Of boys and men

Chapter 5

Another year of trainwentwent by after what I like to call the “kitten incident.” I was sixteen now and for the first time was at the level where I was sparing with Sesshoumaru. I could tell that he enjoyed my company more now that he might be able to extract some value for himself out of training me. We had been getting along pretty well that year I remember. He gave commands, I followed. Gone was my chattering, slowly being replaced by his cold indifference. I was becoming a youkai. I was becoming him. My body was now following as well. Well-defined muscles replaced prior softness. I grew taller, not quite able to look him in the eye, nor would I ever be, but closer. My white hair fell to just past my neck in layered chunks. Things were different from before. We were more like…dare I say….comrades? No, no. But still he considered me his pet project to help clear father’s name and at certain unguarded moments I would see glimmers of the pride he took in how well his work was coming. Besides training, there were always constant lessons in cold demeanor and mercilessness, whether spoken aloud or not, the messages were clear. Then the day came that I had been dreading pretty much ever since I found out what a hanyou was. My mother passed away.
Sesshoumaru was unaffected of course, but I guess I had not learned enough, because I was a wreck. She had been rather ill as of late, but when Sesshoumaru told me he had found her that morning dead in her bed, I went into shock. I bolted from the living room into our bedroom and started bawling, knelt over the bed with my head in the sheets. He followed me.

“I’ve buried her near the garden.”

“What!? WHAT?,” I screeched, “I’ll never be able to say goodbye?”

If I was crying loud before, this was beyond crying. Screeching, wailing, throaty, watery, sobbing would probably be more accurate. Sesshoumaru’s emotions, if you want to call them that, run like a lightswitch, he never does anything halfway, and I had just turned off his patience with my ordeal. In the blink of an eye, I was on my feet; Sesshoumaru had me by my shirt. The look in his eyes scared the hell out of me. Fed up with my emotions, he held me up with one hand and he started slapping me right in the face, over and over again with the other. He must have gotten about 12 hits in before I too, reached my limit of patience. He hit me that last time and I growled ferociously. My adrenaline was so high all I saw was red. I grabbed his wrist to halt the next slap. You weren’t quick enough for me that time, brother. He released my shirt and I dropped a bit to be securely on my feet. Hunched over slightly my bangs covered my reddening eyes. I panted hard from the attacks. I turned my head up slightly to look at his face, still panting. He wasn’t though. And he looked right back at me, an expression as though he were reading an uninteresting book. That space between our eyes was filled with heat, and the only emotion I remember having was that of wanting to make him feel. Make him feel weak. I wanted to be the Sesshoumaru tonight, I wanted to be on top of everything and I wanted to care for nothing and no one but my own desires. I wanted to make him feel like he always made me feel, like a little bitch. That coupled with the rising heat in my body and the adrenaline of hatred might explain what I did . I. I tried to take him.

Still panting, his glare on me, I mimicked one of Sesshoumaru’s lightning quick moves and was quickly behind him. I threw my hands around his waist and threw my weight so that we both toppled onto the bed. I pressed my body into him roughly while I kissed, well, more like bit and slobbered on his neck and tore at the ribbons around his waist. I didn’t get very far at all when with one sweep of his right arm cleared me from the bed and sent my whole body flying into the opposite wall of the room. Sesshoumaru stood up and righted himself, retying the slightly tattered ribbons. There were a few streams of blood comingm oum out of his neck. I glared t hit him from the floor. And that’s when I heard the sound I’ll never forget. A low rumbling, a growling maybe. It got louder and louder and became an audible snickering. An arrogant, self-righteous laughing. Sesshoumaru was laughing at me. It was bizarre. He wen went so far as to put his hand to his forehead.

“Is that how it is, brother?” he stressed the last word in a mocking tone.
He continued, “I don’t know who you think you are, but you shall not have this Sesshoumaru. You should know your place before you start things you can not finish.”

