With Love

Chapter Thirty: What To Do



The eerie silence had her wanting to vomit. Kagome glanced over at the silent apparition staring out the window. Botan had rode home with Sango after storming out of the place. She hadn’t known what to say as she looked at Hiei. He’d known about the bet, she didn’t have to ask if he did. Why wouldn’t he say anything? Hadn’t he thought it wrong to know that Naraku was using her friend to win a bet. The man had just taken something special from Botan over money he didn’t even need. Not to mention Sango had given up more than just her virginity over the damned thing. Her best friend was crying herself to sleep every night because she loved the fox and the fox had used her to get close to another. What could she say? That she hated his friends? That they were disgusting and vile, and needed to be pushed off a very high cliff after having all their limbs removed.


That also made her doubt what was between them. What kind of person did that make him if he’d known about it and hadn’t found anything wrong with it? Fucking was one thing but both her friends had been led into a relationship believing their guy cared. What was she to Hiei? Was she part of some bet or did he love her? They’d never discussed the future or admitted to feelings between them. She had to know how he felt about her. It wasn’t just her anymore, there was someone innocent involved. She’d be damned if she let her child be around a man that resented it’s very presence or one that didn’t love them. Was Hiei just using her for amusement?


She pulled into his driveway and put the car into park. How would he react if she were to bring it up? She had to know or she’d worry herself to death. Next Saturday they’d be graduating and they’d no longer be in school. Did Hiei want a future with her or would it end? She managed to drudge up some courage and reached for his hand. “We need to talk.” There she’d said it. Could she tell him about the baby? First she needed to know how he felt about her. “I guess you knew this was coming after what happened tonight. I just need to know the truth Hiei. What do I mean to you? It hurts to know that your cousin and friend used mine. I just need to know that I mean something to you and that I’m not part of some stupid ass game or bet.”


“Do not concern yourself over it. You were never part of a bet. That was strictly between those two.” He looked down at the hand squeezing his own. She was worried about it. He wouldn’t sleep with a female to win a bet. He had other ways to entertain himself. Why was she so worried anyways? Not like he’d done like Kurama or Naraku and acted like he was in love. Those two had played with the female’s emotions, while he had not. What him and Kagome had was a simple relationship with no emotions involved to complicate things. “You have no need to get upset. I will never lie to you about how I feel just to get something I want from you. As far as I’m concerned such petty emotions as love only complicates matters.”


“Are you saying you don’t believe in love?” Kagome didn’t want to misinterpret what he was saying. Didn’t he care about her? Love wasn’t petty, it could be beautiful and make one happy in the hardest of times. What they shared was special, it was special to her, she loved him. He couldn’t be talking about them. “What do you mean? Are you saying that you don’t love me? Are you trying to say that you could never love me?” This was not the time to mince words, she needed to know if there was a chance for them to have a future. Whatever he said now would decide if they stayed together.


“Don’t try to cross examine my words. What I’m saying is what we have is good the way it is. There is no need for us to complicate it with getting serious and throwing emotions in that will only serve to make things worse. I don’t believe in it, as I have just stated. It is a convenient phrase women use to control the one they are with. Don’t think to use the term with me because it will not work. I do not want to be chained down due to a single false emotion.” He bristled seeing the look on her face. That was exactly what she wanted. She wanted someone to play at being in love with. Such things didn’t exist. You could care for someone and want them but an emotion that strong wasn’t possible, at least not for him. “Look, if you are looking for love and husband material then you should have looked elsewhere. I am not the type to get married out of high school, if ever. I may not sleep around like Kurama but I do like my freedom. I do not want a serious relationship beyond what we have now. Things will go no further between us.”


She didn’t want a husband, that wasn’t what she had been hoping he’d say. Maybe one day she’d like to have a family, a husband and home of her own. What she needed to know now was that he loved her or at least cared. What kind of situation would she be bringing a child into? A father that wanted nothing to do with it and only came over when he wanted a piece of ass? Sorry, but Daddy doesn’t love either of us but he does get horny on occasion? Their relationship couldn’t go any further? She wanted it to, needed it now more than anything. She needed some kind of commitment or knowledge of emotion. Right now he looked like he was discussing what was for dinner, not about how they felt. “I’ll just ask you this Hiei. Are you telling me that you’ll never want more for us? Would it even matter if I tell you that I do love you?”


“Hn, don’t try to change my mind with your words. You’ve asked how I felt and I have just told you. If you want more than what I can offer then I suggest you go find someone else that is willing to give it to you.” His hand went for the knob. His words reached her as the door opened and he stepped out of the vehicle. “When you decide to stop being foolish then you know where to find me. I suggest you figure out what you want. You knew what I was like before becoming involved with me but now expect me to change. Perhaps we should just end things now and be done with it.” He stopped before closing it, this was for the best. He wasn’t ready for anything more and that’s what she wanted. Especially after that little display at the party, she’d take nothing less. “Yes, let’s end things now before they get even more complicated. I won’t be in touch.”


