Blood Stained

Im so sorry I went missing for so long.
I was just so busy It slipped my mind to add new chapters.

Thanks Eve for beta-reading.

Blood Stained

Chapter 34: Books of the Miko

Apparently they had a new routine, but he wasn't sure how he felt about it. The miko had cried herself to sleep, half on the bed and half off and he couldn't have possibly left her there like that. So, he had picked her up and laid her properly on the bed, so she would not be sore when she would awake.

Her words from earlier were still ringing in his mind. He wasn't sure how she planned to do what she wanted to accomplish, but he would of course offer his assistance if she required it. It came with the quest. This was his way of making up and even though she technically wouldn't forgive him for the reasons he would have wished for, he still intended on carrying out both his plan, and that of his promise to Rin.

But something was strange. If she indeed intended to take the path of forgiveness, had she made a distinction? She couldn't forgive him for the things that had been done – well most of them – she had to forgive it. Could she succeed in doing so? He had his doubts because when she had seen the beast, she had been filled with fear and a complete mess.

Nonetheless, this was none of his concern. If she wished to do so, then it was all up to her. He had no say in it.

But.

But.

A tiny sigh escaped his perfect lips as he lay on his own bed. He had been doing so for two hours now, completely awake. He had a book in his hands, but it provided him with no real interest. He was usually one who was fond of lecture, and literature. But not tonight. Too many thoughts disturbed him. It was as he was about to put his book away that he remembered.

Sesshomaru had brought a variety of books. Slowly, he made his way to his suitcase and opened it. He peeled off a layer of clothes to reveal a wooden box at the bottom of the suitcase. Since he had lived for many centuries, he had collected many valuable books over the years and he always handled them carefully, especially since some of them were the last copies that would ever exist.

Sesshomaru gently opened the box and pulled out two scrolls and an old book, which had its cover nearly falling off its spine. Neatly he placed them down before putting his suitcase back the way it was. He left the book on the ground as he sat on the edge of the bed.

Silence.

It was a noise he had somewhat despised after Rin's death. It was a constant ringing in his head, one he could never get rid of it. It was something that would haunt him forever, like many other things. Of course, none of those could be shared. He kept it for himself. Who could he possibly express himself with?

His life was a lonely one, it had always been that way. He had never required anything else. Although, the few times he did have some sort of company, he hadn't minded it. It was different, but in a somewhat pleasing way.

Perhaps all his traveling years wouldn't have been the same without Rin. He had Jaken, but it was not the same. And now, there he was traveling again, covering a bigger distance, with a human once more.

Had his whole life become such a routine, so predictable?

Had he been sucked into the same trap as his father had?

Youkai's mating with humans were more and more common with the decrease of their population, but some of them still refused to mate with humans. Sesshomaru used to have disdain for it to, since it brought tainted blood and it was not a proper match. Or perhaps it was because he had lost his father because of a human.

But now…

His eyes traveled to the miko as she lay there sleeping. Her face still stained with her tears.

At this point, it hardly mattered anymore. Plus, it wasn't as if he'd ever have a mate, so he didn't have to worry himself about that. The miko would never be really his mate. They would never share a bond and technically they would be apart. Once she would die in many many years, he didn't think he'd take another mate.

The idea had never appealed to him in the first place anyway.

He would soon have an heir, so it wouldn't make any difference if he took a mate or not.

Then he felt her stir, it brought him out of his thoughts. Slowly he brought his attention back on her, carefully observing as she began to move, running her fingers through her bangs. Gently, she sat on the edge of the bed and although he could only see the back of her head, he could tell she was somewhat confused.

Kagome blinked a few times, her eyelashes seemed like they were glued together, probably because of all the tears she had shed. For some strange reason, she felt a tiny bit better. Her heart had been completely emptied out, she felt a void inside now, but not the same type that had been there before. Still, her strength had not returned fully.

She took a deep breath before rising to her feet. As she turned around, she saw Sesshomaru looking at her, causing Kagome to pinch her lips together. She knew. She had fallen asleep on the floor and there was only one reason why she had woken up on the bed. He had moved her again. At least, she was never awake when it happened.

"Are you hungry?" he inquired breaking the silence.

She shook her head.

