Home Wrecker

Notes: I forgot to mention that the writing prompt used for this is "my hunger and my pain". It especially suits the first two chapters I think.

God of Insanity: I <3 you. :] You see the subtext so exactly as I saw it, it makes me feel like I did something right. Thank you very much. ^-^

Chapter 3

 

When Sesshoumaru left he had no plan and no goal, but his hurt and rage propelled him on. He ran without a destination, paying no attention to the sights and scents of his surroundings. He climbed up in the clouds until the cold and airlessness affected even him, then sank to the ground panting, his reserves almost spent.



Days, at least, had passed without him truly noticing; he had great stores of energy and enough anger to sustain him beyond it, and it would take days to spend it all as he had. The sun was rising when he sank beneath the clouds, and he realized when he saw his surroundings that he had gone further afield than normal; he was over the mainland, perhaps far inland. He didn't particularly care.



Even when he set his paws on the earth of a low, rounded mountain he was too restless to stay still and recover any of his energy, tired as he was; he prowled, flattening trees to make a path for himself, looking for he knew not what. Emotions and thoughts were much less complex in the canine form, but that didn't mean he couldn't feel them, and the seething anger hadn't faded much, not nearly enough for him to rest. Even after the extended and wearying run his want to destroy something was strong.



Finally paying attention to his surroundings as he wandered the hilly region, he became slowly aware of an irritating scent. There was someone nearby that he didn't like... He growled to himself unconsciously, sending a boulder rolling down the mountain with the vibrations, and stiffened with his nose raised to the air to find it.



It was a familiar scent, and his nose placed it almost at once: the daiyoukai who had been hovering around the edges of his father's territory. Normally their kind's philosophy, given the vast amounts of territory that could be claimed by a single powerful youkai, was based on mutually ignoring each other, and his father was generally lenient toward interlopers... but his father was not here to make that decision, he had been followed here against his will, and he was feeling combative.



When he determined the direction, he leapt into the air again and uttered a deep growling bark that rolled like thunder over the mountains, a challenge to the intruder.



The answer wasn't immediately apparent. He thought his enemy might have fled, but just as he was about to break through the clouds and give chase she appeared, descending through them without a sound. It was another dog, female, approximately his size with very long ears instead of a ruff of fur; she might have been younger than he, but it was impossible to tell. That was all the information he could see or smell, and more than he cared about.



Another growl sounded from his throat as he lunged at her. He wasted no time with posturing or warnings and dove for her throat.



The bitch wormed out of his grasp, leaving a few tufts of thick fur in his teeth, and crouched in the air. She kept her vulnerable belly and throat underneath and out of his reach, but she was squirming and whining, edging closer. It was a display of her submission, and he hated it.



He snapped at her and darted closer, then paced away, pulled in two different directions. Instinct was the driving force in this form, so much more powerful than his dim thoughts - instinct was satisfied. He wanted to kill and destroy her no matter how she presented herself or treated him; the stronger, more basic part of his mind did not want to fight anyone subservient to him because of mere human emotions. A dog did not kill without a reason - a bad mood was not reason enough for his instinct. If only the interloper had been anything but a dog...



She edged closer and leaned up to lick his jaw with a whine, firmly acknowledging him as dominant. He growled and allowed it, accepting her submission against his own will. He could not kill her...



As soon as she was confident she was safe, she backed up toward the clouds, looking at him with almost inaudible whines. Communication in this form was very limited, but her body language was clear enough; he resisted following for a moment just because he did not want to do anything anyone wanted him to at the moment, but she was insistent. Eventually he gave in and followed her up above the clouds while she ran ahead, obviously pleased with herself.



Their destination became very shortly clear; she bounded up a flight of hundreds of steps that gradually grew from a cloud, gradually resuming her human shape on the way. He followed her lead, and when she turned to face him at the top of them they were both in their less powerful but more convenient and more intelligent forms.



"I am your mother, Sesshoumaru," she said without preamble.



He would have known that the moment he saw her without her introduction. He had seen his own reflection often enough to recognize his own face when it looked at him, even from a more feminine body. Even if she weren't nearly a copy of him, that moon marking on her brow world have given her away.



She smiled, which instantly lessened the resemblance, and looked him over. "Well, you've grown up quite nicely. You are a good looking pup."



Narcissist, he thought in passing. It was clear that her submissive body language hadn't been genuine, only a ploy to keep him from killing her. He supposed it had done what it was intended to. If he had more energy he'd be angry with her for manipulating him, but that was relatively minor among the things rousing his ire recently.



