Learning to Live Again

A/N: Thank you to all my reviewers!

Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha, but I wish I did. That should count for something. Shouldn’t it?

Chapter 4- I’ll Be There For You

Darkness had taken hold on the land during Kikyo’s trip toward the village. The pain in her back was so great, she had been sobbing for the past half hour as she tried to walk, tears blinded her causing her to stumble several times. She had never felt pain this great even when Naraku had cut her down in Inuyasha’s form. She wouldn’t have been surprised if she had no flesh left on her back. Of course Sesshomaru would have been a poison baring demon. She should have known that from the rapid disintegration of the shredded remains of the humans he had massacred. A walk that would usually take her about an hour, was rapidly approaching its second hour when she reached the path leading into the village.

She stopped, alarming the two loyal soul collectors near her. They had wanted to carry her, but she refused. The communication between them was an odd thing. They could not speak like she could, but they understood her speech. They often projected images into her head of what they wanted to do. She would vocally respond to them, thinking herself crazy for speaking to seemingly no one. She knew they intended on staying in the village with her to help protect her, but they couldn’t. Should there be some villager out, they would panic at the sight of the two demons.

They nudged her hands like two attention craving puppies, she smiled softly and stroked their heads. “I’m sorry, but you two can’t come with me. If you wish, you may keep watch over the village while I am here.” First one then the other, Ryu and Sakura, flew to her ankles and flying, twisted along her body in a spiral, before releasing her from near her head and flying into the night.

Kikyo continued through the village alone. It had been two years since the last time she was here. That had been just after her first meeting with Kagome. She had come to Kaede seeking answers to her own death. She nearly cried out with relief as she made it to the hut she and Kaede had shared half a century before.

“Kaede.” Kikyo staggered through the door.

The old woman jolted from preparing her stew and faced the younger priestess who was bracing herself on the wall. “Kagome?”

She laughed and shook her head. “I am not Kagome.”

“Kikyo? Why are ye dressed in Kagome’s clothing?” Kaede looked at her elder sister cautiously.

Kikyo smiled gently. The dancing flames made her look sinister and victimized at the same time. She knew that Kaede was afraid of her. She wasn’t natural and while Kaede held no animosity toward her, she didn’t welcome her either. Kikyo knew her sister would rather her stay away. She usually respected those feelings and stayed away, but tonight she needed a person to talk to. She placed her clothing on the floor, and dropped her bow and arrows on top of them.

She eased herself down across the fire from Kaede. A groan was torn from her lips. She pulled the shredded remnants of her pants into her lap and began to play with a string. Her bangs shielded her eyes, much the same way Kaede had seen Kagome’s do.

“I’m sorry I came here, Kaede.” She stared at the fire. “I know how uncomfortable I make you. I needed to come here. I need food, a place to sleep, and some one to talk to.” She looked up. “If I came here, I could leave Kagome’s clothing.”

Kaede looked at her older sister, who forever would look like an eighteen year old. Had Kikyo not died fifty two years earlier, she would be seventy. The bitterness and hatred, Kaede had seen in Kikyo when she had been resurrected two years earlier, terrified her. Kaede hadn’t seen her since the night that Kagome and Kikyo had first meet, not even a month after the resurrection. Kaede studied her sister and noticed the dark splotches staining the uniform top. Looking at Kikyo’s snow white legs, Kaede saw the vicious scratches and bite marks from her knees and vanishing under her skirt. “What happened to ye, Kikyo?”

“An enraged, out of control demon lord happened to me,” Kikyo replied.

“Were ye raped?”

“Raped?” Kikyo repeated, dumbly. She suddenly shook her head. “No, I let him take me.” She watched as Kaede stood and walked to a chest and pulled out the contents. She walked back to Kikyo and sat behind her.

“Will ye remove the shirt, Kikyo?” Kikyo pulled the shirt from her torso and heard Kaede’s sharp intake of breath. “Only one demon did this to ye?” Kaede brushed Kikyo’s hair aside so it fell across her left breast. Kaede stared in shock at her sister’s back. The demon had carved his name in kanji into the flesh over her spine.

“Yes. And he only had one arm.”

Kaede was truly shocked. “Ye were with Inuyasha’s brother?”

Kikyo frowned and glanced over shoulder as some kind of ointment was rubbed in. “How did you know that? I didn’t even know that Inuyasha had a brother until Kagome confronted me about it.”

“Inuyasha cut off Lord Sesshomaru’s left arm in a battle with Inuyasha over Tetsusiaga, thus he only has one arm.”

Kikyo’s eyes narrowed into slits. She remembered when she had watched over Kaede when Kaede was a young child. It might have been fifty two years since then, but she still knew when her sister was lying to her. “What do you fear to tell me, Kaede?”

“When ye and Sesshomaru had the…uh…encounter…did he lick the claws marks on your back?”

