Blood Stained

 

 

Blood Stained

Chapter 43: Inspection

 

The night had fallen a long time ago, but she could no longer sleep.  Kagome was sitting on a chair, looking out the window.  Sesshomaru was currently in his own bed sleeping, a sight she had rarely seen.  Considering he didn’t rest very often, she had done her best to be quiet as she had escaped the warmth of her bed.  The previous events that had occurred between them were still very vivid in her mind.  She had sought safety and comfort from Sesshomaru.

 

Kagome wasn’t sure how she felt about that.  After all, the new him wasn’t a bad person, he was not the beast, yet they didn’t have this kind of relationship.  To be honest she didn’t know where they stood.  They weren’t lovers, but were they friends?  It was only recently that she had given him a chance to show her he was different.  Was it okay to be friends?

 

Her hands dropped to her stomach as she softly rubbed it.  They were going to have a child together, even if it was just for Kiyoshi’s sake, it would be appropriate wouldn’t it?  Kagome didn’t feel as stressed, or hurt when he was around.  She had almost thrown herself in his arms, meaning to a certain point she allowed him in her vicinity.  But what was involved in a friendship?  Whom do you consider a friend?

 

Ever since he had been back in her life, he had not harmed her.  He barely did anything without her consent.  Kagome truly believed he did not intend to bring her any pain.  The mistakes Sesshomaru had done towards her were nearly erased and forgotten.  Wouldn’t it be fair to give him the title of friend?  Friends didn’t have to be the closest things in the world. 

A deep sigh escaped her as she pressed her head against the cold glass of the window.   Why couldn’t she have a moment where her mind wasn’t filled with thoughts and questions?  For once, she just wanted to be at peace.

 

The thick silence of the room was broken by the sound of her stomach growling.  She hadn’t eaten in nearly two days and with everything that happened, it had completely slipped her mind.  Technically, there was still the soup, but by now it had to be ice cold.  Once again, she couldn’t order on her own, so she decided she’d wait until Sesshomaru woke up.  It wasn’t as if she was on the verge of dying.

 

Suddenly, she heard the sound of an alarm beeping through the room, she couldn’t help but jump in surprise.  She tilted her head to the side, her eyes searching the dark room.  Through the somberness, she noticed Sesshomaru moving in his bed, before shutting off the alarm.  Slowly he sat up, before trailing his hand down his face.  As he looked in the direction of her bed, he noticed she was not there, causing him to turn on the lamp.  Immediately he found her sitting on the other end of the room, looking right at him.

 

All Sesshomaru could remember was feeling extremely tired.  He knew even if he struggled, he would eventually give in, which was why he had turned on the alarm.  He had not forgotten about the doctor coming and he wanted to explain it to her, be awake a bit before the youkai’s arrival.  He pulled the blankets away from his body before making it to his feet, still feeling somewhat tired.

 

Since he had slept in his clothes, they were all wrinkled, but it hardly mattered, since he had no plan of leaving the hotel for today.  He marched in the direction of Kagome, who offered him a small smile.  He could tell something was bothering her, because her expression didn’t look natural.  Of course, if she didn’t feel like sharing, he wouldn’t force her. 

 

Before he could tell her about the youkai coming, her stomach growled again and she looked down at the floor.

 

“Are you feeling well enough to eat?”

 

She felt a bit weak, but she had no nausea when she woke up, so Kagome assumed it was safe for her to eat. 

 

“I think so.”

 

Deciding to go with a soup again since it wouldn’t be too heavy for her, he grabbed the phone and ordered it for her.  Once he was done, he came back by her side.  To be on the same eye level as her, he sat down at the edge of her bed.  This time she wasn’t looking at him, but glancing at the scenery outside of their room.  Her face was resting in the palm of her hand, she looked somewhat happy.  It appeared she enjoyed the little things.

 

“Someone is coming,” he said, breaking her away from her reverie.

 

Since his tone was neutral, she wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing.  Did he mean someone’s coming to get us, or, I arranged for someone to come? 

 

“Who?”  She inquired, tearing her eyes away from the window. 

 

“He is a youkai, but also a doctor.  He is quite knowledgeable and I believe he could be of some help.”

