Masquerade

Chapter Twenty-Eight – How The Bridges Burn





She hadn’t shed another tear.

Inuyasha eyed Kagome with a scowl, the tawny color decorating his amber eyes belying his anxiety and pity he felt for her. She hadn’t said anything since they’d returned, not even when he’d tried to bring a smile to her face by informing her that the battle was really, truly over. The Shikon no Tama was pure as pure could be. Sango and Miroku still hadn’t returned, but after an hour in the oppressive silence of Kaede’s hut he’d ran to find them. Sango had calmly informed him that Sesshoumaru’s remains had been taken to the West, where loyal demons in his court would burn the body in its true form at a location Sesshoumaru himself had picked when first being accepted as the Lord.

That was two days ago, Inuyasha had returned before Miroku and Sango and when he’d asked Kaede if Kagome’s condition had changed at all the old priestess had merely shook her head, telling him the girl hadn’t even spoken yet. But it’s only been three days, Inuyasha told himself, when Sango comes she’ll help, and the fact that she’s bringing the runt with her will also aide.

Next to him, Kaede sighed, picking up the full cup of now cold tea that had sat in front of Kagome for at least two hours. Kagome’s eyes flicked to her at the movement, and Kaede nearly collapsed. Inuyasha looked up at the old woman’s reaction and frowned. “What’s wrong with you, hag?”

Kaede stared at Kagome, her one eye as wide as it would go. “Nothing, Inuyasha.” Kaede wrapped her hand more firmly around the cup in her hand, ignoring the shaking that, for once, was not to be blamed on age. Oh, child. She wanted to hug Kagome, to comfort her and draw the girl back to the surface, to at least give the girl the freedom to cry, but knew that it was past her. It was up to Kagome and Kagome alone. What is going on in that mind of yours…?

Abruptly, Kagome stood, slipping out of the hut on weak legs. Inuyasha stood to follow her, but Kaede grabbed his haori, pulling him down to his rump with surprisingly force. “Don’t Inuyasha. The girl needs to be alone. She’s been locked in this hut with someone else the entire time.”

“I know, but she can’t just--”

“Inuyasha! How long did you mope by yourself following sister Kikyou’s death?”

Inuyasha quieted, wrapping his hands around Tetsusaiga, refusing to meet Kaede’s eyes. He hoped Kagome wasn’t in the same place he was in. Because, although he was only alone to mourn Kikyou’s passing (the second time) a day or so, he was still grieving. “Can we just wish the stupid bastard back using the jewel?” he muttered turning to stare at the mat covering the doorway.

Kaede sighed. “Using the jewel – for any wish – would be unwise. Sister Kikyou’s theory about an unselfish wish has thus far proved faulty. After Kagome wished on it for the benefit of everyone but herself it still returned, which spawned these events. No, it is best to just pray that Kagome works through her sorrow and can move on.”

Inuyasha snorted. I sure as hell didn’t.



Kagome walked slowly on the familiar trail leading to the old Bone-Eater’s Well, her steps heavy as she did her best to keep her mind blank. Every once and a while a particularly strong memory of Sesshoumaru would materialize on the black screen she’d set up, and she’d viciously tear it down, promising herself she’d wait till she was sure no one could hear her before facing recollections and emotions. Finally, as the sun just barely rose over the line of mountains behind Inuyasha’s forest, Kagome collapsed in front of the aged wood of the well. She took a deep breath and shut her eyes, her fists – one clutching the whole Jewel of Four Souls – held over the open rim of the portal that had dropped her here.

A bitter laugh left her and she leaned her head against the rough planks, trying not to let the musky, woodsy scent trap her any further in depression.

Depression, she thought wearily, is not what I need right now. A flash of Sesshoumaru informing her how he’d first began ignoring his own emotions crept behind her closed eyes, and she let the memory play unhindered, feeling despair curl a little tighter around her heart.

“I suppose it stemmed from being a demon royal,” he considered, running his claws lightly over her arm, “but it was more a personal defense. I believe the ideal that it would make me stronger – less likely to fall – is what really kept the chains holding back whatever I might have felt in place. Now, after thousands of pointless years, it is more of a habit.”

After that small, uncharacteristic dip into his psyche he’d rolled her over and they’d promptly forgotten all form of words, and Kagome had seen, firsthand, how passionate he could be when he pushed his ideals away.

