Breaking Hearts Only To Heal Them Later

Last Chappie:

"Inuyasha, please. I swear by the Gods, you didn't hurt me." I said I knew my eyes were pleading also.
"Kagome..."He said and then the babe, our child, moved from my breast to look up at Inuyasha, as if knowing that was his father.
"Name your son." I said softly.
"I will have a name when you wake up." He said softly as he laid me down, our son resting in the nook of my arm, close to my heart. He, himself spooned around us, wrapping his arm around me protectively. "I'm sorry Kagome. I never wanted it to be like this with us."
"I know, Inu. I know. Stop being sorry. It's not like I didn't enjoy most of it." I said and felt his surprise. "I love you." With that I was asleep with the two males I love with all my heart.

Dis: I don't own Inu... *Pouts*

An: PLEASE READ!! NC-17. Don't read unless of age...Tanks... Oh yeah to thoes how are reading this...I'm still iffy on the oral part of it...may come later...sry!

Thanks to:

The C&C Bandit -- Yeah wow...thanks for the tips, and everything...Hehe. I've thought about the word processor, and my step-dad should be getting me my stuff replaced on my cpu...he reformated without thinking to ask me...Ah so mad lost tons of work on other stories!!! so he's making it up to me and buying me shist...As to how Kagome is feeling...She's happy that Inuyasha and her are together in a way, even if it is in a negitive way, but she is hiding her feelings from even thoes who are reading...she will show how she is in later chapters and she will reflect upon everything that happened with in the months of being pragnant...

Eternal Miko Saiya-jin Taijiya Inu Dragon Kitsune-- thanks for the names!!

Kat - So many unanswered questions to be answered in chappies to come..Please be paitent with me, as I am busy and am trying to think of how to go about this without comeing off as lame and undeatailed..I'm trying to add detail, but I write only when I've the time...which is usually after work at 3am and I have to be up and out the door for school by 8...so I'm happy if i get an idea written down in detail..Thank you though, but please be paitent.

beccapatty -- Thanks again!!! I loved your name ideas!! Tanks sooooooo much I chose one, but you'll have to read to find out!! I read you review just as I was wrighting the last bit of this chappie...It took sooooo long tonight...I think I'm goona be brain dead for the next two days...Hopefully not...Oh yeah...One thing I have to comment though. As much as Kagome would kick arse as a demon, I'm not gonna make her as one (As of yet...have made up mind...Your suggestion has made my mind start to spin..teehee) ...She may have bedded on, altought not so willingly, but she only did that...Inu hasn't marked her as even his mate.. *Sighs.* Time will tell...
Thanks all!!! Hopefully if I keep up the brain power I can update everynight...if not to tired... *Falls asleep on cpu.* hehe


Onward!! <> Pray for our troops...Even if you don't support the cause.. Come home safe, Justin!! <>

Inuyasha's POV..

Upon waking to find a child I had sired in with out really having control, lay in the arms of the woman I love..I was shocked. I knew what I had done, but it felt like a dream. Nothing I could do, would take away this aching in my heart. Kagome would tell me over and over that she was alright, That she loved me, and it wasn't my fault... In all truth, it was. I never have felt such pain in my life. Even when my mother died..I was upset and angry that she had left me, but this was different....This was bigger...

I moved myself away from Kagome and blinked away the tears. I stood and looked around. The cave seemed as if it welcomed me, but I had no clue as to how or why. I sniffed the air and smelled the three of us, there was an underlying scent there though. As if it was marked. I walked around sniffing. At least my mind was off what I had done for a moment. I walked to the enterance and was hit with realization. This was my father's home. His family had once lived here! I was in the home of my ancestors...I had defiled the place I might have called a place of home... With my selfish acts and hurtful ways I had stained my love, a place I could call home, and now I was a father. I hated myself more then I hated even Naraku!

I sat hunched as far away from Kagome as I could and cried. Silence meant power, but right now, I wished for the power to stop flowing threw me. With my 'Power' I had hurt her and tainted her. I was a hanyou. A half-breed that should have been killed at birth. This is what I get from the powers that flow threw me? Everyone was right. I destroy everything I touch. I continued to cry, until I felt somethign soft make it's way into my arms.