Ever since her confession about her intentions, it felt as if things were even more awkward than before. Especially since right now, even though she knew she had to do, she found it hard to want to forgive him.

Kagome was a very emotional person and she never thought before she acted, at least most of the time. She always went with her heart and what it guided her to do. Perhaps it was why she never used to fear, she used to feel strength in her heart. But now, she didn't know if she should trust her heart or her head.

Once again the silence between them filled the room, he remained in his position on the edge of the bed, while she was standing by hers. It was also at that moment that a pile of scrolls and books on the floor had caught her attention. Her eyes traveled over the pile as she tried to understand what they were and where they had come from.

It didn't take Sesshomaru too long to understand what had caught her eye.

"I believe you could find these books useful," he said, looking at her.

"Would I assume correctly if I said you never had any proper miko training?"

She bit her bottom lip, before breaking eye contact from the books and focusing on him. She nodded.

"I never really had the time."

They had always been so busy running after the shards, tracking down Naraku, that everything she had learned, she learned it on the spot, by trial and error. It had worked fine when she was surrounded by her friends and allies, but by herself… though it never stopped her from trying.

"These books pertain to miko training. Perhaps you could find some information which could help you within these pages."

He had brought them, mostly for her to inform herself in case there would be moments like these where their hunt was at a halt, but perhaps they would prove to be more useful then he originally thought. He had read them many years ago, actually skimmed them over, but since he did not have her powers, not all of it made perfect sense to him. Maybe she would understand it better than he had.

Without a word, Kagome made her way towards the stack, before dropping to her knees gently, to make sure she would not ruin them. She picked them up and her eyes traveled along the pages as she read.

As she lifted her hand, she noticed a spot on the page, she wondered where it came from. When she inspected it closer, she noticed it was a fingerprint. Immediately, she found herself looking at her own hands and noticed the dirt and cuts on her flesh. It was only natural after all the climbing and falling she had done. Nonetheless, it caused her to inspect herself further, as she did, she realized that her arms were in the same condition as her hands. It dawned on her that it had been about 3 days since she had last taken a bath.

At the moment, she had everything available to her to do so, but it felt awkward. Granted she had taken many -too many- baths with Sesshomaru, but the situation was different. Kagome took a deep breath, trying to tell herself that there was nothing wrong with her taking a bath while he was in the room next door. Slowly she closed the book, but kept it in her hands before heading towards her suitcase. She quickly opened it retrieving the items she thought she would need, before heading to the washroom where she assumed she would find towels, and soap already there.

When Kagome walked past Sesshomaru, she didn't look at him. Quickly he noticed what she was doing and where she was heading to, he didn't say a word. He did not fail to notice how tense and stiff she looked. He glanced at her hands, where he saw the book. Apparently, it had caught her attention if she intended on reading it while she bathed. Sesshomaru thought it would be a good idea for her to relax. He hoped she'd allowed herself to rest at some point. Already her condition was fragile and her stress was not helping. Maybe she could even manage to lessen her pains he thought to himself.

Sesshomaru had not forgotten about what the youkai had told them. Even though, he did notice her pain seemed to not be as bad, he knew it was still present. Every once in a while he could see her wince in pain. He knew she was still experiencing it. Although it was a relief to know her suffering was not as bad as it once was, his guilt would not go away though. After all, the key to ease her pain was for them to spend time with each other, but, himself -including his beast- was the reason they could not do that. He doubted the miko would ever come to ask him to form a bond with his son, no matter how great her pain would become. But he still found himself wondering what would he do if she asked him.

Refusing her would be insane, but the idea of putting his hands on her didn't settle well with him either. Would he let himself overcome his feelings of guilt to decrease her suffering? He would have to, it came with the luggage he had forced himself to carry. But how could the two of them ever interact in such a situation? There were too many memories, too many pains. The past was perhaps what would always prevent any type of progress between them. Maybe some things were too much to ever overcome. Maybe that was one of those things.

Meanwhile, Kagome was turning off the water in the bathtub. The book was carefully resting on the edge of the bath as she walked over to the full length mirror. Slowly, she observed her naked body, noticing the changes that had happened over time. Every day her stomach grew, but it was only now that she could really see how much it had expanded in the matter of the last two weeks.

