What Was Expected

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA AND CO, NOR IS THIS STORY DONE FOR ANY MONEY

Thank you to ktshabatie and MamaSama for beta-ing, all remaining mistakes are mine.


Chapter 4: In the Mind

“Is that what you believe?” Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes as he listened to her heart pound frantically within her chest. The distress was rolling of her in waves.

Kagome knew that the man across from had spoken, but she could not hear him. The sounds of clinking glass, shifting bodies, and quiet whispers were deafening. It was the sound of normal life. Yes, normal life, where there were no youkai beyond the fables of old. So, what would explain what she was seeing, what she was feeling?

“Kagome, if you look for people’s flaws you will see them. The cold you feel is the ghosts of your feelings for Liam.” It was what her mother had said the night after the miai. True, her grandfather still swore that there were youkai walking among them, but his sutras never worked. No one had ever trembled in fear when he yelled, “Youkai, be gone!”

She was not crazy. No, she was sleep deprived. Yes, that would answer all these questions; she simply was not getting enough sleep.

Sesshoumaru was irritated; he was going to have to repeat himself. “Kagome.” When he had gained her attention he was going to pursue his previous inquiry.

Sapphire eyes settled on the man before her as she took in his aggravated state. There was no time like the present. “I am sorry, Sesshoumaru. I have not been sleeping well lately and I should not have snapped at you.”

The inu-youkai remained silent. Denial was a powerful thing among humans; time and again, it had been proven that humans had the ability to see the world only in light that suited them best.

“May we begin again?”

“Hn.”

“I’ll take that as a yes. What will be expected of me at this business event? I have not taken many courses in business, my focus has always been folklore.” She was now speaking through her teeth, he might not be a youkai but that did not save him from being an insufferable man.

Honestly, Sesshoumaru had no clue what wives or dates were suppose to do at these things. Generally, it was not expected that they be able to talk business. In fact, the best function that he could think that they played was nothing more than ornamental. However, stating this aloud to a female who was already having problems controlling her temper did not seem the most prudent.

How to phrase: ‘You are to stand there and look pretty,’ without having her lash out? Well he had always approached everything fearlessly and he was not going to ruin his perfect record on account of this slip of a female. “Your lack of knowledge should not hinder you. In fact, most are far more impressed with honest humility than arrogant knowledge.”

Kagome had to suppress the laugh. Did he realize that he had just called the kettle black? Well maybe that was not the right phrase, but there was definitely irony in his statement.

“That is reassuring.” Looking back into the tinted liquid of her cup, she was at a loss for what to say next. She caught a glimpse of red out the corner of her eye. Turning quickly, her breath caught in her throat as she saw the ghost of her past, and then as all apparitions do, he vanished.

Sesshoumaru had felt the presence of a kitsune, his suspicions of who were confirmed by the paling of his date. This was precisely what he did not need. Social costumes made it near impossible for him to place a claiming mark of scent on her, especially in public. “Kagome, if you are not feeling well allow me to take you home.”

Her heart was pounding, her throat constricted, and she felt as if she had broken into cold sweats. No, she was not betraying his memory… their love.

Liam.

She was not betraying anything because she continued to breathe. She loved him and if she had the power to change the past she would have given him anything he wanted.

Liam.

Anything and everything, just to have the peace of mind that she knew that he knew she loved him.

Liam.

But Kagome did not have the power to transverse time and nothing in the world would grant that wish.

Her voice shook as a confiding whisper traveled the air between them. “Have you ever regretted a decision made? One that you felt your hand was forced by honor.”

“There are many things that we sacrifice in the name of honor.” He was curious as to why the image of the fox would cause this reaction. Had she denied him?

Pleading eyes searched his cold depths. In that moment, he could not help but think of her a lost child, one that should be protected from the harsh realities of the world. “Is it worth it? In the end, I mean.”

She was fighting the tears that she swore would not fall, and the heartache that seemed never to ease. Everyone had told her that time healed all wounds, but it wasn’t. The only thing it seemed to be doing was slowly driving her completely insane.

The silver-haired youkai knew there was no protecting her from this. She stood on the cusp of the abyss of self-doubt, and if she fell, she would be lost. The purity and promise that she held would be gone. All that could be done was throw her a lifeline and hope that she reached for it. He would never be sure whether it was for her or his duty that next few words crossed his lips. “In the end, the only thing we truly control is our honor. It cannot be stripped from us unwilling. However, once we have sacrificed it, our honor is lost forever.”

“But it is so cold,” It was so painful and at the same time so mind numbing that nothing seemed real.

