Undone

(Sorry this has been so long coming! I've been busy. Rest assured I haven't forgotten this story :) and without further ado.. )

Chapter 4 –Beast

The door clicked shut behind him, and Kagome went back into her bedroom and collapsed tiredly onto the bed. The day had barely begun and already she felt spent. She had always hid behind the pretense of being a single woman, embarrassed by the sham relationship she still entertained with Hojo. He was a hesitant, skittish man to say the least. They had only kissed once, and it had been passionless. Hojo seemed to be afraid of breaking her, the way his hands barely touched her and his mouth drew quickly away. They hadn’t seen each other much since then. Kagome considered the relationship over, and wondered why she still kept his photo. She supposed the idea of having a boyfriend was often nicer than the reality of the thing. Hojo was a convenient placeholder, but his actuality lacked everything Kagome might search for in a man.

A few minutes later the doorbell rang again, and Kagome was careful to compose herself before answering. Luckily, this time, it was Sango, who breezed past her into the apartment cheerfully, bypassing greetings.

Of all the things in Kagome’s life, Sango was the least conventional. While she often teased Kagome about her high powered job, occasional OCD, and lack of a love life as interesting as her own, their banter was always good-natured and of a kind Kagome lacked with any other person.

“So..I got your message.” She said, turning and arching one eyebrow pointedly.

“Oh, is that why you’re here?” Kagome fired back sardonically. Sango snorted and walked into the living room, plunking herself down on the couch and patting the spot next to her. Kagome followed.

“C’mon, tell me what’s going on. I have never heard you so..er..insistent that we talk..usually it’s me bugging you that we catch up!”

Kagome sighed and sat where Sango had indicated.

“You remember when I told you about the merger our company is considering?” She began hesitantly.

“Oh damn, don’t tell me I came all the way over here to hear you talk about business.” Sango stressed the last word contemptuously. “You know I’m hopeless when it comes to that shit.” Kagome shook her head.

“No, the problem lies more with businessmen.” Kagome sighed. She looked up to find Sango looking back at her thoughtfully.

“Just tell me.” She said gently, laying one of her hands over Kagome’s own.

So Kagome did, detailing the dinner, her subsequent mortifying drunkenness, and Sesshoumaru’s sudden interest on top of everything else.

“Yeesh.” Sango finally said grimacing sympathetically. “I take it your hoping the whole drunken collapse doesn’t ruin your business interests?”

“Actually, I’m more worried about InuYasha.”

“How much you hate him now?”

“How much I…wish I hated him.”

Sango raised an eyebrow, then nodded.
“Well, I say go for it!” She said, grinning cheerfully and slapping her friend on the shoulder.

“Wh.- What?” Kagome spluttered.

“How long has it been since you’ve been seriously attracted to someone, babe? So what if he’s a bit…unconventional.”

“I’m not going to take demeaning crap because I’m a woman, Sango. I’ve worked hard at my job and everywhere else to be treated with as much respect as any man. He…He treated me like I was some kind of-of plaything!” Kagome shot back indignantly.

“So? Return the favor. He doesn’t have to be anything more to you. If you might be getting into another, more formal relationship in the future, this could be just a fling, right?” Sango grinned wickedly. “God knows you could use one, Kagome.”

Kagome flushed. “I don’t want to. With him. He makes me sick.”

“Hey, all I’m saying is, from what you’ve told me, he’s a jerk. Not boyfriend material. But if you want to fu- ”

“Sango!” Kagome could tell by Sango’s face that she herself looked scandalized. But then, she had no idea why she was protesting. She wasn’t a slut, but she’d had her share of men and she wasn’t a prude either. She was stringing Hojo along effectively, so an attack of morals couldn’t be the culprit either. There was just…something about InuYasha that simultaneously turned her on and infuriated her. Two sides of him, and two warring sides of her, one that said she should just be cavalier about it and another that was adamant she steer clear of the man indefinitely. She tried another tactic.

“But Sango, I’m kind of dating his brother.”

“He doesn’t have to know.”

“But…if I’m just stringing InuYasha along…it’ll fall apart eventually! He’ll know! Then the merger will definitely be shot!”

“Who do you think Mr. Taishou is going to believe, hon? His delinquent brother or the pretty young professional he’s been having dates with?”

“You’re evil, you know.”

