Of boys and men

Chapter 4

And that’s how it was between us. I’d run around like the hyperactive kid I was, and he’d strike me down. I’d smile and he’d stare back with his stoic, unaffected nature. I’d bend over backwards for a sign of any sort of recognition, good or bad, and he’d grunt, unimpressed. But he lived among us as my brother. Whether he resented it or not, he stayed.
The first year together was hell, I remember that distinctly. I idolized and disliked him so vigorously that I was constantly in a state of confusion. I remember wondering why. Why am I being forced to coexist with this creature that hates me and hates being around me and makes me feel miserably insufficient as a being? My mother never once stepped in against any of his attacks, physical or mental.
“Why mother? Why do you allow him here? Why do you allow him to treat me so? I thought you loved me!”

She seemed almost pained by the last thing I said.

“I do love you, Inuyasha. That’s why. And you will grow to love your brother too. I’m a human Inuyasha, I don’t think you fully understand what that means. I will die much sooner than you do. And when I’m gone who will you have?”

I understood what she meant. It was my cursed life as a hanyou which forced me to consider such things. And I tried from that point on to accept Sesshoumaru’s nature. But still, at first, it felt like we weren’t related at all. That he was some sort of guardian, a babysitter almost, hired to watch over me for a short period of time. But as the time dragged on and on past the one year deadline he had set, I was beginning to become a rather strong demon under Sesshoumaru’s guidance. When I turned 14, that’s when the training truly started. He taught me to fight and he tried to teach me how to act.

“Again.”
“I’m too tired…come on.”
“Again.”
I sighed as I closed in for another attack, and grunted as I hit the tree once again in defeat.
“Too slow. Again.”

He was being particularly hard on me this afternoon. But at last, I managed to sweep in fast enough to touch his kimono, which satisfied him for the day. Sesshoumaru lay in the grass near a stream to meditate. Though my physical skills had been increasing in leaps and bounds as of late, I still lacked any of the characteristics of a demon. Inside I was filled with human neediness and after two years still ran my mouth perpetually.

“Ha, that was really great wasn’t it, Sesshoumaru. I was so tired and I didn’t think I’d ever get out of there, but I touched your kimono, yes I did, I must be pretty fast for that, you can be sure of that. I wonder what’s for dinner tonight, I know you don’t eat but I know you can smell it, mom cooks good, smells good, doesn’t it? Well, I think so anyway.”

Sesshoumaru was like a stone in his meditative state.

“Be still.”

“Oh, you’re so boring anyway. What do you think so hard about anyway? It’s probably like, ‘This Sesshoumaru is so strong and handsome and great’ is that all you think about anyway, you know, I bet I’m better than you at a lot of things once I get stronger. I wish I were as pretty as you Sesshoumaru, I should be, we have the same blood I should be, but your hair is so much nicer, and why is that anyway?”

“Dirty human blood.”

The sting of his last remark shut me up for a little while. I sighed, realizing how dumb I must sound to him. I stared at his serene face and wondered why I had to be such a spaz. I folded my arms and tried to lie like he was, but finding myself bored, I fell asleep. I woke up to the sound of a high pitched whining, sort of. I couldn’t exactly place it, and that’s when I felt something furry moving around in my lap. I opened my eyes to find a strange animal, a kitten. It mewed at me and I petted it happily.

“It’s a gift, Inuyasha.” I heard the deep male voice boom above me. Sesshoumaru stood next to me, staring at me, his eyes almost boring into me as I chased, and petted and laughed with the kitten. All the while he watched intensely. I assumed it was a gift for my recent progress. I was most pleased at the recognition and the wonderful new playmate.

“Inuyasha, doesn’t it need a name?”

I sat back down and put the little critter back on my lap, and scratched behind his ears while thinking of a name.

“I’m going to call it Sesh, because he’s great, like you.”

“Perfect. Well, then, do you like Sesh?”

“Yes! Thank you so much, Sesshoumaru, you’re the best brother in the world. Me and Sesh are going to be best friends now.”

“Are you?” He almost sneered at me. His whip flew out at lighting speed and within a split-second, my new friend literally exploded from off my leg, blood and gore flying every which way.

I stared back at him blankly, in shock. Then, I tipped over slowly, hugging my legs and wept like a baby into the grass. Out of the corner of my eye w Sew Sesshoumaru swagger away towards the house.

I cried in that same spot. I wept into the night, and when the moon came out, I dried my eyes and made back home in a blur. I shuffled into our room and slipped under the covers. Sesshoumaru was already in the bed, apparently asleep. (I would later learn that demons don’t sleep.) I didn’t ramble on and on this night, like I always did before I went to bed. Usually, I’d go on and on and tell him everything on my mind; whether he was asleep or not, it’s not like he listened anyway. I could say anything because of his nature, anything at all, it had been liberating. But tonight I did not speak a word; neither did I retaliate in any way for the events of the day, but just fell asleep next to him, emotionless, having sobbed all my feelings out in the forest. Right before I closed my eyes, I swore I saw an infinitesimally small but present smile curl his lips up a bit, under his closed eyes. I guess I was learning.