To Find You Again

Chapter 4



*Though

/ Memory



LEMON WARNING



* * * * * * * * * * * *



Rin stood there, taking him in. He had changed a lot over the years. He was a man now. Sesshoumaru wasn’t just any man, he was gorgeous.



His long silver hair cascaded down his back and stopped just above his butt. The facial markings only helped to make him look more exotic and sexy; on any other man they would have looked overly feminine. His golden eyes were enchanting. They pierced her right to her soul.



He wore plain black slacks and a white button down shirt that seemed to cling to his muscled torso. The top few buttons were undone revealing just a hint of his chest, enough to make any sane woman get down on her knees and beg to be his lover.



He was also tall, very tall. Probably around six foot seven if Rin could have guessed. She opened her mouth to say something, and found that she simply couldn’t. She just didn’t know what to say to him. What should she say to this man that she had loved all her life, this man who had betrayed her. This….this man whom she had spent years trying to forget.



So, she said the only thing that would come out of her mouth.



“What are you doing here?”



Sesshoumaru stared back at her, awed by her beauty. He had always known that she would grow into a beautiful woman, even as a pup he had known that. But looking at her now, he realized he had sorely underestimated her. Rin was gorgeous.



Her light honey colored hair was down to her shoulders, framing her face quite nicely. The eyes that had haunted him in his dreams looked back at him now with fierceness in their chocolate gaze he never thought they could contain.



Her wine colored dress shirt clung to her in all the right places, accentuating her well sized breasts. It was low cut and showed just a hint of cleavage, enough to entice. Her detectives badge hung around her neck on a silver chain and the gun holster that wrapped around her back and encased the two guns at her sides served to make her look dangerous, the sort of sexy dangerous that drove men wild.



Her black pin striped dress pants clung to her legs, showing of their length and made a man want to grab hold and find out where it would lead him. On her feet were a pair of plain black stiletto’s that only served to make those long legs look even longer.



But the thing that drew him in the most was her scent. As soon as she opened the door it hit him smack in the face. The soft scent of strawberries and another scent that was just Rin made him want to lick his lips, but more than that, it made him feel safe.



It was then that he noticed another scent on her, a mans scent.



*Ookami*



He then noticed how out of breath she was and the sweat glistening on her brow and neck. He felt anger begin to bubble to the surface, along with a cold streak of jealousy.

He growled lightly under his breath, to low for human ears to detect. What the fuck had that ookami done to her to make her get like this? An unwelcome flash of Rin, gloriously naked, sweat shimmering off her body as she screamed out in ecstasy- her body covered by a faceless male; that male bringing her pleasure, touching her body, caressing her, brining her to the brink of satisfaction, holding her close as she reached her sweet release with an earth shattering scream. A male that wasn’t him, Sesshoumaru felt white hot rage envelope him.



“Rin I…”



He stopped mid sentence as the door to Rin’s office burst open again, effectively slamming into her and causing her to stumble forward. Before Sesshoumaru could reach out to catch her, she was grabbed by the hands of another.



“Ouch! Damn it Kouga, how many time’s do I have to tell you not to barge into my office like this.” Rin complained as Kouga pulled her up and cradled her against his body.



“Hiten just called, he said there were some guys over there asking about you and…” Kouga then noticed Sesshoumaru and tightened his arm around Rins’ waist, effectively securing her to him.



“I see I’m a little to late then.”



Rin sighed. “Kouga, this is Sesshoumaru, we used to be friends.”



Relaxing herself in Kouga’s embrace she tried to soak up his strength. She wasn’t sure she could handle seeing Sesshoumaru now, after all that had happened. Yes, she had always wished to see him again, prayed for it. She used to cry herself to sleep, begging for him to come back, and now that he was, she wasn’t so sure she wanted him here.



In Sesshoumaru’s absence, Kouga had become her strength in a lot of ways. She had come to depend on him, to need him in a way that she once had needed Sesshoumaru. While it had taken years for her to trust him, once she had, she trusted him indefinitely. She trusted him with her body, and she trusted him with her soul.



