Love after Loss

Standard disclaimers apply.

A/N: A big thank you to all those who reviewed; you guys really made my day. In this chapter, Rin gets to see her father after more than a year of not seeing him.

Of course, read, enjoy and review!

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Exiting the elevator, Sesshoumaru inwardly cringed as the heavy stench of antiseptic assaulted his senses. He had always hated hospitals since he was young, for they smelled of gloom and unhappiness. However, looking at the children’s ward, he instantly decided that he hated it more than ever.

The false cheeriness brought about the brightly-colored wallpaper and pictures did not help alleviate the dreadful gloom that hung over the entire place. To him, it was hypocritical, and downright horrible. They were trying so hard to pretend that it was not painful at all, but this false happiness all the more made it seemed more melancholic.

Casting a glance at the woman beside him, he found no trace of disgust or whatsoever on her face. In fact, he could say that she did not seem to hold any emotions at all. It had only been two months since the diagnosis, but she already seemed incapable of feeling anything else.

Not that he could blame her for that, for she was already being very strong. For three long years, she had been struggling alone to bring their daughter up, refusing alimony from him or sympathy from their friends.

Walking down the corridor, they came to a brightly lit ward with four beds in there. Despite the number of people inside the room, Sesshoumaru could instantly identify his little girl. Sitting up in her bed by the window, playing with a stuffed polar bear and tiger, was none other than Rin. Dressed in pink and white Hello Kitty pajamas, she played alone absentmindedly, placing plastic biscuits and fruits in front of each stuffed toy in her own form of a little tea party.

Turning to Sesshoumaru, Kagome signaled for him to wait outside the ward for awhile, before she entered. As she did, Sesshoumaru could clearly the ecstatic voice of Rin.

“Mommy! Rin misses Mommy so much!” Came the little girl’s saccharine sweet voice before Kagome’s joined it. From Kagome’s voice, it was only too clear that she was feigning happiness, hiding all her pain under a mask constructed of forced smiles.

“Have you been a good girl today? Did you finish your meals properly?”

“Yes! Grandma brought porridge for Rin today and Rin finished everything!”

“That’s my good little girl!” Kagome gave her daughter a peck on the cheek. “Since you’ve been a very good girl, Mommy has a surprise for you.”

“Surprise?” Rin asked curiously, her head cocking to the side as she gazed up at her mother. “Did you buy a new toy for Rin?”

“No, my dear. It is a surprise which you will like even more. Now close your eyes,” Kagome smiled, placing Rin’s hands over her eyes. “No peeping, alright?”

The little girl nodded in agreement as she kept her hands clapped tightly across her eyes.

Kagome stepped aside to motion for Sesshoumaru to enter, before he nodded and stepped into the room, standing at the end of the hospital bed which seemed too large for Rin’s tiny frame.

Up close, he could see the scars left on her tiny arms from the numerous injections she suffered, and her hair was also thinning, leaving her scalp slightly visible from beneath. Such was not the fate his daughter deserved, and watching her innocently awaiting her surprise only made his heart ache excruciatingly inside.

“Alright, Rin, you can remove your hands now!” Kagome exclaimed, while the little girl hurriedly complied.

Her large brown eyes widened in surprise at recognition of the man standing before her, before they softened and her nose turned red and mouth flattened from the oncoming tears. It was as if she lost the ability to speak in that moment, and all she could do was stare.

“Daddy?” She finally said softly after a moment, sounding somewhat uncertain.

Hearing her call him again made Sesshoumaru’s heart swell with pride and agony at the same time.

Words failed him, and he could only look at the little girl sitting on the bed, looking up at him.

“Are you really my Daddy?”

That earned a smile from both Sesshoumaru and Kagome, before he nodded. “Yes, it’s Daddy, Rin.”

The child’s red-rimmed eyes immediately brimmed over with sparkling tears, before her arms spread themselves in a silent request for her father to pick her up. Sesshoumaru complied instantly, wrapping his strong arms around his daughter’s weak frame and lifted her up from the bed that reeked of medication and antiseptic wipes. He held her close to himself, inhaling the light powdery fragrance which he remembered defined her so strongly in his memories.