I was still panting furiously, feeling pretty foolish about what I thought I could do. I guess he saw the situation as another opportunity to prove his overwhelming dominance over me. The next thing he said was in quite a different tone, his normal tone, one of authority and calm indifference.

“I will finish what you started.”

He walked over to me slowly and lifted me again by my shirt. He spun me around and let go except for an arm slung under my waist, which I leaned onto and put my palms against the wall to steady myself. He bent over and bit into my neck, much, much harder than I had. I cried out. He lapped up the blood with his tongue. As the pain subsided, I hate to admit, that tongue felt pretty good. I knew it meant nothing to him, with the hundreds of years he had been alive. I, on the other hand, had never been touched like this. He ripped open my shirt with his free hand. He took his other arm out from under me, steadying my shoulder with the free hand, seeing if I would stand on my own. I did. I closed my eyes tight and kept my palms flat against the wall. The air was cool on my overheated skin as the last of my shirt came off. He licked the tips of his fingers on one of his hands and then reached under my arms to get at my chest. He rubbed one of my nipples, barely touching it, with soft quick motions. I bit my lip. He moved to the other one. He was looking for a response. I bit harder and gave none. I felt the material of my pants slide down about five inches. A hand pressed into the crevice where one of my legs met my body. He was so close to my groin. I winced. He rubbed the spot and I grunted. It wasn’t good enough for him. His hands came off of me and I heard a rustling as he approached the floor. I felt his tongue in that crevice of my hips, and he won. I let out a loud moan of pleasure, and at the same time my thoughts of resistance went out the window. I just didn’t care about anything right then. Nothing meant anything anymore. Any mantras or beliefs I had ever held in my life had failed me. There was no point in fighting, not yet at least. My pants were removed the rest of the way. My naked body felt as vulnerable as it could under the given circumstances. It’s hard to feel embarrassed under such unemotional eyes. He licked the spot again, but this time dragged his tongue along my contours, covering a larger area and coming closer to my cock. A lot closer. I was hard for awhile, and now a bit of precum was seeping out of me. My breathing became very heavy. I heard him stand up again and get back behind me. I heard more rustling as he untied the ribbons I had lunged for earlier. He opened his outfit just far enough, but remained mostly clothed. I guess he was finished toying with me. I flinched as he pressed up against me, ready to enter me. He entered me slowly and it hurt, but not worse than the pain that I was quite used to. He didn’t wait for my pain to stop before he started thrusting, but five or six strokes in, I stopped wincing. I gave into it and it felt strange. The heat rising in me, I started meeting his thrusts. My panting was ridiculous at that point, almost comical, especially since he made no noise at all. My eyes closed to slits as I felt myself coming closer and closer. I was sweating and my hair clung to my neck. My hands pushed harder onto the wall. I turned my head up from the ground for the first time, and took a look at his face. He looked right at me, almost through me and started pumpinsterster. I groaned. I pushed even harder into the wall. It was all I could do to maintain my balance. Then I heard Sesshoumaru’s breaths become a bit shallow and hurried. Hardly a change at all, but I knew he was coming closer. He hit something inside of me that made min bin burn from every pore. I screamed and came, tightening hard around him, and he came as well, letting out a sigh. He withdrew and I fell to the ground, still panting.

“Next time you try to display dominance over me, make sure you can back it up.”

I knew what it meant, it was almost like a coded language, a secret promise. Did everything need to be said so cryptically? What he meant was that the day I could best him in battle, is the day he’d let me place my filthy hanyou hands on him. Why did he never explain anything? My thoughts were interrupted, as he shocked me by actually saying it out loud.

“When you can defeat me, you can take me.”

I sighed, a little bit fed up today with his dramatic way of life. I sighed, “We both know that will never happen, brother.”

“Exactly, know your limits you arrogant human, and never put your hands on me again.”
“And furthermore,” he continued, “If I ever see you crying again I will not hesitate to kill you. You sully our father’s name enough as it is.”

All too familiar with his methods, I sighed. I had figured that meant our physical relationship had started and finished on that night. I was wrong.