What the Hell Does She Think She's Doing?

Summary: Cast of 'Hanyou Times Two,' a Miroku/Sango Romance, get together and talk after the events of Chapter 3.

Hanyou Times Two Intermission

“I think she’s going to screw us over.” Inuyasha said, watching a man get tackled on-screen. “I mean, look, it’s been a whole week already, and nothing! I wait all those years to get a crack at Kagome, and…”

“All those years?” Kagome asked indignantly. “What was all that in ‘This is Gonna be Fun,’ then?”

Inuyasha shrugged. “In THIS story it’s been years.”

“Well it’s hardly been a month in the real world, so suck it up!” Kagome said, smacking him in the head as she got up for more potato chips.

“Hey, that’s a long time to keep a hard-on.” Miroku murmured, licking cheetos smudges off his fingers.

“Ha.” Sango said, “Don’t give me that. You and Inuyasha have been getting plenty of sex recently. And I do mean you AND Inuyasha,” she smirked.

Miroku sighed. “Hey, I can’t help what the author writes. She writes I’m having sex, then I have sex. Nothing I can do about it.”

“You could go on strike.” Kagome said.

“Yeah, she couldn’t write the story without you. Why don’t you go on strike?” Sango asked.

Miroku flushed and didn’t say anything. Inuyasha started laughing. “Hey, the truth comes out! You like all that sex, don’t you? Doesn’t matter who it’s with, you liiiiike it, you gotta haaaaave it, you…gah!” Inuyasha spit out the wad of cheetos that had been stuffed into his mouth. “That’s gross! I don’t want those orange mini-turds in my mouth!”

“Then you should keep it shut.” Miroku countered, back to watching the screen. “And anyway, there’s no reason to taunt me simply because I am good at my craft and suffer stoically for art.”

Kagome sat back down and she and Sango lasted only moments before they started laughing. “Stoically? Sango, would you say Miroku was ‘stoic?’ At all?’

“Stoic in the face of death, maybe, but sex? He screams like a torture victim.”

“I do no such thing!” Miroku countered. “The only one who’s going to be screaming in the next few chapters, Sango, is you.”

Sango blushed and looked away. “I am not.”

“I’m guarantee it. Trust me, every reader is just dying for you to get screwed to within an inch of your life.”

Sango growled. “Only because my character is so darn mean to you. Don’t know why the author made me such a bitch in this one.”

“She didn’t want you to have to work too hard to play the part,” Inuyasha muttered. “OW!” He rubbed his head where Sango nailed him with a coke can.

“Good thing you’re not supposed to be with Sango, or she might REALLY go on strike.” Miroku said quietly.

“I heard that!” Sango said, glaring at him.

Miroku glanced at her and smirked. He turned to Inuyasha, “So, what position do you think we’d get to use?” he asked.

“Don’t know, don’t care. As long as I get a scene I’m good,” Inuyasha said. “OW!” He glared at Kagome, rubbing his head on the other side where she’d nailed him with a Pepsi. “Fuck, what is with you two!”

“We’re not looking forward to the next couple of chapters.” Kagome said primly.

“Why not? I bet it’s fun for you too!” Inuyasha said.

“Definitely,” Miroku added. “Esepcially you, Sango. I bet I get to make you come at least twice. Maybe three times if the author’s in a generous mood.”

“Screw you.”

“That’s your job,” he retorted.

“What if I don’t feel like doing anything with you, perv-boy?” Sango humphed.

“You will.” He smiled at her. “Heck, I’m gonna be a hanyou, remember? I’ve gotta be able to make it so good for you, you’ll be begging. Just like last night.”

Kagome and Inuyasha stopped glaring at each other and gaped at them.

“Last night? Is there something you’re not telling me, Sango?” Kagome asked.

“It’s not like that!” Sango sputtered angrily. “He wouldn’t tell me where he hid my darn car keys after the movie last night until I begged him. Asshole.”

“Uh huh. Right.” Inuyasha winked at Miroku as both the women groaned.

“You are so infantile.” Sango said.

“The proper term is ‘baby-faced’ I believe. It’s part of my charm.”

“It’s part of your load of bull, is what it is.” Sango muttered. “I can’t believe I’m stuck in this stupid story with you. What in the world did I do to deserve this?”

Miroku looked away and whistled through his teeth. Kagome and Sango looked at him.

“What did you do?” Sango asked.

“Excuse me? I don’t know what you could possibly mean.” Miroku said innocently.

“What did you do!”

“I didn’t do anything.” Miroku said. “Why is everyone always accusing me of shady behavior? I am as innocent as fallen snow, as innocent as a lamb, as innocent as…”

“I know which issue of PlayGirl you posed in and I’m sending it to your mother if you don’t start talking.” Sango said.

Wide eyed, Miroku said hurriedly, “..and I might have, possibly, sent a rather snarky email to the author from your email account. And discussed how much I was never going to have sex with Miroku again, especially in certain positions.”

Sango stood up slowly, looming over him. “You WHAT?”

“It was just a joke!” Miroku said, holding up his hands defensively.

“A JOKE! You are coming over here and telling the author, RIGHT NOW, what you did, you understand me!”

“But Sango…” Miroku said, flashing sad puppy eyes at her, “What if she won’t let me have sex, then?”

“Then GOOD FOR HER!” Sango, grabbed him by the ear and pulled him up.

“Ow! Ow ow ow ow, let go, dammit, I’m going already! All right! Jeesh, you can be such a bitch about the littlest things…” Miroku grouched, yelping as she smacked in the head on their way to the office.

Inuyasha stared at the television, glancing at Kagome a few more times as he tried to ignore the sounds of Sango and Miroku snapping at each other in the other room.

“So, wait, does this mean I won’t get to have sex either?” he suddenly wondered.

“Probably. You’re kinda second fiddle in this story.” Kagome said, sounding smug.

“Well damn.” Inuyasha muttered, glaring back at the closed door to the office. “Remind me to kick his ass when he gets out. Dumbass is going to cost me some really good…”

“Ahem.” Kagome cleared her throat as she glared at him.

“Eh…kick his ass for doing such a terrible, awful thing to Sango?” He finished weakly.

“That’s what I thought.” Kagome said, and they both went back to watching the game.