A Glass Half Full

Hi everyone, sorry for taking so long. I have a little problem with my pc, it says it can’t find Jscript or something like that and there was a problem with Java and nothing would show up on the internet. Meaning I couldn’t view my messages or submit anything. Wah.


Thanks Midnight Star who was the only person to review the second chapter. I appreciate your support!


Anyway, part of this chapter will be written in third person, and our beloved Sesshoumaru will finally be making his appearance!

IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi


General Hospital


IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi

The General Hospital was a scary place. And I mean really scary. I couldn’t come up with anything nice to think about it, all I saw were cold, pale blue walls and excessively clean floors. And the smell. Ew, the smell of disinfectant and bleach was simply overwhelming. It was all so very sterile. I unconsciously edged closer to my aunt as we approached the front desk, behind which stood a middle aged nurse with a pinched face and a permanent frown.


As my aunt explained our reason for being there, I stared around the main waiting room. It was nothing like what I had seen on TV, there was no adrenaline, no rush, and no handsome doctors barking out instructions as a patient bled to death. The people I saw slumped in their seats looked like zombies, and I occasionally glimpsed some patients in hospital gowns pacing mournfully along the corridors.


I tried very hard to stay positive and for a split second I did…until my left breast received a sharp pang. Then I remembered why I was here.


My aunt was now handing over the letter signed by the doctor who had examined me. The nurse read it and her mouth formed a thin line as if she disagreed with our presence. She instructed us to go to the third floor’s waiting room and there, my name would be called out as soon as the signed letter reached the doctor who would see me, that is, the one actually mentioned in said letter.


My hands were terribly cold and clammy and I’m sure it had nothing to do with the cool hospital air. I noticed aunt Kumiko glance at me in concern, so I forced a smile on my face and marched towards one of the staircases, leaving her to comically hurry up behind me. As I climbed the steps I mentioned how hospitals should use better decoration to mask at least some of that horrible gloom, make it more a place of healing than of dying. I carried on with some other mindless chatter to help me take my mind off what was soon to come. We reached the third floor panting, (well, me mostly because I had talked so much I’d gotten a dreadful stitch in my side…serves me right I guess), and I’m not a big fan of elevators, I don’t really know why but I suppose it had something to do with the swooping motion.


We took our seats at the waiting room and caught our breath. I glanced at my watch, seeing it was ten to four in the afternoon and I realised that I hadn’t eaten anything since lunchtime, at work. I wasn’t feeling hungry or anything though, I was too anxious to feel hungry.


So we waited. And this time in silence. I could tell my aunt was worried about this, because she usually can’t shut me up. But I really couldn’t think of anything to say right then, nor did I feel like talking. The pains in my breast were preventing me from thinking of anything else.


The minutes ticked by slowly. When was this doctor going to call me in? Had she received the signed letter yet? Did the letter mention my examination? I hoped it did, I didn’t want to go through the awkwardness of removing my blouse a second time.


‘Ayase Rin to room Nine please, Ayase Rin to room Nine.’ Said a clear feminine voice belonging to the nurse at the desk, bent towards a microphone.


This was it. I had to go on alone from here. My aunt caught my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I smiled nervously at her and stood up, only just realizing I had no idea where room nine was. I looked back at my aunt but she was only nodding her head at me, telling me to hurry up. I decided to go and ask the nurse who had called me. I reached the desk.


“Um excuse me…”


The young nurse looked up and gave me an expectant smile, the kind you would normally give a small child. “Yes?”


“Could you direct me to room nine please? I’m Ayase Rin.”


The nurse nodded. “Yes, it’s through those doors, the fourth room on the right, with Doctor Saotome.”


I smiled appreciatively. “Thanks a lot, I’ve never been here before and it’s a little scary.” Great, there goes my mouth again, starting up conversations with strangers. “I just hope this Doctor Saotome is friendly. She is friendly, right? Or is she like that old nurse downstairs at the main reception?” I asked, and I think the nurse laughed at how genuinely serious my question was, more than at the question itself.


