Hollywood Whore

Chapter 4: Dude looks like a lady

So. Fucking. Boring! the hanyou huffed to himself as he left school for the day, throwing his bag over his shoulder casually as he looked up at the sky in hopes of somehow relieving himself of how crazy this school was making him.

It seemed that ever since the climax that was lunchtime had occurred, the rest of the day was to be disturbingly uneventful. It didn’t help matters either when he finally noticed people shying away from him at all costs, something he definitely wasn’t used to at all with this crowd of idiots; it was like he’d entered the Twilight Zone or something.

And the whole thing somehow annoyed him to no end, which in and of itself annoyed him even further that he was annoyed by their lack of attention in the first place! Almost to the point where he actually thought he MISSED all the crap his classmates usually put him through. Inuyasha sighed.

He couldn’t help but think that the morons that usually bothered him until the school day came to an end were explicitly avoiding him due to a certain class president’s outburst in the quad during lunch.

And that thought alone brought a whole slew of new questions and headaches in its wake.

What the hell had the demon been thinking to just go off on everyone like that? To scold them and scare them away for calling him a half-breed? Hell, Sesshoumaru had called him that numerous times in the last month he’d been at this school and yet... when everyone else did, he flips? What the hell?

His step turned a bit lazier as he realized he was a fair distance away from school now. Relaxing his limbs into his usual carefree saunter, he turned his thoughts to tonight and wondered just how exactly he was going to get into the hotel Kouga and Miroku were staying at. It would be tricky, especially when he knew the paparazzi would be camped out front... Hmm.

Maybe if he-

Hummhummmhumhumhummmm...

Inuyasha’s ears pulled back as he stopped walking, freezing as a blush spread across his cheeks at the cheery, bouncy song signaling his phone was ringing.

He scrounged around in his bag for the blasted pink abomination* and flipped it open after seeing “Pervert” on the Caller ID.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT!” he hissed harshly into the receiver, his pace now accelerating; he could see his apartment building now!

“Whoa, such hostility. I assume if you’re using that tone of voice you’re not in public anymore?” came a knowing voice.

Inuyasha gritted his teeth, calming himself as he spoke a bit softer. “Why are you calling again?”

“Hey, that first time was all Kouga’s idea; I wanted to wait until later to call you.”

“Great timing, asshole,” Inuyasha grumbled as he walked up the steps to his apartment. As he entered his home his voice turned normal. “Safe. Now, what do you want, Miroku?”

“Just wanted to go over how we’re gonna meet up tonight without disturbance,” the drummer of his band said casually.

“I know, I was thinking of that. There’s probably a shitload of vultures outside, huh?” the hanyou asked absently as he got a drink from his fridge, heading to his bedroom to change.

“Yeah, some are even staying at the hotel it seems...”

“Hell.”

“Though if it helps, we got the loft room that’s pretty much isolated from any other room. Have our own elevator, too. Sort of...” Miroku added as he heard rustling and an OOMPH! on the other end of the phone. “Uh, Inuyasha, are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah,” the hanyou said hopping from one foot to the other. “Changing out of that uniform I have to wear- Ow, fuck!- Just a sec.”

The drummer blinked as he heard the phone land with a soft puff upon something cushy, probably having been thrown on the bed as the hanyou changed, Inuyasha grunting and grumbling in the background about school uniforms and wearing skirts that caused it to be rather drafty “up in there”.

Miroku grinned on the other end as his friend picked up the phone again.

“Okay, I’m good,” the hanyou said into the phone, somewhat breathless. “Uh, what were we talking about again?”

“You sound out of breath, Inuyasha. Exactly what kind of uniform is it they require you to wear?” Miroku asked as casually as he could.

“Ugh, just the standard one they make girls wear; skirt and top.”

“Oh? They make you wear the really short skirts and tight tops with the little bows?” Miroku bit his lip.

“Some of the girls wear them; this school, thankfully, is lenient about what size you wear of top, same with the length of the skirt.”

“Yeah, but do you wear them like that?”

“Huh? No way. I wear the long skirts down to my fucking ankles and the baggier tops; I kinda gotta hide the fact I have dude bits down there and no tits, ya know?” Inuyasha said irritably as he took a swig of his drink.

Silence.

“Uh, Miroku? Are you okay there?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine, I just... You don’t have tits when you’re in your girl form?” came a rather saddened question.

It took a few seconds, but the half-demon finally understood what was going on.

“WHAT THE HELL! YOU FUCKING PERVERT!” Inuyasha hollered over the phone. “You... ugh, you are so gross. Of COURSE I don’t have tits or other girl parts when in that guise!”