Sango laughed. “I try. Besides, dating doesn’t imply marriage. You’re not even boyfriend/girlfriend, and you’re perfectly free to see other people. Isn’t that your prerogative as much as ‘any man’s?”

Kagome groaned.

Why was it that Sango could always talk her into the course of action she least wanted to take?

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Monday morning found Kagome, predictably, at the office. Her secretary looked faintly alarmed when she walked in, stumbling over the customary greeting. Kagome didn’t blame her. She knew she looked like shit compared to her usual self. She had spent Sunday worrying incessantly about what she was going to do about the whole thing, a great mess of attraction, formality and business. She still hadn’t reached a decision, but her nerves were unsurprisingly frayed.

What was surprising was the tendril of calm that ran through her when she reached her desk and saw the mountain of paperwork waiting for her. There was just something about work, Kagome thought. It wasn’t like life. You knew exactly what you had to do. There wasn’t a lot of messy grey areas and philosophical nonsense. All you had to do was spend some time, grind away at it, bite the bullet, and you could reach any height you wanted to. Here, at least, she thought, were problems she was capable of solving.

She worked in tranquil silence for several hours, the sound of her pen scratching barely audible in the room. Harsh sunlight lanced through the window, cutting the room into dazzling bars of gold that blinded errant glances. She kept her eyes fixed on the paper in front of her instead. The clouds rolled by outside on tempest-journeys to distant lands and the hand of the clock made its dignified, ponderous way around the never ending circle of time. Kagome barely registered the numbers, she was so wrapped up.

Thus, when her intercom blared, she almost fell out of her chair.

Grateful that no one was around to witness the clumsy spectacle, Kagome quickly composed herself and pressed the button.

“Y-Yes Chiyoko?”

“There’s someone here to see you, miss. A Mr. Taishou?”

What’s he doing here?

“Send him in, Chiyoko.’

It must be something to do with the merger, Kagome reasoned. He can’t possibly be coming to see me so soon, with our date on Thursday! Unless there’s a problem of some kind…

Just then, the door opened, and Kagome realized she had again been thinking of the wrong Taishou.

InuYasha stood hesitantly on the threshold, as though reluctant to cross into her office without her verbal invitation. The mid-afternoon sun caught in his silver hair and gave him a brilliant corona. Kagome’s breath caught involuntarily. The first button on his shirt was open, as usual, and the way the light fell across his collarbone was exquisite. His eyes looked soft instead of feral in the daytime glow, luminous and strange. Kagome internally shook herself, feeling put-out. The frazzled feeling was beginning to return.

“Can I help you?” She said stiffly.

“I..um..may I come in?” He asked. His voice was husky, as though he hadn’t used it since he had last seen her. The sound sent tiny tremors through her.

“If you wish.” She tried her best to sound aloof and indifferent, but to her, she sounded slightly tremulous. Cringe.

He stepped into the room, into her personal space, the light still suffusing him with a stunning nimbus. He should be a model, Kagome thought privately. He was just…beautiful. It was strange. His brother seemed more refined, even slightly effeminate, but it was InuYasha who seemed to embody beauty. Kagome caught herself staring and colored slightly, pinning her eyes firmly to the paper in front of her.

“I…came to apologize.”

“Words are just that, Mr. Taishou. What’s done is done.” Kagome blurted frostily. InuYasha frowned.

“Let me make it up to you, then. We…we got off on the wrong foot. We were both kind of drunk. Lets just…start over. Let me take you out to lunch.” He seemed distinctly uncomfortable, as though apologies were quite foreign to him. Then again, Kagome mused, they probably were. She only had to think about it for a second, Sango’s wicked smile hovering over her head. She raised one eyebrow.

“Alright. But just lunch.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Whatever, Kagome had been expecting it had not been this.

Her seemly demeanor had been shattered as soon as they had exited the building. She had walked towards the car InuYasha was standing by, a nice black Mercedes. InuYasha had not opened the door. Turning to him, a question on her lips, she found that the words were stolen right from her. All that came out was a strangled choking noise.

“That’s your transportation?” She asked faintly.

InuYasha grinned in a distinctly frightening way.

“Don’t tell me Ms. High-powered executive is frightened of a little bike?”

“Little.” She repeated weakly.

InuYasha’s Cheshire smile only widened.

“C’mon. It’ll be fun.”

It was not fun.