This was not what he wanted to do, but she needed to be walked through this slowly. With patience that stoic youkai thought he only possessed on the battlefield, he spoke calmly, “If you had sacrificed your honor, would the outcome have been any different?”

“No,” she lowered her eyes not able to weather his intense gaze. It was not the loss of her honor that would have saved him but his own. If he had not done the right thing. If he had not tried to help.

“And so now all would be the same, except you would no longer have your honor, correct?”

“H-hai,” the truth hurt and she had to choke the word across her lips. Flashes of that day haunted her. No, she had not been with Liam in his last moments but his mother had called her. Crying the elder woman sobbed out a truth that shattered the younger’s heart. Liam was gone.

The tortured sorrow threatened to overwhelm his senses. For the first time in his long life, the great Sesshoumaru wanted to tuck his tail between his legs and retreat. How the hell did his father stand living with these humans? There was no way around it; he had to calm her down.

“Tell me, Kagome. Where do these questions come from?” Of course, he knew, but it would not comfort her to know that he had been digging in her past.

Should she tell him so soon that her heart belong to another? If he pressed on with this marriage, she would not refuse him. It had been made very clear what her mother and grandfather’s views were on that matter. Would she be at blame if he walked because she could not let go of a dead flame? Did she care?

“I was involved with someone, during my year abroad. He was the first and only one that I ever had a relationship with that went beyond simple friendship.” She did not know why she was talking to him about this, if her mother could hear her now. Kagome shuddered thinking of the woman’s response.

“And what happened?” There was radiance in her distant gaze; Sesshoumaru knew that she was thinking of the kitsune. A strange anger built within him. How dare she think of another male while in his presence? She was to be his. True, he would never have looked at her if not for her power but… His thoughts stopped abruptly as they began. None of this would help him secure her.

“He … he di… He has passed,” the sorrow laden voice finally found form to the words.

“And your family?”

Kagome startled. No one had asked her that. In fact, no one had really asked her anything, instead they tried to tell her that she would be okay, or maybe it was for the best. Did her friends and family really wonder why she tuned them out?

“I believe ‘relief’ would best describe their reaction. I do not mean to say that they wished ill on anyone, but I believe they were very frightened of the prospect that I would move away from Japan.”

“Is it not the woman who joins her husband’s family? They must be willing to allow you to leave if they sought the services of an omiai.” Sesshoumaru wondered how deeply entrenched in her family this woman was. While he did not expect her to sever all ties, there would be several things that she would never be allowed to disclose.

“It is one thing to relinquish your daughter to a man and his family raised in the same culture, on the same values, but to a foreigner? They knew nothing of him, nothing of his family, and nothing of his honor. They knew nothing of how I would be treated, and it scared them.

“It scared them that I continued to see him, after they warned me to be careful. I guess they wondered what had happened to their dutiful daughter. I had begged for months to be allowed to go abroad, and then the first man I ever date is a foreigner. I would never have dated him had it not been for his persistence. Instead, I would have spent the year hiding behind a book.” Kagome finally realized that she was saying all of this aloud, and as the realization struck her, she paled. “I am sorry; I don’t know what came over me.”

Sesshoumaru had listened to her and wondered how the kitsune had managed to garnish such loyalty from her that she was willing to go against her family’s wishes. It was clear from the information that he had on her that she had been nothing but an honorable daughter, a hard working student, and many other things that came nowhere near to being rebellious. “You should not apologize for living your life. We all have pasts.”

“I suppose we do.” She felt better than she had in the longest time. How did this emotional amoeba know that what she needed was to talk instead of being reassured? “Thank you.”

The sorrow had lessened significantly, and now she held a look that almost resembled amazed respect. He felt that any words on his part would be trite. The only gesture he offered was an incline of his head. The remainder of their time at the low table was spent in calm silence.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~Break~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

He had insisted on driving her home, insisted on walking her up the stone stairs, and insisted on staying. The interesting thing was that never once to did he speak his desires; it was through simple body language the she understood she was to obey and follow.

Would this set the precedent for their marriage? Was she to play the subservient wife? Maybe it was just his personality. That was hilarious. He didn’t have a personality, did he? Well, he seemed to move with unmatched grace and style; his posture proclaimed his high level of self worth, when he spoke his voice held the resonance of a natural commander. However, none of these things added up to having an actual personality.

Her thoughts were cut through by his amber hued glare. He was waiting on something. She knew what it was but she did not want to bend to the silent demand. It was this defiance that caused her to stand there; at her full height of five foot three, head tilted back, eyes locked with his and her lips quirked up with an arrogant smirk.