Also, her breasts had grown in size, every day they became more sensitive. Though she could have been depressed, she wasn't. Perhaps it was the thought of the life growing inside of her, of her son growing, but Kagome wasn't saddened by the sight in front of her.

Gently, she emerged herself into the warm water of the bath. Quickly, a feeling of cleanness, washed over her and she let herself relax in the warm water. The only thing that was not wet, was her head. Her dark locks were floating around her as she rested her head against the hard cold edge of the bathtub. Kagome closed her eyes for a few seconds, trying to forget about everything. Unfortunately for her, it was during moments like these that some of her pains became more obvious.

The pain caused by Kiyoshi's suffering was not as stable as it had been the previous day. Although it was not as intense as it had been in the beginning, she could still feel it increasing once again. Obviously the small interactions she had with Sesshomaru were very temporary. Of course, Kagome was more than willing to put up with the pain, since she was responsible for her child's suffering in the first place, but sometimes, for very brief moments, she found herself wondering what kind of interactions were needed with Sesshomaru to lessen Kiyoshi's pain.

Because after all, perhaps she could bear the pain, but could she let her innocent son, do the same? It didn't seem fair to let him suffer because she refused to be around Sesshomaru. It did kill her inside to think about that, but it hurt her more to think that her child was suffering because of her selfishness. She couldn't let this go on much longer. A tiny sigh escaped her lips as she opened her eyes, before roaming her hands on the edge of the bath to grab the book. Her hands were somewhat wet, so she carefully only held the edge of the book.

She sat herself up properly, before skimming over what was written. The book was fairly thick and if she were too carefully read it, it would take too long. Kagome only had a small amount of knowledge of the powers she possessed and she wasn't sure what she should expect to find during her readings. Then, a particular chapter caught her attention.

Meditation.

She had seen Miroku do it a few times, especially during stressful times. Perhaps it was something she could use herself, to keep her stress level down. Kagome was about to read further into it when something appeared to pop out at her.

Power of Darkness.

That was something she needed help with. The feeling of darkness in her heart needed to disappear, she had to let it go. Carefully, she began to read the pages. Apparently, she was not the only miko to ever feel such darkness growing inside of her and somehow, that put her a little more at ease. Especially, when she began, reading other miko's tales. As she continued to read on, some solutions became available. At first, it seemed very simple, she needed to know if events or someone caused the feeling of darkness and right away, she had an answer for that one.

Through the darkness, she had to figure out if there was something good, pure, that came out of it. Did she grow in strength, obtain an epiphany, or did she just gain something? The answer to this was an easy one as well and a tiny smile appeared on her face. Kiyoshi. Her greatest gain. The one thing she would never regret out of all this. Her fingers traveled across the page as she read further. Once she had her positive thing, she needed to focus on it and hold on to it. It would be the light to chase away the darkness.

That she could do and she had often done. She had talked to her child and found comfort in thinking her son was growing inside of her.

Then came the rest. There were a few ways to choose how you would banish the darkness from inside of your heart, from the look of it, none of them were easy and they were all a lengthy process. But something was better than nothing at this point. If the miko was strong enough, there was the possibility of an out of body trance. Kagome skipped it, knowing her power was not to that level. She could only sometimes, control the surge of her powers, she knew on her own, without anyone teaching her, she could not learn that.

Another possibility was to connect, if the darkness originated from a person, which in her case it did. Her heart began to beat slightly faster as she read. Apparently, even a miko with not very much power, could succeed in doing this, although she hardly could see how. She had to create a connection between her and that person. One way to do it was by distance, which was much harder and more difficult, especially if the person was a mere human. The second choice, that was available and not dangerous was to make contact before creating the connection.

The book carefully explained how to do that and once Kagome's eyes traveled to the bottom of the page, she closed it and put it away. She was doing her best to keep her breathing under control. Once she began feeling panic overtake her, she completely submerged herself into the water, wetting her head and hair. Her eyes were tightly closed as she remained under water, holding her breath. This was the solution. This could be the way to free herself from some of the pain and suffering that had been inflicted upon her.

But she was scared. Who knew what she would feel, or how things could turn out if she was to form a connection with Sesshomaru.