 

The thought that youkais might be in her everyday world hadn’t really crossed her mind that much.  Kagome had simply assumed they were in their own little world.  She hadn’t counted Sesshomaru since he could have remained mingled with the humans because he had been trying to find her.  The thought that they could have such jobs as doctors, was a surprise, but it didn’t really bother her though.  Kagome knew they were good youkais in this world, if they could help, if they wanted to heal, and be a part of the human world, she thought it was great.

 

Back in the feudal era, she had never understood why both worlds couldn’t get along.  After all, they were not very different.

 

“When will he be here?”

 

“An hour.”

 

Kagome slowly nodded.  It would give her a chance to eat and take a bath.  She had been feverish for two days straight and she wanted nothing more than to chase that feeling away from her body.  She grabbed onto the edge of the window to help herself get up from the chair.  Every time her belly grew, it was getting more and more difficult to maneuver around. 

 

Sesshomaru watched her get up, remaining on alert as if she was going to fall.  He had noticed that it was getting harder for her to walk, which was worrying him a bit.  If she had a hard time walking, how could he take her out there to search for the shard?  Not only would it be extremely difficult, but he would be putting her and the pup’s life in danger.

 

Hopefully, the youkai would give them some answers.

 

“I’ll take a bath,” announced Kagome, as she reached out for her things in her suitcase. 

 

Sesshomaru nodded, never looking away from her.  Once again, he found himself in the same situation as the previous night.  It was hard to not glance at her, he didn’t know why.  What could have possibly changed in one day?  There had to be something affecting him.  Or perhaps he had just been caught off guard by the sudden proximity.  They were mated after all, meaning it was natural to seek contact right?

 

But that was not something permitted for him.  He couldn’t go and do as he pleased.  The only thing he could do was allow her to come when she needed it. 

 

He observed her disappear behind the door and he sighed.  If only that was his only problem at the moment.  His energy was beginning to be troublesome.  Lately he had been sleeping a lot more than he should, most of the time, when he awoke, he still felt tired.  Though it was true that the past few days had been stressful, he shouldn’t be lacking energy like this.  He wondered if perhaps the connection was not only draining the miko, but him as well.

 

It was true that he didn’t possess powers in his current state, but it still had to take away some of his energy.  He would be given a chance to test his theory today since he didn’t want to do a connection.  Kagome was tired enough as it was and she needed the rest.  If he didn’t feel as drained at the end of the day, he would know he was right.  Though what if he was wrong?  Perhaps it would be worth asking the doctor once he arrived.

 

A few minutes passed and the soup had arrived.  Sesshomaru had put the tray on her bed.  To keep himself from thinking, he had resorted to his usual method, a book. Not too long after the food had arrived, Kagome emerged from the bathroom.  Her long black locks were damp, glued to her back as she headed for her bed where she could see the food.  Usually her nose wasn’t good, but as soon as she had opened the door, the scent of food had overwhelmed her. 

 

Without glancing his way she headed for the bed, before plopping down on it, nearly making a mess. Slowly, just in case her stomach wouldn’t accept it, she began eating.  Sesshomaru gazed her way for a few seconds, before resuming his ready.  He wouldn’t be weird enough to actually look at her while she was eating.  Sesshomaru hated to not have himself under control like that.  Why couldn’t he resist simple feelings?

 

He had been around her for so long now and nothing like this had ever happened.  There were these feelings constantly inside of him, which was unusual for him.  He almost had felt the same way when the wolf had been around, he didn’t like it.  Could it be the same thing was to blame?  Was it their mating bond?  Though if it were, shouldn’t she be feeling that way as well? 

 

Perhaps she was.  It would explain why she had let him hold her the precious day.  Although, maybe she didn’t feel urges as intense as he did.  It was not really a question he could ask her without appearing strange or scaring her.  They were making good process and he had no desire to ruin it.  For the first time, she didn’t fear being in his presence and he wished to keep it that way.  He would not ruin her progress and he didn’t want her on her guard.

 

Minutes passed as Kagome ate her soup, a silence filling the room the whole time.  Kagome was getting the feeling that something wasn’t right, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.  She had this strange feeling going through her, it refused to leave her alone.  She decided to ignore it, just focusing on the fact that she was finally feeling well enough to eat. 

