Broken

Broken


Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha - more's the pity. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi.


Chapter Four


As she walked back through the forest, Kagome tried to hold back her tears. She was frustrated with herself for becoming emotional.

*I should be used to this by now,* she sighed to herself. *This is how he is, who he is, and he's not going to change. At least not for me anyway.* Though it was obvious that Inuyasha cared for her, Kagome allowed the doubts to flow through her mind. She had seen how devoted to Kikyo he was. Even in death, he had promised to follow her through the gates of hell and die with her. Though he knew she had helped their enemy Naraku on more than one occassion, he still stood by his promise. How could she break through such a bond? There was too much past between Inuyasha and Kikyo. The tears she had tried to stiffle now flowed like a river down her cheeks.

As she neared the campsite, Kagome stopped and sat beneath a large maple tree, trying to compose herself. Unbeknownst to her, Inuyasha also stopped, resting above her in the branches of the same tree. He could still smell her tears, and it caused him to frown. With a sigh of frustration, he watched as she took a deep breath and wiped the remaining tears away with the back of her hand. With a look of confidence on her face, Kagome stood and marched through the remainder of the forest and back into camp.

As she entered the clearing, she could see her friends. Shippo was watching intently an army of ants as the hauled some "treasure" to their home. Sango and Miroku were having some kind of an argument, though Kagome was too far away to hear. *I'll bet he tried to mess with her again* she smiled to herself. It was obvious how much Miroku and Sango cared for each other. He would never do anything to upset her, and Kagome knew that no matter how much she protested, if Sango really wanted Miroku to stop, he would have stopped a long time ago. Sango was not one to be triffled with.

The instant he realized her presence, Shippo came bounding out across the grass and practically tackled the young woman. "Kagome-sama! Where have you been?", he squealed happily, oblivious to the fact that she had been crying.

"Shippo," she said warmly. "I was just relaxing for a little while. I needed some time to myself."

"Ah, but Kagome-sama, you weren't by yourself," Miroku said with a devious wink. "Where is Inuyasha. You haven't left him behind, abandoned and heartbro..."

Before he could even finish his question, Miroku found himself on the receiving end of the back of Sango's hiraikotsu.

"Hey, what did I...".

"Watch it, monk," Sango interupted.

Nursing his swollen head with his hand, Miroku turned and hid a mischevious smile.

Sango reached out and took Kagome's hand. "Shippo, go show him Miroku your ants. Kagome and I need some girl-talk." With that, she pulled Kagome away, and led her back into the forest from where she had just come.

"But ladies...," Miroku called back, clearly disappointed that they were both leaving when something obviously good was going on.

The two women found themselves back under the maple tree, sitting on the soft grass, leaning back against the strong tree. They sat without talking for a few minutes, content to just enjoy the peace of the moment.

With a long sigh, Kagome drew her knees up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around her legs. "Sango, I'm alright. There's really nothing to talk about."

"Kagome, you're obviously upset. Let me help you. What happened with Inuyasha?"

"Who said Inuyasha was involved?", Kagome quietly snapped.

"...How long have I known you?"

"What is there to say? I don't want to talk about that baka right now," Kagome sighed.

"Kagome, there's plenty that needs to be said. You and Inuyasha have been going on like this for far too long. How much longer can you live like this? You need to tell him how you feel....what you think when he's around you....how he makes you feel."

The tears began to slowly roll down her face again.

"I don't know how I feel," she said with frustration, futiley trying to wipe away the tears that would not stop. "I feel torn with him, like I'm split in two. At times he's so warm; I feel so comfortable with him; so at peace with him. I feel like I've known him forever, like he's the only person in my world. I want to bury myself in his arms. To have him hold me. To have him tell me I'm the only one. I know there's part of me that loves him. Sometimes I love him so much it scares me. And I know there's a part of him that loves me," she smiled softly.

"But then there's another side to him," she continued. "A side that's a little frightening sometimes, and a side that just drives me crazy! He can be thoughtless, demanding, frustrating, unreasonable, irritating, irrational, and....uhhh....just...baka baka baka baka baka!!," she said, shaking her head.

Sango smiled, "I know that feeling too."

Kagome smiled back sadly. "I just...I just don't know where we're going with this. He and I are so different. We've been through so much together; I can't imagine what my life would be like without him."

She let out a sad sigh, and rested her head on her knees.

"Tell me," Sango said, putting her arm around Kagome.

"He's so devoted to her. He may love me now, but Kikyo was his first love. And I know he still loves her, even now. Even after she betrayed him. Even after she joined with Naraku to help him steal the jewel. Ah," she cried with frustration, "she even slept with that bastard, and still he forgives her. He can't let her go. How can I fight through their bond? He can't have room in his heart for both of us, and time after time, he chooses her. I can't do this to myself anymore; it's tearing me apart."

Sango squeezed her hand, but did not speak. She let Kagome lay back into her arms, and held her close, rocking back and forth like a child, as she cried.

"I know it's hard, I know," she tried to comfort, unsure of what she could say to make the pain go away.

After awhile, Kagome stopped her tears and sat up. Feeling resolved she made a decision. "I need some time. Some time alone, somewhere where I'm not going to have to worry about being attacked, or followed, or...whatever. I need to go home for awhile."

"If that's what you need to do. Do you want me to...?"

"Tell Inuyasha that I said I need some time; that I'll be back soon. Tell that baka not to follow me though," she said with a small smile. "We're not too far from the village. I'm going to grab my backpack and go quietly."

"Kagome, are you sure? I can go with you, or Miroku...?"

"I'll be fine. Tell Shippo I'll bring him back a surprise if he's good." There was a bit more spirit in her voice. Feeling more like the old Kagome, and pleased at the thought of seeing her family again, not to mention having a hot bath, Kagome walked back to the camp. Shippo had dragged Miroku off into the field to look at something, and Inuyasha had not yet returned. Kagome quickly packed her backpack and set off for the village before anyone could return and protest her going off on her own.

Sango stayed under the tree, contemplating her own confusing situation with Miroku. She let out a frustrated sigh, and looked up to the sky, as if answers could be found in the heavens. What she saw was not answers, but something else entirely.

"How long have you been up in that tree, Inuyasha," she called. He looked rather embarrased, like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Ahm, well, ahh ... kuso."

"Did you hear Kagome?"

Inuyasha dropped lightly out of the tree and sat down beside Sango, realizing there was no point in lying. "Yeah."

"And?"

"And what? What I am supposed to do, talk to her? I...arrhh," he growled. "I've fucked this whole situation up. I know that. She just doesn't understand."

"Understand what?"

He paused, thinking. "What it's like. What it's like to be me, to have lived my life, to have made the choices, the promises, I made. She doesn't understand this world, and what it would mean for her to be with me...". He stopped and sat for a moment. "Feh. I don't know why I'm talking to you about this."

"Some people find that it's good to talk about things. It helps you sort them out. If you'd rather talk about it to Kagome, you had better go. She said she was going home for awhile."

"Home? Feh!" *Why does she always run home at times like this?* he thought to himself. Without another thought, Inuyasha stood up, and tore off into the forest after Kagome, leaving Sango alone, shaking her head once more and smiling.

A/N: Sorry for the late update. My husband and I are trying to buy our first house, so we've got a lot going on right now...wish us luck! -hatsumi