Silence

Peace

Sitting in her comfortable rocking chair in the nursery, Kini contemplated her current charge who is at present, sleeping, and suckling occasionally. In the late morning, Inuyasha usually got cranky, but couldn't be relied upon to nap, so a short time out was much better, depending on what he needed. His muteness was not as big a problem as her employer had thought it would be for her. No...not only had she spent much of her life with those who could only express themselves by crying, she was also a well educated woman who could follow her kitsune instincts without half trying. It was why, even though young Lord Sesshoumaru had finally weaned himself, years ago, she was still in the employ of the great Lord Taisho of the Western Lands.


She remembered her first meeting with the newly born pup with fondness. She had been employed before he had been born; though his mother did indeed intend to feed him herself, there often were issues with pups of the poison packs, and the Lady felt it prudent to be careful. The little lordling thrived on his mother's milk, with the interspersements of Kini's generous supply. Youkai young were kept at the breast much longer than their human counterparts to begin with because they grew much slower for one, and because of sheer societal expectations for another. And little Sesshoumaru grew so slowly. He was so sweet, she remembered. So little for so long...and when he started getting bigger and his mother made less and less milk, he spent more time suckling Kini dry. She remembers that with fondness too.


She was well educated in the problems that the little lord was found to have, eating and digesting. That as he grew, he by turns relied on her more, then less...wanting independence, but unwilling to eat the food he must in order to wean. She always left the decision to him...for what else could she do? Even in this day and age, she is a servant, and he was a master. He was beginning to show the lankiness of quick growth of puberty when he began to deny himself the comfort and feeding from Kini.


When he decided at last he was too old to have a wet nurse, she had bowed her head, respectfully. She was given a different position in the household, and often helped new mothers of Lord Tai's other offspring. She went to school and studied youkai psychology and physiology, and earned a degree that qualified her for many important and well paying positions. Yet she had no desire to remove herself from the household, so long as Lord Tai decided to keep her. Her position was comfortable, and though Lord Sesshoumaru no longer used her services, she noticed the gifts she left in his personal kitchen did not go unused. Besides, without a babe to nurse on a regular basis, keeping her supply up required a certain amount of maintenance.


She stroked Inuyasha’s hair as she rocked him, thinking back…back…until that small pain twitched her soul, so briefly. Unmated, she had still planned to bring her babe into the world and raise it, but it was not to be. And then her milk came in, and her innate gifts emerged. Her mother always said Kini was meant to care for people. She had been right. She cared for the babes she nursed, the children, the parents who needed her help in this manner. In this service she was truly happy and fulfilled.


And now, to be needed so again…she sighed softly and contentedly. It had been Lady Karesonomaru who had summoned her. The child would not…could not eat, yet did not fight a feeding tube. Her heart had broken the first time she saw him, with his father hovering around him, and the pup with his pink blankie just laying there and staring. Finally she had ordered Lord Tai out. She could not do this with his fretful anguish and worry.


When the grief-stricken father left, she lifted the surprisingly light hanyou into her arms and took him to the nursing rocking chair. The feeding tube still run through his nose and down his throat, taped to his face she unfastened her blouse and bra and removed the child’s shirt carefully. Crooning to him, she let his face rest on her generous, bare breast, their warm skin touching. For a little while, all she did was rock him and sing and hum softly. These actions, combined with the scent of a child still obviously unweaned brought her milk.


Her nipples tingled and her breasts warmed and beads of thick fluid began to form. Still the child was not interested. He did not even appear to notice the droplets, though Kini knew he was more than capable of smelling her milk as it emerged. That was all right. Gently she shifted him into a more traditional nursing position, letting her nipple rest in the corner of his slack mouth. He did not fight her, and she did not expect him to. She pressed her breast, sliding her hand down in a practiced motion from the top down to the nipple, and the milk flowed and trickled against his limp lips and into his mouth. Patiently, she repeated this motion, never forcing anything, never ceasing her gentle singing until she saw him close his mouth and swallow.


And something in him seemed to rouse. His face turned toward her, like a blind little puppy, searching, but not understanding, and gently she guided him. His suckling was clumsy at first, but with her expert encouragement he latched properly and began to suckle. And her milk let down in a rush as she relaxed in the chair, holding the lost forlorn puppy as he nursed desperately from her. He whimpered when no more milk came and she guided him to the other breast which he promptly and capably drained. Afterward, he lay in her arms; the ragged pink blankie tucked up under his chin and stared at her with big amber eyes that were seeing her for the first time. She smiled into them with her soft features and silvery eyes and was not put off by his steady stare, nor his wordless voice. Instead she continued to rock him until his eyelids drooped and he slipped into sleep, clearly feeling safe and comforted in her embrace.


And today…oh he is gaining weight and starting to have a rosy complexion again; it is beautiful to see against her pale breast and dusky aureole. Today he dozes in her arms, and will only do so for a short time, before waking and going off to search for his brother again. This little inu, not yet out of his first decade, so broken it hurts her heart to think of what must be inside his mind that cannot be let out. But it helps to know that he reaches for her now, with no hesitation, with no fear and with eagerness. He eats food she gives him, suckles from her breasts as he would from his mother were she still living. And he smiles, sometimes, now in his sleep, or just as he wakens, snuggled against her softness. She has wet-nursed for many since Lord Sesshoumaru no longer needed her, and she loved all her charges. But none have touched her as her first little lordling…not until this lost, broken puppy in her arms came into her care.


And truthfully, she is happier than she has been in some time. She is again a full time nurse for a child of Lord Tai. The puppy, Inuyasha has none but her to turn to for what she can provide. She truly wishes, with all her heart that her services were not needed for the child. Had his own mother not been killed, the child would not need her. But she is happy and honored to be able and allowed to provide so for Inuyasha.


Every morning she bathes and dresses him, putting his little feet in house slippers that will vanish before the morning is over. He eats breakfast, like the big boy he is, because he’s had his nurse before even his bath. And once that is finished he walks the large hallways until he finds his brother and he watches him. And watches him. And follows him from room to room. It is such an improvement from what the boy was like before Lord Sesshoumaru came home from his travels, that at quiet times like this, Kini still marvels at the change.


Before, he would sit, entirely still wherever he might be placed. He would sit in her lap if she read to him, but only if she put him there. He did not interact with her in play, and when not still and staring, could be found hidden away in small, enclosed spaces, asleep.


But just yesterday she fetched Inuyasha for his nap, and he was sitting in Lord Sesshoumaru’s large desk chair in the small library. By her nose, she had just missed the younger Taiyoukai, but Inuyasha was not distressed at all, and went to his nap easily. And then woke from it and sought out Sesshoumaru again.


She strokes a fuzzy, twitchy ear gently as the pup breathes on her breast and her chair rocks gently. Yes, she is glad to be where she is, and know what she does. Only time will tell how Inuyasha will heal and whether he will find his voice again. But in the meantime, she treasures the small weight in her arms, the incomparable sweetness of puppy breath, and the way his arms raise up to her in a mute request to be lifted into her soft, strong embrace.


Yes, right in this moment her charge is safe and satisfied in her strong, gentle arms, with sweet smelling breasts and her soft, comfortable lap and she herself is perfectly and exquisitely contented.