 

She was a bit excited that a doctor was coming, since he might be able to help them.  Kagome couldn’t help but think that something was wrong with her son and herself.  The only thing in her mind was that, she was weak.  She couldn’t chase that feeling aside.  What if she was too weak to properly provide what her son required?  After all, the pains could no longer be explained by the lack of a bond.  She was often around Sesshomaru and they were touching during the connection.  All those hints left her to think that she had to be the problem.

 

The thought of not being enough for her baby brought tears to her eyes.  Kagome loved her son dearly and wanted to give him as much as she could.  She would feel as a failure if she could not help him grow.  Noticing she was about to cry, Kagome stopped herself.  There was no use crying over it just yet, since she didn’t know what the problem was.  Maybe she was being a drama queen over nothing.

 

As time passed, the silence grew thicker, until finally it was broken by the phone ringing.  Sesshomaru answered it after the second ring.  The doctor had finally arrived.  After giving the hotel permission to send the youkai upstairs, Sesshomaru put his book away before standing up. 

 

“He is here,” he said to Kagome before heading for the door.

 

It wasn’t too long until a man entered.  He had semi long brown hair pulled into a Miroku like ponytail and dark onyx eyes.  He exchanged a few words with Sesshomaru, but Kagome was too far away to hear what they were saying.  On top of that, it didn’t sound like Japanese.  After a few more minutes, they both headed in her direction, so she put the tray away. 

 

The doctor was carrying a medical pouch, she found herself a bit nervous.  Then again, she always was when a doctor was involved.  He sat on the edge of the bed, almost as far from her as possible.  When Sesshomaru had discussed the situation with him, he had roughly explained the history between him and the miko.  To make sure he wouldn’t break the boundaries, he remained at a comfortable distance.

 

“My name is Izumi.”

 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Kagome,” she said, feeling a bit less nervous.

 

Usually almost all the people he brought since they started on this trip only talked or dealt with him, it was almost strange being the one involved.  Kagome let out a deep breath of relief as Izumi opened his bag and rummaged through it.  Perhaps this would not be as bad as she had anticipated.  She allowed her back to rest against the headboard as Izumi looked back up.

 

“What exactly is happening?”

 

Kagome glued her lips together, thinking carefully.  After everything that had happened, it was almost hard to pin point it to only one big thing. 

 

“I’ve been having pain, nausea and fever,” she said, quickly remembering the main things.

Izumi slowly nodded.  “Do you feel more tired than usual?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Surprisingly, the doctor turned his attention to Sesshomaru. 

 

“What about you?  Have you been feeling exhausted?”

Sesshomaru was a bit surprised, almost wondering how he knew.  But, quickly he gathered himself and stopped any emotions from showing. 

 

“A bit, yes.”

 

Looking satisfied with Sesshomaru’s answer, he refocused himself on Kagome again.  “Where do you feel the pain?”

 

Saying in my heart sounded kind of silly.  After all, she didn’t mean her heart physically, she meant emotionally. 

 

“Chest area,” she said, thinking it sounded a bit better.

 

Izumi looked down at his notepad where he had been scribbling.  He had a feeling he already knew what was happening with them, but before he began explaining, he wanted to know what was occurring with the pup.  He put down his pencil and notepad, before getting a bit closer to Kagome.  He raised his hands a bit and was eying her stomach.

 

“May I?” he asked looking at her in the eyes.

 

Kagome felt a certain nervousness fill her, but she still nodded.  This man was a stranger, she didn’t feel completely relaxed in his presence, but she knew he was trying to help them, so she had to sacrifice her comfort.  She dragged herself a bit closer to him and then, he put his hands down on her covered belly.  At the sight, Sesshomaru’s eyes immediately narrowed. 

 

He hadn’t meant for his expression to change, but he hadn’t been able to stop himself.  He already hadn’t liked it when someone she knew had touched her, but now, this complete stranger was doing it as well.  Sesshomaru reminded himself he was doing it to give them answer, but the sight still didn’t sit well with him.  At the moment he was barely holding back a growl. 

 

Izumi frowned. 

 

“You’re a Miko,” he stated, a bit surprised. 

 

A panic formed inside of her.  “Is that a problem?”

 

At first Izumi didn’t say anything, nor react, but after a few seconds, he shook his head.  “No,” he answered, never looking at her. 

 

Somehow Kagome didn’t feel convinced by his response.  It hadn’t sounded as if he truly meant it, but more as if he was trying to not make her panic.  For now, she decided to let it slide, but later, she would ask about it. 