She felt her body grow a little weaker at the soft thought, and every part of her let go just a little more. The Shikon dangled from her fingertips by only the chain, but she didn’t notice. He shouldn’t have died. He promised… Her thoughts drifted again before she felt a tiny amount of anger pool in her. She grabbed onto it, hoping it would somehow lift the bone-deep pain she felt. He promised. I was supposed to die first, I was the weak human! The anger snaked its way up her spine and Kagome drew a deep breath for the first time in what felt like days, sensing a little of the desolation subside. She sat up a little straighter, lifting her head off the rim, pulling herself closer to the well. He lied to me. He Lied! And he never even said ‘I love you’, but still he refused to let me move on…I wouldn’t have anyways… Guilt crashed into her, but she ruthlessly banished it, wrapping her mind in the irritation and fueling it to rage. Everything is Naraku’s fault! If he had just stayed dead the first time instead of tying himself to the jewel… Her train of thought trailed off, and she was suddenly so, so tired.

Why am I here? An errant thought filtered to her and she fell into it, slowly reviewing her adventures in the Feudal Era from the beginning. The well closed when I was sixteen. I’ve been trapped here for three years. An empty sigh left her and she dragged herself closer to the Bone-Eater’s Well once more, peering down into it listlessly, her chin rested on her arm. I want to go home. When the well first closed for good Kagome remembered Inuyasha, in a rare show of sensitivity, had called this – Sengoku Jidai – her new home. He’d comforted her and told her that she could make the most of it, since it was all she had now. But I never wanted this horrible place. It’s brought me so much pain. And, although, even at that moment she knew the well had also brought her so much good, all Kagome could center on was the hollow acrimony swirling around in her very soul. The hand that loosely held the pure white – since it was now bereft of all demons and bad energy -- Shikon Jewel rose and Kagome turned her eyes to it, growing cold at her own reflection.

Staring back at her was Kikyou – cold, bitter, angry Kikyou. Even her eyes had dulled to a dark brown color, the blue all but a small right around her iris. Is this what’s happened because Kikyou’s portion of soul returned to me? Or is it because I refuse to let myself properly mourn? A gentle breeze wafted by and the jewel swung lazily in Kagome’s slack grip. Her eyes narrowed a little, perfecting her impression of Kikyou. I can’t even force myself to care anymore. The jewel swung once, twice more before falling into the darkness of the Bone-Eater’s Well.

Kagome stood up gracelessly before choosing to sit on the rim like she had so many years ago. Her hands found their way to the coarse wood and she gripped it feebly. Sesshoumaru. Tears blurred her vision and she sniffed, not sure yet if she was ready to begin crying – knowing it would be a long time in calming if she let the dam break. It’s all my fault. Her miko powers – which had significantly lessoned since her naked encounters with the taiyoukai – tensed under her skin, and she blinked. But, there aren’t any demons nearby… The breeze, warm and sweet, blew once more before everything fell still, even the rustle of the trees. Faintly, Kagome felt a familiar magic stir, but she couldn’t tell what it was or where it originated from. Please, tell me I’m not insane. She looked straight forward rigidly, slowly feeling outwards with her senses.

Behind her, the mystical blue light of the Bone-Eater’s magic flared, and she was pulled in, too stunned to scream.

Over the crest of the hill closest to the well, her friends cried her name, and Kagome tried to lock onto their fading voices before unconsciousness seized her.




She woke to the sound of rain hitting a roof.

Blinking bleary, tired eyes, Kagome sat up- confused and feeling faint. What? It was pitch black around her, even when she looked up, expecting to see the pure blue sky of the Warring States Era. Placing a hand to the back of her aching head, Kagome felt around on the sides of the well with her other hand, trying to find the vines she used to pull herself—What? The course rope of a ladder met her and she reached both hands towards it, placing her palms on the first rung. Please, please, please she chanted endlessly, pulling herself up the ladder with little difficulty.

She froze when just her eyes remained below the lip of the well so she still couldn’t see her surroundings. Please, let it be… She took another deep breath and hauled herself fully out, her breath freezing in her chest when the familiar planks of the well-house met her eyes. I could still be somewhere else, she rationalized, but her hope still sky-rocketed. Gradually she walked towards the door, the sound of the light rain filling her brain with noise. Finally her hand rested on the sliding door and without giving her time to prepare for whatever might be on the other side she yanked it open, her eyes filling with tears at the sight beyond.

I’m home.

Blindly she ran towards the house – her home – her sandals clattering noisily to the ground in her haste, wound on her legs and back opening again. “Mama!” she screamed above the rain, slipping on loose stones and tripping her way up the stairs. “Grandpa! Souta!”

The door to the house opened to reveal a sleepy Souta wiping at his eyes lazily. He looked up, his eyes locking onto her dripping form, before he stilled, paled, then lunged. “Kagome-nee-chan!” he yelled loud enough for it to echo off the shrine buildings. The two siblings hung onto each other, even as Grandpa’s confused yell of “What in the name of--!” echoed behind them. Souta pushed her at arms length, examining her face closely, and dragged her in again. He’s twelve now, Kagome’s mind whispered.