Finally, she came out, breathing in heavily, filling her lungs with air. She pinched her lips together, her heart beat echoing in her mind. She didn't have many choices, she told herself she would do this, even if she was doing it only for the sake of her son. Kagome knew, until she did do something about the growing darkness inside of her, the world would never be rid of the jewel. Once again, like many other times in her life, responsibilities, the good of others and her duty meant a lot more than her own feelings or her situation. It had to come first, then she would take care of her own wounds as she would see fit.

Kagome's eyes traveled to her stomach, where she rested her hands. She needed courage, she needed hope. She swallowed hard before grabbing the soap and began to wash herself. After reading this, after making her decision, her bath didn't seem like much of a relaxation anymore. She was too stressed to allow herself any peace of mind. In less than ten minutes, Kagome was done washing her body and her hair. She knew she should get out.

Slowly, she sat in the bath, before moving the book so she wouldn't knock it over. She tightly grabbed the edge of the bath to give her some strength to lift herself up. Every day, it was becoming harder and harder to move herself around. Her unbalanced weight distribution was bad for someone as tiny and short as she was.

Once she had a fluffy white towel wrapped around her body, she proceeded to dry her long locks.

As she did so, she found herself wondering if Sesshomaru would even agree to help her. He was providing his services for the jewel, but her own personal pain didn't affect him in any way. If he did refuse, she had no way to force him, not that she would. A part of her wanted him to refuse, but deep inside she knew it would be better if he agreed to help. Kagome was against the idea of expecting anything from him. Every time, every day, he seemed like a different person and his reactions could differ. So could his tone.

Slowly, Kagome dressed herself. She put on a pair of dark maternity jeans and a yellow t-shirt. For the very first time, she was actually wearing something tight, which showed very curve of her expanding belly. She put away her stuff before quietly exiting the washroom. Once she opened the door, she found Sesshomaru laying on the bed, a book in his hands. As soon as he had heard her come out, his eyes had been on her form. Quickly, Kagome looked away, making her way to the pile of books, where she put down the one she had read.

This was quite a weird way to start a conversation and Kagome wasn't sure how to ask. She never felt comfortable in his company and that wasn't about to change. She stood up fully, looking kind of on edge, as she avoided looking at him, so instead, she stared at his bed.

Sesshomaru, who had been looking at her the whole time, could tell she had something on her mind. Asking her probably wouldn't help since she would probably end up not asking, but the way she just remained there... he didn't like it.

Kagome took a deep breath, before telling herself that, standing there would do nothing. But those words... would kill her.

"I need your help."

It seemed Sesshomaru was as shocked to hear her say those words as the fact that she was saying them. He never pictured the miko as asking for help, especially not from him. But, if she was finding it in her to ask, he knew it had to be important. Sesshomaru put his book down, giving her his full attention. It was the proper thing to do.

"To for-" she stopped. Forgive wasn't the word she wanted to say. "-get, I need to form a connection with you." She paused, and their eyes met.

"It's from the book. At the same time, it could be good for Kiyoshi."

After all, it would be a form of contact between her and Sesshomaru right? It could not harm the pup, at worst, it would simply do nothing. Sesshomaru wasn't sure how she wanted to form a connection, but he nodded. He assumed she knew what she intended to do and she had thought this through.

Kagome experienced a small feeling of relief as she made her way towards his bed. Once she was at the edge, she sat down, before crossing her legs, like she read in the explanation. Now every other step from then on, would be hard for her, she could already feel a small sickness inside of her just thinking about it. Quickly she tried to gain a hold of herself, as she raised her head to look at Sesshomaru who was waiting for the next instructions. Whatever it was she had planned, he knew it wouldn't involve much actual contact and to be honest he much preferred that to the other situations he had pictured in his mind.

"Sit like this in front of me," she said, before putting her hands on her knees, out of nervousness.

Sesshomaru did as she said and quickly enough he closed the distance between them. Kagome didn't feel so well with the closeness, but she reminded herself this was necessary. He could see just how uncomfortable she was with this and he wondered what the next step was. He tried to remain as neutral as possible and as far away as possible while remaining somewhat close, for her sake. He watched as she slowly raised her hands, took a deep breath, as if she was trying to give herself some confidence for the next step.

"P-p," she stopped. "Press your palms against mine."