 

Izumi’s frown deepened as a yellow glow emerged from his hands.  Kagome almost expected it to sting a bit, as if he was going to hurt her, but pain never came, so she relaxed a little.  Suddenly, a purple glow began to form around her and Kagome knew it wasn’t her aura.  It could only mean that it was coming from Kiyoshi, which caused her stress level to increase a bit.

 

The color of the aura did nothing to not worry Izumi.  Sesshomaru was an inuyoukai, with very poisonous attacks.  The aura shouldn’t be purple, it should be more of a warm color instead of a cold one.  He remained with his hands on Kagome a bit longer, before pulling away.  Concern was obvious on his face as he wrote down a few things.  His expression did nothing to help calm Kagome down.  Questions were burning her lips, she was doing her best not to ask yet. 

 

Izumi ran his fingers through his bangs trying to figure out everything.  Something was definitely not right. 

 

“Was the aura always purple?”

 

Kagome pinched her lips together.  Hadn’t she seen it yellow before? 

 

“I don’t think so,” she quickly answered, unsure if she should trust her memory. 

 

Her answer while making this whole thing more confusing actually narrowed down the problem.  Izumi nodded to himself before turning his attention to them.  Back when the youkais were powerful and ruling, he had been living in a temple.  He could easily sense auras and not only could he determine someone’s power through them and learn about them, but he could usually control them.  He could increase them, or force them down.  Although it had been a while since he had last done such a thing, he should have been able to still do it, especially since it involved an unborn pup.  Yet it had been harder than expected.

 

“You have less than a month, maybe weeks before you give birth.”  That shouldn’t have happened.  Clearly, the pup should be hanyou, meaning it should take at least three more months for her to be ready to give birth.  However, something was not natural. 

 

“He is developing far too fast.”  Since he knew the question that would come, he answered it right away.  “It has nothing to do with what he is.  Hanyou, human, youkai, it doesn’t matter.  Something is making him develop faster than he should.”

 

Kagome felt a distress fill her heart and she began to shake a bit.  No matter how hard she tried to think, she couldn’t figure out what was causing this.  What unusual thing had they been doing?  What was harming her son?

 

Izumi had a theory, but he wasn’t sure if it was right.  It was the very first time he met a miko mated to a youkai.  Back then, it was not quite a common sight.  And these days, no miko had awoken their powers, so even if they unknowingly got with a youkai, it wouldn’t do anything. 

 

“I believe it is because you’re a miko.”

 

The words hit her hard, as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water in her face.  The whole time she had been so worried that it was her fault and now he had just confirmed her worst fears.  Though she didn’t really understand how her being a miko could harm Kiyoshi.  Miko’s protected, they didn’t harm.

 

“How?” she managed to ask.

 

Izumi sighed heavily.  “Youkai energy and Miko energy are very different.  At one point during your pregnancy you must have experienced intense pains, weaknesses, hot flashes and more.  Your miko powers were clashing with the child’s youkai energy.”

 

The horrified look that appeared on her face was heart breaking.  All those times she thought she had been the one suffering, but it was only because she had been hurting her own son.  Suddenly, Kagome began to feel extremely weak and she reached out for the bedside table, trying to keep herself stable.

 

Izumi wasn’t sure if he should be telling them all this, since he wasn’t absolutely sure himself.  He was going with the information he had gotten from the child’s aura and previous experience and knowledge. 

 

“It seems your miko powers have forced him to develop faster in an attempt to protect himself.  Although, your powers do not seem that strong that he should have turned to this option.  Is it possible there was a strong concentration of your power? Did you do something unusual with your powers?”

 

As Kagome carefully thought about it, reminiscing her time in Sesshomaru’s castle, she realized something. 

 

“I didn’t have my powers,” she blurted out without thinking.  During her final moments in the feudal era, she had no powers at all, so how could it have been so intense that Kiyoshi had to protect himself.

 

“It doesn’t make any sense,” he stated confused.  “Unless too much power was forced down on him, it shouldn’t have affected him.”  So she had only recently learned of her miko lineage?  “How long have you been able to use your miko energy?”

 

“Years,” she answered truthfully.

 

Izumi grew more confused.  “I thought you didn’t have your powers?”

