry, there will be a nice lemon or two...or three soon enough. ^^ Thanks again! Its nice someone likes how I write. ^_^ *is all inspired and stuff...*


Poikilothermic-Ah, yes, of course. I have thought of that before I wrote the fic. You sure you read all the chapters through? Anywho... This fanfic has only begun, actually, so you really haven't had the chance to see more or where its goin'. You do recall how InuTaishou tortures himself mentally about...molesting his own son, eh? It makes him feel like a bad father, almost as bad as directly raping his own son. Oh, don't worry, these two will get shit loads of nasty views from other people.

The more moralistic demons and humans will not take their budding relationship to their liking, and predictably, try to pry them apart. Yes, yes, I had this whole story mapped out, already. I'm not a newbie.

First of all, demons are demons. Demons rape and eat each other and even humans as well. Humans are afraid of demons and hate him, but in the society in my fic, demons are plentiful and control humans...sorta like nazi germany. The youkai are stronger and have more...freakish abilities, so its generally suicidal if a human tries to conquer them. That doesn't mean though that some don't try.

So, in my mind, incest isn't that bad to them. Sure, some of them find it...well, not to their liking, but they are demons, remember that. They do as they please. Remember how Kouga's wolves openly feast on humans? And how the youkai always try to eat each other and what not?

I really didn't want to give anything away, but to give you a freebie...well, Sesshoumaru, at the moment, needs some sort of comfort, right? Well, since his mother died, his father has been this great mighty hero who comforts him, and so, gradually he...fell in love with him. He doesn't really understand it, being so young, and all his life, he's been longing for any kind of attention for his father. And I don't believe Sesshoumaru realizes exactly what he's in at the moment, until he sees other people's perspectives of it

Oh yeah, and another thing, InuTaishou is one of those moralistic youkai. From the beginning, you have noticed that he's not...thrilled about the situation at hand. His conscious mind rebells against it, yet his body craves it, so he's at war with himself. And remember that he did apologize Sesshoumaru for 'taking advantage' of him that one morning.

Yeah...stuff like this is not that easy to write, but I like challenges, anyway... oh ya, thanks for reviewing!


ShadedFaith-O_O oooooooooooooooooooooooo, gummy bear cookies! The Haribo kind? I love german candy and its not just cause I'm half german...its cuz its so damn GREAT! ^^ Wow, I'm glad you think I'm a good writer. Whats funny is one time someone sent me an e-mail saying: 'your a bad writer'. Its funny when people try to bash me because their grammar and writing always SUCKS! Its funny and I don't take it seriously...because one, they can't spell or write correctly, and two, they never give any reasons as to why I suck and stuff.

I don't mind being critisized, but when someone gives me BAD ones, like 'I hated your story' or 'your story sucked' or whatever, its useless to me because it does not help me. Poikilothermic critisized my story, but at least he/she did so in a helpful manner, and explained. I wasn't angry or anything. I was a bit irritated, though, because I thought I stressed in the first four chapters that InuTaishou was feeling guilty and doubtful and all that negative crap, ya know? Oh well, some people don't read as carefully as they should. And anywhos, thanks for reviewing! ^^