“The nurse downstairs just needs to retire, that’s all.” She said, amused. “And by the way, Doctor Saotome is a he, not a she…Saotome Sesshoumaru. I can’t guarantee his friendliness though, but he’s one of the best in this hospital so you needn’t worry too much.”


I was so shocked from hearing that my doctor was male that I scarcely heard the last few words of her sentence.


“He’s a he?” I asked stupidly.


“Yes…is there a problem?”


I shook my head quickly. “No, no problem.” I thanked her and hurried off. No problem!? Yes problem! A MAN was going to touch my breasts! Me! Innocent, never before touched by a male (well apart from that time back in kindergarten and the kid ended up with a bloody nose), little Rin! I ploughed through the swinging doors the nurse had indicated to me and I trekked towards room nine. My hands were sweaty and I was panicky, oh my God, oh my God oh my God…


I suddenly stifled a gasp, pausing in midstep for a moment. What if it was some disgusting old guy with nimble fingers!?


No! I thought to myself. Must stay positive! I continued on down the corridor. The door reading ‘Room 9’ loomed closer and I took quick but deep breaths that did absolutely nothing to calm me down. Plus, my stomach was making it hard to get air since it was residing somewhere in my throat.


Okay. There was the door. Right in front of me. All I had to do was open it. So why wasn’t I moving? I forced my hand to grasp the knob, turn it and push it so that the door would open. Millions of different ways to say ‘Hi’ raced around my brain.


I felt so unbelievably stupid as soon as I realized that there was no one in the room. I simply stood there idiotically, staring at the empty seat at the desk where Doctor Saotome should be.


What was I supposed to do now? Wait outside or go in and sit down? I looked around. The corridor was practically deserted. Yep, inside was good. I sat down in a chair opposite the desk and placed my hands in my lap. How I wished I hadn’t left my sports handbag with aunt Kumiko, I would have found something interesting in there to play with in the meantime. But there was nothing I could do about that now, so I simply waited. I fidgeted and I waited.


Aaaaand I waited some more.


I looked around, stifling a yawn, feeling the initial anxiousness subside a little. I saw behind me, that a corner of the cool blue room was sectioned off with curtains, half drawn and of a shade of navy. That was where I would inevitably be examined, and that particular thought sent an involuntary shudder through my body, not to mention a fresh wave of nerves attack my insides.


I stared at the plain blue walls, and I began to imagine what they would look like if someone gave me cans of paint and freedom to do whatever I wanted with them. Maybe multicoloured butterflies or spirals, maybe cute personalized fireflies, patterns, leaves or even the same floral decorations I had used in my bedroom. Or wait, maybe a mural, yes a mural with mermaids and nice little fishies and seashells…that would go so wonderfully with the blue of the walls and cheer the whole room up and make it cosier and all the more welcoming and-


The sudden opening of the door scared me out of my wits and I would have fallen right off my chair if I wasn’t so stiff with anxiety. My head snapped towards the direction of the entrance, heart jumping to my throat and beating wildly.


He came in, swiftly closing the door behind him and sitting down at the desk, all the while concentrating on the file in his hands.


He was beautiful.


My eyes were glued to him like gummy bears to a child’s fingers, and I couldn’t look away, not that I wanted to. My heart did a little jump when he shifted slightly, allowing me a better view of his face.


His hair was perfect, so silvery, so soft looking and oh so long! He had these wonderful eyelashes, eyelashes a girl would kill for and his skin, dear God, it looked so smooth and clean, I’ve never ever, ever, ever seen skin like that on a man before and I was dying to know what products he used, maybe Nivea or some other moisturiser for men…


Oh my God, was he gay?! Oh please don’t let him be gay! Please please please please please please please-


“Name?”


I jumped for the hundredth time that day but I was pleasantly surprised (or better, delighted) all the same by his rich, deep voice. It didn’t stop me from feeling all nervous and jittery though.


“A-Ayase, Ayase Rin.” I spluttered, feeling my cheeks burn.


He nodded, confirming that my name was the same one on the file. He put the papers down and looked up at me.