Looking down I saw my son...How could I call myself his father? Didn't he deserve more? Didn't she? His brown eyes looked up into mine. I looked down at him and frowned deeply. Looking up, Kagome was close, but she must have known I wanted to be away from her.

"I'll protect you and him...forever and longer...I'll...I'll provide for you...You'll have anything you need. I don't know how I'll get it, but I will." I said looking back at him. Him, he doesn't even have a name. I hadn't thought about it until now...She insisted on having me name him... "Koinu."

:She smiled at me, her eyes spoke for her. She was tired, sad, confused, hurt and lost. I could do nothing for her except for the first thing. I felt a pang of guilt begin to eat at me as I looked down at Koinu. the firstborn son... I held him out to her and when she took him, I moved to press my back against the wall again.

"Inuyasha," Her voice soft talking to me as if I need help. "Your son, Koinu, passes no judgment on you. You are his father. That alone. Nothing else. You are not a hanyou. To him, you are simple his Da."
"Go to sleep." I said. It wasn't a command simply a request. I was in no place to tell her what to do. Not after what I had done. "Tomorrow we are leaving."
"To where?" She asked as she crawled onto the furs Koinu suckling at her breast. She was still bare, so I looked at her eyes only and wished I could look away.
"Your going home." I said and bolted from the cave.

Kagome's Pov again...

I watched him jump to his feet and flinched. He turned and left me alone to fight the demons again. These demons were not in the reality of the situation, but I suffered them in my head. I knew I would never be whole again, but it didn't stop me from trying. I watched my son, Koinu, drink is fill. I had no ill feelings towards him, though I was gravely displeased to have a child now. My life as a student was over. I could hold nothing against this child who had no say...

I claimed I loved Inuyasha, and I did...I hated him too. He took me away from everything I knew! I had nobody to talk to in almost a year. No one to comfort me, to pick up my broken pieces to put them together again. I never imagined Inuyasha would do something like this to me. I would tell him everything was alright, even as I felt the walls of my heart crash around me. He needed to be reassured I was fine. Otherwise Koinu and I wouldn't live long. Inuyasha would give up and let his own demons take him.. I could not fend for myself and a child. Not now, no ever. I began to think about everything I had learned since being here...Not many people lived in dense woods like where we were.

Every night I would withdrawal from myself as he stalked towards me. I hated him, feared him, and loved him. I wanted to be with him, not like this, but now I know I'll never truly be with him. At nights he would force himself on me, without a choice I had to lay there or die by those claws. At this point I didn't think he would have noticed he killed me until it was to late. Often I found I was bleeding horribly. He had stuck me across the face often for crying out. I had thought he broke my nose twice, but thankfully he aims his blows well enough. And after some time each would would heal, only to be replaced with more.. Some wounds would never heal though. We both would face monsters for our lives.

I fell asleep listening to Koinu's small breathing. My head was instantly filled with horrid dreams. Of the battle. Of what had happened to my friends. Of my family. How they would react. Of Inuyasha. I often woke with a start and this night was like the rest. I sat up suddenly, sweat pouring off of me. Then I heard the protesting cry of my son, I had startled him with my quick movements. Inuyasha was sitting close, looking at me. He knew what was wrong and had stayed away. Once before I had woken up like this and he grabbed me. I screamed and punched him in the face. It didn't hurt him, but it enraged him. He took me again and again until I blacked out. I held back my cries and withdrew farther into myself after waking up each night. I feared my son would have to sleep away from me or he would end up waking up with me each night.

"Kagome?" His voice was small and he sounded like a lost child. His demons were eating at him seeing me like this.
"I'm alright, Inu." I reassured him. "I'll be asleep after I put him down again."

He said nothing. Only retreating to his corner. I was lightly comforted by this, but at the same time I wanted him to help place the pieces he had broken. My heart filled with hatred and I pressed it farther away into my mind hoping he didn't smell it. He must have because he whimpered. I turned to him and made my eyes smile softly. I placed the now sleeping child into the furs, he didn't seem to notice the exchange. I pulled Inuyasha top part around me tightly and crawled towards him, on hands and knees. I stopped three paces from him and sat. I could hear his breath catch in his throat.

