I Need a Hero

Title: I Need A Hero
Author: Pucie
Chapter: The Witch Doctor

(Song lyrics)

A/N: Wootie, this is the chapter I have been looking forward to writing since I started this thing. I originally had Sesshoumaru using this on Kagome, but then I had the idea to use the song, “I Need A Hero”, and it grew from that. Then the more I thought about it the more I realized that the song “Witch Doctor” would suit Miroku sooo much better, and Sango’s counter song is “Can’t Behave” by Courtney Jaye. So, without further adieu, May I present. . . . .


The Witch Doctor


Miroku felt a little guilty for having left the little kitsune by himself at their camp, but he had checked the area surrounding them for several miles in all directions, and other than the demon’s he KNEW, there were no malicious spirits present. So, he knew that the kit would be fine by himself for a few minutes until the others had returned. He just had to backtrack to the last village they had passed through, he remembered seeing the shop that could hold all the answers to his prayers, ‘Witch Doctor’, the sign had proclaimed, and he knew even as far fetched as it seemed, he was desperate enough by now to try anything. ‘Sango promised to marry me, and bear my children as soon as we defeated Naraku. But she has said nothing since the battle that ended it all. Has she changed her mind? Every time I bring it up, she just smacks me.’ He thought forlornly, then grinned, ‘Of course my way of bringing the subject up includes my hand firmly attached to her backside, but can I help it if the woman has an ass that is just too beautiful to be believed. Truly, I must feel it just to reassure myself that such a gift from the Kami’s is real. . .’

He grinned wider and muttered to himself, “I really am a hentai. . .” and trailed off as he realized he had reached the “Witch Doctor’s” hut.

20 minutes later. . . . .

“You’re sure that all I have to do is read this spell to her, and she will realize her true feelings for me?” he said uncertainly to the wizened little raisin of a man in the hut.

“Yes, yes, I assure you, young houshi, with that spell you could charm a tennyo right from the heavens” he said waving the young man out of the hut. He continued waving to him until he was quite far down the road he was traveling, before muttering to himself, “Well, she’ll either tell him she loves him, depending on just how stupid she is, or he’s gonna get laughed at like there’s no tomorrow. I think it’s time to go visit my brother Yoshii, I don’t want to be here when that one comes back, no sir. I’m much to old to have to fight off any more foolish idiots, just because my ‘spells’ don’t work, hehe” With that said, the old man started packing up his belongings.

~Back with the other’s at camp~

“Well, where do you think he could have gone?” Kagome asked Sango once again.

“How am I supposed to know? What do I look like, the houshi’s keeper?” she said growing exasperated.

“You do not want me to answer that. . .” Inuyasha said with a dirty grin on his face.

“Why you. .”she started but didn’t get to finish her thought as the subject of their current wonderings finally decided to show back up again.
“My dear Sango, why do you threaten our friend with bodily harm. . . . again?” Miroku said amiably, as he walked back into camp.

“YOU! MONK! What’s the idea? Leaving my son all alone and unprotected like that?” Kagome said, getting right up in the monk’s face.

“Lady Kagome,” he replied rather calmly, “I checked the surrounding area thoroughly enough before I left, I wouldn’t have gone, if I thought Shippou would have been in any harm. Really, you could give me a little more credit, you know.”

“O-Oh,” she said, the wind taken out of her sails of righteous motherly anger, “Well, you could of at least left us a note!”

“No, I couldn’t as I had to return to the last village we passed through on a personal matter,” he said.

He heard a hurt gasp coming from his lady love, so he decided he had better let her know that the “personal” matter included her. . .

“In fact, it was about Lady Sango, and myself.” He said quickly, clearing the air before continuing and reaching a hand out in her direction, ”Lady Sango, if I could talk to you in private?”

She looked at him suspiciously, and said, “Fine, but keep your hands to yourself, hentai!”, before she reached out to grasp his hand in her own. She let him lead her to the hot spring from which they had just returned and wondered what in the world could be on her monk’s overproductive mind.


~Minutes later at the hot springs~

“All right, we are alone, Miroku, what exactly do you have to tell me?” she said warily.

“Ok, I need to tell you this desperately, but you can not interrupt me, for any reason, whatsoever? Agreed?” he said a bit nervously.

“Fine, Agreed,” she said.