"Why are you here?" he asked coolly instead.



"Waiting for you," she said. She turned and crossed a wide courtyard, passing between living statues that no doubt acted as her guards. The opulence of her home was a strong contrast to the majestic simplicity of his father's home, yet it nudged at the back of his mind, telling him that he had been here before. He followed her without acknowledging it. "I thought it was about time."



"Time for what?" he demanded in annoyance



She turned and sat gracefully on a large stone chair, perhaps a really a throne. "Time for him to be growing tired of you."



His eyes narrowed as he stood facing her. She could not mean what she seemed to...



She gave a girlish laugh. "My dear son, he still has you captive, doesn't he? You poor thing."



Sesshoumaru turned his back on her in silence. This was the creature his father compared him to? He had never realized how much of an insult he should have taken every time he said he saw her in him.



"Will you really go, Sesshoumaru? You know there's nowhere to go back to." His feet paused but he said nothing, and she took it as a cue to go on. "Come and sit and let us have a nice talk."



A talk... What a waste of time. "What do you know?" he said as he walked again.



"Hmph, fine. Ignore your mother's advice." Her voice was affronted, and for some reason that slowed him. It wasn't that he felt anything for offending her - it was the sound of her voice, that particular tone. It dredged up ancient memories and began to actually resolve her with the few vague recollections he had of his mother. Her scent wasn't only familiar because she had been hovering around his father's home waiting for him... he was beginning to recognize her from his childhood.



He found himself turning again to look at her, although he still didn't respond. She smiled a little, evidently already forgiving him, and patted the long seat beside her, nudging her furs out of the way. He didn't accept the invitation to sit, but he did stand in front of her again, waiting for whatever she had to say.



"I feel your pain, Sesshoumaru," she said in a voice dripping with feigned sympathy, and let her layered kimono and furs spread out again. She didn't seem as though she had ever felt empathy for anyone in her life, but he let that statement go uncontested. "I too was once his dearly beloved."



"He mentioned that." He watched her, trying to see what his father had seen in her. "He also said you were immature, cold, and selfish."



"Heh." She seemed more amused than insulted, and even smiled a little. "He would think so, the blind fool." The insult lacked any venom, as though it were a simple statement of fact, or a term of endearment. "He probably believes he isn't the most cold and selfish man yet alive."



The casual judgment surprised him, as did his immediate surge of defiance in reaction to it. "He isn't."



"Don't be so quick to rush to his defense, he wouldn't return the favor. He's already forgotten about you, Sesshoumaru."



He had to stifle an urge to react to the anger that brought to the fore again, but he didn't even try to deny it.



"Well, at least you can see that much; it seems like you're not so hopelessly blinded. Now all you really have to do is accept that he has found someone else."



He jerked in surprise, fist clenching. "Someone else?"



Her knowing smile annoyed him. "Of course. He never loses interest until he's found someone better."



He stared at her, keeping hold of his anger again, but again he couldn't deny it. The thought had never even crossed his mind before, but he knew now. The human smells around him, there was always one that was constant, that female... That must be the one. A human. He had been discarded for a human...



He should kill her. If she were out of the way...



"Don't incur your father's wrath," she counseled calmly, seeming to know what his first instinct would be. "It's really not worth it. You don't want to be his enemy, and you won't get him back. He won't hesitate to make you his enemy if he thinks you deserve it, either."



"As he would if I killed his human bitch."



"Of course. It's not so bad; they really don't live that long even if you don't help them along to the next world. Leave gracefully and he'll still have some interest in you after she dies. You might get a few nights with him after she dies."



Yes, because he was sure she had been very graceful when she had been abandoned for a human.



Was that his father's pattern? Find a human while he was following his current 'beloved' and have a change of heart? Just like that?



He regarded his mother again silently. His father had said that she made him chase her through the human world as well... That would be where he found his new infatuation that he chose over her. Yet, why would he have to?



"You're really a lucky one," she said with true but obviously shallow feeling. It occurred to him to wonder if she actually knew she were lying; none of the smells of her emotions were very strong at all, and he wondered if she were intentionally falsifying them in her actions, or if she simply was incapable of feeling them and was acting them as she best knew how. There was something wrong with her, he realized. "You could just as easily have been born a female, and you would have borne him a child by now, and then you would have been forgotten as soon as it was able to talk. He likes children so," she added unnecessarily.



He narrowed his eyes a little and regarded her. Was she trying to say she had been abandoned for him? That was a contradiction to his own memories, and what she had just indicated about humans, and everything he had heard from his father.