Holy crap, his eyes! I was positively fanning myself. What an intense colour…


He leaned forward, resting his chin on his hands in a doctorly fashion, his face unreadable yet looking as cool as the blue hospital walls.


“Explain why you’re here.”


Wow. That was…very straight forward. I swallowed nervously. This was going to be so uncomfortable for me, since usually in these situations I would be chatting someone’s ear off but now…No, not with him. He seemed way too professional for mindless banter. And anyway, his gaze was so penetrating it was like he could see right through me no matter what I said.


Or maybe I was just overwhelmed. By him. It was a possibility, I mean, I don’t see this kind of thing everyday.


“Um…” I began, hands all fidgety. “I was sent here because I have something…”


His cool amber stare was unwavering, unnerving and unfeeling.


“…In my left breast.” I finished. Yes I said it! One point for Rin!


He nodded seriously, in that way doctors do, never taking his eyes off me. He then picked up a pen and moved my file closer to him, his gaze (thankfully) lowering towards the paper.


“When was your last menstruation?”


“H-huh?” the question took me by surprise.


He didn’t look up. “Your period.”


I knew what he meant, I just wasn’t expecting it.


“Um, on the ninth.”


He wrote something down. “Pregnant?”


My cheeks flushed. “No.” I quickly answered. Stupid Rin! The speed of my reply earned a glance from the man sitting opposite me.


“Allergies?”


“Er…cats.” I love ‘em but I can’t pet ‘em


“Recent illnesses?”


“No.” does indigestion count?


“When did you find this lump in your breast?”


“Uh, today.”


He finally put his pen down and got to his feet. He was surprisingly graceful for a guy, the way he moved. Me likie. And oh my God, he was so tall.


“Go behind those curtains please.” He said curtly, the ‘please’ more out of duty than politeness. I felt my stomach swoop uneasily.


I stood and forced myself to move. I got behind the curtains and Doctor…Saotome, was it? He drew them together and waited on the other side of them for me to remove my black blouse. Which I did, along with my bra. I noticed a bed, one of those strange doctor beds that needed a stool to get on to in order to sit on it. I self-consciously crossed my arms over my now bare breasts, feeling with a surge of humiliation how the nipples gradually hardened from the air conditioning.


I think Doctor Saotome assumed I was done because the curtains were pulled to one side and he stepped in.


“Sit on the bed please.”


Without removing my arms from my chest, I did what he said. I could feel goose bumps on my skin and the tickle of my hair on my back as it dangled from my ponytail.


He moved closer, ignoring my obvious discomfort and he firmly pulled my arms away from my chest. I was exposed. But thank heavens he was so indifferent about it, not one flicker of an expression passed over his face as he scrutinized my breasts. He didn’t even blink.


But then…he must see this kind of thing everyday.


I watched his amber eyes (what an amazing colour!) travel from one breast to the other. I must add that his face was level with them, because I was sitting on the bed and he on a chair right in front of me. My heart was pounding.


Then, he raised a hand and gently but expertly pressed his surprisingly warm fingers against the underside of my left breast. I admit, it didn’t feel as horrible as I had first imagined but I was still mortified about the hard nipples.


He slowly made his way across my breast and reached the part where the lump supposedly resided, I saw him crease his brow ever so slightly as he applied more pressure to the area. I winced a little at the spasm that passed through my breast as he did so.


Did he find it? Was it serious?


He told me to raise my left arm, so I did, and he continued to press that part, frowning. He allowed me to lower my arm. He checked my right breast just in case but he didn’t find anything there. He stood abruptly.


“You may get dressed.” He said, in that sexy (oh gosh, I just said sexy!) masculine voice, and he went to his desk, drawing the curtains behind him.


I released a breath that I didn’t know I was holding and quickly put my bra and blouse back on, conscious that my face was as red as a tomato and had been throughout the whole examination. I could still feel a lingering warmth where his hands had been but I shook the thought off instantly, ashamed.


I kept my gaze lowered as I went to sit down, hoping my face wasn’t flushed anymore, though I could still feel my cheeks burning. I was unable to look up and I was unable to speak which was so incredibly strange for me.


