The Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune

The crickets took a collective bow and broke for what they felt was a well-deserved intermission. The sudden, overwhelming silence made Kaede notice that the demon Totosai was breathing hard – right in her ear. She also noticed in shocked detachment that his breath was very hot, almost too hot and that his moustache kept getting in her ear. Squirming under the demon in the unconscious need for escape before it was too late, the young miko wedged herself tighter against her oafish nemesis.

“You should have said something, girl.” Totosai rasped out in her ear with a smile before coming up on his hands and knees, to allow the heaving, flustered Kaede to scurry out from under him. The broad demon sat back on his haunches and mulled over the rapidly solidifying agenda both his body and his mind had decided upon: how to get the girl separated from the miko and then how to separate the girl from her clothes. It was brain-fodder for the sages, of whose ranks Totosai had never even come close to joining. Stroking one of the long tails of his moustache, the demon sword smith slowly became both bemused and cross-eyed as he thought harder than he had in decades.

Kaede smelled smoke coming from somewhere and wondered if it was wafting from between the demon’s pointed ears. What could he possibly be thinking about so hard? No matter, it was time to dust herself off, catch her breath, banish her teenage hormones back to their oubliette of miko responsibility and get back to the village and her life.

Slowly getting to her feet, the miko Kaede picked a small stick out of her long dark pony-tail and brushed off her white kosode. Totosai still stared into space like the world’s dumbest Buddha, pondering something of obvious and great interest. After a moment’s hesitation, the young miko slowly walked up to the kneeling demon, reached out a small white hand and gently tried to untangle her bowstring from where it remained stuck fast in Totosai’s long dark hair.

For a demon, this Totosai was the least threatening male she’d ever encountered. For as large a man as he appeared to be, this demon seemed to have the soul of a clown. He had no apparent guile – that somehow cute and impishly long face shared his every inner thought with anyone who looked at him!

Poor guy, it’s a good thing he’s so stupid – ignorance truly was bliss, she thought as Keade’s mind wandered along with her nimble fingers as they tried to tease the large knot that had conjoined Totosai’s scalp to her bow. Looking down at the dark, bowed head that reached her waist, the girl lost herself in her contemplation, falling harder and harder for the bemused demon at her feet. They had absolutely nothing in common and therefore were absolutely perfect for one another. In their case, love appeared to be likened to hitting yourself in the head with a gold brick, wrapped in Happy-Fun candy. Either that, or maybe it was more like running into a thick oak door. In the end, you know you are going to feel stupid and hurt like hell and have no one to blame but yourself. Love is a pain in the ass, but alas – in the best possible way.

Of course, in another 40 years or so, they’d both have one large, loudmouthed, ill-tempered pain in the ass to deal with. Had they but known what the future held, both the girl and the demon would have made exceptional haste to the family home of one Izayoi and strangled her in her sleep. Oh well.

Untold moments passed. Kaede stared off into a dreamy, contemplative fog – her good eye half-mast as she lost herself in stroking the now-smooth hair of the still demon at her feet. Totosai’s hair was thick and wiry, dark and shiny. And heavy. And gorgeous. Running her fingers through the thick strands, Kaede found herself pulling her fingers farther and farther through the length of hair in her captivity, almost down to the ends which brushed the top of the blacksmith’s broad, tan back. His skin disappeared within the confines of that hideous green and black kimono and it teased her mind to follow its muscled, well-formed contours, first with her fingers, then with her lips. It was hypnotic, the rhythm she kept up and probably would have kept up until Mo-Mo came home… that was until Totosai had an epiphany of sorts and ran his nearest clawed hand up Kaede’s crimson hakama and tickled the back of her knee.

The very-unladylike epithet that shot from the young miko as she staggered away from him like his hair was on fire made Totosai’s eyebrows crawl into his lately molested hair with surprise. He’d racked his brains for all they were worth and while the millstone in his head ground slow, it also ground fine. Totosai had a plan and it would work – and, it was a nice day for it.

Grabbing the girl’s outstretched arm as she staggered away from him, Totosai pulled her forward with agile suddenness, which put her slightly off balance, angled his foot behind her and tripped Kaede with large, goofy smile.

“Demon Totosai, I am going to purify any part of you that I can get my hands on, you ass!” Kaede screeched in embarrassment and discomfort. She could still feel hot claws tracing the back of her leg and it felt way, way too good! She couldn’t – shouldn’t feel that good, it was immoral, illegal or both!

“Ok, I guess I deserve that, don’t I?” conceded Totosai as he thoughtfully stroked his goatee. It was time to pounce.

“But, miko Kaede - what will your village think if you come back with grass stains on your back?” Totosai blinked his large, concerned green eyes down at the hot and bothered miko – well, mostly just bothered miko.
Kaede’s eye narrowed then popped wide in realization… and then just for shits and giggles did a triple half twist down into intense rueful surrender. Dammit all – he had a point! Just because on the inside the girl within her was currently running her tongue up on of Totosai’s muscular thighs didn’t mean she needed those kinds of rumors flying around! Demons were the downfall of her sister; they were not going to be hers too!

Drawing her small fists up in a veritable tantrum of frustration and unwanted desire, Kaede growled long and hard at the Kami whose fault this was and went limp in acceptance of her fate.

“Come and help me up, you fiend.” She sighed in defeat, while the hordes of horny and screaming teenage girls within her did a victory dance.

“Are you going to purify me if I do?”

“No, idiot! But I should after you so rudely tripped me!”

“I did?”, Totosai smirked as he bent down to help the grass-stained miko to her sandaled feet.