He raised his own hands, he could see her hands tremble the closer he got to them. Then it happened, their palms made contact, for a split second, Kagome stopped breathing. His hand felt warm against hers, it was so much larger. As she observed his hands, she expected to see the claws, but she remembered he didn't have them in his current state. Her palms were sweaty because she was so nervous, but Sesshomaru didn't seem to mind. Well, if he did, he didn't show it, or voice it.

She closed her eyes and began to focus, Sesshomaru quickly assumed, she didn't need him to do anything else. Kagome wasn't sure she could succeed in doing what she was trying to do, but she put in all she had. There were a couple of times when she wasn't in danger and she had managed to control her powers. Surely she could do it now. She had learned about her powers a few years ago and by now her control of them should have been better. Yet, every time she had tried something, she had always been blocked. As if she wasn't allowed to further her powers. Although it was a silly thought. As if someone was putting a constriction on her powers.

Realizing she was getting side-tracked, she focused her attention on the current problem. She needed to figure out and gather the emotions she felt towards Sesshomaru. Not the good one -not that she felt any good ones towards him- just the bad ones. But what exactly did she feel? Hatred, frustration, abused, terrified, worthless, betrayed, scared, uncomfortable, alone, forced, invaded... the list could go on, and on. Nonetheless, she focused on as much as she could at once. Then, she needed to want to connect with him. She needed to feel his emotions, to almost know what he was thinking.

This was a little harder with his youki sealed away, since it made it difficult for their aura to connect. Humans had weak auras, which never really developed, but they still had one. Although she expected Sesshomaru's to be different than a human one, since he was only one in appearance changed. She tried to feel him through his hands, trying to form some type of contact. But she couldn't. Kagome was trying to focus her powers and her feelings, trying to express them out of her body, but it was not working.

Then, she realized she had a feeling that she was stopping herself from doing it. Her fear of Sesshomaru, her fear of ever connecting with him, it was stopping her.

Sesshomaru could feel her tremble, he opened his eyes to look at her. She was biting her bottom lip, frowning. He could tell she was trying, but nothing was happening. Then, he decided to see if perhaps he could help.

"Miko, do you require further help?"

Her eyes snapped open at his words. Her eyes traveled over his person and she licked her lips. Was there something he could do? Perhaps he could focus on his emotions too, but Sesshomaru was never known for having feelings and she doubted it was any different now. Nonetheless, it could be worth a try, since she didn't seem to be doing much progress on her own.

"Could you," how could she phrase this?

"focus on the feelings that come to your mind when you think about me, and what happened?"

Was that what she had been trying to do? It almost came as no surprise that she had been frowning and struggling. Quickly he nodded, before trying. This wouldn't be easy, but he had experienced such feelings before. Plus, if she was going to deal with that, perhaps it was only fair that he would too.

Guilt

Was the first thing that came to his mind, and the rest took its time to follow. What else did he feel except guilt?

Respect.

Over the five hundred years he had spent traveling around, he had decided she deserved respect.

Sesshomaru didn't feel that way towards a lot of people, but she had earned it after everything she had pulled through. But then, he didn't know what else.

Perhaps a bit of hatred.

Although she was hardly to blame for it, but it was a feeling he felt.

Resentment.

If she hadn't fallen through the well and brought the jewel back with her, none of this would have ever happened. But what was written in the fates could hardly be changed, and it was out of everyone's control. Just like he hadn't been able to stop her from going back that on that fateful day, there were some things that were never meant to be changed. Sesshomaru would never understand why their mating was one of them.

They, together, could hardly change anything or have any type of impact.

Some things could never be explained.

Out of all the feelings, Sesshomaru decided to focus on his guilt. It was the strongest one, and perhaps the only feeling he had ever truly experienced to the fullest. He closed his eyes before making sure their palms were still touching and he focused as best he could. In his human form, he had no control over his aura and he didn't know how much actual help he could provide. But he preferred to be doing something instead of just sitting there.

He couldn't see Kagome anymore, but she was still biting down hard on her lip. She didn't expect it to fully work after the first try, but she wanted a sign that she was doing something right. Even a tiny spark of some sort, anything, right now, she had no idea if she was managing to focus her powers and aura. Perhaps it was because her mind was not clear enough. She kept thinking rather than focusing on her own emotions. They should be guiding her, not her head.

Kagome had to do what she did best; follow her heart.