“No matter what I say or how foolish it sounds, you can’t interrupt me, understand?” he reiterated.

“FINE! Get on with it already!!” she shouted.

“Ok, ok,” he said holding his hands up in front of him in surrender.
“Here goes,” he said as he withdrew the scroll from the old man, and took a deep breath. . .. . . .

“Ooh, Eeh, Ooh, Aah, Aah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla, Bing Bang,” he said as his face turned a rather interesting shade of maroon.

He watched as her face screwed up in an interesting caricature of a chipmunk, but continued on before she could say anything, ‘This must be a side effect of the spell,’ he thought to himself..

“I told the Witch Doctor I was in love with you. . .” he said, and noticed as she turned an ear toward him as if she hadn’t heard him, so he repeated himself. .

“I told the Witch Doctor, I was in love with you. . .and then the Witch Doctor he told me what to do. . ."

"He told me, Ooh, Eeh, Ooh, Aah, Aah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla, Bing Bang. . .”

Sango suddenly looked as if her head was going to explode. . . .or implode,
But
‘funny,’ he thought, ‘she doesn’t exactly look mad’.

And bravely he soldiered on, “I told the Witch Doctor you didn’t love me true,”

At this he noticed some of the old fire come back to her expression. . .

“I told the Witch Doctor you didn’t love me nice,”

Ok, now she looked pissed, but he was going to finish the encantation even if it killed him!

“And then the Witch Doctor, he gave me this advice, Ooh, Eeh, Ooh, Aah, Aah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla, Bing Bang, Ooh, Eeh, Ooh, Aah, Aah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla, Bang Bang.”

He sighed a little sigh of relief, she was back to looking like an imploding chipmunk,
at least she didn’t look like she was going to kill him anymore. . . .

“You can keep your love from me just like you were a miser, and I’ll admit it wasn’t very smart. . . ."

"So, I went out to find myself a guy who’s so much wiser, and he told me the way to win your heart.. . .”

Still imploding chipmunk, so far so good, he was almost finished,

“Ooh, Eeh, Ooh, Aah, Aah”

“Ooh, Eeh, Ooh, Aah, Aah”

“Ooh, Eeh, Ooh, Aah, Aah”

“Ooh, Eeh, Ooh, Aah, Aah, TING TANG, WALLA WALLA BANG BANG!”

And with that he finally grew quiet.

He looked at the love of his life across the clearing, and motioned to her that he was finished, and held open his arms, waiting for the magic spell he had just cast to reel her in. She’d never be able to resist him now. . .

But nothing in the Heaven’s above, or all the level’s of Hell below could have prepared him for the reaction he received.

The Chipmunk Imploded. . . .

She opened her beautiful mouth, and. . .. .BURST. . . . .OUT. . . . .LAUGHING. . . . . .AT. . . . .HIM!!!!

~Sango’s response~

She couldn’t help it, what he had said had alternately made her want to laugh at how foolish he looked, and beat his stupid male monk head in, ‘I do love him, hasn’t he noticed?’ she thought to herself. And then she noticed the enraged expression on his face as she kept on laughing, she couldn’t help it, that entire “spell” he had just spouted at her was too much, he had sounded like a raving idiot!

But she also realized that in his own ‘special way’ he had just admitted his true feelings for her. She didn’t want to lose him over something so trivial, so she ran after him to keep him in the clearing. She had a few things on her mind that she needed to talk to him about as well.

“Miroku, stop! STOP!” she shouted as she finally caught up with the furious houshi.
“Miroku,” she said quietly as she caught up with him. . .
“I do have feelings for you, but there are things that you do that make me question your feelings for me. . .”

(I got eyes in the back of my head,
Your halo is turnin red,
Foolin around,
Knocking me off my cloud
They’re talking about your michievious ways,
Boy it’s painted all over your face.
Stealin a kiss, mysterious whispers,
A thorn in my pride,
I’m still by your side.)

“Like what, Lady Sango,” he asked her as his expression softened a bit.

“Like, how you ask every woman to bear you’re children? Even after the curse was lifted from your hand, that hand still wanders all the time. . “ she started.

(But one day,
I’m walkin away,
The tide is gonna turn,
I’m gonna find my place..
Give me a reason to stay,
I want to be your lover,
Baby, but you can’t behave)

“Sango, when was the last time you saw me actually groping a woman other than you?” he said as he brought into a close embrace, and cupped her chin in his hand.