 

She shook her head.  “They were locked away by a bracelet,” she quickly explained not thinking how bizarre it would sound to someone who was a stranger to their situation.  Who would willingly lock away their own powers?

 

Her latest statement seemed to shed the light on Izumi’s confusion.  “That is what happened.  Your powers were forced on the inside, which is why Kiyoshi felt attacked by your powers.  Your energy had nowhere to go but in and your son was trapped within.”

 

This time, Kagome was not the only one who felt bad and guilty.  Sesshomaru was the one hit with a wave of guilt.  He was the one who put the bracelet on her.  Not his beast, him.  All this time, all the suffering his son and her had been put through.  It was because of him.  Hadn’t he put her through enough?  Hadn’t he taken away enough from her?

 

Without being able to stop himself, he dropped upon the bed attracting Izumi and Kagome’s attention.  Sesshomaru had his face in his hands, lacking any better expression.  Kagome immediately knew what he was thinking, but Izumi was confused. 

 

Kagome felt a pain go through her heart, although it was obvious Sesshomaru was taking responsibility for what happened, she felt as if she had a part in it.  After all, it was still her powers that hurt her son, not the bracelet itself. 

 

“But he is not harmed,” added Izumi, noticing the despair that both parents were in. “He had to develop faster, but nothing is wrong with him.”

 

Although his words didn’t ease away all the pain, Kagome felt a bit lighter knowing her son was going to be okay.  He was her main concern, she couldn’t help the tears that escaped her.  The pains she had been feeling were her own fault, she was willing to put up with them as long as it meant her son would be okay. 

 

“I’m just not sure what he is.” When both Kagome and Sesshomaru looked at him confused, he explained further.  “His aura is not stable.  Sometimes it is completely absorbed and he has the same powers as you do, Kagome, while other times it appears to be fully youkai.  All I can tell you is, he is not an hanyou.  Though he is neither full youkai or human.”

 

Kagome couldn’t help the frown of confusion that appeared on her face.  He was not hanyou, human or youkai?  Then what was it, because as far as she knew, those were the only choices available. 

 

“You will have to wait until he is born to known for sure.”  Izumi actually wanted to be there to see the child.  He had never seen anything like this before, he was intrigued. 

 

Both Kagome and Sesshomaru were completely silent.  Kagome’s mind was filled with guilt, but she was also trying to process everything that had been told to her. Sesshomaru on the other hand had barely heard the last things that had been said.  Although he knew he would also feel guilty, he had been relieved to know she had looked past the horrible way he had treated her in the past.  But this, he could not forget, he knew she wouldn’t either.  He had caused her horrible suffering, he had put his son in a state of distress.  He hadn’t know this would have happened. Although if he had, back then, would he have done it any differently?  He was another person back in the feudal era, he wasn’t sure if it would have mattered to him back then. 

 

Izumi felt a bit uncomfortable and out of place.  Obviously a lot more than what he had been told was going on.  He had more information to tell them, this time about their situation and not the pup, but he almost wondered if the time was right.  He glanced at both their faces, they appeared completely lost in their own thoughts.

 

“Your recent pains however are not because of the pup,” he said to Kagome, catching her attention.  “Her reason is the same one behind your exhaustion,” he added before looking at Sesshomaru. 

 

He couldn’t really read Sesshomaru’s aura since it was blocked away, but Kagome’s aura spoke enough by itself. 

 

“It is your mating bond.  It’s weakening and to remain strong and alive, it’s using both your energies.  Kagome is the one with a constant powerful aura, she is more affected because she is giving away more energy.”

 

So he had been right this whole time, it was their mating bond affecting them.  Sesshomaru immediately blamed it for the way he had been feeling.  Perhaps she was on his mind so much because the bond, in an attempt to survive was trying to bring them together.  Problem was this made their whole situation a bit more complicated.

 

“Will it get worst?”

 

Izumi nodded.  “If the bond is not strengthen, then yes.”

 

If the Miko became even more weak, how was she going to pull through the final weeks and how would she handle the labor?  She was going to need her strength for what was coming.  Sesshomaru didn’t need to ask what was required for the bond to become stronger, he already knew.  Though it involved nothing that either one really wanted, this was not good.

 

“Is there more?” 

 

“I’m afraid this is all I can help you with.”