Did she really think that she was match for him? He who had stood against whole armies on his own. He, who had mastered the boardroom just as viciously as he did the battlefields. Clearly the woman had delusions of feminism, and that would not do. He might not be alpha of his own pack, but that did not mean he was not her alpha.

They were locked in that stance, at the head of the stairs for who knows how long, neither willing to be the first to admit defeat.

“Kagome, what are you doing?”

The blue-eyed woman closed her eyes. She had lost and her defeat was all due to her mother.

“Kagome, give Sato-san a tour of the shrine, and behave yourself.”

Her head fell so that when she opened her eyes all she saw were their feet. He had large feet. “Hai, mama.” She turned to walk farther into the courtyard and softly her voice carried back to Sesshoumaru. “If you will follow me, I will show you around the grounds first.”

Sesshoumaru followed silently, all the while smirking internally. She had lost. True, there was outside influence, but she chose to follow her mother’s instructions rather than pursuing her own desires.

Kagome lead him past all the typical features that one would find on a Shinto shrine. She then moved to the giant tree that commanded the courtyard.

“Goshinboku,” her reverent voice whispered. Both stood side-by-side, allowing all to see the striking physical difference between the male and female. Around them was the slight clanking of wood as the ema swayed from the boughs in the late afternoon breeze.

“Why are these prayers not hung in the showcases?”

“Because this is the Goshinboku; it said to have watched over this holy ground for more than a thousand years. The long standing tradition at this shrine has been to hang the prayers for others from the boughs of this ancient tree.”

“Hn.” He supposed to a creature that could barely hope to live a tenth as long that this tree would be ‘ancient.’ What would she think of his true age? That he had seen much of the history this very same tree had witnessed.

“There are many that look to this tree for answers, the wisdom locked within the bark. I think that all the wisdom the tree has to offer is its strength and serenity.” She had closed her eyes to listen to the wind through the branches, the rustled of leaves, and the clanks of wooden prayers.

Sesshoumaru observed the woman-child beside him out of the corner of his eye. The raven tresses swirling around her as the breeze enticed them to dance. Her lashes lay calmly on her high cheekbones, hiding from the world her jeweled orbs. The pouty lips twisted upwards in a serene smile.

She would always be a headache, but when she found peace, her aura soothed all around her. Sesshoumaru moved closer to the petite female, just barely grazing his arm against hers. Her eyes snapped open and followed the length of his arm up to his perfect face, and then her vision followed his to the old well house.

She trailed after the large male as he made his way to the wooden structure. Once inside the scent of moldy pine hit them both. She did not follow his descent down the steps to the well.

“It is called the Bone Eaters Well. It has been dry for at least as long as the Higurashis have been on this shrine. The legend is that the bones of dead youkai were thrown into it and by the next day, they were gone.

“We keep it closed off from the public because we do not wish to have anyone fall in. That is why the top is boarded up and the sutras were added by my grandfather.”

“And why do you stand back there?” Her legend was true; Sesshoumaru could feel the residual youki of those offered to the well.

“I don’t like in here. I know it sounds silly, but I always get the chills from that well.” The confession was said more to her feet than to him, and it was her feet that continued to entertain her so much that she did not notice when he came to stand in front of her.

“I suppose for you that would be true.”

“I never said it was a good reason,” she still spoke to her feet. This entire structure just made her want to run and hide.

Long, elegant, masculine fingers hooked underneath the Kagome’s chin as Sesshoumaru tilted her face towards his. He watched the confusion in her eyes as his lips lowered to hers.

The kiss was not passionate, nor was it dominating. It was nothing more than a meeting of lips and then it was over.

He allowed his had to remain in contact with her chin as he held her gaze. The flush of her cheeks was… refreshing. This was a frail innocent that he had within striking range and she knew nothing of how to protect herself. There was a stirring within his baser self. The idea of one so utterly dependent on him was heady indeed.

As she broke her gaze to look away, his hand traced the plains of her throat until it reached the pulse point above the collarbone. A reverent stroke of his thumb allowed him to push a small amount of his youki on her skin. It would be a mark that all youkai would recognize; she was taken and to ignore that would mean risking the wrath of the Western Dog Clan.

“I look forward to Saturday, Kagome,” and then he was gone.

Kagome stood alone in the well house wondering what had just happened, absently rubbing the base of her throat.

*+*+*+*End*+*+*+*

Ema: A small piece of wood that prayers are written on and then hung on shrine grounds for the Gods to read. A prayer can be as simple as a wish for a good grade on a test. If the prayer is answered then the individual should go back to the shrine and hang another ema in thanks.

AN: I hope that you enjoyed and if you have the time please review.

emmaren