Untold

Title: Untold 03
Author: Saraste
Pairing: inumir
Rating: PG-13 (from me? never!LOL)
Genre: mpreg, dark angst (fufufu...)
Warnings: see above
Wordcount: 1121
Dislclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and make no money from this fic.
A/N: Originally written on the 26th of October 2008. And a great thanks for Spirit of Aurion for pointing out that I'd not put up this chapter but chapter 4 which of course comes after this. I'm sorry, I can't blame anyone but myself and the University. Studying is hard and makes your brain go mush.

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I can see you fret. This won't be like last time love, promise. And yet I really cannot, can I? For no power I have can prevent the inevitable, if tragedy again is our fate, our doom our fall. All I can do is offer my support, my love, my assurances.

And yet I, too, am afraid. Afraid that calamity will strike again, that the gods will withhold this miracle from us a second time. That they will see fit to wrench this away from us again, and leave us, empty shells to suffer in silence.

I hold you close at all times when I can, my hand resting around your belly, protecting the life within.

Time flies.

We are past the time when tragedy struck last. We go to our little one's grave and offer our mourning to him, assuring that he'll not be forgotten, praying what deities there are to keep this one safe.

It's been almost a year since then. The loss was quick and painful, the ache now lessened but never gone. And the fear ever present. In our minds, our thoughts. Our hearts. Gnawing at what should be happiness, crumbling away long days of waiting.

I can see the fear in your eyes.

No kiss, no embrace, no caress can make it disappear. It won't. It persists. It's a blemish on our happiness.

Fear.

* * *

It's easier this time. But more frightening. He knows and is happy, more than I am for he... He didn't feel it last time, that frail thing slipping away from me. It's been a year but the pain hasn't gone all away. It lingers and poisons my heart.

I fear for the new life within.
I'm past the time of last time. My heart feels less heavy now. As does his. Whatever he says can't make this right, nor can his affection. Not until it's born safely and well into it's first century will I ever not fear, I think.

I try to enjoy this with no fear but I can't.

I look into his eyes and see a reflection. It's spread. And I'm the source. You hold me close and make me feel wanted, your hand trying to protect the life within, laying it over my belly. And it comforts.

I think we can manage this. Maybe. With you by mu side.

And yet I fear.

What if I can't? What if it goes off again this time? What if I keep on getting with child and it keeps on going off? Will he leave me after two? Or five? Or ten? How long will he wait until he deems me unfit to bear his child?

Our child.

More our child than last time. He only loved that one for the day it came and died. This one... he's enraptured. I know it will hurt him more if it goes. It wasn't my first death. It will be harder on him a second time. And yet he's with me and everything can be allright. It can? It can?

“Do you love me?” I ask, again and again.

He holds me close, our skin touching, our limbs entangled. He holds me and kisses.

“I've loved you forever Inuyasha... And this...” A hand on my belly, touching what is there and which I fear for.

“I'm afraid...” I admit, shutting myself off.

He holds my face and looks into my eyes.

“We'll get through this...” He promises and I want to believe him. I so want to. Yet death is hovering near, I can feel it and it chills me, chills me to the core.

* * *

Months now. He is round and carries it with grace.

I smile at him and help him sit down by the river and hear the water. He lays his head on my chest and sighs. He's still anxious. Still worried and fearful. I think it will never pass.

My hands lay on his belly round with our child, hoping it will be safe. It is safe, cocooned inside his body. Shielded and loved. So loved.

They visit and squeal over him and he lets them. The cloud of fear is still over him, the darkness within never fully gone. And yet he smiles, talks and laughs. I thought I'd never hear him laugh again. It is joyous.

And then he looks at me and it all stops and I'm beside him.

But the look isn't fear but infinite awe. And I'm not fretting, only inquisitive as I lay my hand over his while they hush to the sides, giving us this, giving us the space we need because of our loss.

“It moved...” You say in a hushed whispers, as if being loud would temps fate and rouse ill will. You utter the words like a prayer. And we are crying.

Crying for the joy and wonder which is our child, our unborn child within.

It is still some weeks until I feel it. And it takes my breath away. I know now it is alive and how alive! And I love it and you more day by day. Falling asleep to the movements of our child and waking to them by morning.

We can do this, I think. We'll make it work.

* * *

I fear more than before.

If it goes it will crush me. He doesn't know. I hide it well. I felt the movement. Butterflies in my belly. And it was a jolt, a lightning strike. It's alive in me and I'm responsible for keeping it safe.

What if I can't?

It scares me more than I can tell you. And yet I keep it in, most of it in. So you don't fret. So you can feel the joy of becoming a dad. Like you should be. I'm not to refuse that from you. And yet in the nights I cry and you're always there and you know.

Know I'm fearing another loss.

And you hold me and tell it'll be allright. And I do wish it will be so. It needs to be so. Otherwise...

Your fingers trail patterns on my belly as we fall asleep, feeling it growing in me. Loving us. As I love you. And I love our child even more than you. A stubbornness wells in me. I will not let this one die. It will live and be as pretty as you are. It has to be.

* *

You are ripe now. Blooming with our child and the worry still there. They are here for the birth. Waiting and waiting.

And then, in the middle of night it comes. You shove me awake with a cry and the bedding is a pool of blood.

I'm wake to yet another nightmare...