Sesshoumaru took a step forward, growling deeply in his chest, a clear warning to the ookami. Release her or I will kill you. His claws dug deeply into his hands, the pain bringing him to his senses. As much as he would love to jump forward and skin the ookami alive, it would only serve to terrify Rin. He hadn’t seen her in a long time, and skinning the ookami in front of her was not going to put him on her good list.



“Sesshoumaru, this is my partner Kouga.” Rin stated, pulling away from Kouga she brushed past Sesshoumaru and took her place behind her desk.



The two youkai nodded to one another, looking none to pleased about the existence of the other.



Kouga looked at Sesshoumaru, not exactly sure what he was up to. He didn’t like the inu-youkai, that was one thing he did know. While perhaps he was being biased, he had heard stories about the man from Rin. He knew that Sesshoumaru had hurt her deeply and that was all he needed to know.



Looking into Sesshoumaru’s golden gaze he smirked before turning his attention to Rin.



*This’ll get him riled up.*



“Rin I’m gonna get going soon. You wanna meet me at the house or you coming with me?”



Rin smiled to Kouga, having completely missed the silent challenge that had passed between the two youkai.



“Go ahead without me, I’ll meet you there in a little bit.” Rin replied, thinking nothing of Kouga’s use of carefully selected vocabulary. Since they were both still training in the academy, they had found court house to wordy, so whenever there presence was needed to testify in a case, they had always just referred to it as the house.



Kouga nodded to Sesshoumaru, turned around and walked out the door, a wicked grin on his face. Sesshoumaru wasn’t going to hurt Rin again, not if he had anything to do with it.



Rin looked up at Sesshoumaru after she heard the soft click of her office door being closed. She wasn’t sure what he wanted or even how she was supposed to act around him. He had been gone for so long, in a perfect world she would of jumped and clung to him sobbing hysterically, but in a perfect world he wouldn’t have left her in the first place and in a perfect world, she wouldn’t be required to do the job she did now.



“Sesshoumaru, it’s been a long time.” She said softly, licking her lips that had chapped with nervousness. She looked into his eyes, trying to read his gaze.



Sesshoumaru watched her little pink tongue dart out of her mouth as she licked her sensuous lips in nervousness; his eyes were transfixed on her. It was then that he noticed the little scar she had right above her lip. How had that gotten there?



“Yes, yes it has.” He replied. *But it didn’t have to be.*



Rin bit her lip, trying to stop it from trembling. So what if he was back, that didn’t mean she was going to just run into his arms. He left her here and promised to keep in touch, to come back for her. She stopped hearing from him a month after he left- so much for promises.



“What do you want Sesshoumaru?”



He thought carefully about what to say. If it was the same Rin that he remembered he would have answered honestly and she would have come running into his arms. It was clear that this was not the same Rin, she had changed.



“I came back to see you.”



“Well, you see me.” Rin replied with a snort.



Sesshoumaru looked at her silently for a moment before he spoke again.



“Do you remember when we were kids?”



Rin stood up, taping her foot impatiently. “Is this the only reason you’re here Sesshoumaru? To reminisce about your childhood? Look, I don’t have time for this.”



Grabbing her business jacket on the back of her chair she put it on quickly.



“Rin please! Listen to me!”



She glared at him.



“Whatever you have to say to me just say it! Then get the hell out of my life.” Grabbing her purse she walked out from around her desk.



“I’m waiting.” She stated impatiently.



“Don’t do this Rin. Do not do this! I came back here for you! I came back here because I need you in my life! I can’t stand it anymore!” He growled out at her.



Anger boiled to the surface, she was so angry she wanted to hit him.



“YOU can’t stand it?! Give me a break! You’re the one that left! You’re the one that abandoned me like I was nothing! Not a phone call, not a letter! It took you one month to forget me and now your saying you came back here to get me?”



She laughed coldly.



“Don’t even try and give me that bullshit. You don’t need me any more than you need jock itch. You left, started your own life and so did I. Now what? You expect me to jump for joy that you’re here and act like nothing happened? Well FUCK YOU Takahashi!”



Pushing past him she reached for the door.



Sesshoumaru saw red. He knew she may not jump into his arms and sing his praises, it had been a long time. But this? Reaching out, he grabbed onto her arm roughly and drug her towards him.