“I can’t believe that asshole. Actually I can considering who his friends are.” Botan placed a comforting hand on Kagome’s back as the miko cried harder into Sango’s shoulder. They’d went back to Sango’s room to nurse their wounds. While Sango had been nursing her own for some time now her’s was still fresh and now she was angry more than anything. How dare he use her! She’d cared about him and thought she was special. That fucker was married on top of it all. As much as they’d talked not once had he mentioned a wife. She’d asked about a girlfriend and he’d said no. Someone should point out it’s the same fucking thing only worse. “It’s going to be okay, you’ll get over him and move on. He’s not worth crying over.”


“I’m afraid that’ll be a little hard for her.” Sango patted the miko’s head as the sobs became harder. The front of her shirt was drenched and she was sure some of it was slimy. Not that she would ever let Kagome go without a shoulder to cry on. What it would be to just forget any of this had happened. To go back a year when their biggest worry was how to make the best out of their senior year. Now she had her own problems and so did Kagome., big ones. But what to do? “We haven’t told you something yet because she wanted to tell Hiei first. She’s pregnant and in case you haven’t noticed she’d already starting to show.”


‘Wait she’s pregnant. I thought I noticed a slight pudge the other day but I assumed she’d been eating out too much. So you haven’t told him? Sure he doesn’t know? I mean you two slept together tonight right, didn’t he notice it as well?” Botan had seen the couple go into the room before she had. Sure it wasn’t a large gut but was noticeable on someone like Kagome. So that’s why she’d taken to wearing the baggy clothes. “Hey! Why didn’t you tell me before now?”


“No we didn’t get to it. I gave him a blowjob tonight, we didn’t have sex. And the last two weeks I’ve been stalling and he hasn’t taken my shirt off. He didn’t really complain, just hiked my skirt up. I mean it’s a good thing because I’m almost four months. It’s slightly there, just a little outdent but he might have noticed. I don’t know what to do. He just walked away from me, without looking back. All because I wanted to know if he loved me. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him I loved him. That tends to scare most guys away.” Kagome took the hanky being offered and blew her nose.


“At least you got a chance to tell him. I would have like to tell Kurama right before I showed him that Botan isn’t the only one that can crush a dick. Besides wanting to kill them, we need to decide what to do. Kagome can’t hide her condition forever another month is the most I give her before it’s really noticeable. I mean do you want to talk to him again, he might change his mind knowing about the baby. Do you want to give him another chance to stop being an ass?” Sango wanted to think there was hope for them but then again. You are the company you keep.


“No, it’s over, he made that clear. You should have seen the look on his face. I knew this was coming and that’s why I didn’t want to tell him. I kind of brought it up as a joke a while back and you should have seen how he reacted. He doesn’t love me and sure the hell isn’t going to love the child he doesn’t want. He doesn’t want kids and he wouldn’t want one with me. I’ll raise it by myself, I want to keep it despite what’s happened. This is my baby, even if he helped make it. But can I stay here knowing he might find out? It’s not like I have a lot of options.” Kagome placed a protective hand over her stomach knowing that part of him was resting safely beneath her palm. The child had been made out of love on her part, she wanted it.


“Actually we do!” Botan clapped her hands together. “I totally forgot, sorry. With the prom coming up and with me being an idiot over some worthless guy. Aunt Natsumi has asked us to come up for the summer. She invited us when I had lunch with her awhile back. We can go up anytime after graduation. She also asked me to housesit for her when she goes out of town. I’m sure she won’t mind us holding up there for the summer until we figure out what to do. It won’t solve the problem in the long run but we can get away and figure something out. A clear head away from everything and away from the majority of the problem. All I got to do is give her a call and let her know when to expect us. It’ll be fun, you can’t drink Kagome but it’ll be a blast.” Anything to help her stop thinking about Naraku. She wasn’t going to cry again for him, no she was going to get even if it was the last thing she did.


“Really?” Sango was elated to hear it. It wasn’t a solution but would be nice to get away. There would always be a chance she’d have to see Kurama here. To be reminded of what she’d never had. Did she want to leave? It might be best for Kagome but was it the right thing to do? They’d be taking Hiei’s child away from him without him never knowing of it’s existence. Of course the man didn’t want it so telling him wouldn’t change anything. Except give him another reason to be pissed at Kagome. What about herself? Could she just walk away from Kurama and all it meant? “I think it’s a good idea. Maybe some time away will help put things into perspective. It’ll be great and Aunt Natsumi is always fun to hang around.” she sighed as Kagome nodded in agreement. “You know I kind of resent you Kagome, you had the nerve to tell him how you felt. Not once did I tell Kurama how I felt. I had went there to tell him but now that I think about it I probably would have choked on the words. I want to tell him before I leave though. Just so I can move on knowing that I’d been honest in the end and said my piece.”


“Well it’s entirely up to you two. Think about it but if you decide you want to go, she would love the company. Sango, why don’t you just hand him a note or something? Or call him and blurt it out as soon as he picks up?” Botan knew both girls would need to think about it. Tt would probably just be her heading up there but she’d given the offer. She had no reason to stay, not now Sango still wanted the fox and Kagome was pregnant for Hiei. They had reasons to stay and try to work things out, she on the other hand had just fucked a married guy. “I mean there has to be some way to let him know. Either way you’ll think of something and we got some plans to make. After all we are graduating this coming up weekend that happens only once, we need to make it special and a day to remember.”


Next Chapter: Graduation: A decision, a denial, a declaration and a departure. Please read and review.