"Oh, not you." She waved off his look with one hand. "You came out of our last night after he found his little human toy. He didn't even know you existed until I brought you back to him."



At least he knew now he was his father's son... That particular part of his father's hurtful tirade had been unfounded. Maybe the rest had as well. He didn't like the idea that he resembled his mother as much as his father claimed, especially mentally.



"I never really thought he'd be interested in a boy," she went on, musing aloud. "It's always a woman when he finds a new interest. It was surprising to see him look at you that way; maybe there was something special about you? Well, obviously not anything special enough if he's found himself a human again."



"You knew then?" Somehow that surprised him. He had expected more jealousy from her, perhaps... and he had been too young to really remember, could his father be infatuated with a child that young? He didn't understand that. Such a child could barely have a personality of its own, what was there to be drawn to?



"Of course." She looked at him with something like understanding, or sympathy.



And she'd left him there anyway. She obviously had no attachment to either of them - from his experience with his own kind, sharing something they cared about was not really in their nature.



He was not like her, he decided. He would admit to emotional coldness, but she was an emotional void.



"You knew he would do this eventually," he said, regarding her.



"Don't be hurt, my son. You had centuries to enjoy yourself in the meantime, longer than most. I knew it would be good for you. It never hurt me any."



He regarded her again, unconsciously tilting his head a touch as he followed the implications, and his eyes narrowed.



"Surprised? Your father is also my father, Sesshoumaru. And probably my mother's, and likely hers, for who knows how many generations. He does love his children especially well. I'm not surprised it never came up... I'm sure he doesn't like to talk about me." She affected a sigh of deep hurt, but that didn't do much to soften her message.



He was nothing special. He was just the latest interlude in a long cycle... In a few years he would be as faceless and unimportant to his father and she and her foremothers had become. The sting of betrayal bit deep, even more because there didn't seem to be any malice; he simply been used and discarded.



No! He would not allow that...!



She didn't seem to notice his feelings. She probably wouldn't have understood them, emotionally dead as she was. "Now, my Sesshoumaru-"



"Don't call me that!" he snapped, cutting off her sentence.



It caught them both by surprise, then she smiled a little bit again. "He hasn't changed even that much," she noted. "Let it go. You will never be 'my Sesshoumaru' again to him. Accept that. Now he has 'my Izayoi', and later he will have another 'my beloved'', but once you lose it, it is gone forever."



"Do not project that curse onto me simply because you could never retrieve it," he said, his voice tense and cold.



She shook her head with a dramatic sigh. "You seem to have him high up on a pedestal still. You really must stop that." She stood in a flowing movement and drifted toward the door inside, sliding it back and looking over her shoulder to invite him in. "He is not a man worthy of your devotion."



He stood in place, resisting and forcing her to stay outside with him if she wished to speak. "That is my place to judge, not yours."



She gave in and abandoned the doorway, stepping back toward him. She faced him serenely from a distance of not more than a couple steps, looking up into his face very calmly, her pose entirely relaxed and yet entirely controlled. "He has no regard for you," she said bluntly, gold eyes watching him unblinking and her small smile faded but not entirely gone. "He has no use for you. To him, you were never very special for yourself; he would have been interested in any offspring I gave him. He wanted to fuck a child." The obscenity was jarring, coming from her mouth, but she didn't seem to feel she had said anything out of character. "Now you are no longer a child, and you are not new to him, and therefore he is done with you. What is there to respect in that?"



He did not answer her, but regarded her in return. She believed what she said, and maybe it was true, but that did not mean he had to accept it. Her own experiences with his - their - father blinded her; there was more to him than that, and he knew it... He only had to reach it again.



"Now, as I was saying, my Sesshoumaru..." She reached up and patted his cheek lightly as she jibed him with the name his father no longer used. "Seeing as he is done with you, you may stay here with me again. We do have many years to make up for."



He pulled his face away from her touch. Even her hand was cold. "I'll pass," he said as he turned his back to her.



"You'll reject your mother's kindness?"



"Yes." He didn't turn back, though he could hear genuine offense in her voice. "I'll make my own path."



"Fine then!" She was angry, but from what he had seen of her it would be forgotten shortly. "I'm warning you, Sesshoumaru, it won't lead back to him."



He didn't answer as he gathered his power and flew up. There was the faint sound of the door slamming beneath him, but he focused on the clouds before him. She was wrong. He was going to find a way back to him...

~tbc~