 

He had used quite a bit of his energy trying to figure out the mystery behind their pup.  It had been a while since he had to overwork himself like this.  As Izumi got up from the bed, he reached out in his pocket and handed Sesshomaru his card.

 

“If anything happens, you can always contact me.  And if it’s no trouble, I would be interested in meeting your child once it is be born.”

 

Even though she felt a bit weak, Kagome scrambled to make it to her feet.  She closed the distance between her and Izumi, before shaking his hand. 

 

“Thank you for your help.  I’d like to have you take a look at Kiyoshi when is born.”

 

He had provided them with so many answers, perhaps he would be the only one able to tell them exactly what their son was.  Although all of his revelation had shaken her, she was grateful for the help.  At least they were no longer left in the dark.  Kagome was putting on a strong front at the moment, not allowing him to see how broken down she was inside.  Kagome thought she had been done crying, but she knew tears were waiting to escape.

 

“It was my pleasure.”

 

Once Kagome released his hand, Sesshomaru appeared by her side and thanked Izumi with a nod.  The doctor grabbed his things before Sesshomaru escorted him downstairs, leaving Kagome completely alone in the room.  As soon as the door closed, she collapsed on the floor, her tears rolling down her cheeks.  Nothing could explain the relief she felt that Kiyoshi was well, but she hated herself for hurting him with her powers.

 

The thought of hating Sesshomaru because of the bracelet had never crossed her mind.  He had been a jerk in the past, he had kept her alive.  He had rudely forced her to eat when she didn’t want to, so she wouldn’t die.  He hadn’t cared about her, but he hadn’t wanted her dead.  She believed that if he had known what it would do, he wouldn’t have kept the bracelet.  She had felt more strongly for the things he had done knowing it would hurt her, than the ones he did not knowingly. 

 

If she had looked past the horrible way he had treated her on purpose, she could look past this.  She had promised him a second chance, it wasn’t fair to hold against him something that happened in the past.  Plus, she was far madder at herself, than she was at him.  She protectively wrapped her arms around her stomach, tears still flowing from her eyes.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said, apologizing to her son.

 

She kept repeating to herself that he was okay, he was not harmed, but it didn’t ease the guilt.  Then suddenly, she felt an aura envelop her, she felt warmth and softness.  It didn’t take Kagome too long to realize this aura was the same one as earlier, it was Kiyoshi’s.  This time, more tears appeared, but they were not from her pain.  Did her son understand the way she felt?  Was he trying to comfort her, because she was crying?

 

The moment was broken when Sesshomaru walked into the room.  His eyes grew a little bigger when he noticed the aura surrounding her.  Kagome looked up, their eyes met, but the aura never ceased to glow.  His guilt grew even bigger when he noticed the look on her face, he knew he was the one responsible for it.  Slowly, Sesshomaru closed the distance between them.  When he reached her side, he bent down slightly offering her his hand to help her get up, knowing she wouldn’t be able to on her own.  She reached out for it, her own hand shaking as he lifted her up.  Then, Kagome sat down on the edge of the bed, looking down at the floor.  It felt as if their situation was worse than before.  Or, at least more awkward now. 

 

She was so lost in her thoughts, she didn’t notice him moving.  But then, when he dropped to his knees on the ground, causing a loud thump to echo through the room, she had no other choice but to look at him.  His bangs were covering his eyes, as he glanced at her legs.  For nearly the first time, he broke through the barrier of privacy by initiating contact without her permission.  Slowly, Sesshomaru dropped his head in her lap, his forehead pressed against her knees.  His action earned a gasp from her. 

 

Feeling a bit awkward and unsure of what to do, Kagome remained frozen in place. 

 

Sesshomaru was trying to find the right words, but none came to mind.  He wasn’t use to doing this.  He didn’t know how to do it properly.  There were so many things he wanted to say, but none of them felt right.  There he was, kneeling in front of her, unable to talk.  This was never a situation he found himself in before.  Never did Sesshomaru bow to anyone.  But if there was anyone he ever should, it was her.  After everything he had put her through, it was the least he could do.

 

Finally, he decided on three little words.  They were the simplest, yet he couldn’t think of anything else. 

 

“I am sorry.”