“Don’t disregard me Rin.” He nearly shouted, his eyes flashing red, he could feel his youki nipping at his insides, demanding he make her submit to him the way a good bitch should.



“Why not? You did it to me a long time ago. You think you can come back now and sweep me off my feet? Well a lot has happened since then Sesshoumaru, I’m not the same helpless girl anymore. I don’t need you to protect me and I don’t need you by my side.”



Yanking her arm out of his grasp she didn’t even wince when his claws cut her. She couldn’t feel the pain, she was too furious.



The scent of her blood hitting his nose stunned him out of his rage and terrified his youki.



“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a job to do.”



Yanking open the door to her office she paused before turning to look back at him. She wanted to hurt him, make him suffer the way he had made her.



“It’s funny.” She said, looking him in the eyes. “I actually used to love you.”



Turning on her heel she strode out of her office, slamming the door behind her. For the first time in her life, she didn’t look back.



* * * * * * * * * * *



Sesshoumaru stood in Rins office stunned. He didn’t know what to do. Slowly, he sunk into the guest seat in Rins office and put his head in his hands.



*Well, I found her father. I found her and she wants nothing to do with me.*



Closing his eyes tightly he bit his lip, ignoring the trickle of blood in his mouth as his fangs tore into it.



The only woman who he had ever loved, the only person who had ever truly mattered to him now hated him-quite intensely in fact.



Blinking back tears he growled at himself for such a display.



He hadn’t cried since the day he left her all alone. He didn’t intend on starting now. Rin had made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with him. Apparently when he had left her the first time, it had really been the only time he was ever going to loose her, because now she wasn’t his to loose.



Sesshoumaru had never had to chase anyone down to get what he wanted, if they refused to give it he found someone else who would. Rin was no different.



*But she should be*



Shaking his head he ignored the little voice that told him what he truly wanted.



Sesshoumaru Takahashi didn’t beg for anyone or anything and he certainly wasn’t going to start now. He had told Rin why he had come, she refused him. That was it, it was over. If she didn’t need him fine, he didn’t need her either.



*Liar*



Sesshoumaru looked around her office and inhaled her scent deeply. It was over, he wasn’t going to try and convince her again. She had made her decision.



Standing up he walked out of her office and closed the door silently behind him. He ignored the pain in his heart that told him what little pieces of his heart that he had left were breaking.



* * * * * * * * * * * *



Rin sat in the old rocking chair on the back porch of her house and looked up at the clear night sky. Cradling her seventh beer in her right hand she brought it up to her mouth to take a swig. Never having been a big drink, she was well on her way to being completely trashed.



She sniffled a little bit, trying to hold in her tears and concentrate on what Kouga was saying to her.



She felt the cool breeze hit her face and sighed before turning to look at her partner.



Kouga was handsome and sweet and he meant the world to her. She new he would do anything she asked of him no matter what. He had protected her in his own way since she met him. He had been by her side through the good times and the bad since she had known him. He’d put up with her bitchy attitude and her insanity, but more than that, he loved her.



It would have been so easy to take what he offered and be with him. She could see herself settling down with Kouga and marrying him. She knew she could have his children and be by his side and be perfectly content, but she could never love him. At least, not in the way he needed her to, the way he deserved. She knew it was because she still loved Sesshoumaru, she always had, and she probably always would. She couldn’t love Kouga no matter how desperately she wanted to.



“Are you alright Rin?” Kouga asked, watching her with a worried expression.



She felt the tears start and mentally berated her alcohol induced brain.



Bringing her beer up to her lips she chugged the rest of it before tossing it out into her yard somewhere. Looking down at her hands in the moonlight she ran her fingers lightly over the scars on each of her wrists, perfect vertical lines.



“Did I ever tell you about how I tried to kill myself?”



Kouga felt his heart break. Very rarely did he see Rin this weak and vulnerable. It was a side of herself that she didn’t show anyone but him. It broke his heart every time. This time though, it was all because of that bastard, that Sesshoumaru.



He shook his head slowly.