She shut down her brain completely and allowed her heart to guide her. Her mind remained completely blank for a few minutes, until she felt something. But it wasn't coming from Sesshomaru, it was coming from inside of her.

She could feel a clash, a disturbance. She frowned slightly, as she let the aura from inside of her clash with her own. She felt it rise inside of her and she couldn't help the small feeling of panic that overtook her. Kagome was feeling suffocated from the inside and her heart was beating like a drum.

It was hurting and burning her from the inside.

Nonetheless, Kagome decided not to stop it. She let the aura move inside of her and she pinched her lips together, trying not to moan in pain. Her eyes were tightly shut as she tried to contain the pain, as she breathed out heavily as she did so. She tilted her head back, as she felt it clash with her own. Meanwhile, Sesshomaru had opened his eyes slightly, since he could feel her moving around. He could read the pain on her face and he could see how hard she was breathing. Thinking this was too much to take, he was about to take away his hands, when he stopped.

He felt his hands burn against hers, and instead of pulling away, he remained.

Before Kagome could realize what was happening, her mind was filled with a memory that wasn't hers. It was blurry, she couldn't quite make it out, but suddenly, tears began to flood from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks. She sobbed loudly, as a constricting pain filled her heart. All she could see was a bed and a small room. There were people in the room, but she couldn't see who they were. A feeling of loneliness filled her, she couldn't chase it away. Panicked, she unconsciously pulled away from Sesshomaru.

As she did so, he felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and the pain disappeared.

Confused, Kagome opened her eyes, while still crying. She didn't understand what just happened, or what she had seen. Slowly, she sat back, licking her lips repeatedly, before looking at Sesshomaru. He also seemed slightly fazed and she wondered if he felt anything. Did the connection only happen one way? Since she was a miko, was she the only one who could experience something? Kagome ran her hand through her hair, trying to remember what she had seen, but everything had been so blurry.

"Did you see anything?" she finally asked, when the tears stopped. Kagome had rarely experienced such intense emotions before, and she was trying to make sense of them.

"No," he answered truthfully. He had felt a little something, but nothing more.

She nodded. Then it dawned on her, what she saw, was it something that happened to Sesshomaru? Had he lived it? The best way to clear things up would be to ask him.

"I saw a bed, with a red blanket. There were many people in the room. I saw a window, with white curtains, a breeze coming into the room."

And then, Kagome saw his features change and for a second, he looked vulnerable. It was obvious he knew what she was talking about, but would he share with her? After all, he had tried to talk to her a few times, but he had barely shared anything about himself. Sesshomaru had never been one to interact with people, so it didn't surprise her, nonetheless. This could be important and it could help understand if she had done something right. Although Kagome was still wondering what was that strange aura she had felt. It couldn't be Kiyoshi... she had felt pain, he wouldn't hurt her with his actual aura like that.

"It was Rin's death," he finally said, looking into her grey eyes.

As soon as she had described it, he had known. How could he forget that moment, it was engraved in his mind forever. The only question was, how had she seen it and why. If she was trying to form a connection with him related to what happened between them, why had she seen Rin's death? Granted she was Rin's descendant, but that memory wouldn't help her free herself from her feelings. Perhaps something had gone wrong. After all, from the way things had looked, she hadn't looked sure of what she was doing.

Kagome understood why she had felt such strong emotions now. Of course when it came to Rin, Sesshomaru could feel something. Somehow, she was grateful that her view had been blurred, because she had already felt sad enough just from the emotions. Rin had died painfully, seeing her pass away would have probably gotten her own feelings involved. Kagome brought her hand to her heart, as she could still feel Sesshomaru's feelings lingering inside of her and it was quite a shaking experience. But, she couldn't help but wonder if she had done this right. How was this helping her chase away the darkness?

Sesshomaru shared her thoughts.

"Perhaps you should further your readings," he said referring to the pile on the floor.

She slowly nodded. Kagome had known from the start this wouldn't have worked as expected. Although at least now she had the confirmation that she could form some sort of connection with him. Kagome sighed heavily, before getting ready to get off the bed. Then, all of a sudden, before she could move, a sharp pain went through her stomach, Kagome brought her hands to it, before nearly falling on her back on the bed. Immediately Sesshomaru was beside her while she winced again.