“I didn’t know! Honestly! I mean, it’s not like I’m an expert in demon magicks or anything! I wasn’t sure if that necklace changed your body parts as well as your appearance!” Miroku yelped out, his hands more than likely flailing at his sides in his perverted honesty.

“Keh,” the inuhanyou snorted. “Well to settle whatever perverted fantasies you had conjured up in that sticky head of yours, I’m gonna tell it to you straight: I don’t have boobs or a pussy, asshole. When I have that damned necklace on all it does is alter the appearance of my skin; it gets lighter and softer looking. My eyes and hair change color, too, and my ears shrink a bit, but other than that I’m all man thank you very fucking much,” Inuyasha ended with an indignant huff.

“Hahaha,” Miroku laughed awkwardly, trying to placate his friend. “Okay, okay, I get it. Though I won’t say I’m not slightly disappointed but-” WHAP. “OW! Damnit, Kouga!”

“Inukoro, when you see him tonight make sure to hit him. Hard!” Kouga’s voice yelled from the background, before grumbling. “Jesus, every damn time, I swear. Your mother must have dropped you on your head or let you watch porn when you were a kid for you to be like this.”

“Oy!” Inuyasha snarled out over the phone, feeling a headache coming on. “Still here on the phone, though I’m not sure why anymore-”

“Sorry about that,” Miroku said, sounding anything but.

“Why the fuck are you calling me?”

“About that, we wanted to set up a time and place to meet you tonight.”

“Oh, well... I was planning on somehow getting into the hotel and-”

“Are you out of your mind, inukoro!?” Kouga’s voice yelled into the receiver, causing Inuyasha to wince as his ears rang in response. “No, shove off, Miroku, I’m talking now,” he added, voice clearer as he commandeered the cell phone. “Now, idiot dog, what makes you think coming here is a good idea? Seriously, I’ve got to hear this, because whatever way you decide on will only end with you somehow fucking it up. How you’ve survived this long by yourself in Japan is beyond me.”

“Asshole!” Inuyasha snapped. “What do you mean ‘whatever way’?”

“If you were to come here as yourself, the media would blow up over it and you’d probably never get a chance to go back to whatever little hovel apartment you’re living in-”

“It’s not a hovel!” came an pathetic squawk.

“OR, you’ll come here dressed as your girly ass self and make the paper’s front page as having visited the bachelor suite of Hollywood Whore for the night. Your face- though pretty I’m sure it is- will be all over the news the next day with everyone in not only your neighborhood knowing, but also your school, of how much of a slut you-”

“Finish that, fucker, and I’ll rip your balls off!” Inuyasha hissed darkly.

“In any case, you know that’s what would happen. However, Miroku and I have come up with a great solution.”

“...” Inuyasha waited.

And waited.

And waited.

“WELL!?”

“To avoid all that fiasco, because we both know you suck at being stealthy, we’ll be the ones going incognito tonight and meeting up at your apartment in an hour. So, see ya!”

CLICK.

Inuyasha blinked multiple times, his mouth partway open before his brow slowly creased in dawning horror.

THEY WERE COMING TO HIS APARTMENT?!! The hanyou freaked, rampaging around his spacious but by no means extravagant apartment, throwing things this way and that and cleaning the best he could. Fuck, fuck, fuck!!

~ * ~

Sure enough, an hour and twenty-six minutes later, Kouga and Miroku were upon his doorstep (expertly disguised to the point that Inuyasha actually put his necklace back on when he opened the door to politely bow, thinking the bearded men had just gotten the wrong door).

“Uuhh, I think... we got the wrong door,” came Kouga’s American voice under a faux mustache. “Sorry to intrude, miss.”

Inuyasha’s ears perked instantly at the very familiar voice and he looked up as the two men in business suits hobbled away down the corridor cursing at one another.

“You said it was floor 3, apartment D!” came a voice that sounded suspiciously like Miroku’s. “I mean, not that I’m complaining, she’s pretty cute, huh? Ow!”

“Shut up! We’re late enough as it is! Besides, that’s the apartment Inukoro said! And Kikyou’s cousin confirmed it, asshole!”

“Maybe we got the wrong street-”

Inuyasha’s eyes rounded as his slightly higher, feminine voice meep’d out in disbelief, “K-Kouga? Miroku?”

They stopped dead in their tracks.

And slowly turned around to glance at the girl standing outside her door now, large honey-brown eyes staring at them.

“Uhh, what? I’m not...” Kouga fumbled for his words.