“It was after Sesshoumaru abandoned me. After he left when my dad started to-“



Kouga fell to his knees in front of her and hugged her closely, pulling her tightly into his chest. She sunk into him, absorbing his strength.



“Don’t say any more Rin.” Kouga said softly. “I know.”



Burying her face in his neck she cried, sobbed into him.



“Why did he have to come back now? Why wasn’t he there then? If he was…. If he was my dad never would of, he never would have.” She sobbed harder into Kouga, clinging to him like a life line.



“I needed him and he wasn’t there, I needed him.” She choked out between sobs.



Kouga held her tighter, and slowly rocked her. He kissed the top of her head and fought back his own tears.



Why Rin? Why had so many horrible things had to happen to her? She was so fragile, so delicate. Why did she have to go through it all on her own? Why? Why?



Rin was the type of woman who men were naturally drawn to. Something about her made people want to protect her, comfort her, love her. Why was Sesshoumaru the only one she loved in return? Sesshoumaru, the man who had left her behind with the devil himself was the only one she loved.



“Shhhh” Kouga whispered softly in her ear. “its okay baby, I’m here.”



Running his hand through her hair he inhaled her sweet scent. Why couldn’t she love him? Why couldn’t she love him the way he loved her? He was the one who stayed by her side, the one who protected her.



Lifting her face up with his hand he wiped her tears away with his thumbs and gazed into her eyes. She was so beautiful to him, even now as upset as she was, it only reminded him why he loved her.



Her crying had finally stopped as she gazed into his eyes, eyes that held so much love for her.



She knew it was coming; she felt it deep inside and when he leaned down and kissed her there was nothing she could do but surrender to him. She didn’t have the energy or the will to fight him off, not tonight.



He kissed her gently at first, nipping her lips lightly, begging for entrance before pulling away.



“I love you Rin, let that be enough.”



He leaned down again and kissed her, licking her lips and groaning as she allowed him access to her mouth. His tongue dove in to tangle with hers and he kissed her slowly, mindful of his fangs.



He pulled away again and looked into her eyes that gazed back at him with desire.



“I’ll only end up hurting you Kouga. We shouldn’t do this.” Rin whispered licking her lips, fighting the urge to kiss him, to give into him completely



“I don’t care.” He replied.



He kissed her harder this time, diving into her with abandon. His hands roamed her body, feeling her, touching her everywhere at once.



She moaned into his mouth, loving the feel of his hands pressed so wantonly against her.



Kouga growled low in his throat as the sent of arousal on her spiked, god how he wanted her.



He stood up, taking her with him.



She wrapped her legs around his waist and moaned into his mouth at the feel of his arousal pressed against her hot core. God how she wanted him. She knew it was wrong but she didn’t care. Just once in her life she wanted to give into him, to finally know what it felt like to be loved.



He walked into Rin’s house quickly, heading for her bedroom. He rocked her against his length as he moved, groaning with desire and the feel of her. God had wanted her for so long, and now finally, after all this time his dream was becoming a reality. He was going to show her what it felt like to be in ecstasy, to be loved and cherished.



Entering her room he placed her on her bed lightly, following her down.



Breaking the kiss, Rin tugged at his shirt, wanting desperately to touch him, to feel his skin against hers.



Standing up, Kouga lifted his shirt over his head and dropped it on the floor of her bedroom.



Sitting up on the bed she leaned forward and kissed his chest, loving the feel of his muscles rippling under his bronze colored skin. She ran her hands down his chest, kissing her way down as she went. Stopping at his belt buckle she undid it and popped the button on his pants, pulling the zipper down.



Kouga watched her move in awe. Rin was the sexiest thing he had ever seen in his life. The way she moved, so gentle and naïve yet so curious and enthusiastic made him want to go just watching her. His jaw clenched and he stifled a moan when his pants hit the floor with a thud and she touched him through his boxers.



Grabbing her by her arms he pulled her up and kissed her eagerly. Grabbing the hem of her shirt he nearly ripped it off of her in an effort to feel her skin.



Trailing his hand up the smooth planes of her stomach he finally reached her breasts. Cupping the large globes in his hands he groaned, teasing her nipples through the fine material of her bra.