Reaching out my hand I coaxed him towards me like a wounded animal. "Inuyasha." I called him softly, making my voice as pleading as possible. I was terrified that he would snap and return to his youkai form, but then again I was hoping him to. I was to upset of this sudden change of attitude. Even knowing it's cause I was frightened that he would stay here and never give any will to help himself. "Inu, please. I need you close. I'm scared."

He moved forward looking down as he crawled forward slowly. He finally looked up at me and I felt my heart falter. The look of sadness over powered my own. I knew this would cut him deep, hoped it did even, but seeing him like this. It tore at my very soul. I moved suddenly pulling him into a hug. I felt him tense and held tight. I cried into his hair, trying to will his pain away. I felt his shake under me and knew he was doing the same thing. We both needed to release this pain. We needed one another, only because we knew what the other was thinking.

"I'm here Inuyasha. I promise I'm here."
Right now, this second I felt closer to him then I could think. "I love you, but I hurt you. How can you want to stay with me? Haven't I caused you enough pain for you to realize that's the only thing I'm good at?" He berated himself.
"Because I love you. All my pain goes away when I look at him, at you. I see you for who you are. I know the real you Inu. The good and the bad. I only have two things I want from you."
"I'd do anything. I promise"
"I want you in his life Inuyasha. And I want you in mine." I said pulling pulling away from him to look into his eyes.
"Kagome...I..I..can't. I'd hurt you more...I'd hurt him..." He said casting his eyes down into his lap.
I kissed his forehead and held him tight again. "Trust me Inuyasha. I know you wont."

And we stayed like that for sometime. I realized it was morning, or at least close to, when the babe woke and demanded to be fed. After I did I took him to the spring and bathed him. Inuyasha hovered close, not knowing if I could manage the small task. In the end I couldn't. My eyes fluttered closed no matter how much I tried to keep them open. I felt his body slip from mine and I screamed his name. Inuyasha jumped into the hot spring and grabbed the child then me, pulling us both from the water. He sat on the furs hugging both of us. He knew I could not even protest when he claimed we were leaving.

Somehow he managed to come upon a carrier and he strapped it to his back. He placed Koinu in it, the babe gave no sound, other then the breathing and his non-human baby sounds. I dressed in his top and he picked me up bridal style. I fell asleep as we left the shelter that I had grown to know. It was a place of fear and of hatred, but it was a place of joy now also.

I woke up and found myself laying on my back. I opened my eyes and saw a thatched roof. Slowly I sat up and looked around. I was at Keade's! I jumped to my feet realizing my son was not near me. I looked around the small room and noticed that this was Kaede's personal sleeping quarters. I walked to the door and stopped. Hushed, harsh voices came from the main room.

"I can't believe you! How?" Miroku's voice came and I almost jumped.
"I...I don't know." I heard Inuyasha's soft voice and knew he was close to tears. "I didn't want this to happen. I swear I didn't."
"Monk, calm ye self. Ye know as well as I, Inuyasha would not hurt Kagome on purpose. He is hurt himself, if ye can not see. Leave it be, it is for them to work out alone." Kaede said her advice made Miroku's comment stay in his head.

I chose this moment to walk out. Miroku jumped to his feet and hugged me, I flinched. He felt it and shot a look to Inuyasha. He released me and sat back down. I looked around for the demon-slayer.

"She's gone, Kagome." Miroku said, his voice soft as if he's explaining this all to a small child. "In the battle. She died by his hand."

I was at a lose for words. One sweep and my best friend was gone. She had fought with more courage then anyone, including Inuyasha. I felt this sudden sadden take control of me, and I knew it wasn't going to go away for some time. I needed to get away from all this pain and suffering around me.

"I'm going home for a little." I declared aloud, stopping all conversations.

End chappie

I hate not having spell check...Oh well in a few days I will... Yo also wanted to give this out to pplsz who can give ideas away...

Lilleianon@Yahoo.com

Or

Lilleianon -- yahoo messanger...if you are iming me, please let me know you are from Aff.net...otherwise I'll ignore ya...tanks!!