“Shit, what are the chances? Maybe she’s a fan?” Inuyasha heard Miroku whisper lowly, his heart rate picking up a couple notches.

“What are the fucking chances of that?!” Kouga hissed back.

Inuyasha sighed. “Don’t be dumbasses, and get in here before someone discovers who you are. It’s me, you two lunatics! For fuck’s sake!” and with that the hanyou threw his hands up in the air and walked back into his apartment stiffly.

Left outside his apartment were two blinking men.

“Only one person I know has a mouth that would put a sailor to shame...” Kouga said slowly, not believing what his eyes had just seen.

Miroku’s eyes brightened instantly. “Inuy-!”

Kouga slapped his hand over Miroku’s mouth instantly. “Are you stupid or something?” he growled before dragging the immobile drummer into Inuyasha’s apartment, shutting the door with his foot. They stopped and stared at the... girl... their friend?.. standing before them with her- err, his hands on his hips.

An intense staring contest ensued.

“Wow, you make a really hot chick,” came Kouga’s silence shattering remark.

“I would have to agree,” Miroku added his two cents, hand rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Even despite the obvious lack of chest, you make quite a becoming woman, Inuyasha.”

Inuyasha’s eyes widened, face going pink right up to his ears as he realized he... he still had the fucking necklace on!! Shit!

In a flurry of movements hardly becoming of a female (thank god), he tore the simple neck piece off and flung it onto a nearby table, his image instantly melting into his usual, and very male, visage.

It happened fast then, but one minute Miroku could have sworn he’d been standing up when he suddenly found himself- and Kouga- on the ground with very large bumps decorating the crowns of their heads.

“Assholes,” Inuyasha huffed out, walking away from his handiwork. “And take off your fucking shoes before coming in further.”

“Do you have to hit so hard,” Miroku winced, rubbing his head.

“Shut up.”

“Huh. That’s a pretty cool gadget you got there. I can see why it’s fooling so many people,” Kouga whistled from where he leaned against the door, grinning as Miroku and he shrugged their shoes and disguise off in the entryway.

“Wish I could say the same,” Inuyasha grumbled, sending a glare over his shoulder.

Miroku blinked over at the rather frail looking necklace the hanyou had thrown off so fast one would think it had electrocuted him. He picked it up and examined it. “Nice. I’d never suspect a little thing like this to be the cause of that whole transformation. But...” his brows creased in critical thought. “Hey, Kouga, doesn’t this look like the necklace Inuyasha gave Kikyou for their... what was it... 6 month anniversary?”

Kouga grabbed it, scrutinizing it himself. “Well, well... Kikyou sure can be a sneaky bitch when she wants to be, can’t she?” he chuckled, throwing it back to the drummer as they walked further into the little apartment.

“You have no idea,” Inuyasha said darkly, twitching as his friends found places to sit.

“Nice... apartment? It looks bigger than the ones I’ve seen-” Miroku started.

“When the hell have you been in someone’s apartment? This is our first visit to Japan,” Kouga snapped.

“Were you not paying attention at all today? We got a mini tour of the area, and they showed us some ‘standard’ apartments downtown. One… something. What do they call them?” Miroku turned to Inuyasha.

“One room mansions. Usually they’re smaller than the one I’m in, but...”

“-But while you’re modest for a celebrity, you’re not THAT modest,” Kouga finished for him, dodging a pillow that was hurled at his head with quick precision. “What? It’s true.”

Inuyasha just glared at him.

“Heh, so...” Miroku started, holding up the necklace; a polished, black pearl was the focal point and on either side of it was a smaller, rounded amethyst bead, strung together by a thin, silver chain. “If I put it on will I look more feminine?” the dark-haired boy snickered, making to put the necklace on, stopped only by Inuyasha’s deadpanned stare.

“Won’t work, it’s linked to me, so give me that back or I’ll fuck your shit up!” the half-demon said, before grabbing his necklace and tucking it into his pocket. He sighed, glaring over at his two best “frienemies”. “Now, what exactly are you guys doing here? Do you wanna blow my cover?”

Kouga and Miroku quieted down and, in a rare moment of seriousness, looked at each other before Kouga spoke up first.

Inuyasha’s eyes rounded as all expression fell from his face at what his friend told him then.

 

 

~ * ~

Chapter end.

Pink abomination: Kouga and Miroku bought this phone for Inuyasha as a going away present (as well as a few other “pink” things you’ll eventually see). For all you haters (I’m looking at you, Kayt!), I actually have this phone XD And I love it! If you google “LG dLite Bubble Gum” you’ll see the pink one (and the blue one, I think).