At least…not at first. Kagome’s skirt rode up embarrassingly high when she straddled the seat, and she couldn’t put the helmet on without taking her hair down. She tried to avoid pressing her panties and thighs against InuYasha’s back, but when the motorcycle revved into motion, she had to cling to him tightly just to stay on. How humiliating, she thought, but as they gathered speed, she started to enjoy it.

Being on a bike was nothing like riding in a car. In her car, she was in control, disconnected from the outside world that spun by like pictures on television screens, real but somehow detached from her. On the bike, the lethal pavement was a few feet away, the blurs of color and shape separated from her by air alone, Inuyasha’s hair streaming from underneath his helmet and playing across her visor. She could feel the muscles along his back tightening and moving as he took sharp turns. The world rushed by, electric and bright, and her world narrowed to a place between her legs. She felt drugged, hazy, torn apart by the stimuli. Adrenaline rushed through her, endorphins and hormones, everything fighting, a heady, dizzying, sharp ambivalence.

When they slowed down she felt as though she wouldn’t be able to stand. Clambering off of the bike, she almost did fall, but InuYasha caught her arm and instead she smoothed her rumpled skirt, shooting him a petulant look, at which he looked only amused. She frowned, looking around. They had stopped on a dirt path leading into a wooded area. Kagome was addled, but even as such she hadn’t thought they’d left the city.

“Where are we?”

“This is the forest outside my home. We’re no longer in the city. You don’t have to wear that veneer anymore.”

“What?” Kagome asked, taken aback.

“You know. That mask you’re always putting on for people. No one’s really like that.”

“Even if I am putting forward a good impression, what makes you think I’d drop it for you?” She snapped.

“Because I know it isn’t real. Because there’s no point in having conversation with a caricature.” He replied steadily.

Kagome heaved a sigh and changed the subject.

“I thought you were apologizing. Where’s the lunch you promised me?”

InuYasha grinned and opened a large detachable trunk on the back of the bike. He pulled out a large wicker basket. Kagome snorted.

“A picnic? Really?” Inwardly, she tried to tamp down the part of her that was charmed by the whole thing.

“C’mon.” InuYasha said, “We have to go further in.”

Kagome stared around her as they followed the rough pathway deeper into the trees. She was a city girl through and through, and usually undergrowth unnerved her. Even small plants fighting through the sidewalk reminded Kagome that nature was always dangerous, that man was never safe from its incorrigible growth and power. But there was something airy and light about the forest. Soon they were walking parallel to a small brook, willows along the bank trailing misty tendrils in the softly burbling water. The whole thing was alien and….idyllic.

Nature was raw, though, and it scared her. Kagome knew this was one of her greatest fears. She clung to the social customs and mores of civilized society precisely because she was terrified of the animal within. When she was a little girl, she had watched a horror film with her brother. They had both stared, transfixed, at the grotesque, bloody images that flashed across the T.V. screen. As she watched men scream in pain, Kagome’s heart had sped up, her pulse racing, excited. She had been morbidly curious, unable to look away from even the goriest scenes.

It’s only a movie, right? She had told herself.

It was only years later that she learned it had been real footage. It was then that she realized her own potential to be nothing but an animal, bloodthirsty. A week later, she had discovered blood between her own legs, and ran screaming to her mother. She thought the pain in her abdomen and the crimson stain in her underwear was punishment. Kagome couldn’t really believe her mother when she told her it was a woman’s gift.

With the blood came animal desires of a different kind.

Kagome had fled from them in books, in work, clinging to the familiar and trying to retain what she believed were the last vestiges of her dwindling ethical humanity…the mind that oversaw the beast. While all her friends were off kissing boys and more, she turned away from each interested glance, was ashamed of her burning skin and traitorous heart. Many years later, she realized she couldn’t swear off sex entirely and still live as a normal woman…but she never had anyone she truly desired. She made love with a practiced restraint, never allowing a man for even one moment to make her blank out, lose her mind to a visceral drive.

It was a part of her, now. She wasn’t even aware. The idea of her jumping on InuYasha before was mortifying, but she could blame it on the alcohol. She had promised herself she wouldn’t drink as much ever again. Now, amongst the open air and dragonflies, leaves catching gently in her hair, Inuyasha’s lithe figure walking easily ahead of her, she couldn’t tamp down a creeping feeling of dread that accompanied her searing want.

(So..what do you think? Please tell me if I made any errors/ any way I can improve.)