Kikyo frowned. “Yes. He…oh no… he claimed me as his property, didn’t he?”

“Aye.”

The silence in the hut was deafening as they sat for a few moments both in deep thought. Kaede continued to rub the strange medicine from Kagome’s era into the marks on Kikyo’s back. She knew it would only dull the pain, but seeing Kikyo’s drawn and pained face, made her want to use it.

After a few moments, Kikyo sighed. “Being the property of Sesshomaru would be preferable to being Naraku’s.”


Kaede knew things would get much more difficult for her sister now that a demon lord had marked her as his own personal property. It’s not like things were already complicated for Kikyo as they were. “Ye said Kagome knows about you and Sesshomaru. How did she find out about that?”

“She came across us in a ‘compromising postion’.”

Kaede stared at her sister as the young woman blankly gazed into the flames. “What kind of position?”

Kikyo blushed bright red at the thought of telling her elderly sister. “He was getting ready to take me against a tree.

“You’re lucky Inuyasha or Naraku didn’t come across that instead of Kagome. Do you think she will tell Inuyasha?”

“No.” Kikyo flinched when Kaede continued to rub ointment into the claw marks on her back. “It feels like he burnt me with acid, Kaede. What did he do?”

“Lord Sesshomaru’s claws drip an acidic poison. This ointment I am applying to your back, is the same that I use on Inuyasha when Sesshomaru uses his poison claws on him.”

“Don’t use too much of it. I don’t want to cause you to run out in case Inuyasha needs it.”

“How did ye end up with Kagome’s clothing?”

“I told her that if she didn’t give me any clothing, Inuyasha would smell his brother and find me instead. Seeing me naked and clawed with his brother’s name sliced into my back, Inuyasha would believe that I was raped. He wouldn’t think otherwise. I told her that if Inuyasha went after Sesshomaru, he would be killed.”

Kaede shook her head at the manipulation. Perhaps nothing had changed about Kikyo since that night she had last seen her. “Ye do know how they feel for one another, do you not?”

“Of course I know that they love one another! I’m dead, not stupid!” Kikyo snapped.

“I meant nothing by it, Kikyo. I was simply asking.”

“I am sorry, Kaede. I did not mean to be so rude. Is there any way I could have some stew? I’m very hungry.”

Kaede stood and poured Kikyo a bowl of stew. She handed it to the eternal eighteen year old , who gratefully took it. “I did not know that ye needed to eat food to survive, Kikyo.”

Kikyo smiled and laughed softly. “I only need to eat a few times a week. The souls I collect allow me to be aware. The food I eat allows me to function.” Kikyo began to eat voraciously. Kaede took the bowl from her and poured her more when she finished.

“Thank you.” Kikyo began to eat again.

Kaede mused over how much Kikyo and Kagome looked alike, now that Kagome was seventeen, only a year younger than Kikyo had been when she died. The only telling difference between them was their eyes. Kagome’s eyes were like blue fire, always flashing and flaring with the magnitude of emotions she felt. Kikyo’s eyes were as hard and cold as emerald, but contained the appearance of jade. At that moment, her eyes held a lucid satisfaction, despite the pain she was in.

A smile graced Kaede’s mouth. “Did he satisfy ye, Kikyo?”

Kikyo ungracefully spit the mouthful of food back into the bowl at Kaede’s question. She gaped in shock at her sister. She couldn’t believe she had asked that! “What?”

“Ye heard me.”

“He did. Very much so if you really want to know.” Kikyo sounded so much like Kagome, Kaede was stunned.

Deciding to drop a subject she had brought up, she changed it. “When was the last time you ate?”

“Yesterday.”

“But ye said…”

“I met the one thing today that makes me throw up.”

“Which is?”

“The one thing I fear. Naraku.”

“You fear Naraku? From what Kagome says I thought…”

Kikyo rolled her eyes. “I could only imagine what she says about me. Most of it is what she believes. I despise Naraku more than anyone could ever comprehend. There are things worse than death. Being with Naraku would be one of them.” Kikyo sat the bowl aside. She began to tear up pieces of her clothing and threw them in the fire, until they were all burnt.

“Here ye are, Kikyo.” Kaede handed her a new priestess habit.

“Thank you, sister.” Kikyo changed her clothing and laid down in the same place her bed had been fifty two years before.

“I’ll be there for you, Kikyo. Anytime ye need me. It’s not easy being lonely.” Kaede stroked her older sister’s hair. Whether or not she heard Kaede, was unknow for the first time since, Naraku had turned Kikyo and Inuyasha against each other, Kikyo had fallen asleep in the hut she had grown up in.

A/N: I’m sorry if this chapter was lame. It was really hard for me to write and I’m not very happy with it. Tell me what you think. Next chapter will be better and longer, I promise.