Doctor Saotome wrote a few things down and then he spoke.


“You will go and have a mammography taken. The nurse in the waiting room will direct you there.”


“A mammography?” I asked, feeling anxious all over again. Wait, wasn’t one of those painful? I wasn’t that good with pain.


He ignored my previous words and continued, “Your results will be given to you tomorrow.” He glanced at his watch.


Tomorrow? But I wanted to know if what I had was life threatening!


“Why not today?” I blurted out. His eyes flickered upwards and I blushed deeply. He must have so many patients to deal with and here was me…rushing him.


“Sorry.” I quickly apologised. “Tomorrow’s fine.”


He held my embarrassed gaze for a while. He stood up, gathering the papers from his desk.


“In this same room at ten o’clock tomorrow morning.” He said, and he left.


I sat motionless for a few minutes. Then I slapped my forehead and growled in frustration.


“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” I whispered, furious at myself. Why had I acted like such an idiot? Like such a silly little girl? How moronic I must have seemed to him, God! Why was I weird like that? I couldn’t be my normal self or something? Noooo, I had to get all blushy and swoony and shy and nervous and stuttery. Gah! No wonder he wanted to leave!


I felt like bashing my head against a wall but I remembered I had more important though equally as painful things to do, such as that mammography.


And I knew I wasn’t going to like that one bit.


IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi…

“Good afternoon, Doctor Saotome. Ready to scrub in?”


Sesshoumaru found himself ignoring the nurse’s comment and heading straight for the wash room. He removed his white coat and moved to the large sinks and using an elbow he turned on the water, his hands pausing for a moment before the steady gush.


Doctor Sesshoumaru Saotome had done thousands of breast examinations, amongst many other things and had inclusively performed five that very day. His morning patient had been a sixty five year old woman who had returned a mere week after her first examination insisting that he check her over again with his, as she put it, ‘Young, skilled hands.’


How perfectly vile. How completely repulsive. But Sesshoumaru was used to it; he had to be, because he was a handsome and outrageously capable surgeon so naturally he was desired. What he did on the operating table wasn’t medicine, it was art, it was magic…it was power. And many people lusted after that power, people lusted after his hands.


His female counterparts worshipped him, his male co-workers envied him and the chief of medicine took pride in him greedily. Sesshoumaru was a popular man, but that didn’t mean he liked it. He was getting fed up with foolish women finding excuses to throw themselves at him and he was fed up of being chased and wanted.


And for some unknown reason he thought back to Ayase Rin’s exam. He recalled her face, young and fresh and innocent, doe brown eyes as large as saucers with anxiety. It was strange that she was the only woman he had examined who didn’t actually seem to want him to.


He remembered her breasts, so different from those saggy bags of flesh he’d handled on previous occasions. This girl’s breasts were soft, perky and perfect, a little smaller than normal but otherwise beautifully formed. I wouldn’t do to have to alter them in any way.


But he didn’t care about things like that. At all.


Sesshoumaru realized that he was staring at his hands and letting litres of water go down the drain. He placed his hands under the flow, scrubbing them with soap, frowning as he did.


A nurse assisted him with his surgical mask as he placed his hands into creamy white gloves, then he pushed through the swinging doors of the OR with his shoulder, both hands elevated to avoid contact with any surface.


“Ah, it’s about time you arrived Doctor Saotome. I was beginning to worry that the old lady in a wheelchair from room 105 had finally caught up with you.”


All chuckles were silenced as soon as Sesshoumaru’s commanding voice filled the room. “And I can see someone leaving this surgery and joining the ranks of the unemployed. I want professionals in my OR, not clowns, Doctor.” He finished coldly. The man who had first spoken nodded, his angry gaze fixed upon Sesshoumaru.


Everyone gathered around the prostrate figure on the table.


“Hard day, Doctor Saotome?” One of the nurses dared to ask. Sesshoumaru’s eyes, the only part of him fully visible, narrowed dangerously at her.


“Silence.” He said, his tone icy.


She didn’t speak up again.