Breaking the kiss, Rin reached behind her and unclipped her bra, letting the straps fall down her arms she blushed as it hit the ground and she looked up at Kouga.



“God you’re beautiful.” Kouga whispered before kissing her again. He let his hands slide from the sides of her face down to her breasts and he filled his palms with the weight of them. He flicked his thumbs lightly over her dusty pink nipples and felt himself harden painfully at the sound of her muffled moan into his mouth.



Picking her up again he placed her on the bed and began kissing down her body in a feather light caress. His kisses grew hotter and bolder as he made his way down to her breasts and circle her nipple with his tongue. He felt her arch against his mouth and finally took the hole of it in, nibbling it lightly between his teeth and soothing it with his tongue. He switched his attention to her other breast and reached down to cup her through her pants.



The heat coming off of her amazed him and every little moan and whimper she uttered made him ache for more. Reaching up and unbuttoning her pants he slowly slid them down with her panties in one smooth stroke.



Nuzzling her legs apart with his face he inhaled the scent of her arousal. Pulling her petals apart with his fingers he ran his tongue gently between her folds, savoring the taste of her.



Rin almost screamed as her back arched off the bed and she gripped her sheets tightly between her fingers. She had never felt anything like this before in her life and she felt like she was going to drown in pleasure as he continued, holding her hips in place and pleasuring her with his mouth like a starving man.



She moaned loudly as she felt herself coming closer and closer to climax. Her hips shook and she gripped Kouga’s hair tightly.



She screamed out his name in ecstasy as she came. She shuddered and bucked wildly against his face as he kept urging her on gently with his tongue, bringing her even more pleasure than she had ever thought was imaginable.



Finally calming down she could do nothing but gulp greedily for air as she shuddered, sweat glistening off her naked body.



She looked at Kouga who had vacated his spot between her legs and stood beside her completely naked. He had an absolutely gorgeous body from years of police training and rigorous exercise. Her eyes trailed down his chest, to his hips, and then finally stopped on his arousal. She blushed deeply at the sight of his hardened manhood and then looked back up at his face.



Kouga smiled lightly at her before joining her on the bed once again as her arms reached out to him. Settling himself on top of her he kissed her softly and rubbed himself between her legs, loving the feel of her arousal sliding against his shaft. He groaned at the feel.



“God Rin I want you so badly.” He said before smashing his mouth down against hers.



She kissed him back eagerly and trembled with excitement at the feel of him rubbing himself hard against her.



“Tell me you want me.”



She shuddered at his words.



“I want you, I want you. Please, I need you.” She whispered wantonly, begging desperately.



Opening her eyes to look at him she caught him staring back at her, his piercing golden eyes looking at her with overwhelming love. His silver hair draped around them, creating their own private world just for the two of them. This was how she had always imagined it would be with him, gentle, loving.



God she had always desired him with every fiber of her being, she felt him probe gently at her entrance and lifted her hips to accommodate him, her Sesshoumaru.



She closed her eyes again and moaned at the amazing feelings that had spread throughout her entire body.



She opened her eyes again and met cool blue eyes, Kouga’s eyes, eyes that brought tears to her as she felt him start to push into her slowly.



“Stop.” She whispered to him, tears glistening, threatening to fall.



Kouga froze as he looked down at her, the smell of her tears hitting him full force in the chest.



“Rin what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”



“Kouga, I’m sorry, I just. I can’t do this. I can’t do this to you.”



Kouga wiped the tears from her eyes for the second time that night, the pads of his thumbs rough on her skin.



“Do what baby?” he asked softly.



“I can’t. I can’t love you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She whispered back before her alcohol induced brain caused her to fade into blackness.



Kouga felt his heart break as he looked down at her sleeping form.



“But I love you.”



He leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead before getting off of her and walking out of her room.



* * * * * * *



Authors note:



Hey guys, sorry this chap. Took a little while. Exams are finally done and since my boyfriend is going away for all of winter break I am sure I’ll be updating quite frequently.

Thanks for everyone that has reviewed so far, it really keeps me writing. LoL

Anyone that reads and hasn’t review….please do!