Kagome’s head shot up when a startled gasp sounded in the doorway, and a new batch of tears mixed with rain trailed down her face as her mother filled the opening with her soft features and confused, joyous tears. “Mama,” Kagome whispered brokenly as Souta was squished even closer to her by her mother. Kagome wrapped her arms around the memorable shape of her mama, eyes closing tightly. Souta gasped between them from lack of air, wiggling his way out from between the two females. Grandpa lumbered slowly towards the door, muttering and complaining under his breath. When he finally looked up, intent on yelling, scolding or throwing sutras his heart lurched to his throat. “K-Kagome?” he muttered dimly.

Sitting on the couch, wrapped up in her favorite blanket, warm tea in her hands and normal clothes on her back, Kagome deftly retold the tale that her family had missed, leaving out very little. When she reached the point of Sesshoumaru’s death she refused to go on, because as elated as being home again was making her, ache still clouded around her when Sesshoumaru’s name floated past her lips. Her mother noticed the way she’d choke up when his name would come up in the account, and she felt herself shedding tears where her daughter would not. After several hours of recounting and reconnecting and much hugging Grandpa and Souta ambled off for bed at the insistence of both Kagome and Mama Higurashi, their eyes too heavy to stay open. When finally the Higurashi women were alone Kagome looked at her mother expectantly, knowing a gentle prodding into her relationship with the deceased taiyoukai was about to ensue.

“Kagome…” She began, her eyes soft and fixed on her daughter’s face with nothing but love and comfort. “In your tale there was a demon lord--”

Kagome set her mug down and her mother stopped talking. “I know what you’re going to ask…” Kagome muttered, pulling the blanket tighter at the coldness she suddenly felt. “And I couldn’t possibly begin to describe to you what I felt for him. Mama…” Her lower lip began to tremble and she felt her chest constrict.

Her mother put her arms around her, pulling her tightly against her side. “Kagome, you don’t have to--”

Kagome shook her head, breathing in her mothers soothing scent even as her world crumbled. “He was so brave, but so stubborn. I loved—love him, but he still infuriated me. He tested me and, and…” her speech grew jumbled, her breathing choppy. “He’s gone.” At this the dam she’d been holding back since leaving Okinawa burst, and she fell against her mama like a rag doll, bawling and sobbing and choking and absolutely furious.

Slowly Mama Higurashi rubbed her back, her eyes growing distant as she remembered all the nights she’d cried in an identical fashion to Kagome’s after her husband died and then, fearing her daughter would never return. “Oh, baby,” she murmured as her daughter’s cries showed no signs of stopping. Above the couch a clock ticked quietly, ringing when it hit midnight.

The next morning Kagome fully expected to wake up in Kaede’s hut, tired, sore, and in a sea of anguish, but when the pink walls of her own room greeted her, her heart unwound just a little from her depression. It will be a long time before I can truthfully smile like I used too, if I ever can again, she told herself realistically, staring at the wall directly in front of her dully. But my family is here. Her eyes softened, closing at the tears that filled there. My family…

As she leisurely trudged her way down the stairs, she savored the sounds of her mother in the kitchen and her grandfather in the living room. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, breathing and listening for a long while as she carefully tucked each smell and noise into the confines of her mind. Nothing will remove me from this place again.

The thought of going through the well again never crossed her mind.

Poking his head into the hallway, Grandpa caught sight of her. “Kagome-chan! Come, watch this movie with me! It’s a foreign one, and it’s positively dreadful! You’ll love it!” Kagome grinned lightly at him, treading into the living room. She took a seat between him and Souta, sighing quietly as they both grabbed onto her arms, as if to make sure she were really there.

Although the contact certainly didn’t bother her, she almost wished that Souta hadn’t – the last person to touch her left arm had been Sesshoumaru. That’s silly, she told herself half-heartedly, trying to fixate on the television. It isn’t like just because someone else touches you it erases the fact that he ever did. She blinked, focusing on the movie, trying to draw humor from the poor translation job like Souta and Grandpa.

“Breakfast!” her mother called more joyously than she had in years, and the two sitting on either side of Kagome were up and in the kitchen before she could blink. A little dazed Kagome trailed after them, not feeling very hungry at all, but knowing she would be scolded if she didn’t eat something.

I’ll feel better someday, she reaffirmed, pulling her chair out at the table, brushing off the dust with a small smile. It’s only a matter of time.




Inuyasha: Psh. Obviously, if you were being realistic, Kagome would come back to the Feudal Era and I would woo her.

Author: That’s a stupid idea. Kagome was obviously—wait. Woo her?

Inuyasha: I–I-I mean ‘keh’!

Author: Yeah. Okay.

Inuyasha: KEH!