She closed her eyes as she tried to think back to the last time she could remember him, groping anyone else. . .

(Remember the days,
And the Hollywood Nights,
What happened to Paradise?
Stolen Away,
And I can’t replace it now.
Cuz rumors are flying that I can’t avoid. .
Are they True
Or
Am I paranoid?
Livin like this,
Drivin me crazy,
So make up your mind,
You’re runnin outta time)

She racked her brain, and finally came up with something, “I know, Inuyasha said you groped one of the bathing hut attendants at the village we stopped at two weeks ago. . .”

“Ahh, so I see, Inuyasha said, but did you actually see me?” he said gently.

(Cuz one day,
I'm walkin away,
The tide is gonna turn,
I'm gonna find my place.
Give me a reason to stay,
I wanna be your lover,
Baby, but you can't behave)

“No, but why would he say it if it wasn’t true?” she whispered forlornly.

(Aahoooh,
Ease all of my worries,
And please don't make me play the fool,
Aahooh,
Baby, won't you hurry,
You don't know what you're gonna lose)

“Too see if he could make you jealous and start a fight between us, so that no one would notice when he ran off to be with Kikyo. . . Don’t you remember how he was there one instance, and gone the next?” he said with a smile.

(Cuz one day,
I'm walkin away,
The tide is gonna turn,
I'm gonna find my place.
Give me a reason to stay,
I wanna be your lover,
Baby, but you can't be--)


“But why would he lie about you if he knew it would hurt me? And why did he feel that he had to sneak off? Kagome has been aware of the two of them for months now. . .” she trailed off.

(One day, I'm walkin away,
The tide is gonna turn,
I'm gonna find my place,
Give me a reason to stay,
I wanna be your lover
Baby, but you can't behave. )

“Because our brilliant hanyou friend thought he was sparing her embarrassment, and didn't pause to think that he might be hurting someone else, even though it didn’t even matter to her anymore. . . .Uhh, speaking of Lady Kagome, am I mistaken or did I see Lord Sesshoumaru back in camp?”

“You did see him, houshi,” she said as she slowly wrapped her own arms around the monk.

He grinned, pleased by her actions, and asked her,” Why was he there?”

She shrugged, “He mated Kagome, last night, when she didn’t return. . .”

“About time!” he said as he slid one hand up behind her head, to rest it on her neck, which he slowly began kneading.

“Oh Miroku, that feels nice,” she said before she could stop herself, and she blushed as soon as the words had left her mouth.

He smiled at her reaction, but quickly turned serious, “Sango?”

“Yes?”
“Do you still want to get married to me?”
“Why do you ask? Do you no longer want me?” she said quietly, sounding a little sad.

“I know that I am not very feminine, not like most of the other girls in the villages we go through. . .I have scars on my body, and calluses on my hands. . .I feel so ugly whenever I see those women with such soft skin. . . .I would understand if you no longer want to be. . .w- - with me anymore.”

“Sango. . .Sango, look at me” he said, cupping her cheeks in his hands, and lifting her face up towards his.

“Those scars, these calluses,” he said, as he let go of her face abruptly, and grabbed her hands and kissed each of her palms, “These are what make you beautiful. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known, and you’re the only woman who wouldn’t put up with my hentai ways. You possess a fire like no other woman I have had the pleasure of knowing. Kami’s. . . I, I love you so so much, I could never dream of taking another woman as my wife."

"Do you really think I would have made as big a fool out of myself as I did earlier for just anybody??” He said incredulously. “ I thought you no longer wanted me, everytime I’ve tried to bring up the subject of our relationship, or lack thereof, you knock me unconscious. . “ he continued, before finally allowing her to speak once again.

She couldn’t help the tears that escaped from her eyes, but suddenly looked at him strangely, “What do you mean? ‘Every time you bring up the subject of our relationship’, I don’t remember you ever bringing it up?”

‘Sure I did,” he said with a suddenly evil grin on his face, “Just like this”

~Back at camp~

Everyone’s head jerked up sharply at the loud crack that resounded from the direction of the hot springs, and laughed at the war cry of

“HENTAI MONK!” that followed soon after.


TBC