 

Kagome could not move.  All these months, no matter what happened, Sesshomaru was a proud person.  Not only did he rarely apologized, but he never allowed anyone but him to be in a position of power, at the worst it was equal, but he never went lower than anyone.  She wasn’t sure how to deal with such a situation, the words escaped her.  She had hoped that after a few seconds, he would have moved, or broken the awkward silence, but he didn’t.

 

Slowly her breathing rate increased.  Already she had been too blinded by her rage, that she hadn’t been mad at him.  Perhaps if Kiyoshi was hurt, or something was wrong with him, then it would be a whole other story, But, at this point, though there was a small frustration inside of her, she was okay.  Or was she only convincing herself of this? 

 

All of the sudden, Kagome wasn’t sure of her emotions.  The mix of guilt and fear was clouding her whole mind.  Did she feel angry at Sesshomaru through her own rage?  Unsure of how to tell with her emotions, tears streamed down her cheeks.  Sesshomaru who had been waiting for her response was broken away from his daze when he felt something fall on top of his head.  At first he didn’t do anything, but once it happened again, he couldn’t help but look up.

 

When he did, the sight he found was unexpected.  He had expected her to be angry perhaps broken, but he didn’t think his actions would make her cry.  He already felt bad about what he did, he truly wanted to make it up to her, but his apology had done the exact opposite than what he had wished for.  Not only was she crying, but she looked as if her whole world had come crashing down.  Once again, he found himself lacking the qualities and skills to make her feel better. 

 

What was he supposed to do, what was he supposed to say?

 

Slowly he approached his hand to her face and gently cupped her cheek.  He expected her to flinch under his touch, but she didn’t.  Instead, her grey orbs locked with his green eyes.  He had promised himself he would bring her no more pain, while it was true he had done this in the past, the repercussion was affecting her and the pup now.  The words were stuck in his throat.  Sesshomaru rarely had nothing to say, nobody could leave him speechless, but her.  One look at her face and he felt the guilt fill him again.

 

Yes there it was again, the bitter feeling of guilt. 

 

“I did not wish for any harm to come to you and the pup.”

 

Even in the past, it was true wasn’t it?  He could have killed her to get rid of her, he hadn’t.  His honor wouldn’t have allowed him to kill either one.  If he had known, he would have found a way around it, he would have found something else to prevent her from using her powers against him.

 

“I wouldn’t have done it.”

 

Still after everything he said, all she did was stare down at him, the tears still rolling down her cheeks.  She wanted to say something, to respond but she couldn’t.  Since her voice failed her, there wasn’t much she could do.  Perhaps she could make him understand with the help of gestures.  Slowly, she lifted her hand and reached out for his head.  Without another thought, she rested it on top of his head, her digits disappearing into his thick mane of ebony locks. 

 

She opened her mouth, but the words didn’t come out.  Out of better ideals, she closed her eyes, the final tears falling.  One tear landed on his nose, but he didn’t wipe it off.  Was she trying to comfort him?  To tell him it was okay?  Sesshomaru reached out for her free hand and gently pressed a kiss against the back of her hand.

 

Suddenly he felt a warmth surround him.  After a few moments he realized that it was Kiyoshi’s aura that had began to envelop him as well.  He couldn’t help but look down at his hand, seeing the aura.  It felt warm and soothing, but it did nothing to make him feel better.  Instead, he felt worst.  His son was forgiving him?  So easily, after everything he had done, the pain he had put him through?  It simply didn’t feel right, it couldn’t be forgotten so easily could it?

 

Then, he looked into her eyes one last time before finally making it to his feet.  Her hand gently fell into the emptiness, as she observed his every movement.  Sesshomaru offered her a small bow before heading in towards the door.  He needed a walk, he needed to empty his mind.  He didn’t like the way he was currently feeling, he was out of control and it reminded him of when the beast could take control whenever it wished. 

 

He wasn’t supposed to feel like this, but he was powerless to stop.  Before he knew it, he had walked out of the room.

 

Kagome watched the door close before she brought her hand to her mouth, unable to stop it from shaking.  She wasn’t even sure what she had just witnessed.  Why wasn’t she mad at him?  It was a strange feeling, to not feel anger towards someone else.  Somehow, it felt good, but it did not ease her pain.  She still had to forgive herself.

 

She brought her hand to her stomach, the one he had kissed and she rubbed it gently. 

 

We’re sorry. 

 

-B-