“Where did you go for so long, Daddy?” Rin cried as she buried her face in the crook of Sesshoumaru’s neck. “Why did you go away? Is it because you don’t like Rin and Mommy anymore?”

“Daddy did not go away, Rin. Daddy has always been here…” He tried to explain, rubbing circles on her back and holding her closer to himself. She felt so thin, so painful underneath the cotton of her pajamas. “How can I not like my little Rin?”

Kagome mentally noticed how he omitted her name. He only said he liked Rin.

“No, Daddy went away. Rin could not find you, and it made Mommy and Rin cry. Mommy said you don’t want us anymore…” The little girl vocalized the agony that Kagome could never bring herself to say.

“Mommy’s just kidding with you, Rin…see, Daddy is right here with you.” He closed his eyes at the painful memories of their failed marriage three years ago, and the times he neglected them just because of work.

“Don’t go away again, Daddy…” She pleaded, before adding a sentence that almost cracked the adults’ hearts. “Next time you go away, you must tell Rin where you go, OK?”

Sesshoumaru shook his head. “Daddy will not go away again, alright?”

“You promise?” The childish voice was so full of innocence; Sesshoumaru could never bring himself to disagree.

“Daddy promises,” He replied. “I will not go away again.”

Rin did not know how those words of hers then made two grown-up hearts feel guilt beyond anything they have ever felt.

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After Rin was tucked into bed and Sesshoumaru scheduled for a bone marrow compatibility test that weekend, Kagome and he walked out of the hospital together.

“Sesshoumaru…”

“Hm?”

“I want to thank you for coming over to visit Rin.” Kagome replied, ever so politely and awkwardly. “It means a lot to her. I’ve not seen her so happy since a long time.”

He shook his head slowly. “I am her father; this is what I should do.”

She nodded, for she knew he was right. However, there was something else she needed to address, even though it was not pleasant.

“I hope you did not make an empty promise though.” Kagome started softly, knowing how sensitive the issue was. “Rin…Rin would not be able to take it if you were simply patronizing her.”

He looked away out at the darkness that was the open carpark. He knew she was referring to the past when he neglected the two of them to the point where their marriage could no longer hold on.

“That was not an empty promise.” He said in a quiet, firm voice. “I will fulfill what I said…if you give me the chance, that is.”

That was his subtle way of pointing out to her the results of her selfish act of withholding their new address from him, while it then hit her amongst the guilt pangs that it was only too easy for him to charge her in court for barring him from their daughter. He had all the financial and legal capabilities of doing so, but he did not.

She nodded dumbly in agreement again, for he was always a man of his word, before bowing her gratitude again.

“Then in this case, I thank you once again for coming down here despite your busy schedule.”

He bowed slightly in return. It felt weird to have her bowing to him, for they were after all, once married.

“Let’s get going then.”

Striding out towards the direction of the car park, he was surprised to hear no traces of her footsteps behind him.

“I’m going that way, Sesshoumaru.” Came her soft voice from behind him. He turned, and he could see her head inclined in the direction of the bus stop just outside the hospital.

His eyes must have looked slightly questioning, for she instantly took it as a cue for her to explain.

“I sold my car.”

He looked a little apprehensive, before he spoke up. “I’ll send you home.”

“Thank you for your offer, but that would not be necessary. I can take the direct bus back.”

“It’s dark,” He said in a matter-of-factly tone, with underlying authority. “It’s not safe for you.”

“I’ve been going home by this way since I sold the car half a year ago. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” That was the stubborn streak which led to her current plight. “Besides, it takes only fifteen minutes.”

“I insist, Kagome.” His tone was level, but she knew he was getting slightly impatient.

She turned to him with what she hoped was an exasperated smile on her face.

“We are divorced, Sesshoumaru. You don’t have to be so nice to me.” She smiled forcibly, watching his face remain oddly impassive. “Good night.”

As she walked away with a heavy heart, she failed to notice the way his gaze lingered on her.

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To be continued…

A/N: There you go, chapter 3! Chapter 4 will contain a citrusy scene…so for all those who actually like lemons, you can look forward to that! However, it deals with more of psychological issues than anything else. It might not make sense now, but it will later.