Kagome recognized the pain easily and she knew it was the same pain as before. It came from Kiyoshi, but she wondered why his cry for the bond was so intense this time. The pain had lessened and though she felt it coming back, she couldn't understand why it was so much more painful. Kagome closed her eyes shut, trying to do like Sesshomaru had told her and tried talking to her son. She repeated her words over and over again, finally, she felt a small relief. Her eyes were flooded with tears, as she managed to sit up once more.

The pain was still as intense, but it was not growing. Could she really be hurting her child so much? The thought brought even more tears to her eyes. She had tried to form a connection with Sesshomaru, but apparently it had only worsened the situation... or perhaps it was not that which increased the pain. All of this was new to her, she didn't understand how it worked and why it was like this. Sesshomaru was the youkai, he was the one who was supposed to know how to deal with this. She was hopeless.

"What kind of contact do we need?" she finally dared to ask.

It took him a few seconds to understand what she was referring to and when he did, he was somewhat surprised. She wanted him to touch her? And for a second, he nearly forgot how to breath. He didn't even know how to answer her question. Sesshomaru himself wasn't sure what would provide the child with more comfort. If he had his youkai, he could simply soothe him with his aura, but right now, that was not an available option. He didn't want to push it too much, because he didn't know how to touch her.

"The basics, I assume," he said, unsure how to approach this.

Kagome slowly nodded, since she was just as uncomfortable as he was. Sesshomaru sat beside her and she felt her heart hammering inside of her chest, she wondered if the situation could be any worse.

"I cannot use my youki to form the bond," he explained, he would have to touch her.

Then, carefully Kagome turned around a little, so that she was facing him. Her vision blurry because of her tears and the pain, Kagome gently wrapped her fingers around his wrist and he remained still. She placed his hand on her stomach and almost flinched at the expected contact. He could feel how tense she was, the ambiance grew extremely awkward. Kagome released his wrist and put her hand under her stomach, knowing she had to do something with her hands. She tried to ignore that it was his hand on her stomach.

Once he felt her calm down a little, Sesshomaru began to gently caress her stomach, waiting for any type of reaction. Kagome closed her eyes and breathed out heavily. The more he moved his hand on her stomach, the more her heart beat increased. Then, Sesshomaru added his other hand and she flinched again. He stopped moving for a second, waited a few instants before he resumed his actions. A strange feeling stirred up inside of him as he felt her stomach. It was a feeling he had not experienced many times, at least not in this manner.

Perhaps only when Rin had been involved.

It felt like a father's pride. He had never really been involved with the pregnancy five hundred years ago. Mostly because the child would be a hanyou, all he could think of was Inuyasha. But now, things were very different. For a second, it felt as if their situation was different. And at that moment, Sesshomaru knew he would need to take care of his pup as well. The pup was calling out to him, the instinct in him was unconsciously reaching out to him. His youki was sealed inside but the instincts were hard to shut down.

It was Kagome's voice that brought him out of his thoughts.

"The pain lessened."

It still hurt, but it was not nearly as bad. Kagome wasn't sure how long it would last, but she was happy with the way it was for the moment.

Sesshomaru raised his head, and looked into her eyes and nodded. Slowly, he pulled away from her, the feeling he had experienced slowly leaving him. Could it be that he had felt that way because the pup had responded to his actions? He glanced at Kagome and noticed she didn't look as miserable as she had when he had first placed his hands on her. As if, it hadn't been as horrible as she had expected it to be. In his case, he had been so caught up, that the guilt had not reached him.

Kagome's lips were pinched together, as she breathed normally. Although it hadn't been as bad as she expected, the experience hadn't been pleasant. Kagome thought her mind would have been filled with flashbacks, but it hadn't. She assumed it was because nothing about the gesture was sexual.

All her mind had been filled with was Kiyoshi. Her worries had been lessened by the fact that her son had benefited from this. At least it had not been worthless. She turned her head in the direction of the book she had been reading and she decided she would rather distract herself with reading more.

She moved away from Sesshomaru and made her way to the floor. Once she got there she picked up a book, intended on reading it. But, she couldn't help herself and she looked up at Sesshomaru.

Kagome nodded, and he nodded back.

And a new feeling filled him.

***